Is Wayne’s World going to be in Barcelona?

You want to pay me HOW MUCH?

Wayne Rooney?

Wayne Rooney


Sure, why not?

In this week’s hot rumor, the Manchester United hitman is rumored to a “priority” for us. Apparently he calls Piquenbauer all the time to talk about what it’s like to play for us (“Dude, they make me polish all the trophies!), and he is purportedly our main summer transfer target.

This week.

Last week it was Ribery, the week prior it was Fabregas. This week it’s Rooney.

Not coincidentally, he’s in contract negotiations with United, who are balking at his stratospheric wage demands, numbers that we, apparently, are willing to meet.

Those numbers? Just over 9 million Euros per annum, a tariff that would still put him beneath the fat-ass pay packets of Ibrahimovic and (most importantly) Messi. Oh, and that number is after tax. It would come out to something like 230,000 per week. Rock.

Now, this only slightly more than we’re paying one Thierry Henry, a man that many, many cules would like to see run out of town on le rail.

Now, there are many questions: Do we need him? Where would he play? How likely is he to come?

Do we need him? Define need. It sure would be nice to have him, that’s for sure. He tracks back on defense like a madman, plays all over the pitch and has a work rate that few would argue with. And he scores goals. He has a kick-ass shot from all kinds of angles, and is that kind of blaster from distance that we seem to still (despite all of our shoot! shoot! urgings) be lacking. He’s also fast, physical and in the right match context, can be a difference maker. Imagine a front line of Messi, Ibrahimovic and Rooney, for just a moment.

Where would he play? Aye, there’s the rub. We’ve seen him on the wing, and in the center of the pitch. Where he’d play for us, is right where Henry currently does, on the left wing. And in my opinion, he would raise holy hell out there. He could also drift into the middle, switching with Ibrahimovic. He’s a very good passer (though not as good as Henry), and he has the strength to retain possession.

How likely is he to come? About as likely as your looking out the window and seeing me, painted pink, flying past your window by flapping my little arms, singing “Eeee de, de de de!”

He’s negotiating a new contract with United. Who better to use as a goad to shake more money out of his current club than their international arch-rivals? Rooney is more English than Big Ben. The idea that he would leave United, a club that he said he wants to spend his entire career with. Obviously, players say stuff like that all the time. But Rooney isn’t that kind of a dude. I’m pretty sure that he means it.

Which means what? In my opinion, that Rooney will sign a new deal with United, that will not quite be the number he wanted, but it will be a number that makes him happy, because he already has more money than Croesus. Ferguson will smile, and it will all be great.

But the real reason is a little-known FIFA rule, Article SPF60, which states that no team can have two players who, when they go out into the sun, need the sunscreen equivalent of an asbestos shroud. This is because combined, particularly when both have receding hairlines, they can blind an opposing keeper, if they stand side-by-side at the right time, from the right angle.

And that’s what I know.


Update! This Just In! A BFB Exclusive! We’ve just found a transcript of a conversation between Wayne Rooney and his best chum Gerard Pique. Who would ever have guessed they went anything like this…

[phone rings]
Gerard Pique
: Bueno?
Wayne Rooney: Oh, uh, hey, uh, hola, buenos dios, um, Gerard Pique s’il vous plait.
GP: Goddammit, man, first off I speak English and secondly, you know this is my cell phone. Who else would be answering?
WR: Oh, sorry, mate.
GP: So what’s up, dogg? I’ve got to meet with the president in a few minutes to discuss my contract renewal.
WR: I was just calling to see how things were in Barcelona…you know, like as friends and stuff.
GP: Wayne, look. No offense or anything cause you’re a good player, but you’re not BarΓ§a material.
WR: Why not?
GP: What are triangles for, Wayne?
WR: That’s the shape Coleen cuts my sandwiches into!
GP: And that, mate, is why. Plus, we had this exact conversation yesterday. Don’t you remember? [noise in background] Gotta go, Joan is waiting.
WR: Oh, so you’re all dressed up, that’s cool.
GP: I’m wearing sweatpants and a tight T-shirt with random English words that make no sense.
WR: And I’m the idiot?
[both hang up, shaking their heads]

By Kxevin

In my fantasy life, I’m a Barca-crazed contributor over at Barcelona Football Blog. In my real life, I’m a full-time journalist at the Chicago Tribune, based in Chicago, Illinois.


