Oh Tello: Of promises and poetry

Once upon a time in Catalonia, the stage was set for a young star too shine…



Oh playing time, oh playing time, where art thou, playing time?


Expectation is the root of all heartache, oh young Tello. Why hath thou stayed in Camp Nou against reasonable hope?


I am a culé, am I not? If we are true to ourselves, we cannot be false to anyone.


Oh ill-starred wench! Pale as your smock! Now in thy stead a Brazilian prince run’eth amok! They will turn him into stars and form a constellation in his image. His face will make the heavens so beautiful that the world will fall in love with the night and forget about the garish sun.


When we are born, we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools. To be a well-favoured man is the gift of fortune; but to score and assist comes by nature. Some are born great, others achieve greatness.


But surely something is rotten in the state of Catalonia… How fast thou run’est, all admire thy play. Shall I compare thee to a bright summer’s day?


Hide not thy poison with such sugar’d words. Men should be what they seem. Thou lookest like the innocent flower, if not for the serpent under it. What wouldst thou have me do?


All the world’s a football pitch. Why not try thy luck upon the shores of Britannica? Put money in thy purse!


Art thou unaware of the contract I signed? In black ink my love may still shine bright.


Love is the greatest of dreams, yet the worst of nightmares. They lie deadly that tell thou hast good chances. At present thou findest thyself prattling without practice.


Sweet are the uses of adversity which, like the toad, ugly and venomous, wears yet a precious jewel in his head. How poor are they that have not patience!


Time hath not the same appeal for every one. In my heart there was a kind of fighting that would not let me sleep. Better three hours too soon than a minute too late. Summer’s lease had all too short a date.


But why didst thou rebuke them that loved you so?


What’s done, is done. True love cannot be found where it truly doth not exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly doth. Waste not your love on a city that value’th it not.


Let me be that I am and seek not to alter me. I would not put a thief in my mouth to steal my brains.


And what’s he then that say’eth I play the villain? Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind. We all are men, in our own natures frail, and capable of our flesh; few are angels.


‘Tis within ourselves that we are thus or thus.


Men in rage strike those that wish them best. Hast thou not affections and desires for sport, and frailty, as men have?


Demand me nothing: what thou knowest, thou knowest. And if thou art mov’d, thou runst away.


I hold the world but as the world, oh Tello! A stage where every man must play a part, and mine a sad one. Fans must endure our going hence, even as our coming hither. Ripeness is all.


To move is to stir, and to be valiant is to stand. All things are ready, if our mind be so.


To be valued, as your club goes, is to be one man picked out of ten thousand. To play or not to play, that is the question.


Our bodies are our gardens to which our wills are gardeners. If there is a good will, there is great way.


It is not, nor it cannot, come to good. But break, my heart, for I must hold my tongue. Receive what cheer you may. The night is long that never finds the day.


I defy you, stars! Bid me run, and I will strive with things impossible.

NOTE: This post was entirely ripped off inspired by some ancient Englishman who lived a long time ago…

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Written by:

Culé since way before football boots were of the neon yellow and lizard green variety, Levon is a deep thinker with increasingly shallow thoughts. He lives in Barcelona with his gorgeous wife and daughter. The lucky bastard...


  1. Kari
    November 2, 2013

    Umm, I’m kinda blow away by the awesomeness of this post. It is most epic.

    Poor Tello, he that helps him take all my outward worth; that is to say, lint, chocolate and good intentions.

    • November 3, 2013

      If there be any in this assembly, any dear friend of
      Tello’s, to him I say, that Tata’s love to Tello
      was no less than his. If then that friend demand
      why Tata rose against Tello, this is my answer:
      —Not that he loved Tello less, but that he loved
      Barça more. Had you rather Tello were playing and
      lose all as slaves, than that Tello were benched, to win
      as all free men?

    • bhed
      November 3, 2013

      BFB – the most literate (English speaking) Cule(r)s on the web for sure!

    • Kari
      November 3, 2013

      Hark! They that payeth season tickets and follow on online steams demand recompense for Sir Tello
      whose patience and Masia blood captur’d their hearts!
      For Barca, they are one
      but for the future of Club they fear!

      Many thinketh the cules doth protest too much
      but justified they feeleth.

