CL Preview: Real Madrid – Barcelona, 2:45pm EST, FX(HD) and Fox Deportes

Look out the window. I mean it. Or at least I mean it when you’ve finished this paragraph and maybe clicked on some ads. Find the nearest pane of glass between yourself and the outside and look through it. If you’re reading this outside and thus would be looking inside were you to press your face on a window, you should hire me to work with you because screw this inside crap. But okay, now you’re looking out the window, right? What do you see? Trees, maybe or perhaps a street with some cars, people walking, a bird or two. It’s spring here, so if it’s spring where you are, you should also be seeing sunshine and happiness. Well forget that crap. It’s not real. It’s a figment of your imagination. Just like there is no spoon, there is no “real world.” There is no Zuul, only el clásico.

And it is, once again, for better or worse, upon us. And it has obliterated the sun. And common sense. And all the other things we take for granted. Don’t believe me? Just ask yourself, if we lose, will the sun come up the next day? It might not. You never know. Yes, there is another clásico in just a few days time, less than a week, but will any of it matter if the first leg goes horribly awry? But what if it goes wonderfully well? Livers worldwide will collapse in upon themselves, obstinately refuse to do their duty. They’ll be on strike and rightfully so. If you’re not an alcohol consumer, watch the glucose and caffeine intake. If you’re too healthy for any of that, watch the heart rate anyway because no one is safe, least of all those who think they can handle it.

Sergio Ramos claims the fans will have to score the first goal. He has lost it. Pep Guardiola thinks we’re underdogs. He’s lost it. I think we should start Jeffren. I never had it to begin with. The weekly editors meeting at BFB is usually a calm discussion of the posting schedule; this week there were fireworks: Luke lambasting SoccerMom for suggesting we play Busi in midfield, Kari shaking uncontrollably in the corner while muttering something about YouTube videos being the key, Kevin voting to sell VicSoc (just cause), and me dutifully taking minutes that, when viewed later, turned out to be all work and no play make Jack a dull boy written about a hundred thousand times. And then, of course, Linda came with a collage of Riquelme pictures she refused to explain, but that’s kind of normal at this point.

Ah yes, clásico week #3. I miss you dearly, sanity. Mrs. The Lady refuses to talk to me, claiming that when I think I’m whispering about vacation plans I’m actually just shouting “venga Leo!”, “arbitro comprado eh!”, and “pass, move, offer!” Whenever someone bumps me on the subway, I curse their mothers and the height of the grass. When I finish a project at work, I whip off my shirt and leap over the wall to celebrate with my cubicle neighbor. Coffee is not a good replacement for Gatorade baths.

Are you still looking out the window? You can stop now. Unless you live at the Camp Nou, in which case you should definitely keep looking out the window at the greatest view in human history. It beats this and even the most beautiful place I’ve ever been. By a long shot. Because it is the only thing that actually exists. There is nothing else.

First they tell me Iniesta is injured, a serious doubt, has a calf strain. Then they tell me he’s fine, 100%, assured of scoring. Puyol is back, terror is back, there’s a run on diapers in Madrid. Stop messing with my soul, Internet. Like the Incredible Hulk, you have no idea what I’m capable of. You wouldn’t like me when I’m frazzled to the point of cutting out action figures and pasting them on my TV screen and half giggling, half mumbling fake commentary about how so-and-so scored a great goal and Mourinho pees in his pants and poor Ramos drops the trophy again, but it’s still the Copa one because the other one is ours, all ours mwahaha. See what happens, Internet?

Predicted lineup: Valdes, Alves, Mascherano, Pique, Puyol, Busi, Xavi, Keita, Villa, Messi, Pedro.

Official Prediction: 1-1. Goal by Villa.

But seriously, I think I’m cracking. This isn’t good. Why are there 4 of them? Who would do such a thing to us poor fans? Is this fun to them? Are the football gods enjoying watching us curl up into little balls, forget to bathe, and sing songs we only know half the words to? And no, no one on earth knows all the words to el cant. I am positive of this.

Són molts anys plens d’afanys, (Many years full of zeal,)
són molts gols que hem cridat, (many goals we have screamed,)

You don’t know that line. Don’t act like you do. You’re probably all “What song is that from?” cause you, like everyone else, just knows the first verse. And our name, of course. Like I said, cracking.

