This is the first in a series of player profiles to be published on BFB. We’re starting with Iniesta simply because it’s the first one to have been completed. Enjoy.

Besides wondering where he gets his impeccable tans, the thing most people think of when they think of Andrés Iniesta is Pep Guardiola talking about him to someone else. It’s as if Iniesta is somewhere in the background even when you’re praising him. Guardiola, on seeing Iniesta play in the 1999 Nike Premier Cup in Barcelona, a youth tournament organized by the athletic wear company and since rebranded as the Manchester United Premier Cup, said to Xavi, “You will retire me, but he will retire us both.”

Iniesta was born in Fuentealbilla, a small village in the southeastern, landlocked province of Albacete, that, as they say, is a place with a distinct lack of things to do: “Albacete, caga y vete; y si llevas qué comer, no entres en él.” From such humble origins, an artist. Yet he is modest beyond measure, eschewing self-praise for discussions of teamwork. Barcelona’s official website says of him, “Iniesta is not only versatile, but also a true professional, being talented yet modest. Especially talented.”

Declared by Juan Roman Riquelme—that king of the sad pandas—to play the game the best, he is far from the egotistical showman that can develop alongside prodigious talent. It would be unfathomable for him to remind us of his existence after retirement by publishing a list of the best players simply because he would fail to include himself on it.

Yet he scored the World Cup-winning goal for Spain in extra time against Holland; he put Barcelona into the Champions League final in 2009 with his “Iniestazo,” a goal you could simply never script that, if you believe them, led to the rapture of several cules; and he’s effectively made fools of pretty much everyone who has faced him on the field since 2008. He is surrounded by more illustrious names, is outpaced and outmuscled, and is often forgotten by those outside the Barça orbit, but he has been named (deep breath):

Euro 2008 Team of the tournament
Don Balón Award for Best Spanish Player of the Year: 2009
FIFA World XI: 2009, 2010
La Liga’s Best Attacking Midfielder: 2009, 2011
UEFA Team of the Year: 2009, 2010
Ballon d’Or: 4th Place 2009, 2010
FIFA World Cup All-Star Team, 2010
FIFA World Cup Man Of The Match vs. Chile, Paraguay and Netherlands
Prince of Asturias Awards: 2010
FIFA Ballon d’Or: Second place 2010
Onze d’Or: Third place 2009, Second place 2010,

Those who know the game have come around to the understanding Guardiola had more than a decade ago: Andrés Iniesta is really good. He succeeds because of his talent, of course, but also benefits from his teammates attracting more attention. When he is given time and space, which is all too often for his opponents’ liking, he is deadly efficient. When he’s closed down, he often simply creates that space and time for himself with simple-looking, but completely impossible moves. He’s known for his croqueta, a move Michael Laudrup also had in his arsenal that involves passing the ball from your right foot to your left faster than is humanly possible. Lately, though, Iniesta has been known to flick the ball over his head and completely embarrass even the most defensively sound of opponents.

He joined Barcelona at the age of 11, often crying out of homesickness for his first few months. Then, as seems to be the case sometimes, he acclimated and set the place alight with his play. He was a defender to start, but quickly moved forward and became captain of his youth teams. In 4 years, he moved up to Barça B at the age of 16. In just two more years he got his debut for the first team, starting and playing 90 minutes of a Champions League match on October 29, 2002 against Belgian side Club Brugge.

By the end of 2004-05, he played the most minutes of anyone in the squad. In 2005-06 he took over for the injured Xavi and led the team to the league and Champions League double. His total list of trophies now stands at 18, with 5 league titles and 3 Champions Leagues under his belt. With such dominate statistics, it’s no wonder that he’s become one of the most sought after marketing brands in the world as well as the face of La Liga’s ad campaigns. He even befriends a bear in an ad for Spanish television station GolTV.

On the field, however, he remains more elusive, preferring to lurk in the shadows and capitalize on mistakes. He takes advantage of his seeming telepathic relationship with midfield partner Xavi in ways that continue to boggle the mind. As his career continues, Iniesta has set the bar extremely high, but still manages to surpass himself.