  1. I bought him for fCB in Fifa10, I using on the LW, and I rotate Gay and Pedro in for him and Messi. That would be a pretty sick line-up in real life.

  2. LOL @ that sunscreen comment :p

    We apparently are also very close to signing a strong African who, for a change, wouldn’t go to CAN in the middle of the season and can play all the 3 striker positions!!!

    1. Yeah

      And for a change I’d like to suggest a signing… Now this is the first time I’m suggesting my FM dream-signing Artem Milevskiy. That dude saved my ass NUMBER of times on FM :p And I tried to do a li’l research about him and he’s good πŸ˜€ He scored a goal against us and was the man of the match. He’s captain of Dynamo Kyiv… YESSS Another Ukrainian πŸ˜›


    I’d prefer Sport and EMD link us with Torres amongst other suitably unreachable targets..

    BTW, we had much more fun when Fabregas was ‘discussed’ and I don’t think any nuthead supporters will be visiting this time round..

  4. Rooney? Really? Rooneyreally?
    BarΓ§abloggers please play nice and tell your SoMa that this footloose ManU top-o’-the-tabler has nothing, nada, naught to do with ManU playing footsie with Pep under the table.
    Laporta gives San Pep until Semana Santa to sign.
    MΓ©s que un club, right? RIGHT?
    And now, another 80s alt rock reference:

  5. so many other players I’d prefer over Rooney. Top of the list would be a fellow who is currently tied with our own Leo Messi for pichichi right now…

    illa illa illa David maraVilla!

  6. dude is good, I’d love to see him in a blaugrana jersey shooting balls to the goal from his living room. looks like we’re gonna need some high goal socring wingers (messi+ xxx ) if we’re gonna stick to ibra

  7. not a fan of this dude, but his power will certainly bring a lot to our squad.

    Keita scored a great great free kick for Mali!!! did anyone see that shot? He is on his way back to give us some steel. bad luck for Mali, good luck for us.

  8. Speaking of Keeeeitttteeee, Mali is protesting the Angola/Algeria match, saying that it was a pre-ordained “non-match” in which both sides agreed to play to a draw, allowing both to advance at Mali’s expense.

    Stay tuned.

    Hopefully, that will get resolved with the quickness, and we can get Keiteeee back. Sounds like he’s mining a rich vein of form right now.

    1. This accusation happens every tournament where the last game in a group sends both through if they tie, or one through if they win.

      The same result will happen here. Unless someone was REALLY dumb and they have physical evidence (something written, recorded), they will dismiss the claim for lack of proof.

      IMHO, if you put yourself in that sort of situation, you should expect to not go through. Win your games, and whatnot.

  9. As someone else said, I would much rather get Villa than Rooney.

    Villa is a better goal scorer, has played with many of our players before, is proven in La Liga, and would be cheaper.

    Plus, he’s on the older side, which would mean that our young up-and-comings would still have the opportunity to break into the team.

    Villa – Ibra – Messi. Pedro supersub. Damn that’s scary.

    1. silva is the man for FCB I think, he can play winger and midfielder… that is if we want a left wing/midfielder. villa is the man if you talk about a real 9 and give ibra some other chores, villa is more a 9 that ibra.

    2. πŸ˜›

      Whenever there is a ‘so-and-so to Barca transfer post, I don’t usually participate. Why? Because we all know (or should know) who I want to sign. Badly. If Valencia were ever to let him go.

      – from the David Silva to Barca Campaign Manager

      Kari: My name is Kari and I approve this message πŸ™‚

      (anyone else being bombarded by these political campaign ads on TV?)

    3. hmmm i see what you’re saying poipoi but I kind of disagree because when he plays for La Selecion he plays a little more out on the left wing with Torres being more in that central 9 spot, and he is very creative. And I think ultimately he is much more talented than Silva, although what Silva has as an advantage is his youth and potential to be come really amazing!

    4. I think that both of those two players would give their modashaggin best if they played in FCB, I mean… we put the ball in every player’s foot more times than valencia and anyone.

      I thought Silva wasn’t a top class player, that he wasn’t constant and all that until I saw him play some games in the Euro 08, he is a really really complete player that can do almost everything attacking and defending, by defending I mean good midfield ball stealing. Villa is such a good and fast predator 9 that he could do more than silva in FCB, we need some shooters yes. But we just spent some money plus etoo on ibra to get another striker… besides there is bojan who claims to be another center striker. Too many inconveniences but now that you broght that up it would be soooo crazy with David Villa on the left!! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  10. Isn’t rooney the leading goal scorer in the prem on 15 goals? with reference to not scoring as many goals.

