Como un p*to jefe.

Just a little sumthin’ sumthin’ to lighten things up.

Josep Guardiola’s Office, Friday afternoon, 18:15 BCN time

RoSELL minion Performance Officer: Buenos tardes, Pep. It’s been a stressful last couple of weeks, what with all the El Clasicos and all.

Pep Guardiola: [confused] El Clasico? What is that? A boxing match?

Performance Officer: [eyes Pep warily] …Umm, mister? Are you… okay?

Pep: Why, yes. Never felt better! In fact, just a fortnight ago, I was in Manchester…

Tito Vilanova: [turns to shocked minion Officer] Sorry. Pep’s suffering from a rare mental condition called Hyperclasicoitis.

Performance Officer: Hyperclasicoitis?

Tito: [takes out folder titled “Pep’s Many Mental Conditions” by Ramon Cugat] Yes. It is a rare condition where after many high pressure, high morbo Clasicos in quick succession, Pep’s brain can no longer handle the stress and nonsense that comes before, after, and during a Clasico. A hormone called Nomorebullshitamine, NMB for short, was triggered in his brain, causing it to lock itself.

Performance Officer: Is it.. [gulps] fatal?

Pep: …Sir Alex didn’t start his regular line-up it seems. A shame, that. It’s alright, though, I still have DVDs of….

Tito: Fatal? Oh, no. It just means his brain has rejected all nonsensical talk and refuses to process any information deemed worthless.

Performance Officer: [nods slowly] I see. Well, in that case, I’ll just ask him about Real Madrid then.

Pep: …Chicharito seems to sco— Real Madrid? …There is an imposter Madrid? 😮
I mean, I know there is an Atletico Madrid, which is kinda funny because….

Performance Officier: [pauses] No, I mean Real Madrid CF. You know, the team coached by Jose “Por que?! No entiendo por que!” Mourinho?

Pep: [gives Officer a blank look]

Performance Officer: Oh shi

Tito: —Don’t worry. He’ll recover. Eventually. The length of the condition varies per person, but he’ll be good as almost new by August.

Performance Officer: [sits back on chair and takes a deep breath] Well. I need to get a performance review on Pep, but he’s clearly mentally unstable and…

Tito: [glares] Pep is perfectly stable. It’s not like getting this condition was his fault. He didn’t ask to manage 4 Clasicos in 18 days. He didn’t ask for a paranoid sociopath as an opposing manager. He didn’t ask

Performance Officer: [holds up hands] Okay, okay! I get it! [sulks] …But what do you want me to do? He’s the boss of this team, right? I have to ask him what he does on a daily basis and he’s like—

Tito: [interrupts] That’s fine. I’m with him all the time. As his right-hand man, I’ll tell you.

Performance Officer: [brightens] Okay!

Tito: Well, the first thing he does is:

Promote Earth Saving, like a (freakin’) boss.

Oversee training, like a (freakin’) boss:

Try to join in, like a (freakin’) boss:

Settle for giving a struggling striker some pointers, like a (freakin’) boss:

Motivate the best player in the world , like a (freakin’) boss.

Tell Abidal who to kill, like a (freakin’) boss:

Look indifferent to the media, like a (freakin’) boss:

Then gain their sympathy, like a (freakin’) boss:

Smirk at his achievement, like a (freakin’) boss:

B*tch please, like a (freakin’) boss:

Rock his sunglasses while ignoring the media, like a (freakin’) boss:

Spy on rival teams with a lost expression, like a (freakin’) boss:

Take no–

Performance Officer: [interrupts] Wait a second! Hold up! You’re saying Pep does this all in one day?!

Tito: And more.

Performance Officer: Seriously?

Tito: [leans back in chair] You know it, hombre.

Performance Officer: [gapes] …Well, then I guess there’s no need for a — ahem — performance review

Pep: …Fitness in Madrid is apparently — wait, what performance review?

Performance Officer: [stands up] Nothing, mister. [gives Pep admiring look before leaving office]

Pep: What the…?

Tito: [clasps Pep on the shoulder] It’s really nothing. I just told him part of your day. What you do, como un p*to jefe.

Pep: [blinks] Well, whatever.

Tito: So… [looks over Pep’s shoulder] what have you been doing?

Pep: I’m finishing planning the last goal for the Catalan derby. You see, since it’s 4-0 at this point, I think it’s better if we sub in Bojan for Villa, have Iniesta croqueta some defenders, Xavi do a pelopina and split the defense with a through-ball, then have Messi take on the whole defense before dishing it to Alves, who passes to Busi who falls on the floor cluching his face after giving the ball to Pedro! who crosses the ball to Bojan for the tap in. Boom. A manita at home against the Pericos while also giving Bojan some confidence and match fitness. Perfect.

Tito: [pauses] …And how exactly are we going to pull that off?

Pep: [smiles] That’s the challenge and what I’m currently trying to figure out.

Tito: Ah. Well, you can continue that then.

*end scene*


This is based on Like A Boss by thelonelyisland

— I love Iniesta’s swagger in this pic. It’s like he’s saying, “Yeah, this is MY kid and I don’t care who gives me odd looks.”

