Subject: Silly Sandrusco

To: yosoysandrorosell@fcb.cat
From: reidecatalunya@joan.cat
Subject: Silly Sandrusco

How have you been lately? I see that you’ve only signed one player. Typical. I guess the team I created just can’t be bettered, can it? Sighhh.

Your former president and better,

Joan.

To: reidecatalunya@joan.cat
From: yosoysandrorosell@fcb.cat
Subject: Re: Silly Sandrusco

Laporta,

Why the hell are you emailing me? Isn’t it bad enough that you sattled me with all this debt?

Crawl back to your hole and die.

Sandro

PS. It is NOT your team. I sold Ibra and Chygrynsky last season and I’ve sold Bojan this season, and Jeffren, as soon as he kindly gets the hell out. And it’s Alexandre to you, a**.

To: yosoysandrorosell@fcb.cat
From: reidecatalunya@joan.cat
Subject: Re:Re:Silly Sandrusco

What debt? The one that you created to seem like I did a bad job? You’re as silly as ever. No one really believes that, except you and your lackeys. The people know the truth. And the truth is you’ll always be in my shadow.

Joan.

To: reidecatalunya@joan.cat
From: yosoysandrorosell@fcb.cat
Subject: Re:Re: Silly Sandrusco

Laporta,

Uh, hello. You left me with something like 440 million Euros. Luckily, I managed to sell the front of the shirt and some canteranos for a boatload of money. Not to mention the revenue we got under MY term as president.

Go away and let me run this club in peace.

Sandro

PS. In your shadow? Please. I’ll forever been known as the president who got the team its first shirt sponsor.

To: yosoysandrorosell@fcb.cat
From: reidecatalunya@joan.cat
Subject: Re:Re:Silly Sandrusco

Sandro Rosell. Forever selling.

Jejejejejeje

Joan.

PS. Our shirt was worth much more than that.

To: reidecatalunya@joan.cat
From: yosoysandrorosell@fcb.cat
Subject: Re:Re: Silly Sandrusco

Laporta,

¿Por qué no te callas?! You’re just an idiot who doesn’t know how to budget! On what planet is 49 million + Eto’o for Ibra a good idea? Huh? And who was the idiot who suggest him in the first place? And whose fault is it that we can’t use color copies anymore? Or eat Chupa Chups during those rainy Wednesday mornings? HUH?!

Stop emailing me, you deranged stalker!

Sandro.

To: yosoysandrorosell@fcb.cat
From: reidecatalunya@joan.cat
Subject: Re:Re:Silly Sandrusco

Jajaja, your inferiority complex is showing. And you still eat Chupa Chups on Wednesdays? What are you, four? That’s so weak. By the way, it’s your fault that can’t use color copies. Who told you to air that to the public anyway, you drama queen? Laaame.

I’ll have you know that Pep wanted Ibra. He was under a long term contract, but Pep wanted him, so I got him. Unlike some people I could name–YOU– when the coach wants something, I get it done.

But I guess that’s what separates the men from the Chupas.

Joan

To: reidecatalunya@joan.cat
From: yosoysandrorosell@fcb.cat
Subject: Re:Re: Silly Sandrusco

Laporta,

Who are you calling a Chupa?! That doesn’t even make any sense! And I WILL get Cesc sooner or later, because I’m president and you’re not, so you can put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Sandro.

PS. I am doing my job, like a boss!

To: yosoysandrorosell@fcb.cat
From: reidecatalunya@joan.cat
Subject: Re:Re:Silly Sandrusco

Is your job making sure our team loses squad depth? Well then, you’re doing your job, alright. Like a boss.

And you are a Chupa. What, with all your dealings in Brazil and Neymar stalking.

