Liga Preview: Barcelona – Almeria, Saturday 2pmEST, GolTV(HD)

Last time we met them in the league, we slaughtered them and brought the axe down on Jose Manuel Lillo, Pep’s old friend. Since they’ve earned 17 points from 18 matches and sit dead last. Colistas. And they were bounced from the Copa del Rey in the semis by Barça too. Aggregate? 8-0, of course. They got a new manager just this week, having fired Jose Luis Oltra. More on him in a minute.

And now they return back to the Camp Nou, where they’ve never scored a single goal and where they’ve never managed to earn a point (source). They’re 0-0-3 and from their performances this year, deservedly so. The thing is, if they’re ever going to do damage to us, it’s probably now, when we’re focused on other things and when we’re going to start either Ruben Miño or Oier Olazabal.

Those two youngster goalies get the call up thanks to Valdes being suspended through yellow card accumulation and Pinto being injured. I’m rooting for Oier to get the start, but only because I just added him to my fantasy team, though that was only because Miño, who I expect to start, isn’t included in the game by Yahoo. Ah well.

If you scoff at the idea that Almeria suddenly have a shot at this match because of the goalie, just take your blinders off and check out what was required of Victor Valdes over the last two matches. Without him we’ve got a 5 point league lead and are struggling to come back from down 1-2 in a Champions League quarterfinal first leg. You can also thank Luiz Adriano for forgetting his foot-eye coordination, but mostly I’m going to credit Valdes because that makes me feel better.

A good thing is that we have Pedro back, though it turns out that Bojan has scored 5 of his 25 career league goals against Almeria. That’s the hotness and something that I think we might want to take advantage of if it weren’t for the timing of everything. Do we start a big time lineup and ensure at least an 8 point lead going into the away clásico? Do we rest players now or during the Shakhtar match? Or not at all? We have something like 832 matches before May 4, so there’s no way we can not rest players…right? Ah jeez. Almeria-@Shakhtar-@RM-RM-Osasuna and then maybe 2 more clásicos holy smoking Brock Sampson. And 4 days after the second leg of the CL Semis? Yup: Espanyol.

But back to Almeria, who have appointed Roberto Olabe as their new manager. Olabe is a former goalkeeper, is just 43, and was Almeria’s sporting director in 2006/07 when they got promoted to the first flight for the first time ever (source). He has a tough task in front of him given that neither Lillo nor Oltra were earn more than 1 point per match on average (Lillo earned 11 points in 12 while Oltra earned the ever so slightly better 17 in 18). His strikers aren’t scoring—Ulloa is their joint leading scorer, but hasn’t found the back of the net in over 750 minutes (more than 8 full matches)—his midfielders aren’t midding, and his defense is porous—only Malaga has let in more goals, though Sociedad is tied on 51 with Almeria. The last team the beat was Hercules. Before that it was Espanyol on February 5. They’ve got 5 wins overall, their biggest a 1-3 away win over Sevilla. But they also lost 3-1 at Malaga.

This strikes me as the perfect time to let Messi go absolutely bazonkers on a defense and hopefully he’ll bag 30 and get this Pichichi race over with. No Puyol hurts, but we’ll probably put Milito out there to kick Piatti in his ankles…er in his shins…no, probably in his hip. Cause he’s short. That’s the joke. And then Busi back in midfield for a match, you know, just to mix things up and get some players in their preferred positions. Maybe we’ll even put Iniesta in midfield. How crazy would that be?

Oh wait, he was in midfield against Shakhtar. Anyone who says he wasn’t either forgot to actually watch the match or just assumed that when he disappeared he disappeared up the left wing, which he didn’t. Note the pass to Dani Alves and where he was on that and subsequent passes. And note even from minute 2 how he played through the center. And how on Xavi’s goal he was well behind the play as the deep-lying playmaker. So yeah, maybe we’ll just have Iniesta where Iniesta always plays. Or maybe we’ll have Thiago out there again. Or Bojan starting, which would be awesome because he always scores against them.

Whatever happens, I agree with Guardiola: La Liga is more important. Say what you will about the Champions League, but if I had to choose between the two, I’d choose La Liga every single time. Bar none. Even if the final were in the Camp Nou. On my birthday. So we need to win this match and then focus on other things. The Shakhtar match isn’t over yet, so we better get out there and bust ass, but we also need to go in on a high, which means crushing Almeria.

Lineup prediction: Oier, Alves, Pique, Milito, Maxwell, Busquets, Xavi, Iniesta, Pedro, Messi, Bojan.

Official Prediction: 8-0. Cause what the hell, right?

The thing about bragging, is that it ain’t bragging if you can back it up. This is how the weekend was supposed to go:

–EE break out the whippin’ stick on Hee HON at home, then kick back in their Barcaloungers (oh, yes …. and I know) to watch Villarreal torment us.
–We, lacking a fully fit Messi, Abidal, Xavi, Puyol and Pedro!!, then drop points to Villarreal, thus saying “Game on!” for the Liga championship.

But the script was flipped, by identical scorelines. The Moustache pulls out a stunner in the Lair of Evil, and Pique bangs in one humdinger of a goal to do the dirty deed against Villarreal, and we got a shout-out from Ray Ray (Thanks to Jnice for the upload!). This match was immense, and in the wake of Luke’s excellent post-mortem, I wanted to throw a few thoughts out, mostly to remain in practice, since it’s been some time since I’ve watched a match in anger, so to speak.

And yet, all I could do instead of taking the usual copious notes, was smack myself upside the head and think “Man, Thiago is gonna be good.”
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Just gonna sit back and take in my good work

A win away against a tough opponent under trying circumstances, a RM loss, and a Ray Ray Hudson shoutout… My life and BFB’s are complete. Continue Reading

I wonder if he did a victory lap around the Bernabeu....