Liga Preview: Barcelona – Osasuna, Saturday 2pmEST, GolTV

Osasuna is a special team. Not special special, but more like special to me. You see, they were the cannon fodder, thrown to the blaugrana lions, torched with implacable ferocity, all on the altar of me preparing the dinner I prefaced my wedding proposal to soon-to-be Mrs. The Lady. She had no idea, of course, and still doesn’t that it was Osasuna that I completely and totally ignored that day while I slaved in the kitchen over a sumptuous feast. I seriously watched like 2 minutes of it and was happy that we won, the sounds of the game coming from the living room, some friends telling me to come in for replays. I’m not even sure I knew that Messi had scored a second until a few hours later.

So they’re a special team. And this special team has scored 7 goals more than Messi. Better than Hercules and Depor, who have scored fewer goals than the little Argie Bargie. But they’re also a different team than we faced back in December. They got a new coach on February 14 after Camacho was given the boot. The team had won 5 times, including earning a 1-0 victory over Real Madrid, but that wasn’t enough—they were in 18th and had lost 11 times in 23 matches and 6 of the previous 11.

They appointed Jose Luis Mendilibar, a man whose name always makes me titter for some reason I’m not entirely sure about—Mendilibar—yeah, I really don’t know why but I think everyone around me just wondered why the nerdy kid just tittered. Mendilibar—heee—has led Osasuna to 4 victories in 9 games, for an overall record of 4-1-4 (15GF, 9GA). They’ve failed to score just twice under their new manager, so that’s nice for them, but they’re also on a 3 match losing streak in which they’ve allowed 5 of those 9 goals and scored just 4. Diego Costa grabbed a hat trick against them, after all.

Something odd that I noticed: each time Barça has drawn, we’ve won the next game 2-1. All the draws were 1-1 too and each of the subsequent matches were played at the Camp Nou, so it stands to reason that we’ll win 2-1. Consider that my official prediction: 2-1 over Valencia, 2-1 over Athletic Bilbao, and 2-1 over Getafe. Not a single repeat goal scorer in any of those 3 matches either: Villa, Messi, Iniesta, Puyol, Alves, and Bojan. So I think that means Pedro and Mascherano. Sure it does. Put the house on it. And your dog. Or maybe just someone else’s dog.

So who will we play? JDS, Thiago, Jeffren, and hell, why not Deleofeu? Maybe that new American prospect, Ben whatever? Are we resting players or thinking they have the batteries left to make it through the next 2 weeks? Does resting superstar athletes get them out of rhythm? Are they in rhythm? Can playing against Osasuna put them back into a groove? Weren’t they amazing in the second half on Wednesday? Would you stop asking questions? Aaaargh, didn’t I just ask you—Mendilibar: heeeeee.

So many questions not enough Mendilibar to calm the nerves that are already building for next week. Adriano is out, Puyol is still messed up. Maxwell will have to play 4 weeks in a row and Alves better not get suspended or we’ll be without a right back unless Puyol can actually step in. Do we bring up Montoya? Do we bring in Fontas now? Why is like half our squad injured? Oh, because we have a squad of 4 people, that’s right. Oops.

But it has worked for so long that it’s impossible to really accuse Guardiola of failing at anything, unless, of course you’re short sighted and don’t remember anything about the last 3 years. Have we forgotten how well we played at the end of the year in each of the previous Champions League campaigns? Have we forgotten that we’re looking squarely at our third consecutive La Liga title? We made the final of the Copa del Rey twice in 3 years and it could have been 3 out of 3 if it weren’t for a miserly Sevilla defense. Terrible team management, right?

Sure, we had no one on the bench to come out and smash something into the back of the net on Wednesday, but that’s because they’re injured. Our starting left back is wounded, our second string striker is out, and now even our second string left back is gone for almost the rest of the season. And our captain, our man of men, our adofiiuwehslRAAAAWR in human form, isn’t 100%, and might be missing.

Predicted lineup: Valdes, Alves, Pique, Milito, Maxwell, Mascherano, Xavi, Thiago, Jeffren, Messi, Pedro

For Osasuna? Mendilibar–heeeeeeee

Copa Final Preview: Wednesday 3:30pmEST, GolTV

Grass. It’s green, it’s actually a weed. There’s nothing special to it; no one spends hundreds of thousands of dollars on it just so it looks nice. Except it’s everything and yes they do. Estadio Santiago Bernabeu is planted with Desso GrassMaster, an artificial and real combination. The Mestalla in Valencia, where Barcelona and Real Madrid will play the Copa del Rey final tomorrow, is real grass. The Camp Nou is completely real as well.