Forever in my shadow…

Joan

To: reidecatalunya@joan.cat
From: yosoysandrorosell@fcb.cat
Subject: Re:Re: Silly Sandrusco

Laporta,

Damn you! Who was the one who bought Ronaldinho to Barca?! That’s right, me! And you’re the one who wanted that Spice Boy Beckham. The whole resurrection of Barca is due to me, and everyone knows it! I’m the one who bought the crack and gave the sap to Florentino and Madrid! Me!

That’s why I’m the president of the most successful club of recent times that play the best futbol ever, you’re hiring porn stars to promote your failed campaign, and Florentino has been trophyless (menys la Copa) almost as long as Arsenal! And Arsenal has been trophyless for ages!

– – – Joan Laporta <reidecatalunya@joan.cat> has forwarded this message to Florentino Perez <flofloypavonesycalderons@rmcf.es> and Arsene Wenger <arsene.est.arsenal@arsenalfc.co.uk> – – –

To: yosoysandrorosell@fcb.cat
From: reidecatalunya@joan.cat
Subject: Silly Silly Sandrusco
Attachment: 1 File

Let’s see you sign Cesc now.

– – – Would you like to open this attachment? Yes No – – –

To: reidecatalunya@joan.cat
From: yosoysandrorosell@fcb.cat
Subject: LA-POR-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Damn you! Damn you to Madrid and back! You will not get away with this!

You will pay. You will pay. You. Will. Pay.

——–

“Hello, this is the Club Suing Agency, Maria speaking. How may I help you?”

“Hi, this is Sandro Rosell. I’d like to file a law suit against Joan Laporta i Estruch … Yes… For 47 million Euros, por favor…”

——-

For those interested, Barcelona plays Chivas today at 8:30pmEST. You can check your time here:

http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/fixedtime.html?msg=Barca+vs+Chivas&iso=20110804T0230&p1=31

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Just your neighbourhood Barca fanatic

62 Comments

    • The__K__Man
      August 2, 2011

      I’d say in 3 years or whenever he’s up for election again.

  1. kinukinu
    August 2, 2011

    OT via barcastuff:

    Pique: “Because he’s new, Alexis can expect some pranks. I’m not the only joker, there’s also Alves, Xavi, Messi… He’d better be prepared”

    this is so cute

    • K_legit
      August 3, 2011

      Wait..Xavi’s a prankster? Unless he steals some of Alexis’ hair gel I don’t think so..

  2. Noslehcimretep
    August 2, 2011

    separating the men from the Chupas will be my new way of evaluating. everything.

    • culegirl3
      August 3, 2011

      “Sergio Busquets thought about Cesc’s suffering and fell to the ground clutching his face” I appreciate busi but that was the best comment ever lol. I say we forget about the prodigal son and sign that dolphin that scored a goal on VV…we need a striker anyways 😉

      • Josep
        August 3, 2011

        that Busi line is the Busi line they always use. like Pique bleeding from his head, or drogba and “its a fucking disgrace”

  3. Mila
    August 3, 2011

    Kari – this piece is a gem! Thank you, seriously have not laughed so hard in ages 🙂

    The photo really underlines the relationship between the two presidents – one – todopoderoso – and one just a wannabe pretender 🙂

    Thanks again 🙂

  4. blitzen
    August 3, 2011

    Al loro! This made my day, Kari. 😀

    Have we signed Cesc yet?

  5. Olufestus
    August 3, 2011

    Pls folks,need a help,can someone lead me back to picture of a A BIG MESSI STANDING OVER A SMALL THONGBOY ON HIS KNEES,NEED IT SO BAD..TNX IN ADVANCE

  6. blitzen
    August 3, 2011

    This is how you leave a football club:

    Jeffren: “Guardiola said I wouldn’t play much so I decided to leave. I thank him for his honesty and the chances he gave me.” [cope via efe]

    So all you people with your “GTFO Jeffren!” can take your bile and choke on it. 👿

  7. hammeronmessi
    August 3, 2011

    I m using it as my profile picture in facebook.

    u can add me.

    sabbir bin taher.

    or u can find it in bleacher report

  8. hammeronmessi
    August 3, 2011

    This is quite fantastic,kari

  9. blitzen
    August 3, 2011

    Zubi:

    As happened last season with Thiago and Fontàs, the first team also has a couple of Barça B players who will have a regular place in the first team, and will give depth to the resources of Pep Guardiola. Although he didn’t want to reveal the names, the director of professional football commented that “some of these players who will form part of the first team are currently playing in the Under-20 World Cup”.

