How to Make Stuff Up and Not Get Caught.


A lone man stood in his office, hands clasped behind his back, staring out of a large window to the bustling city below. The sun’s rays illuminated the dimly lit room He wore a white dress shirt, straight black pants, and polished shoes. He seemed to be in deep thought, though what he was thinking about was…

…interrupted by a quick rap on the door.

“You may enter.”

A stout, bespectacled man hesitantly entered the room. “My article is finished, sir.”

“Perfect.” There was a short pause. “…Tell me what it was on again, Simmons.” The man’s gaze was still trained out the window.

Simmons let out a quick cough before saying, “A transfer, sir. Well, there’s not concrete news, so it was hard to put anything with substance together…”

The man turned at this. “Hand it over, Simmons.” An outstretched hand beckoned the now-shaking man closer. “Let me have a see.”


Another pregnant pause. “What?”

“Y-you said let me have a ‘see’. It’s ‘look’.”

A glare. “…Are you talking back to me, Simmons?”

“N-no, sir. It’s just–”

“You know I don’t like no back talk, son.”

“I-it was j-just, uh…” Simmons quickly scurried towards his boss and handed him a single sheet of paper. “Here.”

With a huff, the boss began reading.

Still No Confirmation on Alexis Sanchez to Barcelona Deal

Wearerumors – 17:18 Sunday 19 June 2011

Despite strong reports out of Chile that Udinese forward Alexis Sanchez has signed a deal with Catalan giants FC Barcelona, there has been no confirmation from either the player, Barcelona, or Udinese.

Chilean newspaper El Grafico have reported that the 22-year old Sanchez has travel to Catalunya tomorrow, missing Chile’s friendly with Paraguay on Thursday, to wrap up the deal between the two club.

However, Chilean journalist Claudio Bustios claims Sanchez is only traveling to Barcelona to convince Udinese president Gianpolo Pozzo to let him leave the Sicilian club. Bustios, who works for Canal 13 a Chile based news station who broke the news Barcelona and Sanchez would confirm the deal on Monday and the forward would travel to seal the deal, states “obsessive interest” from English club Manchester City has stalled the deal.

Reports from Catalunya believe Barcelona has signed Sanchez for a fee something in the region of 38 million Euros.

There seems to be strong connection, but there has been no confirmation with regards to the deal. It is still very much uncertain if Sanchez will join the club.”

The room was silent for a few moments. Then, “Simmons.”

The stout man took this as sign to start babbling, “I couldn’t find any q-quotes, sir! And no-nothing seeming to b-be concrete. In f-fact, y-you could s-say there were c-conflicting reports and I –”


“–really did the best I could. There’s just so much –”


“—lies. I don’t even know where people get half the stuff they –”

“SIMMONS. If you don’t shut your mouth this instant, I will strap you to a chair and make you watch the England national team for three hours and then Real Madrid for an additional two.”

“–write. It makes absolutely no–”

“With no breaks.”

Deafening silence.

“Now, I’ve written an article on this subject hours ago. It’s high time you’ve had a look.” He walked over to his desk, pulled out the first drawer and handed the now-sweating man a single sheet of paper. “Here’s how the pros do it, bub.”

“(Almost) OFFICIAL: Alexis Sanchez Signs With FC Barcelona

Wearerumors – 15:30 Sunday 19 June 2011

Udinese forward Alexis Sanchez has signed for European giants FC Barcelona. The deal is said to be in the region of 25-40m Euros.

Chilean newspaper El Grafico confirms this, stating the 5’6” winger will miss Thursday’s friendly against Paraguay to travel to Barcelona to seal the deal. He will be the first Chilean to don the famous blaugrana jersey of Barcelona.

“[Alexis] is very happy to start this new chapter in his career,” sources close to the 22-year old told Wearerumours. “They are the best club in the world, of course he’d love to join them. Money is no issue.”

Barcelona staved off “obsessive interest” [sic Claudio Bustios] from Manchester City to sign the highly touted winger. The English club offered a salary thought to be in the region of 200,000 pounds a week, but the Chilean had none of it.

“It’d be absurd to turn down Barcelona, what with a kind of football they play,” Sanchez’ agent told us. “He’d be a good fit for them. Hard working, versatile and very talented. I could see him striking up a great partnership with Messi.”

The deal is expected to be announced tomorrow.”

Simmons gaped as the boss rounded him to stand before the large window again.

“Look at your article, Simmons. Now back to mine. Now look at yours. Now back to mine. He gave Simmons a pitying look. “Sadly, it isn’t mine. But if you stop telling the truth and start telling some lies, it could look like it’s mine.”

“Look down. Back up. Where are you?” In your office, thought Simmons. “You’re in an office,” I knew that. “searching the internet for news articles you can copy off of. What’s in your hand? Back at me. I have it. It’s three quotes of that player and/or his entourage you’ve been looking for. Look again, my article has now generated three times as many hits.” It was true, you know. Although Simmons was at a loss as to went he posted the article on the internet in the first place.

“Anything is possible when you use a bit of imagination.” There was a pause. And then, a smirk. “I’m on a money train.”

“Sir! You can’t do this!” Simmons exclaimed. “It’s illegal!”

The boss gave him a withering look. “Sir, you can’t do this. It’s illegal.” He mocked, raising the pitch in his voice. He smacked Simmons upside the head. “What are you? Five? This is what we do unless they glossed over that part in university, which they no doubt did, the pansies.” He scoffed.

“Sir, they’ll sue us for libel! Making things up is a serious offense!”

“Which is why you make sure you don’t get caught.” He said, throwing his arms up in exasperation. “They don’t give us stuff to work with, we make sh*t up. It’s practically law.”

Simmons looked like he was going to cry. “But I can get arrested. My mom says I can’t have a criminal record.”

“Hogwash, Simmons. There is a method to this,” the boss walked over to his desk again, and pulled out a agglomeration of papers. “Ideally, you copy sh*t from other places. But in the event that you need to bring something original, we have a nice unwritten blueprint to follow.”

Simmons lit up at this. “Oooh! Like a journalist code of honour!?”

The boss gave a flippant wave of the hand. “Silly Simmons, honour is for the samurai. This,” He let out a wolfish grin, “is how not to get caught.”

