Posted on 29 January 2011.

"Grrrrrr!"
When someone asks you what a club has to do to excel, all you need to do is look at Iniesta’s face in this picture, and smile. It isn’t enough to have talent. Lots of players have talent. Nor is it enough to have talent and drive. You also need work rate, confidence and a coach that will allow you to get the best from all of this and even then, sometimes it isn’t enough.
In trying to quantify what this amazing club of ours is doing, all that we’re left with are numbers:
–Messi set a personal record by scoring two goals in 97 seconds.
–The club has won 15 straight, matching a record set in 1961 by a certain EE.
–Pedro!! has scored in 6 straight matches, the first player to do so in Liga this season.
–Messi’s first goal of the night, the team’s second, was the 400th of the Guardiola era. 400 goals!
Another day, another win, that the scoreline will make seem easy-peasy. 0-3. Yawn!
Continue Reading
Posted in La Liga, Review
Posted on 26 January 2011.

Heh, what if we kicked it at Pedro's head? (Miguel Ruiz / Àlex Caparrós)
I don’t even know what to say, really. Other than things like
Holy mackerel and a sprig of clover, Batman! Statements that don’t even really make sense. Another manita? Yup, that’s just Barça bein’ Barça. That’s just the blaugrana stringin’ a few passes together and beating the pants off of poor Almeria, who came in without having failed to win a Copa match this season. Adios to that, I should say.
Minute 30 and it was 4-0, though that was a harsh 4-0 on Almeria, whose backup keeper, Esteban, let them down. And by the time he’d collected himself and started making simple saves, it was all over except, you know, the final 60 minutes and of course the bleating of the Barça crowd. And 5-0 was harsh on Almeria, but it was also light on Barça, who could have had 8 or 9 if they’d really turn the screw. But they didn’t, which, at 5-0, you can say “okay, sure, understandable,” but this is a 2-leg deal and as much of a cushion as possible is always helpful so while 8 goals is totally crazy absurd to demand, I’m demanding it because I’m totally crazy absurd.
Continue Reading
Posted in Copa del Rey, Review
Posted on 22 January 2011.

Look ma, no hands!
So it was about 947 kinds of awesome how we lost our first match in 28 of ‘em, a meaningless impossibility against Betis, and everyone started wondering about our invincibility, do we secretly suck, etc, etc. And in rolled Racing Santander, a side who our own Guardiolus gave full-time credit to, saying they play like Betis, only they’re actually in the Primera, so we’re as worried as a long-tailed cat at an ax convention about these dudes. Really. Fo’ sho’. Aieeee!
And it took about 90 seconds minutes for the club to put those worries to bed, which was about the time it took for the Messi/Villa/Pedro!! combo platter to gut the Racing defense and bang in a goal that (yes, it did) had just a sniff of offside to it.
From that goal, the match was ovah, done and put to bed, because Racing were doing the usual: defending in depth, playing turtle and hoping to cadge something on a counterattack, but that wasn’t going to happen now, was it? So it didn’t, and we won even after cutting back to about 3/4 speed by halftime.
Continue Reading
Posted in La Liga, Review
Posted on 20 January 2011.

Fernando Vega, Associated Press
So what have we learned today, children?
Nothing.
Psychology is a difficult thing in sport. It’s very difficult to motivate players sometimes, particularly during times when they know that they can be complacent. Like when they roll into an away match of a two-legged tie with a 5-0 lead. This means that just to send the match into extra time, Betis would need to score 5 unanswered goals.
And you wane. You can’t help it, but you wane.
Continue Reading
Posted in Copa del Rey, Review
Posted on 12 January 2011.

Photo by Miguel Ruiz Àlex Caparrós
This isn’t about what you think it’s about. It’s about stones. Cojones the size of casas. It’s even about balls of the bullion persuasion. Just not those ones. It’s about the ones that came clad in green and white stripes and ever let up for 90 minutes, even when it was obvious their temerity would be severely punished with a mighty Messi-led manita. Take a moment and digest the stupendously serious nature of Real Betis’ clangers twixt their legs. Perhaps that’s not your favorite thing to imagine, but every now and then it can be a good thing to get out of your comfort zone and this is perfect opportunity. Betis came in looking to play, to get us with a version of our game, and to make us pay attention. It’s my heartfelt belief that had Achille Emana been on the field, the final score would have been 5-2. Maybe even 5-3.
Goddamn I’m jazzed about what just happened. Sure, that’s why no one plays Barça like that, but wasn’t it amazing to watch? Wasn’t it just utterly enjoyable? Wasn’t it heart-pundingly fun? That’s F-U-N. It means, roughly, something that puts a smile on your face. Been a while, huh? The clásico was great, of course, but fun? Too tense, too emotionally invested for whatever this “fun” you speak of is.
So Thank You, Real Betis, for that match. Thank you for putting in a performance worthy of a draw with us. I’m sorry the final scoreline, I really am, but a certain “undeserving” Argentine wasn’t going to be denied his glory. And Ochocinco wasn’t going to be denied the true Barça experience.
Continue Reading
Posted in Copa del Rey, Review
Posted on 09 January 2011.

Eduard Omedes/El Mundo Deportivo
Fat lot of good it did Deportivo La Coruna to play turtle, as they still got a four-spot dropped on ‘em. Yes, better that than a manita, right? Maybe. I wouldn’t presume to speak for that club, but judging from the reactions of their fans as they were playing at 0-2 as if protecting a 1-0 lead, probably not.
But that’s what we’ve reduced sides to, the notion of “losing with honor,” as if such a contradiction in terms were possible. A loss should gall, stick in the craw like a barnacled artichoke. Instead, people see the Blaugrana shirts and think, even at 0-2 down, “Let’s not lose by any more.” It’s psychological, and brutally so. There are many, many matches that we win even before the first ball is kicked, as teams think about us and what we bring to the table, and say “Okay, play tight and let’s see what happens.”
Heck, we all know what happens.
Continue Reading
Posted in La Liga, Review