Having never played on the manicured lawns of a professional stadium, I have no idea how different it would be. No doubt I’d rainbow fools and chilena golazos left and right if given such a surface. But then again, I have played in grass that is far too long, that holds the ball up. I have played bumpy fields that cause random bounces. I have played on patchy fields, undulating fields, and even a field in Guatemala that was went uphill in one direction. And that’s kind of the point: the state of the field matters.

I don’t know if Mourinho really grew the grass at the Bernabeu longer or if he’ll do the same for the Champions League match in a week, but if he did, if he thought that would help, then not doing so, having shorter grass, would logically be a boon for Barça. And if it is true, if a putting green is what we need, then the Mestalla’s slick field, well-kept and certainly prepared for the big stage, will help immensely.

Again, I don’t know if RM really did that. I don’t particularly care because anything that slows us down slows them down too and if they were working with a counter attacking tactical approach, then they sort of shot themselves in the foot. Or maybe I have no idea what I’m talking about and I should go back to my rural Ohio fields covered in crab grass and the occasional golf ball that will turn your ankle. But what I do care about is that we, the sporting public, the cules, the ones who want to know, pay attention to whether or not the ball moves more quickly in Valencia. If the team looks less sluggish, if Villa is suddenly the world beater we all know he is again, and if Messi slides by opponents with ease again.

If those things happen, if Barça is Barça, then you’ll know it’s the field. You’ll know David Villa loves to play with speed, through the back line with pace, rather than holding the ball up and playing slow motion tiki-taka over silly putty turf. Fun to fall on, but not so great for surface passing. Or maybe it will be Guardiola’s team talk, his tactical approach. Will Pedro suddenly have another gear to get into? Will his menace return full force? Again, playing surface or Guardiola? Will Xavi get space and time because you can’t hold that pivoting, hair-gelled midget down 2 games in a row or because Valencia’s groundscrew set the lawnmower to a shorter setting than their Bernabeu counterparts?

Enough.

Tactics. Approach. Grass. Who gives a rat’s derriere?

Someone will end with 10. Someone will end crying foul. Someone will say it’s a conspiracy. Someone will play act. Someone will cheat. Someone will foul and get away with it. Someone won’t foul and will get booked anyway. These things are preordained because they’re always preordained when you get the 2 most absurd teams in the world together. And yes, I said absurd.

If your president jokes that you’ll win 5-0 and it’s considered a lack of respect and he’s forced to apologize, then you’re absurd. If you’re obsessed with speaking or not speaking at press conferences, with pointing out that you’re ignoring certain journalists for perceived slights, then you’re absurd. If you’re a snazzy dresser who keeps it real all the time and never gets emotionally carried away, then you’re, well…well then you’re Pep Guardiola. But your team is still absurd.

And then when you get those two absurdities together as enemies, as willful combatants in an infinite fight to the death, then the absurdity reaches the point where it’s greater than the sum of its parts. You begin to dissect what grass is used, which ball is in play (Jabulani, renamed Powercell or something of equal marketing fail status), whether the ref has given more penalties to one side than the other: it won’t be fair to one side. It’s never fair, not when your team is on the losing end. Shrug of the shoulders if you did. Thems the breaks, you know.

It’s the circus and the ringmasters are battier than the clowns, the show must always go on, even if there’s nothing new. Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the Big Top, to where the elephants in the room dance for all to see, where the twirling and prancing is just the precursor to the bloodletting of the lion taming. Did you witness that? It’s the old man letting his team have it. Did you hear that? It’s the young star shouting in the tunnel about your king who isn’t his king (even if he may not have said anything, it’s audible).

Copa del Rey final. Barça-Madrid. This is as good as it gets and, really, why not just enjoy it for once? Are we so far beyond the pale that we’ll have to restrain ourselves from throwing things through TVs when the Evil Opposing Team is on screen? I am, but there’s no reason you need to be.