Iniesta and his daughter Valeria

Thank jordi (who found this at Total Barca):

For those who don’t get the chut de bol jokes, I give you this video:

For fear I might ruin this for you before you watch it, I’ll just say I LOL’d:

Mushrooms Milk was being advertised, by the way.

I won’t be adding more pictures or embedding more videos — this post is done! Don’t worry! Your bandwidth can rest easy. 😀

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Recent Posts

Written by:

Just your neighbourhood Barca fanatic


  1. vicsoc
    May 5, 2011

    Dances to Michael Jackson, like a boss.

    Can’t find a video anywhere though.

    • Hehe! Nice one! I couldn’t find find a video either. In any case, it would have ruined the picture theme I was going for.

      (Surprisingly, I haven’t used as many pictures as I thought.

      • blitzen
        May 5, 2011

        I love you, Kari! 😀

        I can’t find it either, but I know Miguel has that clip of Pep dancing. Awk-ward!

        • Miguel
          May 6, 2011

          I steal all my dance moves from Pep. 😀

          My homie, Persian dude in a band I grew up listening to, once greeted me by doing ‘The Borat Dance’ in the above mentioned video(I <3 Kari.) He did it so perfectly, I almost died of laughter.

      • providence
        May 6, 2011

        off topic: 4 in 1, please is BARCA still paying Mino Riola? please i want to know urgently. if yes why? if no why? please

        • nzm
          May 7, 2011

          providence: I answered you on a previous thread when you asked the same question, but you obviously didn’t see it.

          As Ibrahimovich is still a Barca player, (currently on loan to Milan), Raiola should still be receiving fees from FCB.

          However, late last year FCB stopped payments, pending possible legal action against Raiola – read this:

          It’s unclear whether this has been settled but, since then, Raiola has stopped his vitriol against FCB and has now transferred it to slagging off Milan. 🙂

      • blitzen
        May 6, 2011

        If I said that Pep dances like a white boy that would probably be racist, so I won’t. But he does. 😛

  2. Barcaleya
    May 5, 2011

    Haha. Love this post, Kari!

    Another funny thing is that “puto” is a tasty rice cake in my country.

  3. BarcaGirl_Indo
    May 5, 2011

    thanks you so much, Kari…
    I really needed a good laugh and a place to talk about football… 😆

    I love you Pep Guardiola, es el put* jefe, es el put* amo!

  4. KevinO
    May 5, 2011

    Lmao!! Really good stuff here Kari. Definitely the pick me up a lot of cules need after all thus clasic craziness 🙂

  5. BarcaGirl_Indo
    May 5, 2011

    I don’t even know what the hell they’re talkin about, but Mourinho “por que” and Ramos with Michael Jackson’s baby episode was cracked me up… 😆

  6. Dani_el
    May 5, 2011

    I really really needed this Kari!

    Thank you! and as I always, in Pep we trust o.o

  7. blitzen
    May 5, 2011

    That dancing video above. I don’t even know what to say. I’m dying! Xavi in the hat! 😆

    • providence
      May 6, 2011

      off topic: please is BARCA still paying Mino Riola? please i want to know urgently. if yes why? if no why? please

  8. blitzen
    May 5, 2011

    Well, thank goodness the 3 weeks of Clasico hell are over! Now we can talk about something else. Like for instance:

    A Few Thoughts on Barcelona’s Ultimate Rival

    No, not Real Madrid. Not Inter, either. ManU? Arsenal? Please!

    I refer, of course, to Stoke.

    Recently pundits have been holding up Stoke as the perfect example of the anti-Barcelona, the epitome of English-style physical football. The question has been raised whether Barca, and particularly Messi, could hold their own on a wet cold night at the Britannia stadium. With Stoke’s fine 5-0 performance against Bolton propelling them into the FA Cup final match, this may not be such a silly question as it seems to a Barcelona fan. But who is this Stoke, anyway? What is so special about them? Here are a few factoids for your edification:

    1. Stoke is the second-oldest football club in the world, after
    Notts County. They were founded in 1863.

    2. Their nickname is the “Potters”, after the traditional industry in Stoke-on-Trent, and their home kit is made up of vertical red-and-white stripes.

    3. Their home field is the Britannia Stadium, which was built in 1997, replacing the old Victoria Ground.

    4. Former Barcelona player Eidur Gudjohnsen is under contract to Stoke, although he is currently on loan to Fulham.

    5. Stoke is also known for having one of the most active and
    violent hooligan groups in the UK, known as the Naughty Forty. In the late 90’s and early 00’s especially there were several large-scale disturbances both home and away.

    6. Their club anthem is Tom Jones’ “Delilah”.

    So why Stoke? Why is Stoke the one chosen to represent English football values in the face of those pesky foreigners? Well, let’s look at what sort of football Stoke is known for playing. Here is a quote from Stoke midfielder Salif Diao:

    “The coach (Pulis) is using a simple statistic: more than 60% of goals are scored from inside the box. So why 15 passes in the midfield if you can reach it in just one pass? We have a style some people don’t like. It is very physical. I am 1 metre 86 but I don’t go in the box on attacking corner, I’m too small. If some Stoke fans expect beautiful football, they risk wasting their time. We are not Barcelona here.”