“Wearerumors Guide on How to Make Sh*t Up and Not Get Caught”

Follow these easy rules and you will bullcrap your way to Silly Season glory.

First rule of making sh*t up is, you don’t talk about making sh*t up. Especially to other journalists.

Second rule of making sh*t up is, you do not talk about making sh*t up. Especially to other journalists.

Third rule is, don’t use your own name unless there is a grain of truth.

Fourth rule is, believe your sh*t.

Fifth rule is, when making up quotes, don’t name names. “Sources close to so-and-so” work quite nicely.

Sixth rule is, when in doubt, deflect the blame.

In the event you get caught:

First thing to do is, deflect the blame.

Second thing to do is, tell the masses it was misunderstood.

[Note, first and second thing generally go together.]

Third thing to do is, if you have not used your real name, perfect, just say it wasn’t you.

Fourth thing to do is, if you have used your real name, you’re in deep sh*t. Just say it wasn’t you.

Fifth thing to do is, if all else fails, take your money and leave the country. Upload a video via your twitter feed and tell everyone you have been kidnapped by the UEFACEF secret agents. Cry a little to gain sympathy. Maybe rough yourself up a bit for good measure.

If all of the above fails: you’re sh*t out of luck. Hope for the best. Maybe you can get bail or something, but it’s doubtful anyone will stick their heads out for you.

The boss put down his paper. “And that, Simmons, is how it’s done.”

“Sir, you’re insane.”

“How ironic. My mother said the same thing.”

Against his better judgement, Simmons retorted, “Coincidence.”

A pause. “What?”

“You said ‘how ironic.’ That’s not irony, it’s a coincidence.”

The room was silent. And then, “Simmons.”

“I-i was just s-saying, sir. A lot of people don’t—”


“–know the difference between irony and coincidence. It’s kind–”


“—a pet peeve, you know. I just had..”

A pause.

“…to say it. …Sir?”

A beep and then, “Stella. Get the chair and DVD player, the ones with the English NT–”

Simmons let out a gasp. “No! Sir! I didn’t mean it. Honest!”

“And get the DVD of Cristiano Ronaldo’s Greatest Hits too.”

“Have mercy, sir!”

“….And a cup of coffee.”

“Nooooo—oh. Well.” Another pause. “Can I have one, too?”


“Why?! Sir, have mercy! I didn’t mean it! Honest!”


So, uh. The moral of the story is…uh…don’t believe rumors.

[Personally, I don’t believe a transfer until I see their smiling mug dressed in blaugrana, posing for the cameras.]


Related Posts with Thumbnails

Recent Posts

Written by:

Just your neighbourhood Barca fanatic


  1. June 19, 2011

    I believe Sanchez is in the starting line up for Chile tonight. The reports before about him missing the game with Paraguay were not accurate.

    I don’t think a deal is done. And if he’s playing tonight it seems very unlikely he’ll be in Barcelona tomorrow.

    We shouldn’t be premature on this. I think it’s clear on what he wants.

    But what Udinese wants isn’t – and I’d guess what they want may be different than what Sanchez wants.

    If Sanchez does go to Barcelona – it means a deal is done. But until he’s actually there it’s unclear.

    • Jnice
      June 19, 2011

      The game tonight is against Estonia. 15 minutes in and Sanchez lighting it up so far.

      Chile’s coach, Claudio Borghi, has just said that Sanchez will be allowed to go to Barcelona to sign IF the transfer is confirmed. He won’t be allowed to go to Barcelona just to pressure Pozzo into letting him sign for Barça. And it has to be before the Copa America. He won’t be allowed to go once it starts (obviously).

      Sorry to hi-jack the thread, Kari. Just wanted to post the link for anyone interested.

      • June 19, 2011

        No worries, if it’s related to Sanchez, it’s on topic. More people should check him out.

        • Jnice
          June 19, 2011

          Thanks. I’ll read the post in its entirety after the match.

      • Jnice
        June 19, 2011

        End of the first half and Sanchez has been lighting it up. He drew a penalty, had one pass to Isla that he shot off the post, another cross to Beausejour that he hit off the post, and generally is just causing Estonia all sorts of problems with his movement and combination play.

  2. messi_fan
    June 19, 2011

    “though what he was thinking about was…
    …interrupted by a quick rap on the door.”

    “Look at your article, Simmons. Now back to mine. Now look at yours. Now back to mine. He gave Simmons a pitying look. “Sadly, it isn’t mine. But if you stop telling the truth and start telling some lies, it could look like it’s mine.”


  3. June 19, 2011

    So, the one thing I will say that the Sanchez vids make me realize is that I should have watched more Udinese this season. Not all all like the typical Serie A side.

    As for Sanchez, he’s overpriced. Udinese got their bidding war, and we are playing along, ultimately to overpay. I reckon it will settle at 28+11+player, and I will blanch. And howl in outrage.

    It isn’t that Sanchez is untalented. It’s that he’s had one really good season, and we are paying, functionally, MORE than we paid for Villa, if you look at what (for example) Soriano would probably fetch on the market.

    Villa, for all his complexities, has notched 20+goals a season for the past 10 seasons, which is kinda staggering when you think about it. And I think we overpaid for him.

    There is crazy talk that Sanchez could be better that Messi and/or Thong Boy. Hell, I just want him to be as good as Pedro, for starters.

    Bidding wars are never good, and other teams can make us bid higher and higher, depleting our transfer kitty to keep us from becoming even stronger this season. Silly. Further, if we wouldn’t give Villarreal 30m for Rossi (my guess is they wanted 30m cash, rather than cash+variables or player), why the hell are we paying (if the rumored numbers are right) 28+11 for Sanchez?

    Potential is huge. But is there any pressure on him at Udinese? No. At Barca, expectation and pressure is immense. We’ll be going for 6 cups again next season, and seeing our most bitter rival at least 4 times (SuperCopa, Liga). And pressure can turn talent into failure. Krkic will be thinking about that as he brushed up on conversational Italian.

    Messi, by way of example, seems to flourish under pressure. So does Xavi and Iniesta, and pretty much the heart of our starting XI. We are, in effect, paying almost 40m if the variables work out, for a prospect. Think about that one for a second.

