Hmmm....how many zeros?

It’s official. Pep Guardiola will be returning for another season as our coach. He agreed to a one-year deal, and the paperwork will be signed this summer.

It’s all Xavi’s fault, as our galvanic midfielder said “I can’t imagine Barcelona without Guardiola. And if he doesn’t sign, I plan on sending every pass into the cheap seats until he does. Neener, neener.”

Which took care of that.
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Ladies and gentlemen, this is about honor.

So, you think you’re pretty smart, dontcha? Sure you do. You’re out in Internetlandia, in your little comfy arm chair, relaxing, thinking about what’s about to happen next in the world, and then you realize that Barcelona Football Blog has updated. You swivel your little intergalactic information super highway navigator our way and find, lo and behold, that Isaiah has published a table of how the world will look come the end of the season.

And you laugh. And you criticize with your mocking and your comments and your vicious looks as I walk around the streets of the city I call home. I know you what you’re thinking! And I’m here to challenge you. That’s right, I’m challenging you–all of you–to a second half prediction game.

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You want to pay me HOW MUCH?

Wayne Rooney?

Wayne Rooney

WAYNE ROONEY??!!

Sure, why not?

In this week’s hot rumor, the Manchester United hitman is rumored to a “priority” for us. Apparently he calls Piquenbauer all the time to talk about what it’s like to play for us (“Dude, they make me polish all the trophies!), and he is purportedly our main summer transfer target.

This week.
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I'm so bad, I carry monsters on my back. Yes.

Guess who the best player in Italy is?

Zlatan Ibrahimovic, who is now also one of the best players in Spain.

He topped the table in the annual Calcio players association vote, commonly thought of as the Italian Oscars. He also won the best foreign player award.

“I miss Italy. I learnt so much in five years and won lots. But now I am enjoying Spain and I love it at Barcelona,” said Ibrahimovic. “Plus the players are smaller, so I can carry them on my back during my exultant goal scoring celebrations. Hooray for me.”

For those who might not remember, Ibrahimovic scored 25 goals at the point of the Inter Milan attack, making his player of the yearness pretty much a foregone conclusion. And now he’s ours. Hooray for us.

As many of you may or may not know, Henry had a hearing today before the FIFA Disciplinary Committee, in relation to the infamous l’affaire du Main incident that resulted in France qualifying for the World Cup over Ireland. Some were calling for the bastinado, others for his exclusion, etc, etc.

Here’s what happened:

“The Disciplinary Committee reached the conclusion that there was no legal foundation for the committee to consider the case because handling the ball cannot be regarded as a serious infringement as stipulated in article 77a of the FIFA Disciplinary Code,” world football’s ruling body said.

“There is no other legal text that would allow the committee to impose sanctions for any incidents missed by match officials.”

You may now return to your regularly scheduled Pep birthday greetings.

The man who could become the real King of Catalunya if he so desired. But like all great men and women before him, he simply wants to win some football matches. Congrats on turning 39 and may you have many more years ahead of you. And a lot more scenes like this:

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(A big thanks to Larm for finding this one.)

Um …. damn. Wait a minute.

Wow.

As I noted in Isaiah’s most excellent preview, that Copa loss was going to do one of two things: Focus the hell out of us, and woe betide the next opponent, or start a downward spiral of “We can’t catch a break.”

Unfortunately for Sevilla, it was the former, not the latter. We put our foot down today and claimed a nice cushion in the Liga, while returning a favor of sorts to Sevilla. You killed our Copa chances, now we’re going to kill your Liga chances. Bet.

This was far and away the best match that we have played the entire season, even with our 60 million dollar man having a shit sandwich.
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Celebrate the weekend the only way we know how: a liveblog! Boxing rules apply: Keep it clean, above the waist, return to your corner when the ref tells you to. Also, keep up with my all-day football-watching blitz via Twitter.

Liga Preview: Barça-Sevilla, Saturday 4pmEST ESPN Deportes

I’m not even sure what to write about at this point. I didn’t realize what a nice break the Tenerife match was. The tedium of discussing, for the third time in four matches, what Sevilla brings to the table is wearing on me. I have no idea what to write.

Okay, so yeah, that’s a lie. I always have something to say, even though sometimes it’s a bit repetitive and almost like I’m saying the same thing twice. It’s Sevilla, again, which means another serious test of our strength, though this time it’s in the Liga, where there is no possibility of a remontada, really. I imagine that the last match was a wake-up call for our boys, to remind them of their vulnerabilities. They, like the rest of us mortals, can be brought back down to earth by the hard work of little David and his slingshot over there, though the analogy breaks down when you consider that we are not the typical Philistine description, with the exception of our giant size.

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Today is a new day, one in which for the first time since 2008, we have been knocked out of a competition.

And I will tell you right now, that I hate it when our club loses. Anything. Period, full stop. A match, a competition, its way, some keys, a Euro …. anything! Further, I know that I am supposed to feel pride in the way that this club fought in that second half, and the brilliant plays that just missed being goals by a whisker. I know that I am supposed to believe that since Sevilla had two perfectly legitimate goals taken away, justice was ultimately done in this Copa del Rey tie. I know that I was saying “Dump the Copa, so that we can concentrate on the big-time competitions.”

I know, I know, I know, I know.

But this morning, I still feel like Guardiola looks in this picture, dejected and lost.
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