    Well, there you go. They are not Barcelona. Indeed, one of their assistant managers, David Kemp, was quoted earlier in the season saying “We don’t want any of this European rubbish!” They are renowned for their physical, long-ball style of play, but there is much more to them than that. They also rely heavily on long throw-ins and corners. The idea, of course, is to hoof it or throw it to the big guy in the box so he can take a shot. If you have no clear path to get it to him, just lump it upfield anyway and hope someone can run onto it. Stoke typically fields only one or two players that we would recognize as a midfielder, and has very little in the line of creativity and building plays from the back.

    That’s an oversimplification, of course, and Stoke is a much better team than this simple description implies. But the point is that this style of play is viewed as typically “English”, while Barcelona-style possession football is “foreign” and somehow suspect. Why is this? What is so un-English about Barcelona’s football?

    I have mentioned this before, but my take is that “tippy-tappy” football is seen by the English public as fundamentally unfair. Possession football, or “ballhogging” as it is sometimes called, goes against the vaunted British sense of Fair Play, especially as it relates to sports. We are all taught as children to share our toys on the playground, aren’t we? So a team that regularly keeps possession of the ball over 70% of the time is seen as selfish, and frankly, a bully. Remember when you were a kid and a couple of the older kids snatched your hat or lunchbox and tossed it back and forth while you jumped at it helplessly? That’s Barcelona. The feeling seems to be that Barca should take a shot at the goal, then if that doesn’t work they should let the other team have a go. Because it’s their turn. It’s only fair, right? 😛

    This is in direct opposition to the Cruyffist philosophy, which is to keep the ball as long as possible. You can’t score without the ball, and the best way of defending is not to give the ball to your opponent. If the other team wants the ball, they should come and get it, not wait for us to give it to them. This is why as soon as an opposing player gets the ball, he has 3 or 4 Barca players snapping at his heels to make him give it up. Without the ball we are nothing. With the ball we are everything.

    So there you have it. An epic clash of two football philosophies that can never fully comprehend each other. Two ships passing in the night. Ill-fated lovers never mind. Finally, in answer to the question, “Who would win on a wet cold night at the Britannia?”, I leave you with Tim Stannard’s words from the recent CL LiveBlog over at FourFourTwo: “Barcelona, no contest. Even in the snow.”

    • Manish
      May 5, 2011

      Blitzkreigingly brilliant.. both the post and the comment..

    • soccermomof4
      May 5, 2011

      Blitz, ur awesome!

      Ofcourse they don’t just kick it into the box to take adavtage of the 60% statistic, they also have Rory Delap who can throw it there from the touchline.

      Barca v. Stoke at the Gamper! One can dream, right?

      • cliu
        May 6, 2011

        genius: we needed some real football analysis after all the rm whining about refs and unicef. If stoke lost to barca, they would cry like real men and then try to kidnap iniesta. now that’s what a real player does — mou — he allows himself to concede defeat with a little loss of dignity and then he will try to screw you up.
        levity, analysis, history, celebration, that is what we here for. i propose a stoke barca fixture for the real fans on a rainy pitch in aberdeen. then we will see who wins!

  9. No problem, guys! I’m suffering from Hyperclasicoitis as well, so I know what Pep’s going through. 🙁

    I don’t know what’s funnier: Xavi in the hat or him playing basketball and “dunking” the ball.

    The dance kills me every time I see it though, and the Afellay video as well. I just can’t pick. They all make me 😆

  10. barca96
    May 5, 2011

    That pic of Iniesta with his baby really reminded me of MJ (the white one!). You know that pic where he holds his baby out of the window in Germany…
    Maybe we could call Iniesta’s baby girl Blankie or Blanket 🙂

      • barca96
        May 6, 2011

        Oh haha yeah I think there was an episode on Southpark with Blanket. But that’s his real nick name in real life.

  11. soccermomof4
    May 5, 2011

    Kari dearest, thank you sooooooooooo much!

    Que potencia, wuh!

  12. Nomorebullshitamine? LOL Love the post, Kari!!
    And love the Stoke City analysis by Blitzen!

    Cheers, guys!

  13. blitzen
    May 5, 2011

    A really good (and unbiased) article from Sid Lowe:

    If Messi’s first leg strike was a moment of individual genius, Pedro’s second leg one was a beautiful team goal. Iniesta’s pass was fast, accurate and unstoppable and much the same can be said for Pedro’s touch and finish. Blink and you’d miss it. Madrid’s defense certainly did. But the best thing was that the whole move started with a gorgeously weighted, first-time curling pass to Dani Alves on the right.

    By Víctor Valdés.

    • BarcaGirl_Indo
      May 5, 2011

      “Real Madrid even went so far as to denounce Barcelona’s “premeditated anti-sporting behavior” to UEFA. Like no one ever dived before, right?

      In some countries there has long been an obsession with diving and exaggerating as the worst thing in soccer. Worse, for some reason, than deliberately kicking someone even though a dive will never end a player’s career.