Andrés Iniesta Luján
Born: May 11, 1984
Nationality: Spain
Height: 170cm (5ft 7in)
Trophies: 18

Liga Preview: Barcelona-Valencia, Sunday 3:30pm ET

Didn’t we just do this? I thought we already played them (and won) 2-0 at the Camp Nou. I thought we’d eliminated Valencia and moved on. Turns out we’ve been in multiple competitions this whole time. Leverkusen isn’t some weird northern Spanish club. Or so they tell me. Valencia remains southern, however, and certainly Spanish. And also capable of beating Stoke on a Thursday night. But it wasn’t raining and it wasn’t all that cold, I don’t think. Mehmet Topal don’t give a crap about your English-centric theories.

So it’s La Liga, so it’s Valencia, so it’s a 13-point gap to overcome now that Racing has failed to score in the Bernabeu (and had a man sent off for an innocuous handball and yaddayadda). We’ve heard it before and now it’s time to pony up and get on your horse and Charge of the Light Brigade and Custer’s Last Stand and Crazy Horse and infinite equine-related references that mean we can’t lose because now pride is at stake. Gallopin’ geebers, we’ve got to get some goals. At least we’re not at the Mestalla where the field is cut up and full of people who aren’t wearing blaugrana in the stands.

We’re at home, we’re at the Camp Nou. We’re where we’re usually safe (except a couple of draws) and where we know what the field conditions will be before we start. Xavi, Busquets, and Adriano all trained regularly, though Dani Alves didn’t because he’s suspended from the Valencia match and might as well rest up as much as possible. I imagine he’s running just one marathon per day in order to do so. Keita has also returned, which is a wonderful relief for our defensively minded midfield sections. Afellay trained a bit on the field, which is wonderful news.

Valdes, Adriano, Pique, Puyol, Abidal, Busquets, Xavi, Iniesta, Cesc, Messi, Alexis

Tello will have to come off the bench and play some solid minutes because he’s exceptional like that, but I think we can do this. I think it’s the Camp Nou and we’ll blank them blanekity blank blanks. Official Prediction: 2-0. A double for Messi and another clean sheet for Valdes.

I recorded a podcast and now you get to listen to it. I think I said that Madrid plays Zenit, but they actually play CSKA. So there’s that error, amongst many others, no doubt.

Also: Javier Clemente sucks.

I thought we were beyond this, but I guess not. So here goes, another rant about the men with Wu-Tang symbols on their arms…

They may not be your friends, but they are also not your enemies. At best, they are a neutral force that disappears into the recesses of your mind to the point where you can’t even remember that there was one. Like with Pierluigi Collina, except he looked like a cross between Gollum and Sam Cassell so it was impossible not to notice him. But he always reffed properly: from the shadows, as if (imagine this) he wasn’t actually an actor in the game, but rather an adjudicator when there was no other option.

In Spain, that is rarely the case. Refs yell at players and puff out their chests. They blow their whistle and ostentatiously strut to the spot of the foul. They whip out cards with flourishes I would expect at a bullfight (I do cultural references so well, you guys). They are, in short, involving themselves in the drama that is the sporting event rather than playing their part and moving on. We know their names because we think of them as being on the field.

But they are not corrupt. They are not biased. That should be stated in the clearest language. In a comment on a previous thread, Ramzi wrote, “When I reach a conclusion that there is certainly a conspiracy, I stop watching the Liga. Not just for the seasons Barça lose, but forever as it doesn’t make sense to keep watching [if it's corrupt].”

It’s a wonderful point. If you think the refs are biased, if they’re corrupt, if they’re handing the league title to Madrid, then either take it to criminal court or stop watching. If you think that the offside call against Alexis Sanchez in the Osasuna match that disallowed what would have been the tying goal was deliberate, then RFEF should be receiving your petition shortly and we’re all suckers in this pro wrestling event.

The specifics of that call are clear: Sergi Roberto was adjudged to have touched the ball on its way to Alexis Sanchez who was, at the time Sergi Roberto was adjudged to have touched the ball, in an offside position. I watched the replays of it this morning, having missed the match, and, knowing going in that Sergi Roberto did not touch the ball, I thought it was fairly clear that he touched it on his way through. Assuming that that was the call made on the field, it was the correct call from the linesman’s perspective. It looked like he touched it!