[images from http://www.greenpeopleme.com/ and http://www.dreamstime.com/, respectively]

El Clasico Liguero: Saturday 4pmEST, ESPN Deportes/ESPN3 and GolTV

You ever stood in front of a snorting rhino, its mammoth foot pawing the ground, horn shaking up and down while its eyes somehow stay rooted on you? Me neither, but anyone who has played against Carles Puyol has felt that same cold, sweaty fear as the teams line up. I know this for a fact because anything less would be unimaginable. Each and every one of Madrid’s players are doubtlessly spending their evenings begging whatever crazy dark magic they employed to keep capitá out for this long to stay in effect just one week longer. But beware what you ask for, madridistas: if a butterfly sneezing in Borneo can cause a hurricane in the Atlantic, imagine what 11 exhaling athletes can do to the weather patterns.

But even if Puyol doesn’t make it and there’s no Day After Tomorrow super storm, that outpouring of relief, that “We’ve got ‘em now” thinking will get them only a backhand from one of the other mercurial geniuses to be found in blaugrana. It’s not that I’m overconfident it’s that I’m holy crap on a stick in a rainstorm of crap-covered sticks batty about the coming matches. Have I mentioned there are 4 of them? Have I mentioned that?

Well: there are 4 of them!

Will it ever be a walk in the park? Of course not, the manita wasn’t (but it was a manita!) and these coming matches won’t be either. We’re injured, we’re wounded, but we’re also going to enter pissed, ready, focused, and, as always, virtually impossible to defend. Yeah, it’s at the Bernabeu (more like the burra-bay-ew, amirite) but so were the 2-0 and the 2-6.

But I mentioned pissed. Why? Because like Meatloaf says, you just can’t push someone too far. Or you risk an explosive reaction in your face. You risk finding yourself on the wrong end of an elephant tusk (just to continue the imagery from earlier) named golaaaazo de Messi. You risk sticking your neck into the guillotine of Xavi’s brilliance. You’ll never see it coming but hoo boy will that sucka sting.

There must be someone open...

And this one is for all the marbles. They’re all for all the marbles. But these are the league marbles and no matter what you say, no matter how hard you try to convince me, I will never believe that anything other than the league is most important of the competitions. Lay it on the line, boys, and do it in all 3 competitions. We’re jugando la liga right here, right now. 10pm local time.

And that is where we are right now, us cules, we blaugrana. We are without our captain, our defensive lynchpin, and we’re also missing our first choice left back and an able midfielder. But we are there, jugando, as always, disfrutando del fútbol, living with every pass, dying with every mistake. And that is el clásico. The whistle you’ll hear ringing in your ears throughout the match every time they touch the ball will be your passion. That feeling that is like some lovely and horrible adrenaline rush that won’t let go of your heart is morbo. Or it’s a heart attack and you need medical attention. Who can know?

Busi in midfield, Milito in the back, Adriano out left. The rest? You already know it. You already penciled them in. You are already watching them in your mind, those impish wonders, those tiny creatures of pure joy: pass, move, offer. Repeat ad nauseam. You’re already screaming out el cant, you’re already holding up your scarf in your local bar, you’re already embarrassing your fiancée on the subway chanting something about Madrid quemando.

Our squad: Valdés, Pinto, Alves, Piqué, Puyol, Xavi, Villa, Iniesta, Messi, Jeffrén, Keita, Busquets, Pedro, Milito, Maxwell, Afellay, Adriano, Fontàs, Thiago, Jonathan.

Predicted lineup: Valdes, Alves, Pique, Milito, Adriano, Busi, Xavi, Iniesta, Villa, Messi, Pedro

Official Prediction: 0-2, goals by Messi and Pedro. Deja vu?

TV: In the US, ESPN Deportes and ESPN3(HD) and GolTV(HD).

Time: 4pmEST, 10pm local time.

And now: Freakout time!! Yay! In the meantime go read Euler’s tactical post for, you know, knowledge and other icky stuff. Me, I just know about this:

CL Preview: Shakhtar Donetsk – Barcelona, second leg (1-5 aggregate), Tuesday 2:45pm (Fox Sports Affiliate*)

They’ll have their own remuntada videos and t-shirts. They’ll have a nation-wide campaign calling for belief and supportive screams throughout the evening. They’ll demand the stadium be dressed in black and orange.  Or, uh, they’ll have their coach claiming it’s an impossible task. Whichever. I mean, it’s just the Champions League semifinal, nothing, you know, worth fighting for.