    I’d be all for the transfer at 20m, his real price if the market were sane. At almost twice that, it’s really hard to get behind. If we in fact wind up signing him, and he bangs in 20+goals while dazzling one and all, I’ll eat crow. A big ol’ platter of it.

    And on the deal, it seems silly to me that a club would screw with its player like that. I know it’s all press crap, but if the player wants to come, the selling club should accept what, if it’s a real offer, is an excellent offer for a player Udinese paid 2m for. Take the money and run. It isn’t like they can force him to go to a club he doesn’t want to, because that club offered more money.

    It’s why I think the deal is all but done. We’ll probably throw in Soriano, and that will be that.

    • Para
      June 19, 2011

      I have lost all sense of what is a ‘reasonable’ amount of money for a transfer.

      I don’t know if it’s because I’m pretty new to club football or what, but the figures that fly around are beyond comprehension. Because of this, almost no amount of money sounds irrational, because they’re just all so ludicrous.

      I get that Sanchez and Fabregas would fill totally different ‘needs,’ but when Rosell said they weren’t going to go ‘crazy’ over Fabregas, I assumed they meant that massive amounts of money wouldn’t be flying around for any one player. If the transfer amounts that are being reported are true…geez.

      • Xingxian
        June 20, 2011

        “I have lost all sense of what is a ‘reasonable’ amount of money for a transfer.

        I don’t know if it’s because I’m pretty new to club football or what, but the figures that fly around are beyond comprehension. Because of this, almost no amount of money sounds irrational, because they’re just all so ludicrous.”
        Captured my sentiments well.

    • phunky
      June 20, 2011

      I’ve been a lurker here for a while now, great site.
      Kxevin I beg to differ. 28+11 is a tad too high for Sanchez but it’s not as bad as it seems. If I’m not wrong over the last 3 years, our high profile transfers haven’t been bad at all, far from it. People point out the Ibra case but he din’t do too bad at all. He obviously would’ve been better this season had he continued here. It was a case of liberating Messi by giving him total freedom in the centre, which was why we had to get rid of him and buy a forward who was very mobile (sporting reasons).

      I’m not judging Sanchez by his Youtube vids, but with his desire to come here and hopefully a little humility he can be a star.

  4. Nav
    June 19, 2011

    I love the part about irony and coincidence, that shit gets to me man 😀


  5. Para
    June 19, 2011

    Reference to the old spice man? Kari, you have won my heart.

  6. Jnice
    June 19, 2011

    Sanchez out. I’ll preface this by saying it was only Estonia, but I gave Rossi major props when he played well against Estonia, so I’ll give Sanchez some too.

    Excellent performance by Alexis Sancez. He did everything. His combination play is really excellent, especially with the right back, Isla. I could see him and Alves doing something similar. Sanchez was everywhere in the attack constantly creating danger and problems for the Estonia defense. He’s electric. He scored a goal after great team play as well. Glad I watched the match.

    • June 19, 2011

      So are you starting to come around, Jnice, or were you always around, so to speak? I missed the match because I’m earning my daily bread at Mother Tribune.

      • Jnice
        June 19, 2011

        Sanchez was always my preference. I’ve been in his corner from the beginning.

  7. June 19, 2011

    Soccernet is reporting we got or man for 32M Euros!!!!! Better than the 37M we heard earlier. now give me Cesc for 35 and we are straight….Next year sell Villa, buy rossi and a CB maybe a FB too

    • June 19, 2011

      Hold the phone there, Binky. That’s 32 million POUNDS, which is about the rumored 38 million Euros. Note as well that ESPN says “According to reports out of Spain,” which means they’re just recycling BS as well. No word from real outlets yet, such as La Vanguardia, and Italian press still mum about it as well.

      • June 19, 2011

        it’s just that Soccernet usually holds out compared to the normal rags, that may mean they are fairly confident a deal is imminent.

        • Jnice
          June 19, 2011

          Soccernet don’t know anything we don’t already know. They use the reports in Spain aka AS, Marca, Sport, MD. They don’t have any special sources. And they sensationalize almost as much as

      • nzm
        June 20, 2011

        Ignore the trolls. If we don’t feed them, they will either die, or go and find another bridge under which to live. 🙂

  8. June 19, 2011

    And I believe the only reason we didn’t buy Botia back this season is because we were trying to do Hee Hon a solid, just greasing the skids for the Jose Angel acquisition. Hmph!

    • June 19, 2011

      Yeah, what’s up with that? I’ve watched Udinese (they play/played the best football in Serie A by far) and so I know how good Sanchez is but where the flying Puyol are our defenders?!

      I want me some centerbacks NOW.

      • Xingxian
        June 20, 2011

        Mascherano’s performances at center-back has wildly distorted my understanding of how important it is for a player to play in a given position. After watching him keep the back line safe (and yes, I’m familiar with several of the arguments as to why this worked as well as it did) combined with the fact that I’ve only consistently been watching soccer for a year means that when I hear things like “Hey, what if Neymar joined us?” I immediately think “Oh neat! A long-term replacement for Abidal! Mascherano did center-back, so this wunderkid can learn LB. MY LOGIC IS FLAWLESS”.

        Hopefully watching other players flop when playing out of position over time will beat into my brain how hard switching positions can be.

  9. June 19, 2011

    Poll result: “Do you think it would be positive for Bojan to join Roma?” Yes 88% – No 12% [sport via barcastuff]

    Uh, this is a bad sign methinks, Bojangles entourage.

    • June 19, 2011

      I’m surprised that there are 12% who think a move isn’t a positive thing. It gets him away from the pressure, with a coach who knows and understands him, at a club that doesn’t have to try to slot him in around three of the best players on the planet.

      If he helps them win stuff, it’s a bargain, even with a 2-3 year buyback. If he doesn’t, they gave Enrique a bone that didn’t pan out. That’s life. Teams take risks all the time.

      • June 19, 2011

        Hmm. I dunno; I’m in the corner that he will succeed at Barca, but I can’t fault your logic. My only quibble is the “coach who knows and understands him”. Bojan has never trained under Lucho, and I doubt they have a close relationship off the field (this is just my own inference, not necessarily linked to what you’re saying), though that’s not to say they don’t get along. I guess if he’s setting up Roma to play like Barca, they’d have a similar understanding of the system, but it’s still not much.