It’s not a belated April Fool’s joke: Sporting Heehon–I’ve always loved them and their fans y’know—have just beat the Evil Empire at home. If our boys are half as pumped as I am, we’ll have a great chance of getting all three points.

Let’s go Mortal Kombat on those submarines and FINISH THEM. *BEASTLY ROAR*

Official Barcelona line-up [via @barcastuff]: Valdes – Alves Pique Busquets Adriano – Keita Mascherano Thiago – Iniesta Villa Afellay

OMG. That is all.

Liga Preview: Villarreal – Barcelona, Saturday 4pmEST, GolTV

Time: 22:00 hours, local.

Latitude: 39°56′16″N

Longitude: 0°6′5″W

A captain stands on the bridge with his first mate. They look at the sonar, focusing on a particular blip in the morass of other greenish blips. Being familiar with such highly sophisticated technology, neither the captain nor the first mate were distracted by anything other than the location and movement of their target.

Captain Guardiola: Take us to periscope depth, First Mate Tito.

First Mate Tito: Aye aye, Captain.

Guardiola: This does not take long, does it?

Tito: No sir, we’re already there. Ballast technology has been redesigned recently and takes but a moment.

Guardiola: Up periscope! [a screen in the front of the bridge turns on and he can see the lay of the land…er water.]*

Tito: They’re dead ahead sir.

Guardiola: I can’t really see anything.

Tito: Villarreal isn’t a port city, sir.

Guardiola: Really?

Tito: Yeah, it’s a bit inland. It has a port and everything, but it’s technically not in Villarreal.

Guardiola: So why…

Tito: They’re yellow. It’s a Beatles joke or something.

Guardiola: [looking around] This was a pretty absurd expense now that I think about it.

Tito: Yes, sir. And painting it blaugrana doesn’t really conceal it either. Stealth, sir, is the purpose of—

Guardiola: Yeah, I got it.

Tito: Right, sir.

Guardiola: I guess we should return to Barcelona?

Tito: The city’s been quarantined, sir.

Guardiola: What? Why?

Tito: A severe outbreak of the FIFA virus has been detected.

Guardiola: That’s worse than Legionnaires, you know.

Tito: Uh, well that might not be exactly true—

Guardiola: It is known as “Ebola of the Alps”.

Tito: No, sir, I don’t believe—

Guardiola: It is!

Tito: Yes. Yes it is.

Guardiola: Can we zoom in on this place?

Tito: No, sir. It’s a periscope, not a telescope.

Guardiola: Fine. Fire some torpedoes, engage the caterpillar drive. Do something with this thing.

Tito: Yes, sir. [turning to the crew] Full speed ahead, damn the torpedoes, ramming speed, dive dive dive!

Crewman: Should we take lunch now?

Guardiola: [slumping in his chair] Yes, that’s probably a good idea.

—–

*I know nothing of nautical terms or situations and apparently I think submarines are the Starship Enterprise. Forgive this landlubber, all you sea dogs.

—-

So here we are, with a monstrous test of our abilities and it’s right after we return from another FIFA break in which Messi played 90 minutes in New York, got lightly injured, and while he should make the game tomorrow, isn’t 100%. Oh and Xavi played like 360 minutes or something over 2 games. That is how intense he is. And Bojan got injured with the U-21 team. Puyol’s fitness is still a major concern and he won’t make the match and probably not the first leg of the Shakhtar tie at the Camp Nou on Wednesday.

Le sigh.

Fortunately we have some quality substitutes in Afellay and Jeffren (assuming he’s healthy) along with Thiago and Fontas. They may be young, but that just makes them hungrier or whatever the reigning conventional wisdom is. Perhaps they’re simply, you know, good? Whatever the reason, if they have to play this weekend they’d better be on top of their game.

All that despite Villarreal haven’t been at their best recently, having won their last match, tied their previous, and lost the one before that. Before that, they’d gone 4 matches without a win against Levante (0-1), Depor (1-0), Malaga (1-1), and Racing (2-2). At home they’ve lost just once (that 0-1 defeat to Levante), though they’ve yet to host Real Madrid and, obviously, Barça.

Thing is, though, Barça isn’t firing on all cylinders either. The gaudy stats that characterized the first half of the season (an 0-8, 4 manitas, and 2 4-goal games) have largely receded and only twice in the last 5 matches have Barça scored more than 1 goal. Granted, they’re still scoring (and have failed to score just once), but the wins aren’t as convincing as they once were. If the team is primed to explode, perhaps now is the time to push down on that detonator. It’s only the 3rd placed team in the league with a brutal month ahead, after all.

I like Gnarls Barkley quite a bit, I have to admit, perhaps mostly for this Puma ad, so now I’m humming along and thinking of Danger Mouse instead of Danger Men. Nevermind: Giuseppe Rossi has been on fire for Villarreal. He’s got 15 goals this year and can easily notch some more against us given our CB depth problems. Or do we really have CB depth problems? I doubt Fontas will start since Milito will probably get the call and that’s fine with me. Get some steel all up in their backside, says I, and Gabi is the best one for that.

Not that I’m actually advocating violence in this game between them purty ones because first I hate violence and second, it would probably just get Gabi sent off. Especially if he takes “steel” more like someone from the 18 century and actually attacks with a sword. That is, I think, an automatic yellow.

So this one is a bit short because 1) it’s Friday, Friday and this decision about which seat to take is freakin’ killing me. Hey, you kids started it in the comments. And 2) I wrote this using Google Motion and it’s a bit time-consuming since I don’t know all of the commands yet. Gnarls Barkley was the hardest one, I can assure you.

Brought to you by Mid-terms.