    1. hey, just wondering if you could clarify the meaning of your username? i ask because here in south africa it has a very specific meaning in slang and was curious if this is what you are refering to.

    2. Its an acronym related to my real name; really just to serve as a username I can get most everywhere without hassle.

      What is it slang for?

  11. A lot of people want Silva. I have nothing wrong with Silva, I think he is a great player, but I don’t think he would fit in the team.

    I think we want someone who plays the LW like Henry, a converted striker who can score, beat his man, and provide width. Silva plays more like a central playmaker, and with Messi already camping inside and Ibra dropping for the ball, we could lose our width. Silva is also more of a creator than a scoring machine – in fact he doesn’t score a lot. He is also the type of player who is better with the ball at his feet, and unfortunately we aren’t allowed to play with two balls at once.

    Finally, Silva is young. I don’t know how the presidential elections will turn out, but I strongly believe we need to continue to rely on our youth. If we bring in Silva this will essentially tell all of our youth pushing to be a left winger (Pedro, Bojan, Gai) that they aren’t needed. For that reason I prefer an older, short term fix if we are bringing someone in at all.

    1. I have to agree, Silva is not for us, at least not now. Rooney isnt either, not that he would come, but hes not that great of a passing guy, and hes used to english kick-ball.
      i still root Fabregas, because we can push iniesta up, and teach that Cesc kid some stuff about switching positions in the midfield.

    2. I was going to write something similar, but you did it much better. Agree with all of it. Thank you

  12. If we could get Rooney, I’d take him in two seconds, mostly because he brings pace, width, a bomb of an outside shot and a physicality that we don’t possess on that left wing right now. Henry is a good back to the defender player, able to keep possession. But Rooney is just a thug, in a good way.

    And his defensive contributions should not be underestimated.

    But as I say, it will never happen.

    And I stand corrected on Rooney’s totals. He will easily eclipse last season’s totals. My bad.

    1. for the amount of money we would pay for Wayne Rooney we could get David Villa. and between the 2, that’s a no-brainer for me.

      both are better through the center than on the left, and i think we need a real left winger rather than a converted central striker for permanent width down the left; but i’m not sure where one of those might be found. either way, if we sign a fresh new left-sided player for Henry’s position he’ll be gone at the end of the season and MAN i know you’re with me when i wish he would go to Chicago. or that Barca would establish a new MLS team in St. Louis with Henry as the flagship signing. a guy can dream, can’t he?

    2. rooney has more strength but is unfeasible. he also can play all over the pitch, because he played with cronaldo.

      on henry, he might be expensive, but to me i couldn’t think of a better backup-for-ibra/supersub. i mean, we don’t have any other tall strikers, do we? and villa and rooney are not tall either

  13. LOL πŸ˜€

    This is the most hilarious post since the last Banquillo. Well done, Kxevin.

    And my opinion on Rooney is pretty much the same as on any other winger: We don’t need them as long as we have our own canteranos! And at the moment, we’ve got plenty of potential star strikers.

    1. It should be noted that the “conversation” is Isaiah’s work. I’m just not all that funny. πŸ˜€

  14. That was a damn funny post!!!
    Laughing my guts out!!! Puke!!! Choke!!!

    Anyway on the Rooney topic: We have a presidential election coming up. The weakest link in our squad, by that I mean, the platform that any upcoming candidate can use to contest for elections, is, bingo, the Titi position. Everybody else, at this point, seems irreplaceable.

    Now Rooney would be a perfect fit for that position. He has all the qualities that Pep likes to have – good touch on the ball, exceptional work rate, defending, being a goon, love for the game, ability to play 3 times a week without getting exhausted, outrunning the Tank Engine, scoring every-time, and the list continues including possessing the magical powers of the newly coined SPF60 rule.

    If there was a position I would like to fill in, it would be that Titi position, and he would be the best candidate in my perspective for that position.

    1. Regarding how likely is he to come to Barca:

      Depends on how desperately somebody wants to get elected to the presidential position. The candidates could really force the issue, because, as you know, that has significant rewards.