        IMO, Soriano would be the best deal for Roma, because Lucho really does understand him and he seems to be down with everything.

        I’m admittedly pretty interested to see how this pans out. Never thought Bojan would actually be on the selling table, so to speak.

        • nzm
          June 20, 2011

          At the end of the 2009/10 season, I was advocating that it would be a good move for Bojan to get more experience at another club, instead of staying at Barca, and I still think that it would have been better for him.

          Instead, he’s had a crap year – not much playing time; injury; criticism, and worse, psychologically it can’t have done him much good.

          If he had left on a high a year ago, I still believe that he would be in a much stronger position today, than he actually is at present.

          However, hindsight is 20/20, and it wasn’t my call! 🙂

  10. June 19, 2011

    Oi! Why didn’t anyone tell me today is the 19th?!

    /quickly fixes.

    • Ryan
      June 19, 2011

      Why is Iniesta so green?? I like how Llorente’s hair is about to consume his face, but Pujol’s looks too tame!

  11. Jnice
    June 19, 2011

    Haha, this was good, Kari.

    I will strap you to a chair and make you watch the England national team for three hours and then Real Madrid for an additional two.

    😀 That’s a pretty extreme form of torture.

      • barca96
        June 19, 2011

        but to be honest watching Madrid isn’t a torture. They’re good.
        But England… Thank God even their U21 failed miserably.

  12. June 19, 2011

    Until we know the exact parameters of the transaction and whether or not it’s officially done it’s difficult to comment on the nature of the Sanchez deal.

    That said – the prices being floated around are very steep.

    This deal definitely involves significant risk.

    Sanchez is going to have to have to make some major adjustments. For probably the first time in his life he’s going to be on the pitch with players who are more talented then he is. He’s going to play with a Messi – talent who is better on the ball than he is. Sanchez is going to have to learn how to play without the ball.

    He’s going to need to learn how to excel by playing in different spaces than where he dominated serie A from this season.

    Sanchez didn’t even really have a good season this past season. He had a mediocre to bad first half – he was taken out of the starting line up for a month. He exploded when he was moved to the trequarista role in the second half.

    All that said – all of those troubling factors and sources of risk – this is a player that you go out and get. Even if it cost 28M + 11M in variables.

    He is worth the risk. By track record he is not a 35-40M player. But by talent he is.

    And the while the lack of track record is concerning – the benefit is that this is a player who is only 22. He is not Villa, never mind Ibra – an attacking player purchased for tens of millions who is already in his late 20’s and will only have 3-4 of top football left. This is a player who you can build a team around for a decade.

    And not only is Sanchez a dominant attacking player. He is a dominant defensive force. This is part of what makes him so special and why Pep wanted him so badly.

    Going through this process it’s also become clear how much he wants to play for Barca. He says he wants to be one of the best players in the world – and it feels like he has the determination to try to make that happen. Couple that with his talent and that’s a combination that doesn’t come up often.

    Watching Chile play in the WC last summer and Udinese this season – his talent is always clear – as is his work rate.

    I do have real concerns. In addition to the issues I touched on before I do wonder how efficiently he is going to finish in front of goal. That’s probably my biggest worry. In the Barca system the forwards must score. They cannot only create. They have to put the ball into the back of the net. And that’s not a position Sanchez has found himself in before.

    But in pushing this hard to make this deal it’s clear what Peps is trying to do. He is attempting to pair a player with generational talent alongside Messi for the rest of Messi’s career. He’s making that wager.

    As amazing as Barca is right now – Pep is not satisfied. Rather than adding a solid player or a player who will fit in and carries less risk he is determined to push matters. He is opting to add a player who could transform what this team is capable of along the front line.

    This transfer says as much about Pep as it does about Sanchez.

    • Nav
      June 19, 2011

      Mou, bow before an actual genius (Pep, and you’re not too shabby either Euler 😀 ).

    • Great post Euler!I agree with you on how this transfers says a lot about Pep, he is very proactive.I love that about him.
      About the price it is indeed high BUT transfers have been inflated for the past 2 seasons. Real madrid paid 37 millions for Di Maria last year. It was 25+ 5 the moment he joined the squad + 7 in variables depending on performance which the player met in his first year.
      Di Maria was the hyped player of last summer Sanchez is of this summer and plus Sanchez has many more suitors.
      Another reason for the inflated prices though I think its the the fact that there are very few quality players these days and even fewer when your task is improving the best team in the world.

    • BarcaGirl_Indo
      June 20, 2011

      But in pushing this hard to make this deal it’s clear what Pep is trying to do. He is attempting to pair a player with generational talent alongside Messi for the rest of Messi’s career. He’s making that wager.

      This transfer says as much about Pep as it does about Sanchez.

      this part make me smile… 🙂

    • Josep
      June 20, 2011

      “For probably the first time in his life he’s going to be on the pitch with players who are more talented then he is. ”

      I don’t know how you define talent, but I think ADP and Matias Fernandez are more “talented” than he. A lot of Sanchez skill comes from tricks, blistering speed, and hard work ethic.

      as far as scoring goals I imagine he’ll just bicicleta every GK 😀

  13. can_we_go_Xalvies
    June 19, 2011

    The price mentioned will always be a concern, but I guess thats the nature of football these days, player prices are getting more and more outrages and money is becoming more and more important to football clubs, its the number one needed source for a football club these days, higher than players and staff tbh :S

    I am more concerned on the impact the high price tag will have on the player and the fans’ general reception to his performance. I have a feeling his first season ain’t gonna be easy, especially with the fact that our last season is going to be very tough to top.

  14. Judas Pissed
    June 20, 2011

    Have Milan paid for Ibra yet? That’s an extra 24 million in our transfer kitty right there…

    • Ryan
      June 20, 2011

      They’re paying in yearly chunks (I think 6 million a year for 4 years?), so we won’t see the entire 24 million for a few years yet.

  15. barca96
    June 20, 2011

    How much are we actually paying for him?
    Two different numbers that I see on barcastuff.

    If it was the quoted 40mill, I’m worried it might be too much for him. He is only 22 and has been playing top-class football for 2 seasons max. It could be daunting for him and he might crumble under pressure. Huge burden for him or any player.

