He appeared as if out of thin air, conjured up for the sake of Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s transfer for €5 million (4.5m + .5 in bonuses). He’s now moving on to Paris Saint-Germain, also as if through some sort of process-less wizardry, Barça earning a rumored €4 million on the deal. 2 years, 89 games, 2 goals, and 10 trophies on, Maxwell Scherrer Cabelino Andrade leaves with a good record and a series of solid performances under his belt.

At times he was instrumental, forging a solid defensive record out of Eric Abidal’s injury woes in the 2009-10 season. Yet he was also often forgotten. Once dubbed an honorary Brazilian on Twitter by a friend when taking a picture with the CL trophy alongside Dani Alves and Adriano, he’s the one that you might not be able to name if you were listing off the squad. And yet when he was on the field, there was never much doubt about his quality. Sure, he’s not the fastest guy on the planet, not the guy showing off his footskills all the time, and not the guy slamming the ball into the back of the net.

No, Maxwell was the guy doing the little things behind-the-scenes: getting in the way of passing lanes, being an outlet for a teammate in a tough spot, sweeping his hair out of his eyes while winking. Every team needs those things. And every team consistently under-appreciates them, as do the fans.

But why now? Why offload him? He appeared in 41 matches last season and even scored in the Club World Cup against Al-Sadd this season. One of the reasons is because he’s 30 and not getting any faster. That’s for sure. Another reason is the purported interested in bringing in another, younger left back to become Abidal’s understudy for a couple of years and eventually replace King Eric when he retires. The name currently on everyone’s lips regarding that position is Jordi Alba, but it could be any of several different defenders, really. It’s just rumors. Adriano also covers the LB position for the time being–in FIFA12 I sold them both to make way for Gareth Bale and Gregory van der Wiel–and is just 27. Now we get to speculate wildly, though! Neymar for LB!

MAXWELL!!!! (February 26, 2010 - Photo by Manuel Queimadelos Alonso/Getty Images Europe)

Also, big apologies if my Portuguese in the title is just jibberish. I put it into Google Translator since I speak not a lick of that fine language.

Arsene Wenger: “I love Fabregas and I want him to stay, that is basically it.”

This Fabregas transfer business is officially at rock bottom. It doesn’t work with soon to be ex-wives or girlfriends, as any guy will tell you. It didn’t work for Mars Blackmon, either. “Please baby please, baby baby baby please!”

Will it work for an attacking midfielder?
Continue Reading

His name is Jeffrén Isaac Suárez Bermúdez and I used to call him The Rooster for obvious, hair-related reasons. Then he was Final Fantasy for his resemblance, according to those who I trust to know, to a main character in that video game franchise. Or at least his hair. Then he was The Driverless Ferrari for his penchant for smashing through barriers at 300mph looking, thanks to his hair and obvious talent, like a million bucks, but ultimately failing to do much of anything other than the randomly spectacular stemming from mistakes no one could see coming.

His list of personal accomplishments is shorter than Tom Cruise without his platform shoes. And that’s the weird part, given how fast, how brilliant, and how just damned good he obviously is. Yet, like his most recent moniker alludes, he’s constantly in dry dock because he wrecks himself. It’s been the bane of his career: every time he does something good, an injury occurs and he is forgotten about on the sidelines.

Imagine Pedro, but with injuries. Imagine Jesus Navas, but with injuries. Hell, imagine Bojan, but with injuries. It wasn’t always so, though: he made more than 30 appearances in a season for the B squad twice before being promoted to the first team and featuring just 34 times in all competitions over the last 2 years and almost all of those as late subs rather than as a starter. Again, imagine Bojan, but with injuries.

And yes, some of those substitutions ended in manitas that we celebrate to this day by replaying them in our heads while we giggle and coworkers, their PowerPoint presentations interrupted by chortling right when they’re getting to the zinger their significant other wrote for them and which makes no real sense, look at us confusedly. Or…well, you guys do that too, right? I mean:

And then of course:

He’s got the ability—his goal in the U-21 European Championship is somewhat indicative—but so many are split over whether or not he’s really good that it’s hard not to question the wisdom of keeping him around. I personally believe he’s immensely talented, as talented as Pedro, but it hasn’t worked out for him, for whatever reason. In this purported Year of the Cantera Exodus (but don’t forget that an equal number of players have stepped in to replace the departed), it makes sense to trim the leaves of those who Guardiola thinks simply won’t bear fruit. Bojan are but the most well-known Jeffrén entities.

And it is sad. Very sad. Because, as a fan of the club, I’m ever hopeful that our little ones will come through and blossom into superstars, not simply because I like winning things with homegrown talent (though that is certainly true), but because I actually care about them in a sort of “I’ve seen you since you were a wee tot” kind of way. Bojan has been around for so long that it’s hard to imagine a team without him—even though my memory, which still functions on occasion, tells me otherwise—and the same is becoming true of Jeffrén. If asked before writing this, I would have said Jeffrén joined when Guardiola was promoted to first team manager. And I would have been right, but what I would have been wrong about is that I would have said that was in like 1998. It’s been a long 3 years.