    So that would be Bartra and Sergi Roberto for sure….

  10. Calvin
    August 3, 2011

    Can someone help out an old man with a terrible memory?

    The game against Chivas is tonight? tomorrow night? what time?

    • August 3, 2011

      Today at 8:30pm EST. I’d tune in at 8 just to make sure.

      • Calvin
        August 3, 2011

        I just noticed the little blurb about the game at the end of your piece. Please tell me you added that after I asked about it! Otherwise I may start to worry about myself.

        • August 3, 2011

          Yeah, I did. Just in case anyone else was wondering. You’re still good. 😀

  11. blitzen
    August 3, 2011

    Won’t be able to watch the frendly today, I don’t think it will be on any channel I get here. Spain/Ecuador is on today though. I’ll be watching for Bartra, Kiko and Sergi Roberto.

    • Ryan
      August 3, 2011

      If you get espn3.com, both matches are on there.

  12. August 3, 2011

    For all those interested, Bojan’s tearing it up with Roma. He’s been one of their best players and looks confident and mature beyond his years. Danced around three defenders with a dribble, hit the post, excellent off the ball movement…

    Excuse me while I go off to a corner to cry. (I’m happy for him, really! But….)

      • August 3, 2011

        Roma’s preseason game today against Varsas(?). Highlights’ll probably be on YouTube later.

    • Mila
      August 3, 2011

      Sometimes the pressure of succeeding at Barcelona is too high on the player. This has certainly happened with Bojan.

      He desperately needed at least a tiny little break, but in the past season he got none, he tried too hard, over-thought so many things and plays, fell too easily, at times looked so small like his place was in the Juvenil and not in the first team… The way he celebrated scoring a penalty was actually painful to watch because it meant too much to him.

      I hope his good form continues into the Seria A and translates into him getting confidence and scoring goals and be one of the few who come back to Barca with their head held high.

    • jordi™
      August 3, 2011

      Yea, he and Jose Angel were dynamic down that left side.Gonna watch Roma religiously this year 8)

    • Calvin
      August 3, 2011

      Don’t be sad, that’s the best possible outcome!

      I’ve always wanted Bojan to succeed, but it was obvious staying at the Camp Nou was stunting his growth instead of helping him. I’d love to see him get two great years of experience at Roma and move back confident and ready to prove himself again.

      • August 3, 2011

        Exactly. The club’s hope is that he goes to Roma, remembers how to play the game and comes back a much-improved player psychologically.

    • Ryan
      August 3, 2011

      Maybe the start of a new segment called “Bojan Watch” where you update us on our loaned out/sold CT?

      • FalseNine
        August 3, 2011

        Could do Jeffren as well. Like many I have been planning to use Bobo’s departure as an excuse to follow Serie A more carefully, and while I don’t feel as strongly about Mr Suarez he is a nice excuse to pay more attention to Portugal.

  13. Olufestus
    August 3, 2011

    Well.,nobody could help ne wih my request…*sighs*,*disappointed*

    • August 3, 2011

      Sorry, I looked around, but I couldn’t find the post. It was a Clasico one though. Just forget when it was.

  14. Olufestus
    August 3, 2011

    Manchester united were blown to smithereens by a rampant marseille 8-2 today,i will like to see the english press report after they “walloped”us 2-1 @fed-ex field…with their proclaimed strenght in depth,while we are messi-dependent

  15. August 3, 2011

    Spain U-20 is playing in 35 minutes (at time of typing) against Ecuador. Tello, Bartra, Sergi Roberto, and Romeu all get the start.