    If it is in the 27mill as reported in another report, then it’s quite good.

  16. can_we_go_Xalvies
    June 20, 2011

    What Ryan said is correct, probably around 6-8 million a year. I think Rosell was quoted saying that Ibra’s transfer fee is not included in the transfer budget.

    I don’t think we will offer any more than 30 mil in cash upfront for Sanchez because we could have easily gotten Rossi for 30 million IMO. Most likely a large chunk will be in incentives plus Sanchez will take a wage cut, if we offload some of our players they cut down our wage expensies too, but I don’t know if those savings goes into our transfer kitty either.

    If we fail to sign Cesc, then I assume we prob Sus out Milan for Thiago Silva. Possibly we can use Ibra’s transfer fees as a way to negotiate a decent price. I don’t know how Milan are financially, but having to pay 6-8 million a year for the next 4 years is still a lot of money, especially in the next two years, depending how much Ibra is affected by age, coaches etc. they could potentially be paying 6-8 million dollars a year for nothing plus Ibra’s wages on top of that, even though it doesn’t sound a lot of money compared to other transfers, but when the money is being spent on potentially nothing, its a waste.

  17. Jnice
    June 20, 2011

    Pozzo now saying Sanchez’s price is 50m and it hasn’t been met yet.

    • June 20, 2011

      Well technically he is saying that the players value should be 50m but they have to take into account his wishes as well. Sky Sports News are reporting that the deal is almost done and Sky dont usually report deals unless they are serious.

      • Jnice
        June 20, 2011

        Sky in England? I’ve seen them report things that aren’t serious all the time.

        Some more of what he said via @adz77:

        For us it is difficult to keep players like him. We are waiting for an offer that has not yet arrived. He would love to go to Barcelona, he ​​would form a strong partnership with Messi, but Sanchez is worth 50 million. If it were the other teams like Inter or Real Madrid they would pay that figure to buy him. The agreement does not exist yet, there is no signature.

        He says we’ve made various offers, but insists the two parties are far from an agreement. According to him, Udinese really want some players in this deal, don’t think they’re satisfied with just Soriano.

        • messi_fan
          June 20, 2011

          I truly fear the price we’d have to pay for Sanchez’s signature.

  18. Lev
    June 20, 2011

    Thiago Silva would be great, but do not count on Milan doing as a favor. Getting Ibra and Dinho for practically nothing makes them smart, not stupid. (stupid would be us 😮 )

    • Vj
      June 20, 2011

      They still got screwed regarding Dinho. Absolutely no output at all. They got lucky with Ibra losing his head and all..

  19. Vj
    June 20, 2011

    Pozzo has lost it!

    Pozzo: “Sanchez’ normal value is minimum 50M, but then there’s the player’s wish. We’re not looking for cash, but for players included.”

    via Pep @ Barcastuff..

  20. mei
    June 20, 2011

    We should step out of this deal.
    The numbers have gone crazy , and sanchez isnt close to worth that much money.His value is 50 million? Good luck with that.
    He has loads of talent,but has played for Udinese(give me a break) and had a great half season in Italy.
    They finished fourth.Give me two breaks.

    • Nav
      June 20, 2011

      It is getting a bit ridiculous. All of a sudden now that Barca is interested Pozzo thinks Sanchez is the next Messi? Please.

    • mom4
      June 20, 2011

      We should step out of this deal

      If the numbers approach 50M, we shouldn’t step out of the deal, we should run the other way,not looking back. He looks great but he’s unproven. Remember that CT once looked like the best thing since sliced bread at one time, too, and remains unproven. Pozzo done lost his mind!

      Why, in an over-inflated market, are we the only team not getting over-inflated prices for our players?

      my preferences…for what they’re worth…which isn’t much:

      option 1) Willian + Kanoute (or similar)+ Thiago to first team+ Jose Angel= less than 30M easily. Would’ve picked Botia too, but it’s too late for that.

      option 2) Willian + Cesc at 50-60 M total just for the if-you’re-only-gonna-splurge-on-two-players-these-two-give-you-more-flexibility factor, Thiago to first team. Is Montoya ready for a fringe role? Give Soriano a chance in the preseason? But I really don’t want Cesc here…yet.

  21. say2
    June 20, 2011

    any idea who all r makin to the first team frm b team?

  22. blitzen
    June 20, 2011

    Brilliant post, Kari! I loved it. 😀

  23. mom4
    June 20, 2011

    Nice Kari, but it makes me want a Villarato Corp. update 🙂 I know I’m greedy.

  24. June 20, 2011

    Pozzo is trying to get Thiago included in the Sanchez deal or to get City to make one last bid that is truly insane.

    But from Barca – I bet he’s trying to get Thiago.

    That’s his immediate goal right now. That’s what he’s doing. That why he’s now increasing the amount Sanchez is theoretically worth from what he even said last year.

    That’s fine. Barca should just hold their offer. Pozzo can ask be Barca has made a huge offer. And the entire world now knows he wants to play for Barca – and perhaps even more important – that Sancehz does not want to go to City.

    Problem for Pozzo is that Sanchez is forcing his hand. All he can do at this point is keep Sanchez. Which Udinese can’t afford to do. And if they keep him good chance Sanchez says he’ll only join Barca next season as well. Plus he may be very angry about all this and if he has a less than great season his value will be less.

    It’s enough now. Barca just needs to hold their offer. They are now the ones with leverage because Sanchez wants to play for them and could not be convinced to play in City for more money.

    The Carlos Tevez situation is going to hurt City moving into the future. I’d guess other players see how unhappy he is there.

    • mom4
      June 20, 2011

      Tell me right now, Euler, that we would NEVER even consider losing Thiago in such a manner. Reassure me that we are not that stupid/shortsighted. That we would never gamble away such a talent as a makeweight for an over-priced(however promising) prospect. Really, this deal is getting ridiculous.

      Happier note:
      For those like me who are going through Messi withdrawal:
      Argentina v Albania friendly 5:00 PM EST on ESPN3

      • June 20, 2011

        It’s not going to happen. They are not going to give up Thiago. Not now.

        It would be so dumb – even from an economic standpoint. His value now is maybe 10M or so – maybe less.

        Let him play a year on the first team and start 20 games or so – his value would be double.

