So. Personal manita for Messi. What is there to say, really, about this match from the best player extant? Everyone has soiled themselves, had orgasms and exhausted all superlatives in verbal, cyber and print chroniclings of his remarkable feat. 5 goals in a Champions League match. I followed it on Twitter, then went home to watch, and formed my own impressions. I’ll start by saying this isn’t a match review. So no ratings or anything of the kind, just a few observations and questions.
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Here’s Part Two of the interview with Graham Hunter, author of “Barca: The Making of the Greatest Club in the World.” In case you missed Part One, fie on thee! You can read it here. If you don’t already have your own copy, you can order it directly from Back Page Press, or via Amazon.com.

Today, we deal with management styles, players and assimilation complexities and other fun stuff. And as an aside, management style is suddenly become very interesting, in light of our spectacularly dim-witted decision to, like petulant schoolchildren, boycott the RFEF meet about the Plat del Reig final because we’re in a snit because Pique made a stupid decision in a match, got red carded, then compounded the stupidity by blathering inanities after the match. By the by, the final will be at the Vicente Calderon on 25 May. You people planning ahead will note that this means 3 matches in 12 days, if we make the CL final. Here’s hoping.

Back to business: The final part of the “Graham Hunter Triptych” will be a review of the book, to come next week. So those of you sitting on the fence, thinking about waiting to see what I say are misguided, as you already know what a biased jackass I am. Further, you should automatically buy any, all and everything related to Our Beloved Club, so long as it doesn’t have “Qatar Foundation” on its front (yes, I said it). And without further ado, here is Part Two:
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Yes, this is The Book. “Barca: The Making of the Greatest Team in the World” by Graham Hunter is out, published by Back Page Press. If you don’t already have your copy, you’re a terrible slacker and may flying monkeys plague your existence. Now if you want to keep the flying monkeys away, you can order your very own copy direct from Back Page Press, or your very own Amazon. And that’s .com, rather than any stray warrior maidens, who might or might not be able to acquire a copy for you, and ….

Crap. Never mind.

When we saw that the book was coming out, we got to thinking about what we would want to ask Hunter who, for those of you who are just emerging, bleary-eyed from under rocks and stuff, is a Scot journalist who covers the Beautiful Game and in particular, La Liga. His work is characterized by (okay, permit a little journalist-on-journalist pride here) wit, style and a fairness that, even despite him having written a book on the club, still never makes people accuse him of being a closet Cule. That’s saying something.

Anyhow, your mods put their brains together, of course minus my contribution, and we came up with a dozen questions to ask Hunter. Yes, there have been other Q-and-As with Hunter. Many of them, in fact. But this one is the best. Not because we’re beating our BFB chests, though that’s part of it. But Hunter provides some extraordinary insight into a club, debunks some myths and clears up many a misconception on the parts of your mods, fans and Cules everywhere. Because Hunter had a lot to say, we’ll offer the answer in two posts, today and tomorrow. So with no more mucking about ….
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We have an assistant at work. Her name is Rosemary. And like that same type of person in roughly the same support position in so many offices, she is indispensable. She has all the answers, even for things that she isn’t supposed to have the answers for. She does so much, and is always there. You have a thought, and she’s thought of it already. The humor is always good, and you wonder sometimes about value.

The prima donna writers and self-important editors whip around, preen and demand and Rosemary just makes it all happen, stoic, good-natured and invaluable. Nobody ever says “We can’t get it done without her.” Ever. Even as it’s true, day in and day out, because it’s often true that the more important people are overlooked.

Like Seydou Keita.
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You probably made a New Year’s resolution.

It’s probably already laying on the ash heap of intention, a fire caused by a collision between reality and that joyful way in which man always thinks the best of himself. “This year I will keep that resolution to loseweightbebettercleanupnotburnEEshirtsinmyHibachi.”

And once again, it’s March and you’re thinking, “You just wait ’til next year.”

