Liga Preview: Barça-Sevilla, Saturday 4pmEST ESPN Deportes

I’m not even sure what to write about at this point. I didn’t realize what a nice break the Tenerife match was. The tedium of discussing, for the third time in four matches, what Sevilla brings to the table is wearing on me. I have no idea what to write.

Okay, so yeah, that’s a lie. I always have something to say, even though sometimes it’s a bit repetitive and almost like I’m saying the same thing twice. It’s Sevilla, again, which means another serious test of our strength, though this time it’s in the Liga, where there is no possibility of a remontada, really. I imagine that the last match was a wake-up call for our boys, to remind them of their vulnerabilities. They, like the rest of us mortals, can be brought back down to earth by the hard work of little David and his slingshot over there, though the analogy breaks down when you consider that we are not the typical Philistine description, with the exception of our giant size.

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Copa Preview: Sevilla – Barça, Wednesday 4pm ,GolTV

Obviously the first thing you should do when preparing for the return leg of the Copa del Rey is read my interview with Ryan Knapp. That will give you a head-start as well as, perhaps, introduce you to a very talented and informed writer dedicated to La Liga. Not to mention brilliant, brilliant questions from a genius interviewer, of course.

Let’s jump right into the preview, shall we? It’s going to be a tough match not only because we’ve got a remontada (comeback) to do, but because we’re playing Sevilla. They proved in the first leg that they’re no joke, regardless of who they’re playing and even though they lost to Racing this past weekend at the Sanchez Pizjuan, they’re still dangerous. In fact, they might be more dangerous now than they otherwise would be because absolutely nothing can be taken for granted. The loss put them 13 points behind us in the league, meaning they have virtually no chance to catch up, meaning the Copa is their only legitimate shot at a domestic trophy.

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Liga Preview: Tenerife – Barça, Sunday 3pmEST ESPN/ESPN Deportes

The Island of Tenerife as seen from The Yaya's shoulder

It is, to me, akin to going to a different country. Sure, they speak Spanish and all, but dude, it’s like 1,400 miles (70 kazillion kilometers) from the rich coast of Barcelona to the, um, rich coast of Santa Cruz de Tenerife. That distance is, by the way, is about the same distance as between New York City and Dallas or Pierre, North Dakota. Los Angeles and Houston. If you’re a European, it’s like going from Paris to Istanbul or Moscow. If you’re Australian, it’s like going to the corner store.

So it’s far. Quite far. But it’s not actually that wild compared to what American professional athletes have to do on a consistent basis, especially in the NBA or MLB. But it’s far and it takes a lot out of a player to have to travel those distances, especially because they’ll be turning right around and heading home afterward to prepare for a trip to Sevilla on Wednesday.

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Oh hey now it's my ball, gimmegimme

Copa Preview: Barça – Sevilla, Tuesday 4pm, ESPN Deportes

It’s probably clear by now to even the most rabid of Sevilla fans that the rojiblancos only have one legitimate shot at a trophy this year. They’re in a battle with Mallorca for a Champions League spot in La Liga and they face CSKA Moscow in the first knockout round of the current CL. A trip to February in Russia sounds like quite the vacation, indeed, but at least they host the second leg. So what’s left to them is to battle for the Copa del Rey title, which they last won in 2006-07 by beating Gimnástica Segoviana, Rayo Vallecano, Real Betis*, Depor, and Getafe in that order.* So they weren’t exactly going through a tremendous gauntlet of teams, though they would have faced Barça in the final had Getafe not produced the miraculous 4-0 destruction of the blaugrana in the return leg, after Barça won the first leg 5-2 and one Leo Messi officially arrived on the worldwide stage with this stunner.

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Liga Preview: Barça – Villarreal, Saturday 2pmEST, ESPN Deportes

When David Farragut uttered the famous words in the title, I doubt he was thinking of a small town on the eastern coast of Spain. In fact, since the game of football didn’t properly exist at the time, it’s probable that he was thinking about just the actual naval mines in Mobile Bay that were threatening to destroy the boats he commanded and not anything about the 2009-10 La Liga schedule. Still, maybe somewhere in the recesses of his mind, in the subconscious,—warning, misused big word coming up—in the cerebellum*, there was something that murmured about aureolin underwater doohickeys that shoot explosive projectiles and are somehow related to eleven men dressed in a similar color exclusively use their feet to move an inflated pig’s bladder around a rectangular field as a large crowd of people scream obscenities at them.

Regardless of Commander Farragut’s intentions or future-thoughts while in the midst of an epic battle that would cement his legacy forever—another thing I’m sure he didn’t consider—Villarreal is going to visit the Camp Nou tomorrow in Barça’s return to competitive action after the Christmas break. Or maybe it’s a Kwanzaa break. I don’t know. And that visit is important for several reasons. Obviously the return to league action after several weeks away will be a jolt to Barça’s system, but at least Villarreal are in almost the same boat. Like I said, aaaall year. Continue Reading

CWC Final Preview: Barça – Estudiantes, Saturday 11amEST, Fox Soccer en Español

We Wants One

Travel southeast from Buenos Aires, along the coast, past Quilmes–feel free to stop and have a couple, of course–and Berazategui and you’ll soon reach the city of La Plata, perhaps before you’re capable of deciphering the pronunciation of Berazategui. Beyond that, you’re on your own if you’re visiting Argentina using Isaiah’s Magnificent Travel Guide because, unfortunately, the feature writer of that illustrious publication has yet to make it to the Southern Cone. He is not happy about this by any means and would like you to stop reminding him of this great personal failure.