        Regardless – this is just Udinese trying to squeeze blood from a stone. That’s fine. Barca just needs to hold and let Udinese walk away from all that money and keep Sanchez. Pozzo is bluffing.

    • Lou
      June 20, 2011

      From what Tim Vickery says Tevez has been unhappy at every club he has ever played, so I’m not sure that reflects particularly badly on Manchester City.

      If City can stay in the Champion’s League and offer huge wages I think they’ll do fine in terms of attracting players. In terms of prestige though it’s hard for them to compete with Barcelona.

      • June 20, 2011

        True – Tevez is never happy. Anywhere.

        I mention it however because he’s been so visible and vocal at City with his discontent. It’s turned into a circus. And City has allowed it.

        And this builds on the already existing reticence some players from South America have about playing in England due to the weather, language, etc.

        Tevez’s wife hated Manchester so much that she picked up and left with their kids to go back to Argentina. Perhaps there were other issues as well – but that’s what I’ve read. That’s the crux of the issue for Tevez.

        And this builds on Mascherano last season talking about how hard it was for him and his family to settle in England.

        I do think it’s a real issue for some players from S. America and it’s a problem for a team like Man City. Some guys like Suarez go to the EPL and fit right in. But there have been several high profile players that have had real trouble there and Tevez has been a reminder of that in a very clear way.

        Pozzo himself said that Sanchez prefers to go someplace where he can speak his mother tongue.

    • mei
      June 20, 2011

      I dont know about leverage.
      Barcelona needs two forwards, bojan and jeffren are out.
      Even if they stay put ,they dont seem to match our needs(pep’s) right now.
      Pep views it as a necessity to improve the squad , not just increase the number participating in it.
      Rossi,sanchez and fabregas , all names that we have officially contacted with, are offering things we dont have ,all young players too.
      We dont really know how badly sanchez wants to come to us.
      I mean, it even may be his dream ,but :
      Man city is also a step up, both sporting wise and financially wise it will be even better than what we are offering.
      He is young and maybe can join us in the future anyway ;
      the one that has leverage in my eyes is the president of udineze:
      Has a young prized asset that many clubs bid for, who is bound to show off his talent in the biggest stage next year anyway.

  25. Lou
    June 20, 2011

    Interesting from Tim Stannard’s La Liga Loca article on Granada’s promotion.

    “Granada are benefiting heavily from a deal signed in 2009 with Udinese, who had links with current president Enrique Pina. “They have backed our project with economic investment and above all players,” explained the Granada president, referring to the 12 members of the squad currently on loan from Udinese. This may help boost Granada’s survival chances next year, with talk of Barcelona players being loaned to the Andalusian outfit as part of the deal for Alexis Sánchez from Udinese.”

    So the talk of players being included in the Sanchez deal may not be for Udinese, but rather for Granada where Udinese have a financial interest.

    Udinese have 12 players on loan at Granada, and as they make most of their money from selling players it is in their interest for Granada to stay in La Primera, which is a much better shop window than a Segunda club. Plus any players that went to Granada from Barcelona would probably have an easier time adjusting (and hence retain their transfer value), than moving to a completely different league.

    I do worry though that with talk of selling Bojan and players leaving as part of the Sanchez deal it doesn’t look like much progress is being made in enlarging the squad, especially in attack. The team actually missed Bojan a lot when he injured his knee in the spring, because it meant that Villa couldn’t be rested during that difficult stretch in March/April. Arguably it cost them against Madrid (particularly in the Copa final) when Villa was clearly exhausted.

    • June 20, 2011

      The way Udinese have utilized Granada as a proxy youth league team is fascinating.

      The article I linked to at the bottom is a great read on this.

      Basically what Udinese did was to outsource their top youth team to Granada. It was as if Barca took Barca B and sent all the players to Italy.

      Why do this? Because while Barca B will play in the Segunda next season in Spain, Udinese will functionally have two teams playing in first division leagues next season. Udinese itself in Serie A and Granada in La Liga.

      Really ingenious management.

      • can_we_go_Xalvies
        June 20, 2011

        In a way its kind of annoying because they have so much valued assets and they still want a shit load of money for Sanchez lol

  26. Humphrey Bogart
    June 20, 2011

    We must not give into this nonsense. barca would be a laughing stock in whole Europe if they give into this and are held ransom by Udinese. It would also be no good in any way for Sanchez to arrive here with such a price tag. It is hard enought to adapt to our system, but if you are also young with less expericne and come for this price, all the fans will expect him to walk over water. Every mistake would weight double because of the money we paid. Torres was shit for Chelsea until now, but it was even worse because of the price tag he brought with himself

  27. June 20, 2011

    Pozzo has been treating this as an auction the entire time. He gets a bid for 25-30. Then says Sanchez’ value is 35M. Then more than 35M.

    He gets that and now it’s 50M.

    It’s just nonsense and needs to stop. Pozzo will keep pushing this – as he should try to. Next week 80M will not be enough.

    Udinese must sell Sanchez. The only question is when. Sure they can keep him.

    But Sanchez just came off the best year of his career – a year when many thought he was the best player in Serie A. How much better can he perform to raise his value?

    And next season financial fair play rules will accelerate in their impact on the game.

    What summer is it likely Pozzo will get more money for Sanchez? This summer or next?

    Barca do not need to meet Pozzo’s valuation. All they need to do is make an offer that is roughly what Sanchez’s market rate was.

    Sanchez’ value has gone up so much because so many teams wanted him. Inter and Juve (Inter has wanted him all season long). Then Man City and Man United.

    Barca doesn’t even need to beat those offers because they know Sanchez wants to wear the colors. They just need to make an offer that is competitive.

    Udinese’s entire business model is selling players. Their home games average attendance is 17,000.

    They have a player who has reached his near maximum value coming off an excellent season. It is the summer before financial fair play kicks in.

    Pozzo can try to keep the auction running. But his only option is to keep Sanchez. And that puts them at risk for getting much less next summer. This is not a case of the club keeping the player long term. He has to be sold – it’s just when. And it’s in their benefit to sell now.

    Their most talented player had the season of his career coming off a strong world cup the year before financial fair play kicks in. Hard to get a better situation to sell than that.