    • Miguel
      August 3, 2011

      Don’t know why neither ESPNU nor Galavisión are broadcasting the U-20 game. Won’t get to see it. Whatever. Xavi and Piqué are playing today. Yay!

      Snapple cap fact: Sal Dalí designed the Chupa Chup logo.

  16. Helge
    August 3, 2011

    Damn, I always knew that you are a professional hacker, Kari 😉

    I just got back from my holidays in Salzburg, Austria (I saw more people wearing a blaugrana jersey than of any other team^^) – and this was a very entertaining welcome-back-post from yours, thx!

    Let’s see how we’ll do against Chivas, the effing EE beat them 3-0 (Crynaldo hattrick in the last 10min of the match). But apart from the 10min, Chivas was pretty good.
    So far I have to say that EEs friendlies go a little bit too well for me – and their schedule is much easier than ours in the first weeks. I would not mind if they had lost one of their friendlies.
    On the other side, they didn’t face ManUtd’s almost-best eleven with their B team.

    I didn’t see our matches, just some highlights, and I admit that I LOVE THIAGO 😀
    But still the Cesc talk is not ending, what the heck?!?

    • August 3, 2011

      Thanks! The Fabregas stuff should end this week (or early next week at the latest). Latest news is that there will two team pictures taken for Arsenal tomorrow, one with him and one without, but it’s the same thing with Nasri. I still don’t think we’ll be getting him. Arsenal doesn’t want variables, which is what we’re offering, and won’t budge from their 40m valuation. He is/was closer this summer than the last, but it’s the same ending.

    • Roz
      August 3, 2011

      That number 14 is tearing it up. We should buy him. 😀

  17. Ryan
    August 3, 2011

    Ecuador is really giving Spain a game. Tello so close to scoring though!

  18. jordi™
    August 3, 2011

    Uhh, is this Caicedo fellow related to Felipe? Beast just like him.Doing what ever he feels like out there.Speaking of beasts, Oriol just being Oriol and dominating defensively 8)

  19. nzm
    August 3, 2011

    Anyone else having problems posting links here? Everytime I try to post a link, my comment doesn’t show. I’m only posting one link at a time.

    • August 3, 2011

      For some reason, you’re being caught in our spam filter. I just un-spammed you.

  20. mom4
    August 3, 2011

    Loveblob tonight?

    btw, I was bored to tears waiting at a kid’s soccer practice so I read Saturday’s liveblog. Strangest liveblog ever, and that takes some doing!

  21. August 3, 2011

    via @barcastuff: Tw Malaquias (agent Keirrison): “It’s final, Keirrison starts training with Barcelona B this week, to adapt to Spanish football! Good luck!”

    So Keirrison will finally get to play in Barcelona (kinda). Would be nice if he got a lot of minutes and scored a boat load of goals. Perhaps even getting some time with the first team in Copa games could add a little depth for us.

  22. August 3, 2011

    Ugh, Canales, you suck. That was all Tello. Espana lead 1-0 over Ecuador.

    Couple of things about that match:

    1) Romeu is an absolute beast. If we don’t buy him back, Imma go crazy.

    2) U-20 coach fails so hard. He plays Sergi Roberto out of position for the first match, drops him for this one, and plays Koke. Espinosa would kill this game.

    3) Barca B is going to be so freakin’ awesome to watch. Kiko, Deulofeu, Tello, Sergi Roberto, Bartra, Espinosa, Rafinha… We’re stacked as all get out. Gonna be fun.

    Also, LiveBlog is up. Starting at 8:15pmEST.

  23. Humphrey Bogart
    August 3, 2011

    Agree with you 100% this coach is as clueless as Batista. As far as I understood our moderator he has ties with the EE (worked for Real Madrid TV) and seems to dislike Barca midfield. It would be ideal to have Oriol-Sergi Combo as they know each other from the academy and the B Team. Their midfield was embarassing for a spanish team

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