Here at BFB, we give you nothing but the most hard-hitting journalism minimal bandwidth and old Geocities encoding can buy. Some fans complain about the dearth of posts and real news during these summer months, but I am here to bring you out of the morass and into journalistic splendor at its best. As we all know, Lionel Messi is usually the clean cut golden boy who is not involved in controversy unless it’s nagging Pep to play him the entire 90 against a 3rd division side in a December scrimmage match. But now we know that he’s not a goodie-goodie but a hardcore party-boy. According to Deadspin (via Argentine funny paper Libre): Messi showed up at a “sexo, alcohol y cumbia” party (I’m going to assume this is the Albiceleste version of a frat party but with more international sex symbols). This party was thrown by the Milito brothers and included lingerie and Playboy models, some WAGs, and Martin Palermo was there too, presumably scoring after everyone else did all the work.
Now you might think to yourself: “why should I care if he’s at a sexo party? Ronaldinho still has 37 arrest warrants in his name in 22 countries from his time with the club and I’ve seen Pique have actual sex in the stands during a game, with my own eyes. Beside, it’s none of my business what goes on in someone’s personal life. This isn’t real journalism” You might say that, if you had something to hide. We at BFB know someone’s hiding something when we see it, and we see it here. Those of us who are more intelligent know better, and we know that the golden boy has never done anything wrong, plus, when he started growing that patchy beard, he became a man, and a man who goes to cumbia parties. PLUS, if nothing went on, why hasn’t he made a public comment about it? Huh!? HUH!!!? There had to be some pretty shady dealings going on there, right?
Wait, what’s that you say? He did comment and rebutted anyone who might think he was doing anything naughty or untoward at such a party. When asked about his involvement, the party animal simply responded with:
We just danced and then we played some PlayStation.
… Oh, um, well… that makes total sense. You go to an awesome party and play Playstation? Well of course you did. Were Legos involved as well? Did you and international lingerie model Andrea Rincon build a Lego Star Wars ship? While the Brothers Milito were doing body shots off each other’s hair, Messi was eating pizza and playing Little Big Planet? You know what? I totally believe that. The next time I make a Messi-playing-with-Legos reference and you give me a hard time, I’m pointing this out.
Photo by Jasper Juinen/Getty Images Europe