    • June 20, 2011

      Exactly. This isn’t EBay, where everyone rolls in with their various snipe programs to steal the item at the last minute. This is a player’s future at stake.

      –He wants to come to Barcelona, so much so that he is willing to accept less money to do it.

      –His team bought him for 2m.

      –We have offered something approaching 40m.

      Not sure what the problem is except for a greedy club. I know that were I they I’d be doing it too, but I like to think I would know when to say “Um, we’ve made our money back, and then some. Let’s do this.”

      I know it’s collusion, but what if every club said “Screw it, we’re out. Keep your player.”

      This would leave Udinese with a player who was planning to leave, for a club that he really really wanted to go to, stuck for another, potentially value-eroding season in Serie A.

      Unfortunately, it never happens that way. I wouldn’t be surprised if Citeh met the 50m valuation. Problem is that the player doesn’t want to go there.

      P.S. Sanchez DOVE to earn that penalty yesterday.

      P.P.S. Without a doubt, the dude’s potential is huge. But for every Messi, there’s a Krkic. Sanchez had 12 goals last season in Serie A. Krkic’s best season saw 11 tallies. So is Krkic worth 40m?

      • June 20, 2011

        So… I’m putting my tabloid glasses on and saying it looks like we’re back for Rossi! 😀

        …This is why I stay out of Silly Season.

      • June 20, 2011

        @josepcapdevila on Twitter is a very cool dude to follow. He makes some good points, including calling B.S. on the behavior of Udinese, calling it crazy and disrespectful. And he’s right.

        But he also says that after watching some Sanchez for the first time, he likes the player a lot, and sees more Thong Boy than Messi, in how dynamic he is.

        • nzm
          June 20, 2011

          Oh great – he plays like Cristiana and he dives. The first point I could live with, not the second. This season, the team needs to be squeaky-clean to erase all the diving calls that were made during the clasicos.

          • Vj
            June 20, 2011

            They should learn how to dive effectively. Look at Di Maria, and the amount of fouls he wins by doing his best impression of Cristina..

      • June 20, 2011

        Great points. I would say though that Bojan and Sanchez are two completely different players and while Sanchez will be expected to score that is not really his main game. He is a very clever player and he has all the attributes to play to the strenghts of Barca and the way we play. What impresses me most about him is his workrate and his defensive ability. It is rare indeed to find a player as gifted as him who is not only willing to defend, but is actually good at it. Its one thing to work hard and track back, its another thing to actually do it well. This kid does both and he has ability to boot. He may cost a lot and he may be a risk, but I see it as a worthwhile one as long as the signing doesnt cost 40m+

        If he works out there will literally be no stopping us. It is barely possible as it is, can you imagine adding somebody that talented and that hard working to the team.

        • June 20, 2011

          Not for 50m I can’t. 😀

          I think that everyone agrees that the dude has a tremendous up side. What will probably transpire is 28+11+Soriano and Jeffren. And that will be that.

          • June 20, 2011

            Speaking of, @marcotti just Tweeted that Jeffren and his dad are meeting with Udinese. If they agree, it will be the dough plus Jeffren.

          • Vj
            June 20, 2011

            Which is still too much. If we are gonna give away players, the total cash should be around 30M including variables..

          • June 20, 2011

            Agreed. Thats why I said “as long as the signing doesnt cost 40m+” 🙂

            I just hope Pozzo gets a grip. I think he is trying to squeeze Barca but I think if we just hold our ground then we should get our man. If Sanchez wants Barca as bad as it seems it puts Pozzo in a really tough position. As a selling club its not in his interest to force a player to go to a club he doesnt want to go to.

  28. Josep
    June 20, 2011

    Pozzo is crazy. He claims his club don’t need money but he knows they do, the whole Udinese model is built off of buying low and selling high. Clearly Sanchez selling now would clear their books for the next few years.

    Their location is terrible, and no one goes to their matches. The CL revenue is huge but I doubt they’d even sellout the lower CL games… plus they HAVEN’T reach the group stages yet. I mean Spurs almost got stunned last year.

    If Pozzo wants 50m, he’ll have to play an unhappy Sanchez next year because no one will pay that. Rosell needs to stand firm on his offer, tell Pozzo THIS IS IT. You take this or we go to Rossi, who clearly wants to come to the team. It’s a drop down, but this is what happened when we got Ibra.

    The most important aspect of this transfer is yes, we continue to go for big transfers, but unlike Ibra, we’re lowering the wages. Ibra broke the wage scale. but all the incoming players are rumored to be taking pay cuts. Thats huge. The money saved on signing fees, and yearly wages, is essentially used in the transfer fee.

    For 40m I’d snag him, but for 50m Pozzo needs to get more friends besides Zamparini. Who knows, Sanchez could suck at the CA, or break a leg or something.

  29. blitzen
    June 20, 2011

    Strap yourselves in, people! We are in for a bumpy ride through the transfer market this summer. With the new UEFA financial fair play rules coming into effect next year, it seems that every club with an in-demand player to sell will be trying to drive the price up as astronomically high as possible to secure their own financial situation before they are forced to start balancing their books. This especially applies to smaller clubs like Udinese who get most of their revenue from player sales. A €50M evaluation for Sanchez is insane, but who knows? Man City or Chelsea might just go for it. If this is really Udinese’s strategy, and Villarreal’s, then we can expect the Sanchez/Rossi saga to stretch well into August. Unless the players themselves categorically state ‘It’s Barça or nowhere”.

  30. BarcaOwl
    June 20, 2011

    You know you’re bored when you’ll watch any sport that shows a Barca shirt. In this case, futsal. One minor bit of amusement – the commentator talked about the Mourinho conspiracy. He must be making quite a name for himself in Spain.

  31. Josep
    June 20, 2011

    According to Marcotti, Jeffren’s dad is meeting with officials of Udinese.

    According to el9 Jeffren’s dad will meet with Zubi today.

  32. June 20, 2011

    The inclusion of a player other than a Soriano type make the negotiations more complicated.

    The only thing that matters right now is the total value for Sanchez that the two parties agree on.

    How that value is accounted for – cash or players is secondary.

    If Barca and Udinese agree sanchez is worth 38M or 40M, etc. – that’s what matters.

    Udinese don’t get 38M then Jeffren on top. They get 38M including the value of Jeffren.