The same linesman is the one who blew the call leading to the 2-0, of course, so you can let your conspiracies go onward, I suppose. I think it’s fair to point out that the calls haven’t been favorable to Barça this year over the whole of the season, yet to suggest that also suggests that they should be favorable. They shouldn’t be favorable. They should be correct, yes, that is for sure, and I think RFEF has a long way to go before they have good refs, but to suggest that these refs are intentionally biased is not only foolish at the moment, but will bite you in the bum in the future the instant a wrong call goes your way.

I’ll be clear: I think complaining about referees is acceptable, so long as you say what they did wrong, not why they did it incorrectly. Until you can show that Ref X is related to Florentino Perez or received a large bank transfer the night before a match, you should lay off the conspiracy. It won’t get you anywhere. As it is, Barça has all of the advantages (money, representation, power) and few, if any, disadvantages. It is fair to say that Madrid have benefited from lenient reffing, but that leniency has been systematic throughout the year and Barça simply do not play that tough, boot-in-first-ask-questions later way.

It is fair to say that Madrid have benefited from poor reffing decisions such as the offside call against Mallorca when the player was on his own half, but it would also be fair to point out that Robin van Persie was sent off for an innocuous kick of the ball in the Champions League last year. It would also be fair to point out that the referee got it wrong just a few days ago when Pinto clearly handled the ball outside of the box in the Copa del Rey match against Valencia.

Kevin wrote in a comment: “Because if [Barça's system] was working the way that it was supposed to, we would be leading the table, looking forward to maintaining position and doing the deed in the coming home Clasic. But none of that happened now, did it? It’s easy to blame other folks, but it’s all on us. All of it.”

Well said. Now enjoy your Champions League matchday. It should be a good one.

CL Preview: Bayer Leverkusen – Barcelona, Tuesday 2:45pm ET

It’s the doldrums of Hlebruary and we’re off to face Hleverkusen. Okay, so he never played for them, but Hlebgart isn’t available, so I made a substitution. Put on Tello for Pedro, so to speak. Made a mad dash for the end line and hooked in a wicked cross. Unfortunately it was an Alves cross and now the ball is some happy kid’s souvenir in the second deck. Until the meanie stewards take it back like the jerks they are. He’s just a kid.

Here’s the thing: Barça are far from being on suicide watch. Yes, the team lost to Osasuna, but they’ve dropped just 18 points in 22 matches. Borussia Dortmund has 46 points from 21 matches, AC Milan has 47 from 23, and Manchester City has 60 from 25. Maybe the league is lost, but that has little to do with underachieving–on pace to earn 83 points is hardly underachieving. It’s just that Madrid is on pace to earn 100. They’re being lethal in front of goal, having scored 12 more goals, and that is the difference, at the moment. 5 extra draws by Barcelona because goals were hard to come by in the crucial moments. 5 extra draws because these things happen.

And now it’s time for the Champions League, a trophy that is importanterest now for cules who don’t know what trophy-less seasons are. I’ll tell you what they are: they’re what Madrid went through for 3 years. They’re things that happen to all clubs and if you’re not used to it, you’re living the good life and you should be very aware of that. Not that anyone should stop fighting for any trophy still available. No one in this locker room will, I don’t think, though it would be nice to give Messi a rest once in a while.

So, Leverkusen gets to bear the brunt of our retaliation, I hope. Away day slumps have to stop if there’s going to be something to add to the trophy cabinet and this is where it begins. In Germany. On a cold night. In a different competition. They’re very meh these days and we’re very meh these days and they’re going to come out working like dogs to shut us down and try to take advantage of what’s going on. Injuries, lack of form, whatever it is, it’s going on and it will stop right here.