So I’m emotionally attached to these canteranos in that my daily life revolves around the team they’re apart of and, as sad a statement as that may be on my life, this causes me to wish they were better than they are or that the club would simply repay their loyalty with continued contracts. Yet I want to win—or, at this point, I want to keep Madrid from winning and I want to end up farther in every competition than the merengues.

Here, without further rambling, are Jeffrén’s career statistics with FCB:

Appearances: 35 (23 Liga, 6 Copa, 4 CL, 2 Other)
Goals: 3 (3 Liga)
Times Isaiah sucked in his breath after a magnificent play…only for Jeffrén to lose the ball on the subsequent touch: 8,203

Compare these stats to Ibi Afellay, who has been around since January:

Appearances: 29 (16 Liga, 6 Copa, 7 CL)
Goals: 2 (1 Liga, 1 Copa)
Times Isaiah has gone “hijo de su madre santa, that was a a great assist to beatMadridin the CL semifinal”: 1

You can see from this why Jeffrén is on his way out. The rumored fee of €5m only makes sense if you consider a buyback clause over the next 2 years for €8m and that his contract only had 1 year to run, making him far less valuable to the club. Afellay came for €3m, after all, with 6 months remaining on his contract. I’m on the fence about this one because it strikes me as a terrible deal, but perhaps I’m overvaluing him in the market. After all, his highlight package is basically what I’ve shown you above and that ain’t much. It’s like pointing out in a job interview that 4 years ago I did some volunteer work and that’s why an NGO should hire me as director of international development. Which they should, but you can see why the interviewer might be a bit hesitant.

Goodbye and good luck, Jeffrencito…and your awesome hair. I hope you become amazing at Sporting Lisbon and prove us all wrong. I hope we buy you back in 2 years and you light up the world. I hope you and Bojan are reunited and scored so many goals for us that we all put our hands up and say “Well I didn’t see that coming. Except the hair part.”

"Wait .... how many zeros is this?!"

Get used to it, Sanchez, rich people in the background, not caring a whole lot about what you do. Welcome to Camp Nou!

Alexis Sanchez is, after all the crap, nonsense, posturing and bluster, officially here. And there are some damned funny pics to have a party with, so ….
Continue Reading

That loud “thunk” that you heard was the sound of the other shoe dropping. With an arrival often comes a departure, and when Alexis Sanchez’ transfer was announced, it was widely assumed that Bojan Krkic would depart, to Roma.

And so it happened.
Continue Reading

They may call him Niño Maravilla in his homeland, but Alexis Alejandro Sánchez Sánchez better be prepared to be the less marvelous of the villas on the squad. They’ll also have to fight it out for awesomest son of a miner at Barça.

Sánchez has been playing professionally since he was 17 when he joined his local team, Cobreloa. Udinese snatched him up just a season later and he spent a year on loan at both Colo-Colo and River Plate. At the former he won both the 2006 Apertura and the 2007 Clausura and came in runner-up in the 2006 Copa Sudamericana. At the latter he won what has turned out to be the most recent trophy for the now-relegated Argentine club: the 2008 Clausura. In the middle he also ended up 3rd at the 2007 U-20 World Cup. All of that combined to earn him a spot at Udinese.

Let’s get this out of the way first: he is not a goal scorer. He has, in his club career, scored fewer goals than Messi scored last season. In 3 seasons at Udinese he has scored 21 goals in 110 appearances, 12 of them last season in 32 appearances and all but 1 of them in Serie A despite 16 non league appearances. Granted, he has a stellar record on the international level (14 in 36), but he is not going to arrive and produce 30 in a season. Adjust your expectations accordingly, please.

Where he slots into the squad is as a winger in a center-dominated system. We need players capable of shifting deep into the middle as the opposite flank heads to the sideline or crosses up. Pedro and Villa may be good at that, but there are only 2 of them and there are enough matches in the year (60+ if last season repeats itself) that Sánchez will get proper playing time. His defensive tenacity should also mean that there is no letup from subbing. That will be a welcome addition to the squad, which has a paucity of first rate subs (though I would claim Jeffren is only “substandard” because of injuries and Bojan is played out of position).

What you’re all waiting for: the money. Yeah, we overpaid. Of course we overpaid, we’re Barça. We’re buying a nearly finished product in the middle of a crazy market and we’re one of the richest clubs in the world. Of course we overpaid. I dislike it as much as anyone, but then, I can either rail against the price or the lack of reinforcements. Feels a bit absurd to rail against both when Coentrao costs 30m, Ashley Young is worth 15m and the asking price for Samir Nasri is around 20m. And no, I don’t know if Niño is better than Nasri, but I do know that potential says he could be and that’s worth a premium when you show up to negotiations wearing FCB gear. It’s just how it is.

The cost is, according to the official site, €26m + 11.5m in variables. We can debate the merits of that, but if we win the league and one of the cups we’re in (CL or CdR), how many of you will really argue that for slightly more than what Ibrahimovic brought in from Milan this year (€24m) we got ourselves a handy dandy winger?

So, benvingut Alexis, you should do wonderfully here, though your speculative pricetag could be terribly inconvenient for you when you don’t score 12 goals in your first game. Yeah, we expect that out of you. So come on, have a great time, but be sure you listen to Xavi or you will end up under a bus named Carles Puyol. And you do not want that.