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Podcast

February 17, 2012 / / Podcast
December 8, 2011 / / El Clasico
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September 24, 2010 / / La Liga
May 15, 2010 / / La Liga
I wanna hug toooo
This is what a *team* looks like!

Liga Preview: Barça – Valladolid, Sunday 1pmEST, ESPN2HD

This match is somehow under the radar, despite its significance. There are no Ens Hi Deixerem La Pell shirts being displayed, there are no slogans, no commercials, no gratuitous news coverage of the team’s every move. Yet this match dwarfs the Champions League semifinals because it is the match that will decide who earns the La Liga title this year. I know it’s just Valladolid, but we cannot take them lightly and we must beat them.

This is for everything. It’s easy to fall into the hyperbolic sewer of claiming each and every game is the most important one of the season. I’ve done it, of course, but at least this time I have the luxury of saying that I won’t do it again this season…which is akin to saying my favorite Zoolander movie was the first one. Which it was. Still, this match has become the defining match of the season for those who define seasons solely by trophy hauls. It’s either we win this and rise above the rest of the league or we lose and Madrid surfaces from beneath the murky depths to somehow claim our prize.

I want to say this now: whatever happens against Valladolid, whether we win, draw, or lose, whether we come out with a league title or not, whether there’s a goleada historica or an epic choke job, this team and this season are as far from failures as you can get. They are winners and overachievers, they are artists in a world of hacks, and they are successful through beauty despite the hard fouls, despite the bullseye on their backs, and despite the inclination of others to dismiss their grievances because they need to “man up.” Man up this, suckas.

Read MoreFor All the Marbles: Barça – Valladolid

April 23, 2010 / / La Liga
Ibra has so many legs! No wonder he can do that ninja crap!

Liga Preview: Barça – Xerez, Saturday 12pm EST, GolTV

Update! Check out my Minute +10 Podcast with Kevin Walker of OGN/Serie A Weekly. We discuss the Champions League in-depth and what the underage French hooker scandal could lead to.

I seem to enjoy the sport-as-war titles, don’t I? There were the Visigoths, the invasions of the Russian steppe, and a few other “it’s time to kill some fools” kinds of titles out there. This is no exception, but what’s interesting is this match seems like the forgotten child–the Kevin in Home Alone to our Paris vacation, if you will. And no, I’m not talking about our Kevin. I mean, it’s just Xerez, right? It’s just the worst team in the league, isn’t it? We can forget about this one and move on to the bigger fish we have waiting next to our fryer, can’t we? It’s Inter, man, the remontada, the comeback of the century, come on, stop with the boring Xerez talk.

But that’s the thing: you can’t forget about a single point, a single minute in this league or you’ll end up without any silverware. Overlook even the smallest of fish and they’ll find a way to crawl up your junk and eat you from the inside out (read this and this to justify your skepticism/fear). So, what I’m saying is, you gotta go balls-to-the-wall against even the smallest of opponents and put them to the sword quickly if you want to rest at all during a match. Allowing them to stick around lets them grow in confidence and that, in turn, means we have to expend more energy to destroy them.

And yes, I just spent the last 10 minutes shivering at the thought of Victor Sanchez climbing up my urethra and into–must stop this goddamned line of thinking before I freak out and run into the street screaming about Spanish men being in my pants. For those of you who live in crazytown like me, it would just be a typical Friday afternoon, though, right?

Ahem.

Read MoreFight Until the Bloody End: Barça – Xerez [Updated]

January 21, 2010 / / Podcast