      The huge amount of noise ignored the dives of Real’s Ronaldo or Angel Di María, the man who has “provoked” more penalties in the league than anyone else.”

      Yes, Sir…

  14. mega_tajh
    May 5, 2011

    Our doctors are so amazing.I now read that Bojan is back with the group and might play on Sunday. Slowly but surely we are getting back our players.

  15. ak
    May 5, 2011

    what’s up with all these transfer rumours flying out of mad**d?
    Cavani+callejon+sanchez+sahin?? where are they planning to play all of them?

  16. K_legit
    May 5, 2011

    Why is the song ‘Like a G6’ stuck in my head right now because of this post?

    • outerspacedout
      May 5, 2011

      Cos its a frickin awesome song. It always makes me feel so pumped up and cheerful, never gets old.

      Also whenever anyone talks about Afellay here I always think ‘Afellay like a G6’. G6 is my nickname for Afellay in my head now, not 3M.

  17. Jnice
    May 5, 2011

    Well done by both Kari and Blitzen. Nice. 🙂

  18. Puppet
    May 6, 2011

    Yay Kari (er, XavIniestAbidaLeo)! This is truly one of the funniest posts I’ve read in a while 🙂

    • Nav
      May 6, 2011

      When you are approach de bol… you you… you give the…. you shoot de bol to me.

      • K_legit
        May 6, 2011

        Nav its ‘choot de bol’ and not ‘shoot de bol’..Go back to McDonalds and learn more Ingles 😀

        • nzm
          May 7, 2011

          Actually, it’s “chut” or “xut”.

          Guess that Nav will be seeing you in McDonald’s! 🙂

  19. Today the international Morbo began for me

    this is the message I got when logging into….a united forum

    vBulletin Message
    You have been banned for the following reason:
    No reason was specified.

    Date the ban will be lifted: Never

    MEH I freakin love this time of year!!!!

    • barca96
      May 6, 2011

      But thats’ a good thing. It will prevent trollers visiting them (not you!) and if that happens, the Man U trollers will come here.

  20. BarcaGirl_Indo
    May 6, 2011

    according to Sport Barcelona has budget around 50 million euros to spend this summer…

    ideal criteria : cheap, high quality, patient, hard worker, and good looking versatile players… 😛

  21. nothing at all, I posted the following message “Here we go again cowboys…saddle up!!!!!” 3 days ago, it was my first and last post. Maby its cause my user name was Rome_09_lol

    • BarcaGirl_Indo
      May 6, 2011

      LOL… I guess it’s because your user name then… 😆

      • barca96
        May 6, 2011

        You didn’t even have a Barcelona related name on it 😆
        I guess they still have nightmares of Rome and decided to ban that word completely

  22. Sheena
    May 6, 2011

    Random question: When will we be getting our avatars back? 🙂

  23. Vj
    May 6, 2011

    Kari posts like a Boss, blitzen doles out awards like a Boss.

    Freakin’ Boss!

  24. soccermomof4
    May 6, 2011

    Happy News of the day (we are allowing ourselves some happiness by now, right? Oh well, here goes anyway):

    1. The entire right side of our team Our awesome right back has turned 28 today. Maybe Pep will allow him to run extra laps today at practice as a present. Dani gave us a present already when he renewed!

    2. The cuddly one is practicing with the squad.

    3. The King’s contract entension is imminent.

    4. We earned our name back in Eduardo Alverez Quiniela:

    “9. Barcelona (1st) – Espanyol (8th): 1.
    Unlike Team M, Barcelona’s executives and public speakers appeared to recover some (some!) of their mental sanity last week, which gets them back their full name in this column. The Barcelonistas’ immediate focus after the four clasicos should be to become La Liga champions as soon as possible, freeing up time to prepare for the Champions League final at the end of this month.

    Espanyol have already embraced the silly season. Their two best offensive players, Argetinean Osvaldo and Spaniard Jose Callejon, are being auctioned on e-bay as we speak, with an endless list of clubs trying to lure either one or the other away from Barcelona. Even if their classy midfielder Joan Verdu believes that “We can win in the Camp Nou”, this column does not agree. Easy home win.”

    He is still calling EE team M for now.—week-34—strange-times?cc=5901

    • soccermomof4
      May 6, 2011

      Kari dear, if you get a chance, could you please change the spelling of imminent?

      • K_legit
        May 6, 2011

        Will she get a cookie then SoMo? ’cause I could realllllllly use one right now!

        • soccermomof4
          May 6, 2011

          Chocolate chip cookies all around! With milk!

  25. Vj
    May 6, 2011

    UEFA has suspended Real Madrid coach Mourinho for 5 games for his statements after the game vs Barcelona last week #fcblive [cadena ser] via Pep @ barcastuff..

    • blitzen
      May 6, 2011

      Por que? Yo no entiendo por que?


    • K_legit
      May 6, 2011

      WE WUZ ROBBED he’ll say
      And hold the Media under his sway
      Pep stays unvexed
      In glorious Sweater vests
      The true El Puto Jefe.

      Oh Mou of candour and notepad and eyes a-glow,
      Of grey hair and black heart and a brow furrow’d
      Will you know now
      To whom you shall bow?
      He’s the true EL Puto Amo!