Squad: Valdes, Pinto, Alves, Piqué, Fàbregas, Puyol, Xavi, Iniesta, Messi, Thiago, Mascherano, Pedro, Adriano, Abidal, Alexis, Cuenca, Busquets, Dos Santos, Tello, Sergi Roberto, Bartra, Oier

Predicted lineup: Valdes, Alves, Mascherano, Puyol, Abidal, Busi, Iniesta, Xavi, Cesc, Messi, Alexis

There can be no other way than to play our best 11 at the moment. If Busi is an ungainly horse at the moment (and he’s certainly some sort of equine), he must stand all the more ungainly in the way of Leverkusen attacks. Those attacks will come from the likes of the immensely talented André Schürrle while the support structure involves veterans like Simon Rolfes. I like Tranquillo Barnetta a lot too, but that might just be his name.

“Oh no, they’ve got a massive lineup. We’ll never be able to hold them off!”
“Tranquilo, hom-bray, they won’t score any golazos today.”
“But they have Machete Messi”
“Crap.”

Leverkusen is definitely missing our old bee-fighting nemesis, Michael Ballack, through injury. Striker Eren Derdiyok injured himself stepping on glass at his home, according to this article by FCB. They’re also without Sidney Sam, their young midfielder. These changes make it all the tougher for them, but I’m sure they’ll play hard (and well) in front of their own fans.

Official Prediction: 1-1. Doldrums are doldrums, people. Hlebruary is Hlebruary, folks. Fear not, however, the return leg is in March.

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone, smooch your favorite cule tomorrow…even if it means cornering Iniesta and emotionally scarring him for life.

Liga Preview: Osasuna-Barcelona, Saturday 2pmET

Osasuna? You want to talk about Osasuna? Okay, sure, I suppose I have the time for that. I remember the games of old, when it was mud and fog and Messi scoring golazos. I would probably remember the 8-0 we laid on them at the Camp Nou earlier had I been able to watch, but alas, I was cavorting in Hanoi, Vietnam and had no time to watch matches at 4am or whatever the time difference made it. I remember sitting at the laptop provided by my lovely hotel (which is just a straight up classy move) and looking up the scores the following day.

An actual conversation (though perhaps not exact quotes):

Me: Holy smokes.
Mrs. The Lady: What? [puts on concerned face]
Me: Barça just won 8-0 nothing!
MTL: Wow, that’s amaz–[puts on annoyed face] I mean, who cares?
Me: Messi got a hat trick!
MTL: Should we have phở for lunch?
Me: Villa got two. That’s called a brace in England; I assume for asinine reasons.
MTL: We could head over to that bún bò place we saw.
Me: They scored an own goal.
MTL: Ha, that was dum–I mean, [puts on angry face] phở or not?
Me: Fine, fine, pho it is. Hey, how come I can’t say it with the nifty Vietnamese letters?
MTL: [puts on troll face] Poor genetic material.
Me:

That was back when life was good (except for that pesky 2-2 draw with Real Sociedad) and we were absolutely obliterating teams at the Camp Nou (except for that pesky 0-0 draw with Sevilla). And now, now that we are being manhandled by various opposition away from home (except for the 1-4 win at Malaga), well, this one should prove tough. Osasuna, though, haven’t won since a December 18 at home to Villarreal. They’ve lost to Racing Santander and Atletico Madrid while they’ve drawn against Real Sociedad, Valencia, and most recently Sporting Gijon. 3 points out of 15 isn’t exactly the way to maintain your Europa League status and, as you would expect, they’ve slipped from 5th at the New Year to 9th.

The squad list: Valdés, Pinto, Alves, Piqué, Cesc, Puyol, Xavi, Iniesta, Messi, Thiago, Mascherano, Pedro, Adriano, Abidal, Alexis, Cuenca, Dos Santos, Roberto, Tello

Pedro is back (hopefully with his ! in tow), but Busquets has remained sidelined, meaning we’ll obviously bring back Romeu and buy Bale as well as clone a cheaper Yaya. Tello should start because he’s simply better than Cuenca right now. Iniesta might or might not start, depending on health and Pep’s willingness to risk him ahead of a Champions League clash…you know what? Who cares, let’s play:

Valdes, Alves, Pique, Puyol, Abidal, Mascherano, Iniesta, Xavi, Cesc, Messi, Tello.

This is how it must be. Guardiola says we will fight, so fight we must. There is no time for fatigue. There is no time for escaping pandas. Wait, yes there is!

Official Prediction: 0-4. Cause we play ball this day.