The Audi Cup is Ours!

We're going to Disney World! We'll be in Florida anyway, so might as well, right? Right? No? Crap.

Yet another extremely prestigious trophy has come Barça’s way! We’re the champions of Germanyand by extension also of Braziland Italy. And since we’re already champions of Europe and Spain, we’re just super extra champions of all of those places. There is no doubt in my mind that we are the greatest club to ever play in the Audi Cup 2011 eastern bracket. None whatsoever.

We thoroughly dominated the encounter, even the parts that were one-on-ones with Victor Valdes in the first half and really should have been scored. Dude had like 8 hours to shoot and chose instead to hold onto the ball and then panic. Well okay, I can live with that.

You know who didn’t panic? Thiago. That dude was all “Come get your goals! 2 for the price of 1! Come get your sweet ass golaaaazos!” He’s obviously doping because he scored another header and that just ain’t right. That’s like 3 headed goals out of 5 total for the first team. Someone needs to remind him that we play too beautifully for that. And I guess someone did because his second goal was a madre mia que golaaaazoooo kind of exclamation mark on a fairly tremendous mini tournament for the Italian-Brazilian-Spaniard. Did I forget anything? Probably. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was Indo-Polish-Kiribati. Kid has lived basically everywhere.

Here’s a quick thought: do you think Rosell will count this trophy at the end of the year in his season accomplishments? 6 trophies, Laporta? How about 7, son.

Bayern Munich weren’t really all that bad, but it was painfully obvious that not having the ball was causing them some serious emotional distress. They even went so far as to kick Iniesta and that’s basically like slapping a baby with a sausage: you just don’t do it. Then later Thiago stepped on one of them (Contento, I believe) and I laughed because that is what you get when you, you baby slappers.

The B teamers were generally decent—Soriano looked a little out of his depth, but being played as a central 9 in a team used to a false 9 can cause some problems; Fontas, who isn’t really a B teamer, was solid in unspectacular; Jonathan was pretty good on the right but was caught out of position, which isn’t really a surprise given that he’s not a right back; Cuenca came on and was lively and skinny as hell. Holy crap, that guy makes Busi look like a hulking body builder. Wow.

There were others, but eh, whatever. Thiago and Jeffren both rainbowed a Bayern player and then both promptly lost the ball, but it was totally awesome anyway because olé rainbow! Yay for fancy tricks!

Guardiola probably called Bojan to start warming up and Tito had to kindly remind the mister that little Banjo Crickets had just moved to Roma. Pep no doubt replied that he knew that, but was just testing Tito. His next question: let’s get Henrique in there and see what he can—Brazil? Really? Damn. How aboutCaceres? Sevilla? Ah. Victor Sanchez? Neuchawhat? Well then let’s see…Giovani Dos Santos? That guy will play well with his brother no doubt, so let’s get him moving on the sidelines.

Note: Before you point out that we can’t actually win 7 trophies this year because we didn’t win the Copa del Rey, I know this already. It was a joke. Sheesh.

Categorized as Preseason

By Isaiah

Isaiah is a co-founder and lead writer for Barcelona Football Blog. He currently lives in the greater Philadelphia area.


    1. Thats too bad. My condolences. He has been stellar for the B Team, and they will miss him during the season.

  1. That game was a Thiago masterclass. Dude was awesome. He will definitely add another dimension to the Barca game, he has a few tricks up his sleeve. Also a good shot from outside the box, in addition to wonderful heading capabilities.

    The coolest thing about this match, compared to the one that was played yesterday, is that in the second half Barca controlled the game without Xavi, Iniesta, Messi, or defenders like Pique Puyol Alves. I am amazed by the amount of work put into these youngsters at the La Masia.

    I can only imagine the beauty that is waiting to happen when we add Messi and Sanchez to the mix.

  2. A few thoughts on the game, and SO HELP ME KXEVIN IF YOU HECTOR ME THIS TIME I WILL MAKE YOU PAY. Ahem.

    — Not the most exciting game, but Barça was solid and very much in control. I enjoyed watching how well everyone worked together.
    — Much better game from Soriano. Very bad luck he had to get injured, hope he recovers quickly.
    — Fontas was lively and looking like he deserved to be there. Still not the best pairing with Busi, though. Hurry back, Puyol!
    — JDS did exceptionally well as a RB, I was impressed. He did make one big error to let a Bayern player through on goal, but VV was there to fix it.
    — Jeffren has still not been injured! And he wasn’t bad at all at LB. Can’t we just keep him? I promise I will feed him and walk him every day. And is it just me, or did Jeff bulk up over the summer?
    –Some dude named Thiago scored a couple of goals, I guess. He’s pretty good, but he needs a haircut. he is starting to look like Eraserhead.
    — Pinto looked determined not to mess up, and he didn’t. Yay!
    — Keita owned everything. Afellay assisted. Iniesta tackled. Life is good.
    –Quote of the game: “Pictures are coming from German television. We like you would rather watch the game than people standing up and waving their arms in the air, but we don’t have any choice. Do join in at home.” 😆

    1. glad that quote wasn’t missed in your wrapup, I laughed when he said it. itv seemed really bitter about the Germans running the show. Cheeky gits really, and at their own tournament too.

    1. Awesome goal, but I don’t.
      That game ended for flamengo, because of the non pressure of the first line of attackers. He has great technique, but I dont think (unless he begins to defend better and be a team player) he’s Barça material.

  3. Thiago and Jeffren both rainbowed a Bayern player and then both promptly lost the ball, but it was totally awesome anyway because olé rainbow! Yay for fancy tricks!

    False! Thiago did not lose the ball when he flicked it over dude’s head. That’s slander.

  4. Okay, this may be the thrid time ive seen Jeffren at left back. I have been impressed each time. Obviously he can run like a deer and is certainly not afraid to get forward and give tremendous width to that side of the pitch. Also, his pace can make up for a lot of mistakes on the defensive side of the field. At this point, if I’m Pep he becomes a perminate left back and trains their exclusively. He is my first option off the bench when Maxwell is gone.

    1. Jeffren just needs to calm down and not try to prove himself everytime he gets the ball. Otherwise, he’s going to be this season’s Bojan, if he gets to stay at FCB this year.

  5. Some German press (must be based in Munich!) are reporting that Barcelona beat Bayern Munich’s B Team to win the cup. Ummmm, what about all of Barca’s B players who beat your B players? And whose choice was it to leave Lahm and Neuer on the bench? And I’m sure that I saw Müller, Schweinie and Super Mario being totally owned by Barca B players at some points of the game. ;.)

    1. Kroos was in there too in the 2nd half. They had about as many first team players as we did.

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