  26. dennise
    May 6, 2011

    hold on. Today UEFA announces its response to Mou and his comments, right? My prediction: Mou can play his favourite role – a victim – at V.I.P. lounges 3 games.

  27. soccermomof4
    May 6, 2011

    Ahhh friendship, how sweet:

    Puyol: “Pique is right now the best centre-back in the world. He’s having a spectacular season.”

    imho, Pique can be the best center back in the world when partnered with our Capita.

    • soccermomof4
      May 6, 2011

      Apparently, the code name for the conspiracy is “manita”.

  28. Vj
    May 6, 2011

    Official: Barcelona goalkeeper Pinto has been suspended for 3 CL games because of his red card in the game vs Real Madrid last week via Pep @ barcastuff..

    • blitzen
      May 6, 2011

      Seems a bit harsh, but he wouldn’t be playing in CL games anyway most likely. Oier or Mino will get a seat on the bench. I assume that is retroactive to include Tuesday’s game?

      • Vj
        May 6, 2011

        I think so, I think Pep would play Pinto in the remaining matches in La Liga as well. 3 game suspension for punching is fine by me..

  29. just listenin
    May 6, 2011

    The “I’m finishing planning the last goal for the Catalan derby…” part cracked me up. Yes, Perfect, I believe Pep thinks that way.
    Read it twice and it made me laugh both times when I get to the part about Busquets falling and cluching his face.

    The NMB, and Hyperclasicoitis (which you have to watch where you split the syllables lest if be confused with hyper-clasi-coitus which is a different disease that can be caught from high priced practitioners of the worlds oldest profession).
    Really funny. Great post, too many funny things in one place.

    Thanks for the Post, needed something for the PTSD (Pepe Tried to Sideline Dani)

  30. SoccerMom
    May 6, 2011

    I was so mad at h. this a.m. that I left the house w/out saying adiós.
    Then I laughed so hard at chut de bol that I had to send it to him @ work with subject: Peace Offering. Gracies, Kari.

  31. 145culegirl
    May 6, 2011

    I have no doubt that Madrid will appeal against UEFA for Mourinho’s 5-match ban.Seriously,they seem to concentrate on appeals against Barca more than focussing on their upcoming games.

    All the crap has started to pour in.Ridiculous posts are too being written and I’m enjoying them thoroughly though I avoid some strong English sites.

  32. blitzen
    May 6, 2011

    Official: Barcelona will appeal against UEFA’s 3-match suspension of Barcelona goalkeeper Pinto #fcblive

    On what grounds are we appealing? He did the crime. OK, so he was also being strangled by a match delegate at the time, but I think we should accept it and let it drop.

    • Ryan
      May 6, 2011

      Wowza, already 43 comments on the first post. Looks like they’ll do fine at their new site, eh?

  33. K_legit
    May 6, 2011

    btw just before the El Clasico quartet started The Johann proclaimed that Barça would just need to win two to gain the upper hand..awe just won 1 and imo still gained the upper hand 😀

    • Ryan
      May 6, 2011

      Well, he was hoping we’d also get the Copa as well.

      Now when we sing “Mou Res” Puyol has to squeak “menys la copa!” 😆

  34. May 6, 2011

    I just wanted to send a HUGE thank you to the many posters here that congratulated me and my fellow writers on the new site! It truly means a lot and you guys are really both awesome and classy!

    And a second special thanks to the writers of this blog that sent their congratulations on twitter! Your success was an inspiration to actually go ahead and make the move 🙂

    Again, thanks a lot everyone! You represent your club very well 🙂

  35. Alex
    May 6, 2011

    So, we will be wearing our home kit for the CL final which means ManU will be white.

    This is great news.

  36. Diego
    May 6, 2011

    How come They have avatars at EEfootballblog and we don’t ?

    I blame UNICEF.

  37. Nav
    May 6, 2011

    Barcelona will bid 51M for Arsenal midfielder Cesc Fabregas (24) this summer with the player looking certain to go. [daily star]

    via barcastuff

    Christ I hope not.

    • Ryan
      May 6, 2011

      Right, because we need to spend our entire budget on a bench player!

      Definitely not true, I hope!

    • Daily Star. That’s all you need to know, really.

      It’s bullcrap.

      (Daily Star was one of the tabloids that created and circulated the fake quotes from our players, particularly Xavi, last summer. The paper of “Ben whatevermadeuplastnametheygavehim”, the imaginary journalist that got weekly exclusives.)

      • Nav
        May 6, 2011

        That’s good. I’d hate it if we blew most of our transfer money on one bench player. As much as I’d like to see Cesc here I think we have greater concerns :S

    • Barcaleya
      May 6, 2011

      Great article! I admire Betis for playing well against us. Their promotion is well-deserved.

  38. blitzen
    May 6, 2011

    It’s so quiet in here tonight. I’m lonely. 🙁

    The B-boys play tomorrow at noon EDT, I believe, so I expect to see at least Jneezy and Migs to keep me company.