And of course Guardiola is going the cautious route: “I want to repeat, again, that the tie is not already won. Anything is possible in football, but we will work hard to prevent Shakhtar pulling off a miracle.” But him saying those things is like Mr. Rogers wearing a cardigan. It just happens whenever he’s in front of a camera. But something tells me this this 5-1 lead is insurmountable not simply because we’ve got Messi, Xavi, et al, but because we’ve got a different outlook from that disastrous 4-0 defeat to Getafe back in 2007. And no, I don’t blame Rijkaard for that, but it was the end of his reign and it was defeats like that which put a lot of people on alert despite the solid years. I freely admit I wasn’t one of those people and wanted Rijkaard to continue. Who knew that Pep would step in and smash all sorts of domestic and international records? Other than these guys.

Do we start Jeffren or go with MVP? Does Milito play or does Fontas get a shot at the big time? Given that our star-studded lineup in the first leg could barely hold them down for a little while, I’ll urge caution to start and leave the youngsters on the bench, but as I detailed over on Soccernet, Mascherano’s yellow card accumulation suspension for el clásico means we’re short a midfielder for a crucial day. It’s not that Shakhtar requires all hands on deck, but rather that not resting now means less fitness against Madrid over the next two matches.  This means we’re pretty much assured of having Busi-Pique in the back line against RM in the league and the Copa del Rey. Puyol can obviously slot back in immediately if he’s ever healthy again.

The squad list is: Valdes, Oier, Pinto, Villa, Xavi, Piqué, Sergio Busquets, Maxwell, Pedro, Afellay, Messi, Adriano, Alves, Keita, Mascherano, Milito, Jeffren, Fontàs, Thiago, and dos Santos.

My suggested lineup: Valdes, Alves, Pique, Milito, Busquets, Xavi, Keita, Villa, Messi, Pedro. We need to go out with energy and make sure they don’t get into it with an early goal. That would be terrible. We can’t look beyond this, but we also have to be aware that there are some serious weeks ahead. Mascherano has to play at least one of the clásicos and I’m choosing the Copa del Rey because, well, because I have to choose one. You could conceivably start both Busi and Mascherano to really shut down the midfield given that Iniesta is suspended, but I think that’s where Keita comes in more effectively.

With Srna and Chygrynskiy listed as doubtful, Shakhtar is less dangerous, but still capable of hitting us on the counter. We’ll need to slow the match down, but continue to attack methodically and never let go of the ball (except after we score and before we get it back 2 seconds later). I do think they missed Chygrynskiy, the king of their wookiee contingent, and I think they’ll miss him again because they’ll get caught out again. They’ll miss Răzvan Raţ a lot on the wing too, but they’ve got enough fast counter players to do damage if we ever take our foot off the gas.

Official prediction: 2-2. Goals by Messi (2). They’ve never lost in their new stadium, but I suppose it’s time they failed to win…

* A note on the channel: in the US, the match will be shown live on your local Fox Sports affiliate. In the New York area that’s MSG+ (48 and 748 on TWC). If you know what channel it will be on in your area, please list that in the comments for others.

But you wondered about the city, didn’t you? Well, at least reader ooga aga did and I’d be remiss if I didn’t indulge a bit in my own love of history and geography. So here goes:

Founded in 1869 by a Welshman not named Gareth Bale, the city was built around the steel and coal industries. While seeming to retain the air of an industrial city, perhaps akin to how Pittsburgh is viewed here, Donetsk also appears to have a large university population–there are some 16 higher education institutions in the city (Source). It’s also the administrative center of Donetsk Oblast, which has some really gorgeous stuff going on in it.

There are still massive spoil tips outside the city and and Rinat Akhmetov, the chairman of of Shakhtar, is involved in the coal business. Akhmetov is, in case you’re knowledgeable about the American coal industry or interested in it, owner of the United Coal Company through his investment company, Metinvest.

Shakhtar Donetsk was founded as Stakhanovets in 1936 as a coal mining union team, changed its name to Shakhtyor in 1946, and then FC Shakhtar (Donetsk) in 1992.  Their new stadium, Donbass Arena, holds just over 50,000 and is going to host several Euro2012 matches, including a semifinal. It’s also gorgeous and was designed by the same people who designed the Bird’s Nest in Beijing and Allianz Arena in Munich.

