Yet another extremely prestigious trophy has come Barça’s way! We’re the champions of Germanyand by extension also of Braziland Italy. And since we’re already champions of Europe and Spain, we’re just super extra champions of all of those places. There is no doubt in my mind that we are the greatest club to ever play in the Audi Cup 2011 eastern bracket. None whatsoever.
We thoroughly dominated the encounter, even the parts that were one-on-ones with Victor Valdes in the first half and really should have been scored. Dude had like 8 hours to shoot and chose instead to hold onto the ball and then panic. Well okay, I can live with that.
You know who didn’t panic? Thiago. That dude was all “Come get your goals! 2 for the price of 1! Come get your sweet ass golaaaazos!” He’s obviously doping because he scored another header and that just ain’t right. That’s like 3 headed goals out of 5 total for the first team. Someone needs to remind him that we play too beautifully for that. And I guess someone did because his second goal was a madre mia que golaaaazoooo kind of exclamation mark on a fairly tremendous mini tournament for the Italian-Brazilian-Spaniard. Did I forget anything? Probably. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was Indo-Polish-Kiribati. Kid has lived basically everywhere.
Here’s a quick thought: do you think Rosell will count this trophy at the end of the year in his season accomplishments? 6 trophies, Laporta? How about 7, son.
Bayern Munich weren’t really all that bad, but it was painfully obvious that not having the ball was causing them some serious emotional distress. They even went so far as to kick Iniesta and that’s basically like slapping a baby with a sausage: you just don’t do it. Then later Thiago stepped on one of them (Contento, I believe) and I laughed because that is what you get when you, you baby slappers.
The B teamers were generally decent—Soriano looked a little out of his depth, but being played as a central 9 in a team used to a false 9 can cause some problems; Fontas, who isn’t really a B teamer, was solid in unspectacular; Jonathan was pretty good on the right but was caught out of position, which isn’t really a surprise given that he’s not a right back; Cuenca came on and was lively and skinny as hell. Holy crap, that guy makes Busi look like a hulking body builder. Wow.
There were others, but eh, whatever. Thiago and Jeffren both rainbowed a Bayern player and then both promptly lost the ball, but it was totally awesome anyway because olé rainbow! Yay for fancy tricks!
Guardiola probably called Bojan to start warming up and Tito had to kindly remind the mister that little Banjo Crickets had just moved to Roma. Pep no doubt replied that he knew that, but was just testing Tito. His next question: let’s get Henrique in there and see what he can—Brazil? Really? Damn. How aboutCaceres? Sevilla? Ah. Victor Sanchez? Neuchawhat? Well then let’s see…Giovani Dos Santos? That guy will play well with his brother no doubt, so let’s get him moving on the sidelines.
Note: Before you point out that we can’t actually win 7 trophies this year because we didn’t win the Copa del Rey, I know this already. It was a joke. Sheesh.