      • I don’t know if this is true or not, or if translated this properly, but this is just comedic gold:

        Aitor Karanka on Mourinho’s ban: He has not received it well. They [Uefa] never explained why. The club has released a statement saying it will appeal,” Karanka is quoted as saying by

        “Mourinho will defend himself until this comes to the end. Mou will not talk now because he will go through justice. He’s been through everything. But, for now we have to focus on the league and we want to concentrate on that.

        “The idea is until they [Uefa] specify a reason then he [Mourinho] will not speak at the press conferences. Uefa have not communicated the reason why the coach has been suspended.”


        What a drama (queen)! UEFA, don’t ever explain! (Not that you need to)

        • BTTFCule
          May 7, 2011

          I blame Iniesta for smooth and almost seductive spanish 😛

        • That was an excellent article on Mourinho ! I love it when people actually call him for what he is 🙂

          And now this whole i won’t speak to the press until UEFA explain is just to good to be true!! I really hope he actually said that!

          VISCA UEFA!

      • Barcaleya
        May 7, 2011

        Wow. I love this article! Wish I wrote it. It’s nice to read something that’s not meant to be objective. And even knowing that it’s subjective – he didn’t say anything that’s unsupportable. He basically said it as it is. And it actually seems more right than the thoughts of someone trying really hard to be fair and unbiased.

      Thanks a million for the video link Dani_el I already send it to a greek Barcelonista blog to help it spread even more!

    • Nav
      May 7, 2011

      F*k Mourinho and F*k Real Madrid. Absolute f*king thugs.

      • Dani_el
        May 7, 2011

        Despite all, we passed on the most important cup, and we’re about to win LaLiga, but I dont think I’ll ever be able to respect Mou’s EE again…

  39. Vj
    May 7, 2011

    Blanc resigns as the France national team coach.

    • May 7, 2011

      The FFF has issued denials, quelling the hopes of so many Les Bleus fans (and raising the hopes of others, it must also be noted).

    • VictorNZ
      May 7, 2011

      Sad news just as the French national team were getting back on track.

    • I’m thinking about it…but I probably won’t because from a calculation I did it will cost me at least 1000 and if you add my husband (also a soci) to that, its gonna cost 1800-2000 for both so it is a considerable amount, especially if you add my country’s (Greece) economical situation in the mix…arghhhh

      But I soooo want to, because -especially if we win- these are once in a lifetime experiences…!!


  40. blitzen
    May 7, 2011 reporting that Nuri Sahin transfer to RM will be announced on Monday. Because they really need another midfielder.

    • Ryan
      May 7, 2011

      10 million seems too low for an important player on a league-winning team.

      • Jnice
        May 7, 2011

        He has a ‘secret’ buyout clause. I thought it was around 12 million euros.

    • Xingxian
      May 7, 2011

      As my father is Turkish, I’m happy to see someone playing for the Turkish national team joining a prestigious team like Real Madrid. I always have (maybe always will? I’m new to FCB and you never know) felt more passion for national teams (even those other than my own) than for professional teams.

      That being said holy crap, Sahin’s good and as Bassam said can give Alonso a new outlet. On the club level, I’m unhappy to see this 🙁

  41. blitzen
    May 7, 2011

    Also from, Mourinho’s greatest hits:

    Mourinho sensed that Argentine Lucas Castroman was ready to take a quick throw-in for the Italians. With his defence out of position, he rushed from his technical area to thwart Castroman’s attempt to restart the match by tugging on the sleeve of his jersey.

    Wow. I didn’t know about this one. How is this ridiculous man still allowed to be a coach?

  42. Thanks for the info Blitzen!Based on that I searched and found a video that has this incident

    Its just after the minute 7, when a guy asks him how far is he willing to go in order to secure a victory…the guy will stop at NOTHING in order to win..shameless

  43. Miguel
    May 7, 2011

    Barcelona B line-up (vs Albacete): Oier – Ilie OriolRomeu Ilie Planas – VictorVazquez DosSantos SergiRoberto – Saul Soriano Nolito

    Hercules Racing & Valencia R Sociedad are on at the same time as the B-team as well.

    Poor Man City. Manchurians just left the door open for Tottenham, who also plays right now, to take a Champions League spot ahead of them.

    • blitzen
      May 7, 2011

      But I really want Blackpool to win so they can stay up.

    • Jnice
      May 7, 2011

      Romeu playing center back. Nice to see him back.

    • blitzen
      May 7, 2011

      Pretty crappy video. *sigh*

      Also keeping one eye on Valencia/Real Sociedad.

  44. blitzen
    May 7, 2011

    We are pressing really hard. Has the ball even been in Barca’s half yet?

  45. Miguel
    May 7, 2011

    Can”t Hold His Drinks Gio Dos Santos scored a very pretty headed goal from a cross just now. If this result holds, it could sink Hercules’ chance at playing topflight football for another year. Thank goodness.

    BarcaB link:

  46. Jnice
    May 7, 2011

    Love JDS’s work rate. He looks good at DM.

    • Miguel
      May 7, 2011

      Agreed. I like him playing DM if only because I think this should be beneficial in helping him be a more well rounded player. I often thought last year that he never dropped deep enough to try and dictate a game.

      Come on Nolito.