Liga Preview: Barcelona – Almeria, Saturday 2pmEST, GolTV(HD)

Last time we met them in the league, we slaughtered them and brought the axe down on Jose Manuel Lillo, Pep’s old friend. Since they’ve earned 17 points from 18 matches and sit dead last. Colistas. And they were bounced from the Copa del Rey in the semis by Barça too. Aggregate? 8-0, of course. They got a new manager just this week, having fired Jose Luis Oltra. More on him in a minute.

And now they return back to the Camp Nou, where they’ve never scored a single goal and where they’ve never managed to earn a point (source). They’re 0-0-3 and from their performances this year, deservedly so. The thing is, if they’re ever going to do damage to us, it’s probably now, when we’re focused on other things and when we’re going to start either Ruben Miño or Oier Olazabal.

Those two youngster goalies get the call up thanks to Valdes being suspended through yellow card accumulation and Pinto being injured. I’m rooting for Oier to get the start, but only because I just added him to my fantasy team, though that was only because Miño, who I expect to start, isn’t included in the game by Yahoo. Ah well.

If you scoff at the idea that Almeria suddenly have a shot at this match because of the goalie, just take your blinders off and check out what was required of Victor Valdes over the last two matches. Without him we’ve got a 5 point league lead and are struggling to come back from down 1-2 in a Champions League quarterfinal first leg. You can also thank Luiz Adriano for forgetting his foot-eye coordination, but mostly I’m going to credit Valdes because that makes me feel better.

A good thing is that we have Pedro back, though it turns out that Bojan has scored 5 of his 25 career league goals against Almeria. That’s the hotness and something that I think we might want to take advantage of if it weren’t for the timing of everything. Do we start a big time lineup and ensure at least an 8 point lead going into the away clásico? Do we rest players now or during the Shakhtar match? Or not at all? We have something like 832 matches before May 4, so there’s no way we can not rest players…right? Ah jeez. Almeria-@Shakhtar-@RM-RM-Osasuna and then maybe 2 more clásicos holy smoking Brock Sampson. And 4 days after the second leg of the CL Semis? Yup: Espanyol.

But back to Almeria, who have appointed Roberto Olabe as their new manager. Olabe is a former goalkeeper, is just 43, and was Almeria’s sporting director in 2006/07 when they got promoted to the first flight for the first time ever (source). He has a tough task in front of him given that neither Lillo nor Oltra were earn more than 1 point per match on average (Lillo earned 11 points in 12 while Oltra earned the ever so slightly better 17 in 18). His strikers aren’t scoring—Ulloa is their joint leading scorer, but hasn’t found the back of the net in over 750 minutes (more than 8 full matches)—his midfielders aren’t midding, and his defense is porous—only Malaga has let in more goals, though Sociedad is tied on 51 with Almeria. The last team the beat was Hercules. Before that it was Espanyol on February 5. They’ve got 5 wins overall, their biggest a 1-3 away win over Sevilla. But they also lost 3-1 at Malaga.

This strikes me as the perfect time to let Messi go absolutely bazonkers on a defense and hopefully he’ll bag 30 and get this Pichichi race over with. No Puyol hurts, but we’ll probably put Milito out there to kick Piatti in his ankles…er in his shins…no, probably in his hip. Cause he’s short. That’s the joke. And then Busi back in midfield for a match, you know, just to mix things up and get some players in their preferred positions. Maybe we’ll even put Iniesta in midfield. How crazy would that be?

Oh wait, he was in midfield against Shakhtar. Anyone who says he wasn’t either forgot to actually watch the match or just assumed that when he disappeared he disappeared up the left wing, which he didn’t. Note the pass to Dani Alves and where he was on that and subsequent passes. And note even from minute 2 how he played through the center. And how on Xavi’s goal he was well behind the play as the deep-lying playmaker. So yeah, maybe we’ll just have Iniesta where Iniesta always plays. Or maybe we’ll have Thiago out there again. Or Bojan starting, which would be awesome because he always scores against them.

Whatever happens, I agree with Guardiola: La Liga is more important. Say what you will about the Champions League, but if I had to choose between the two, I’d choose La Liga every single time. Bar none. Even if the final were in the Camp Nou. On my birthday. So we need to win this match and then focus on other things. The Shakhtar match isn’t over yet, so we better get out there and bust ass, but we also need to go in on a high, which means crushing Almeria.

Lineup prediction: Oier, Alves, Pique, Milito, Maxwell, Busquets, Xavi, Iniesta, Pedro, Messi, Bojan.

Official Prediction: 8-0. Cause what the hell, right?