      Pray thee, Rosell, if thou art a man of honor,
      sacketh Eusebio the Mediocre
      and saveth the Club babies from

    • DianaKristinne
      November 3, 2013

      The Eusebio stuff… So true! No one seems to be paying any attention to Barça B. Or if they do they simply don’t care enough. The fact that a great coach like Oscar Garcia had to leave because of Eusebio makes me so sad and so mad!!!

    • November 3, 2013

      Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
      Creeps in this petty pace from game to game,
      To the last syllable of added time;
      And all our yesterdays have lighted youths
      The way to relegation. Out, out, Eusebio!
      Eusebio’s but a walking shadow, a poor player,
      That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
      And then is heard no more. His is a team
      Run by an idiot, full of sound of fury, signifying nothing.

  2. PrinceYuvi
    November 2, 2013

    Epic indeed.
    & A tinge of sadness.
    Quite Brilliant, Lev

  3. November 3, 2013

    That was fun.

  4. November 3, 2013

    I LOVE this! 😀

  5. Nik
    November 3, 2013


  6. DianaKristinne
    November 3, 2013

    Quite brilliant, kind sir!

  7. November 3, 2013

    Thank you all for your kind comments. To be honest, only three or four lines are mine, the rest are all quotes from Shakespeare (although some I slightly modified) so I can’t take too much credit!

    I was planning on writing an analysis titled Oh Tello: to play or not to play but then when I remembered that the other character of Othello was named Iago the analysis went out of the window.

    I do feel for Cristian Tello, though! The poor kid renewed but stands no chance against Ney. I like his game, but positioned on the right wing takes away his most dangerous move…

    • egcg119
      November 3, 2013

      If the kid is so limited that he cannot play on either wing, he doesn’t belong at the club. I like him, and I’d love if he made it, but I don’t feel bad for him – if he’s good enough, he’ll break through. If not, he’ll go to England and have a successful career there, hardly the end of the world.

  8. georgjorge
    November 4, 2013

    This is a great post, and English isn’t even my native language.

    Speaking of wingers, does anyone else think it might be worth it to give some of Pedro’s minutes to Tello in certain games? I like Pedro as a striker, as he turns up where he needs to and isn’t afraid to shoot. However, when Barca plays with more width and “real” wingers, I always loathe to see Pedro on the pitch as then it becomes important to beat a man on the dribble and produce good crosses, neither of which Pedro is very good at. I just can’t stand many more harmless passes from the wing back into midfield, and from what I’ve seen so far Tello could do better than that given some playing time while Pedro already got the playing time but didn’t really improve that aspect of his game.

  9. November 4, 2013

    I like Tello, really liked him last season, but I have a strong suspicion that We are going to sell him and get the big Lewandowski, or some CF, which is something that I cannot disagree with. Especially with Dongou, Deulofeu and Rafinha knocking.

  10. mom4
    November 4, 2013

    OMgosh, the bard lives and blogs amongst us!

    So on Wednesday against Milan: Cry “Havoc!” and let slip the dogs of war…

  11. psalmuel
    November 4, 2013

    Lewi to barca? This could mean Messi reverts back to RW or CAM with Lexus as RW/RM and Ney as LM/LW with a double pivot of Song/busi or, busi/xavi(with xavi slightly ahead). But I believe this is going to be just an amour in Tata’s arsenal

  12. psalmuel
    November 4, 2013


  13. Jafri
    November 4, 2013

    Friends, Cules, Barca fans, lend me your ears;
    I come to bury Ibrahimovic, not to praise him.
    The evil that men do lives after their transfer;
    The good is oft interred with their fees;
    So let it be with Ibra. The noble Catalan media
    Hath told you Zlatan was arrogant:
    If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
    And grievously hath Zlatan answer’d it.

    (Just tying in the last thread with this one :))

  14. Jafri
    November 4, 2013

    O Thiago, Thiago, wherefore art thou Thiago?
    Deny thy father and refuse his meddling;
    Or if thou wilt not, be but transferred back
    And I’ll guarantee playing time.

  15. KEVINO17
    November 4, 2013

    It seems to me we are getting much greater numbers in the box this year and I wonder if, last year, everyone was standing off a bit because they regarded that as Messi’s channel? Now isn’t his exclusive zone?

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