  47. blitzen
    May 7, 2011

    Valencia scores again to go up 2-0. Unai may get to keep his job after all.

  48. Miguel
    May 7, 2011

    Kiko scores to tie it up for Hercules. Gio dos Santos scores a second goal, a beautiful chip over the keeper, two seconds later. Nuts.

  49. Miguel
    May 7, 2011

    A deflection in the box gives Hercules the tying goal again!

  50. blitzen
    May 7, 2011

    Really disappointed Barca B hasn’t scored yet. They need to win this to stay in the top five. The first 20 minutes they were playing Albacete off the park, but now they have their game face on.

    Don’t let Lucho down, boys!

    And apparently Iniesta is in the stadium watching the game.

  51. blitzen
    May 7, 2011

    Valencia absolutely steamrolling Real Sociedad. 3-0 now.

  52. blitzen
    May 7, 2011

    You know, I really like Pochettino. He is never less than respectful, and I think he and Guardiola actually have a good relationship.

  53. Miguel
    May 7, 2011

    Racing must have scored in the beginning of the 2nd half because the game restarted at the 46th minute with the scoreline at 3-2. Weird.

  54. Miguel
    May 7, 2011

    WWWhhaaat? Penalty? Romeu was it, that gave it away? Argh.

  55. Jnice
    May 7, 2011

    Kind of harsh on Romeu. Ball hit his foot and bounced up to his hand. But they shouldn’t have lost the ball in that area. 0-1 Albacete.

  56. blitzen
    May 7, 2011

    They’re stepping it up now. Get another one!

  57. Miguel
    May 7, 2011

    Valdez sent off for Hercules for allegedly elbowing somebody in the back of the neck. Ha ha.

  58. Jnice
    May 7, 2011

    Barça B banging on the door now. A 2nd should come soon.

  59. blitzen
    May 7, 2011

    We should have this game sewn up by now. *fret* We are far superior.

  60. Miguel
    May 7, 2011

    JdS looking silkys. That pass deserved better.

  61. blitzen
    May 7, 2011


    Too bad we are losing him. 🙁

    • Miguel
      May 7, 2011

      To whom? I can’t find anything about his switching clubs.

      How’d Edu Oriol just miss that??

      • blitzen
        May 7, 2011

        Well he has been linked with multiple EPL teams, including Fulham, Wigan and West Ham. EMD reported today that Real Sociedad is interested.

        • blitzen
          May 7, 2011

          I mean, he is 25. If he’s not going to be promoted, and he’s not, he can’t stay on the B team forever.

        • Noslehcimretep
          May 7, 2011

          West Ham aren’t going to be EPL for long though…

  62. Dani_el
    May 7, 2011

    What a play from Soriano I think! I should’ve been goal!

  63. Jnice
    May 7, 2011

    Wish I had a stream for the Juvenil A Clasico. Really want to see Espinosa & Deulofeu. Fudge.

  64. blitzen
    May 7, 2011

    Charlie Adam may have just broken Gareth Bale’s leg. More to come.

    • Miguel
      May 7, 2011

      His ankle most likely. It really didn’t look that bad. I think he just rolled it. He did look in a lot of pain, though. 🙁

  65. K_legit
    May 7, 2011

    Barcelona right back defender Dani Alves is close to signing a sponsor deal with battery brand Duracell. [md]

    hahahahahahahahaha that is so FITTING its unreal!

    • blitzen
      May 7, 2011

      I always saw him more as an Energizer Bunny, though…

  66. Miguel
    May 7, 2011

    Talk all the shit you want about Gomes…

    Oh wait. He concedes a penalty right after thwarting one. Fucking loser. 😀


  67. Jnice
    May 7, 2011

    Register and you can watch the Juvenil A Clasico.

  68. Jnice
    May 7, 2011

    Golazo de Rafinha! His second of the match. 2-0.

  69. K_legit
    May 7, 2011

    Barcastuff says that there is some wheelin’ dealin’ taking place Re; Alexis Sanchez

    • K_legit
      May 7, 2011

      Jnice says that Ernesto scored…is he the only guy watching this game? I am watching the Roma Milan game myself

  70. Vj
    May 7, 2011

    Silly season is gonna be sillier this time round. Looks as though its started already..

  71. mega_tajh
    May 7, 2011

    Idk much about Alexis Sanchez but is he any better that what we have in Afellay? Considering the 30Mil asking fee for him I would certainly pass and keep our baby face Ibi.

    • Jnice
      May 7, 2011

      On the wings he’s certainly better than Ibi. Goes past players for fun. Can finish as well.

    • Diego
      May 7, 2011

      Adding to Jnice.

      His dribbling style is better than Ibi, He’s like Thiago and Ronaldinho in the way they push the ball, He has a powerful shot.

      • mega_tajh
        May 7, 2011

        OOOhhh I will look for him more on youtube.

        So what you guys think if we do indeed make an offer for him…Worth it or would you pass and spend elsewhere?

        • Diego
          May 7, 2011

          A good player but he won’t come for cheap, Are we willing to spend 30m of our 50m for one player ?

          I think Rossi would be an option too, depending what Pep wants, a Wing player, a Leftie or a Rightie, etc.