Well, I kept my New Year’s resolution. Both of them, actually. The first was to not make a New Year’s resolution. The second was …. well …. to make one. To absolutely, thoroughly, with every fiber of my being, HATE the first match after an international friendly.
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They’re like some strange cousin whose parents, your aunt and uncle that you invite over for the holidays every year, are always trying to get you to compete with. But you’re tired of having to re-explain the rules of driveway basketball (“No, the crack running parallel to the carport is the 3-point line”) and he can never seem to understand that the left side of the backboard is loose and so much softer than the right side. You can wang the ball into it as hard as you want and it’ll drop in. Yet your aunt and uncle, bless their hearts, can’t wait to tell you how much better he is than last year, how he benched some unreasonable amount at the gym last week, or how he goes for 10 mile runs on Saturday mornings before anyone is awake. And once there was that time he dunked during Horse.

When you’re not there, he’s Yo Yo Ma, but when you are there, he’s a first grader with a tuning problem. He’s always better equipped than anyone: he has the latest, greatest shoes; the best shorts; and even the James Worthy headband–a Stradivarius if we’re sticking with the classical thing. But sometimes he forgets to dribble or doesn’t know how to read sheet music. There’s so much hype surrounding him that when he shows up and stumbles over his own feet, drops his bow, or can’t open the door properly, you can’t help but feel disappointed, even when you know from the moment you hear “Thanksgiving with your aunt and uncle” that it’s coming.

Do you guys even know the rules?

That is Atletico de Madrid. They may be coached by a master motivator; they may have spent generous amounts over the last few seasons; or they may have, in their infinite wisdom, finally gotten rid of some of the superfluous pieces of their lineup, but they’re stuck in a hamster wheel. But what can you say about them without sounding something like a recording of yourself the last time you brought them up? What was a clever-ish insult a couple of seasons ago when you first heard it–”Patetico? Ha!”–is now just part of their identity. I’m sure there are people out there who think that is the team’s actual name.

They’re only 1 point ahead of the supposed 4th team from the capital, Rayo Vallecano, a team that nearly beat Real Madrid this past weekend. It’s been something like 250 years since Atleti beat Real and even Getafe has done it more recently than that. When Team Burger King seems the less laughable of the teams in the discussion, there’s something going on. And that something is the burden of expectation.

Look at their most recent league finishes (in reverse chronological order): 7th, 9th, 4th, 4th, 7th, 10th, 11th, 7th, 12th. Before that, during that 2001-02 season, they were in Segunda. What looks like an aberration in this list are the two seasons in 4th, when Champions League was suddenly on the menu. That they’re expected to win week-in, week-out, that they’re expected to finish in a Champions League match is partly their own fault and partly the fault of those who go to the Calderon in droves (the team is 3rd in the league in attendance at 46,791). Sustained self-aggrandizement can lead to others viewing you just how you want, but if you don’t come through on your own goals and promises, you end up looking like hapless fools.

What is all of this doing on a Barcelona blog? If it’s not careful, Barça will go the way of Atleti, coming to expect tripletes and constant barrages of trophies. That is already happening to a large degree. It’s easy to get carried away, to think that we should win, that we deserve to win simply because we’ve got and (had) UNICEF scrawled across our chest and we play so beautifully and we’re member-owned and etc etc. There are probably Atleti fans out there who would be ecstatic to end up in a Europa League spot and there are no doubt Barça fans cheering for us to make the Champions League. But they’re not the norm and that’s not necessarily a good thing.

The point is: don’t be that cousin or that aunt and uncle. Pay attention to the expectations and when they become absurd (“We didn’t get a manita? Lame!”) you should reevaluate where you stand on some things. If trophies are the be-all and end-all of sports for you, there’s nothing wrong with that, but you’ll find yourself with a new favorite team in just a couple of months. Winning is fun, don’t get me wrong, but look at Atleti: you win some, you lose some, and in the end you just hope you remember that the crack parallel to the carport is the 3-point line.