    Jeffren gets included only to decrease the cash Barca has to fork over.

    And other teams will buy Jeffren. He has a market value – probably around 7-8M.

    But including players with worth in only going to complicate the negotiations.

    This may just drag on until the start of the Copa. That’s a fairly hard deadline. No way Sanchez can leave during the Copa so that delays the deal by a month or so. And he definitely could get hurt – which is something Udinese need to keep in mind.

  33. Josep
    June 20, 2011

    am I the only one thats been watching the U-17 world cup? Lenny Nangis, remember that name.

    Also USA U-17 looked really, really good. Mostly the mexican players so hopefully they stay.

  34. Humphrey Bogart
    June 20, 2011

    Any infos regarding the Argentina friendly this evening? Will they play their A-team, meaning for us Leo, El jefecito and Gaby?

    • mom4
      June 20, 2011

      5:00 PM EST on ESPN3

      This is all I could find for a preview.
      If Batista is kind, he will start Messi just to help those of us with serious cases of Messi withdrawal!

      Interesting about the Albanian internationals response to their call-ups;
      “It is an unusual situation when players don’t accept an invitation to play. Some of them have even turned their cell phones off,” he said.

      • mom4
        June 20, 2011

        Additionally on ESPN3-
        11:50 AM SOCCER UEFA U21 Spain vs. Belarus (Semifinal #2) (EST)

        Does anyone know what Barca did in the U17 Club World Cup final? Wasn’t it yesterday?

    • mom4
      June 20, 2011

      HB, I think we may be able to count on seeing our guys in this friendly. Argentina has just embarrassingly lost two friendlies with their “B” (or C) team and Batista knows he can’t afford further embarrassment.

  35. jordi™
    June 20, 2011

    I guess Rosell sees what its like when the new European champions come in for a club’s star player.Txiki and Laporta should feel vindicated.

    I like Sanchez but this deal stinks a little.Not only are we getting cleaned out by yet another Italian club, but the pressure Alexis will be under with the quoted price tag could potentially be immense.Cules will expect excellence from day one.On the other hand he has in his favor that he is a hard worker and hes not coming to replace a 30 goal a season striker like Ibra was.Maybe if we sell Villa to City and Give Sanchez the 7 or 9 the pressure will the same.Theres still time for that last part 😡

    With the rumored youth player(s) inclusions in the deal, do people think Udinese will loan them back to Granada? Start them 38 games in la liga, then bring them over to Italy.

  36. blitzen
    June 20, 2011

    Thiago is the subject of the cartoons in both Sport and EMD today. Poor kid, he’s getting a sharp lesson in how to be careful what you say to the press. 😆

  37. June 20, 2011

    From @barcastuff: Pina (Udinese representative in Spain): “Unless something very strange happens, Sanchez will this week be a Barça player.” [radio marca]

  38. amininio
    June 20, 2011

    It’s completely off topic, but I was trying to renew my membership card and couldn’t find the ink to the application on the
    Thanks for helping me out.

    • June 20, 2011

      The renewal is automatic, if you have put a credit card on file. I’m not sure how to do it if you don’t. Sorry.

    • The speed of his game is out of this world. I don’t know if I go to far in saying that he passes in way that Iniesta and Xavi don’t/can’t. He could be the x factor in our midfield

  39. June 20, 2011

    Seems like the total valuation for Sanchez is going to be set around 40M with Barca being ok with that as long as they don’t have to provide it all in cash.

    If you say Jeffren is 5-7M on the market with Barca putting in 27-28M + 5M in variables.

    The total cash outlay would top out at 33M.

    Hart to know if this is the best way to maximize Jeffren’s value vs. selling him directly in the market.

    But it does decrease the clubs financial exposure.

    Would rather it be 28M + Jeffren for a total valuation of 35M but the 28+5+ Jeffren is likely better than 28M +11M variables.

  40. blitzen
    June 20, 2011

    Grant Wahl of Sports Illustrated names his world’s best XI, and 6 of them play for Barça:

    GK, Iker Casillas
    RB, Dani Alves
    CB: Gerard Piqué
    CB, Nemanja Vidic
    LB, Patrice Evra
    M, Bastien Schweinsteiger
    M, Xavi
    M, Andrés Iniesta
    F, David Villa
    F, Lionel Messi
    F, Cristiano Ronaldo

    I would have chosen Busquets over Schweinsteiger, but he does mention bringing him off the bench if needed, so I can live with that. I also prefer Valdes over Casillas for obvious reasons, but I can see why most would pick Casillas.

    • Vj
      June 20, 2011

      No Abi? Busi? Either the guy doesn’t watch enough Barca, or doesn’t want his world XI to be Barca-heavy. Either way, its wrong..

  41. June 20, 2011

    This is kinda random, but I feel a little bad for Rossi. 30m is too much for him, but so is basically 40m for Sanchez.

    Anyway, the market is so inflated, I’m LOL-ing thinking about how RoSELL is going to try to justify this. Well, if we get Sanchez, that means no Fabregas I hope right? I’m down with that. The whole Fabregas thing makes me more irritable when I think about Thiago. We should be catering to him, not a gloryhunter. Bleh.

    • Vj
      June 20, 2011

      Not that I wanna defend him, but if Cesc is a gloryhunter, then what does that make Henry? IIRC, wasn’t he the one who pledged alliance Arsenal till the end of his career, and then jumped ship when he realised there wasn’t any chance of a trophy?

      Cesc’s predicament is similar to Henry’s on so many levels. Both signed extensions, both grew frustrated, both want out. But Cesc’s extension has screwed him more owing to inflation and Arsenal’s lack of spine(sporting-wise). He has to wait it out now, unless RoSELL commits another act of needless jackassery..

      • June 20, 2011

        but if Cesc is a gloryhunter, then what does that make Henry?

        A gloryhunter too. It’s (pretty much) a given that he came for the trophies.

  42. blitzen
    June 20, 2011

    Pastorello: “Barcelona offered less than 30M, Villarreal wanted more, they couldn’t find a deal. Now they could sign Sanchez for almost 40.”

    To me it sounds like Udinese was more open to accepting cash + variables/player and Villarreal was holding out for all cash.

Leave a Reply