          • mega_tajh
            May 7, 2011

            For some odd reason I think we have the money for both Fabregas(strongly feel he is coming this summer) and another key signing(Rossi,Alexis or similar etc). Oddly enough I also feel CB will be filled by promotions.

  72. Vj
    May 7, 2011

    The Juvenil clasico ended it seems.. We won 3-1!

    • Diego
      May 7, 2011

      Who scored ? How awesome were we ? How many EE players were sent off ?

      Any reviews for Deulofeu and Rafinha ?

  73. blitzen
    May 7, 2011

    My feed of the RM/Sevilla match has no commentary. 🙂

  74. Vj
    May 7, 2011

    Is Sanchez a target-man? How good is he in the air?

    • Diego
      May 7, 2011

      He’s shorter than Messi, He’s 1.68 m (5 ft 6 in).

      He’s a wing player, Originall a wing player unlike Villa and Afellay who accommodate.

      • Vj
        May 7, 2011

        Jeez I need to get glasses, I thought he was atleast 6 feet when I saw him on TV a couple of times :S

  75. Diego
    May 7, 2011

    Via Wikipedia :

    Sánchez’s style of play has been compared to Cristiano Ronaldo. With exceptional dribbling ability, sublime ball control, quick pace and pinpoint crossing, it is easy to see why. Also, like Ronaldo, Sánchez often plays as a Winger or Striker.

    You can also see videos of him to help you all understand him better.

  76. May 7, 2011

    Alexi is a player I’ve been following since he caught my attention in the world cup. And he is just amazing. That said, getting him will not answer my concerns regarding center forward (Sanchez plays on the flank).

    If we buy him instead of a Llorente like player, we should at least get Trezegeut or Valdez from Hercules. Now that they are relegating.

    • mega_tajh
      May 7, 2011

      If only the staff thought like you.

  77. blitzen
    May 7, 2011

    Sevilla giving out corners like they are candy.

  78. blitzen
    May 7, 2011

    Madrid is somehow managing to play a very good game of football without fouling everyone in sight. Amazing! 😛

  79. blitzen
    May 7, 2011


    Asked about Pinto suspension that will see him miss the final on the 28th, Guardiola just said, “He will have learnt his lesson.”

    Finally, Guardiola quashed Inter Milan’s hope of securing his services for next season when he said, “Inter Milan is a great team but I have a contract with Barca and I will be here for at least another season.”

    Como un puto jefe. 8)

  80. Humphrey Bogart
    May 7, 2011

    Wah, Sevilla are so push-overs. Same as Valencia, do they have no pride in front of their supporters, or is it just against us?

    • Vj
      May 7, 2011

      No, its just that they have nothing to play for, coupled with the fact that they don’t care..

      It was different against us, there actually was a league going on..

  81. mega_tajh
    May 7, 2011

    How is it Sevilla got nothing to play for? Don’t they have to fight for a place in Europe which is still not certain or a given.

  82. Miguel
    May 7, 2011

    I blame Real’s result on the ball girls from Sevilla:

    That’s because the club’s ball boys have been removed from duties after apparently taking their own initiative through no instruction from their bosses whatsoever to lob extra balls onto the pitch a couple of weeks ago to stop any chance of a Villarreal comeback in a 3-2 win for Sevilla.
    Sevilla’s president José María Del Nido has admitted that naughtiness was afoot and has promised that such scenes won’t be repeated – by using ball girls for Saturday’s clash. “We want the change to be clear and we choose the feminine option,” revealed Del Nido.
    If the club are looking for more girls with basic athletic abilities, then LLL can recommend Fernando Gago to help out, as the midfielder is at an injured loose end these days.


    • Have pity on the poor student who procrastinated so much during El Clasico weeks that she has boat loads of work to do, with an infection to rub it in! I am not your servant — I have hopes and dreams like everyone else!

      It’s edited.

  83. Vj
    May 7, 2011

    Now Thong Boy has gotten ahead of Messi. Hop this is the motivation needed to obliterate those parakeets..

  84. May 7, 2011

    I dont get it. How can these teams play so well against us and then be so damn pathetic vs Madrid. It is absolutely ridiculous. I dont care if they have nothing to play for. Play for pride. These are supposed to be professional football players. Disgraceful.

    Worst part is Ronaldo scored 4 goals. That puts him ahead of Messi.

    • Helge
      May 7, 2011

      A win would have taken Sevilla to a Europa League spot…

      I don’t care about Pichichi, it’s spoiled by Marca anyway. CR will win it.

      But we better win against Espanyol tomorrow, because EE won’t drop any points. Villarreal probably will also roll over against them.

      We have to away matches left, at UD Levante who have been in terrific form over the 2nd half of the season and at Malaga, who might still be battling relegation on the last playday. A win tomorrow is essential, also to reduce the maybe now upcoming optimism in Madrid.

  85. Vj
    May 7, 2011

    I don’t really care when other teams roll over against EE when EE themselves roll over against us..

  86. Nav
    May 7, 2011

    Who cares about Ronaldo’s goal count — he can’t perform when his team needs him most.

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