Argentine history does not escape me–Facundo, anyone?–but Sarmiento himself died in 1888, only six years after the city of La Plata was founded (and did so in Asunción, Paraguay), so stretching back to the Spaniards is a major exaggeration, despite my inclination to do so. Sure, I’ve also read The Condor Years and Prisoner Without a Name, Cell Without a Number (among a myriad of others, though my major focused more on Central America), but there were decidedly few references to Estudiantes de La Plata in those texts. I’m sure there are several historical connections to Spain that we could explore, but we’ll skip that this time around and focus instead on the team’s history and it’s current place in international football. Why, you ask, after such non-sequitor intros as comparing Puyol to The Tarzan Predator and our matchup against Inter Milan with the Visigothic rampages through Roman Empire era Italy, are you failing to give us some absurdist historical preview of an area you actually know quite a bit about? The answer, of course, is blowing in the wind. Continue Reading

CWC Preview: Barça – Atlante FC, Wednesday 11amEST, FSC/FSE

The sand drifts casually along, the footprints on the beach gently washed away by warm, clear seawater. The sky is blue as blue gets, the ocean turquoise, the sun casually sending you warmth and wonder, a breeze ruffles your hair. Your mind conjures up all the lovely scenes of Caribbean paradises, of half-naked beauties following you along, and then you realize you have no idea how you got here. It’s seven am and there’s sand down your shorts, what feels like gum in your hair, and your head feels like someone cracked it with a baseball bat.

The memories are, of course, slowly coming back: the thumping bass, thousands of gringos shouting and dancing with massive white-boy overbites, all having some sort of conniption fit as another song that sounds just like the previous song reverberates over the beach. A guy runs up to you and demands you pound the jesus out of this beer bong, you pansy. Things get hazy quickly, but dammit you love Cancun, you love the sun, the parties, and, of course, The Hobbit.

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Liga Preview: Barça – Espanyol, Saturday 2pmEST, GolTV

Derbi Day: Morbo to the Max

I’m not much for corporal punishment and certainly not in favor of capital punishment, but for some reason twice a year I get this urge to massacre poor little parakeets. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, the feeling happens four times in a single season: yay Copa del Rey! You see, there’s this team, RCD Espanyol, who live over on Montjuic, in their evil castle, and they’re coming for a little visit tomorrow evening.

Instead of tea and crumpets waiting for them by a cozy fire, I suggest hatchets. Lots and lots of deadly, serrated hatchets. Cause I don’t like Espanyol, if you haven’t noticed. There’s not much in that personal dislike, of course, other than the inter-city fun that comes from finding something that’s a bit unsettling (historical conceptions of fidelity to the Franco regime, for instance, most of which are probably dead and gone) and running with it. But if you’ve ever visited an Espanyol-based blog on derbi day, you’ll know recognize the feeling of reading something distasteful, regardless of how respectful or disrespectful it really is. They want to beat us cause we’re the big brother and we want to beat them because they’re the little brother who nips at our heels. That there’s always the bitter taste of the 18 crazy seconds where they won the league for Real Madrid in 2007 only evinces more dislike from me, of course, and, I would imagine, more gloating fun from them. Which is why I was praying to the football gods to cast them down into the Segunda for this season, where they could unveil their new stadium (Cornella el Prat) to crowds of 200 or 300. Alas… Continue Reading

CL Preview: Dynamo Kiev – Barcelona, Wednesday 2:45pmEST, FSE and DirectTV

Maidan Nzalezhnosti, Kiev

Stand on the western bank of Dnieper, looking east towards the horizon. Imagine there are no buildings, that the Patona Bridge is fifteen hundred years from being built, Maidan Nezalezhnosti generations from being a political and social landmark. Legend has it that Kyi stood here in the 6th century with his two brothers, Schek and Khoryv, and his sister, Lybid and decided to found a city. I like to think they stood just east of Maidan, looking at the Matveevskyi zalyv, an island in the middle of the Dnieper, considering what kind of city they would build, what would grow from their mythical roots. I like to think they stood right here, imagining a world where Kievans were unmatched throughout the land, where they controlled their own destiny, where they had garnered respect from all who came in contact with them.

Fast forward to the present day, to Valeri Lobanovsky Dynamo Stadium, to the UEFA Champions League matchday 6, to the match that will define a year’s worth of hard work and a generation’s aspirations to be a part of the pantheon of European powers. This is not the Kiev of Vladimir or Yarsolav, of Kievan Rus or battles across the plains; this is the Kiev of Gazzaev and Shevchenko, of Lobanovky’s legacy, and of the modern Ukrainian state. Continue Reading

Liga Preview: Deportivo – Barcelona, Saturday 4pmEST, ESPN Deportes

Deportivo de La Coruña. The name rings a bell somewhere in the back of my mind. Where have I heard that before? It sounds so familiar…Super Depor. Oh! Super Depor! I know them–they’re from the past. They’re this team that was dominate in Spain and Europe for a little while, even winning the league in 99-00 and then they slid ever so ungracefully into the shadows of the Segunda, riddled with debt.

Now look who is back, in 5th place, four points out of a Champions League spot and looking to take on the mighty Barcelona in the Riazor. Their stadium holds 34,600 and I’m sure it will packed to the tip-top, the nosebleeders having someone on their shoulders to greet the reigning Triple champions in what is truly a tricky affair. I might make light of Depor’s financial situation in the mid-aughts, but they’re back now and despite their hard-nosed style of bargaining with Barcelona over Filipe Luis’ transfer that saw them eat dirt (or keep the player, depending on how you’d like to view it), they’re a team that has to be handled with seriousness.

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