      In my mind Pep is a very very smart guy. IQ of a zillion. I cannot fathom him leaving the club. But he is stalling signing his contract. I do believe that he has a trick up his sleeve. He is not signing the contract to negotiate something, something that I, or you, being simple mortals cannot see. And that could be somebody like a Wayne or something of that sort.

      IPWT Amen!!!

    2. I agree that I can not fathom a Barca team without Pep, but I think were he to leave there is really only one guy to step in to fill his shoes. And that man is Tito Villanova. He has been with Pep every step of the way. He is the one guy Pep listens to when looking for suggestions. He obviously would know the system better than any candidate and players are probably familiar and comfortable with him. And Pep has shown that you do not need to be a big-name coach with first team experience to be successful. Now, this is not to say I want or expect Pep to leave, I’m praying daily this does not happen! But, in a worse case scenario I would hope we would stick to a system that obviously works. A system that Tito had a strong hand in building and guiding.

  15. I just want us to sign someone who can score from freekicks, beat players with dribbling, assist and score 15/20 goals a season from left wing. Apparently AC Milan have some brazilian that fits the bill. πŸ™‚

    1. More a joke that anything else. Ronnie is past his best but if I could sign a 24yr old Ronnie it would be awesome.
      I still believe that Kun Aguero will be the most likely signing this summer. Not necessarily the best fit but has the potential to be one of the best players on the planet.
      We still need to be on the lookout for two forwards, as Pedro is not polished enough to be our first choice winger and Bojan not clever enough to be our second choice striker.
      Another Henrik Larsson type striker would be nice. Keirrison may be that striker.
      I’m not sure Jeffren will make it for us, for a Deportivo yes but for us no.

      Aguero | Ibra | Messi
      Pedro | Keirrison | Bojan

    2. Agree with Ciaran here.

      In other news, Ibra’s agent has dropped the “Duh” bombshell that Ibrahimovic will not be ending his career at Barcelona. I give him two more seasons with us, based on the 3-year half-life of superstars theory.

    3. It won’t bother me if Ibra only plays for us for three years, as long as we win the Champions League while he’s here.

  16. Wait,I agree with Ciaran except for the Aguero business, I should have typed. I thimk that we just don’t need another midget.

    1. Second that!!! We don’t need another midget. On that note I would not mind duplicating Messi and having him on the right wing as well. He he.

  17. I’m probably late on this, but has anyone heard the news that Barca have signed a sponsorship deal with Turkish Airlines (THY)? If true, I’m sad to see our promotion of UNICEF on our kits come to an end. I understand it’s a business, but MES QUE UN CLUB means a lot to me as a socio.

    1. Hey Kyle, I am checking the news and it appears that they are sponsoring Barca, but not to have their name on the barca shirt. Here is a quote from Straights Times:

      “Barca said on its website that Turkish Airlines will have the right to use the club and its players in its marketing campaigns. The team will also use the carrier to travel to some of their international games.”

    2. i read about that news a month ago.
      but it was just a rumor i guess since i didnt see anything official.
      it will be such a waste cos barca and unicef go hand in hand
      and it’s barca’s tradition not to be paid for a sponsor on the jersey.
      we need villa more than we need silva.
      we need goal of now we can only rely on messi and ibra to score.that is really not good enough!

    3. Am I the only one that would rather have Mata on the left than Villa?

      Ooodles of pace and goalscoring ability. Good fit with our style, and he’s only 21!!

    4. Barcelona has to fly with Turkish Airlines to every CL match from now on. And I think they even got their own plane with a Barca emblem and the 6 Cups. We are not Real Madrid, so we didn’t buy the plane, it’s more like a gift from the Turkish Airlines πŸ™‚
      It doesn’t belong to the club, but we can fly with it whenever we want. And it is a very luxury plane. For me, this sounds like a great deal. 2 Mio € and a great plane only for some marketing campaign? This won’t be a marketing campaign in the size of the ones of Nike, Adidas or Gieltte. I’m quite sure I’ll never see an advertizing of Turkish Airlnes in my life.
      Oh, and this doesn’t affect our trikot sponsorship at all.

  18. I love Rooney as a player. His versatility, willingness to sacrifice himself for the team, and work rate are amazing. He’s right up there with Tevez, Villa, and Suarez in my ideal left winger/striker Hybrid of Death candidate list. Too bad it won’t happen. πŸ˜€

    I would go with Villa as he and Zlatan can form one hell of an interchangeable partnership and cover for each other in case of injury. The age factor is a big consideration IMO. The idea is to have an elite player for three or so years or until Gai and/or Bojan are ready to assume the mantle on that wing. Will they evolve to that point? Do we gamble on them? Its a risk. If we get a 24 year old Rooney then kiss Gai and Bojan good bye. After that, with his pace possibly declining, Villa can stay on as a supersub or go back to Asturias for a very deserved and honorable swan song in Sporting Gijon. The problem is the price. I am not willing to pay 60 million for a 29 year old Villa. If you can get a similar price to Henry, I’d snap him up in a heart beat.

    That said. Watch out for Valencia. Ever Banega (cue nude video jokes) is back to being the prodigy I remember at Boca Juniors. He is exactly what the doctor orderd for that team (and for Argentina if Diego gives him a shot IMO). After last year’s disaster I would vote him as come back player of the year. He has been awesome every game I have watched. He controls the pace and services Silva who in turn deals and wheels to Villa, Mata, and Hernandez. Their defense is still a bit wobbly but their offense is outlandishly fearsome. If they can avoid being sold to shady Chilean holding companies or getting repossessed by a bank and Emery finally beats down the traditional Valencia inconsistency gene, they could very well challenge as soon as this year. They are only 8 points back. Stranger things have happened so don’t sleep on them. Villa may want to stay another year as long as he gets, you know, actually paid as in literally receives his check.

    …Now watch Valencia implode πŸ˜€ .

  19. Great quote I just heard from Marca Toons of all places:

    Messi trying to cheer up Pep: “They say that Guardiola is God. He won 6 titles and rested on the 7th.”

  20. Silva or Villa instead of Rooney anyday! I can’t really pick between the two..

    1) Villa is much much bigger goal threat and i think a smarter player positionally compared to Henry on the left. He’s going to be only too pleased to see Ibra drift out of the box to take his place and do what he does best… score goals. (Kxevin, I’m not an Henry hater, I love him to bits. Just an opinion)

    2) Silva is more of a traditional winger who will make our game all the more beautiful to watch. He won’t be banging in the goals with as much regularity as a striker on the left.. but his crossing will be way better than it is now from the left wing. And the thought of xavi, Fabregas and silva with the Tiki-Taka is just… I’m speechless!

    1. I am not sure Silva for Barca is a good idea as we already have Messi who covers that position. The attacking winger.

      I am not sure Villa is a good option for Barca, since we already have a No. 9 in Ibra.

      Mata yes.
      Rooney yes.
      Suarez yes.

    2. Blow-Granite, Silva is a drifter, he may start on the right but he’s all over during the game. The wonder goal he scored against Chelsea was from the right.

      Ibra may be our no. 9 in theory but for all practical purposes, he’s a… I don’t really know what he is. He’s ibra. Villa will be the true No. 9 we lack currently. For all the genius that Ibra brings to our game we miss Eto for the simple goals he scored week in week out.

      Mata is awesome too, his pace is defintely a huge plus. Although his ability to beat defenders is questionable as is his finishing.

      Rooney is a thug! and if any of the tablids are remotely accurate, it’s fairly easy to understand why Pep would want such a player. Work ethic, 120% every game, and a game changer. he’d probably be our new Eto’ with worse skin.

      Suarez… meh.

    3. Blow-Granite, Silva is a drifter, he may start on the right but he’s all over during the game, particularly on the left. The wonder goal he scored against Chelsea was from the right.

      Ibra may be our no. 9 in theory but for all practical purposes, he’s a… I don’t really know what he is positionally. He’s ibra. Villa will be the true No. 9 we lack currently. For all the genius that Ibra brings to our game we miss Eto for the simple goals he scored week in week out. Enter Villa!

      Mata is awesome too, his pace is definitely a huge plus. Although his ability to beat defenders is questionable as is his finishing.

      Rooney is a thug! and if any of the tabloids are remotely accurate, it’s fairly easy to understand why Pep would want such a player. Work ethic, 120% every game, and a game changer. he’d probably be our new Eto’ with worse skin.

      Suarez… meh.

  21. honestly…either him or David Silva. But Wayne’s World would just be an excellent fit, plus he already knows that Inieste is the world’s best player, so he seems to understand the game. he would be an almost perfect fit.

  22. Since the name has not been thrown, I will go for Frank Ribery as a first choice followed by Luis Suarez

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