El Clasico 2011, Part One Million

So you’re worried about our lineup on Wednesday, are you? You’re all “Who will we play at left back? Puyol? Muniesa? Guardiola?” Well, fear not, cule, for I am here with The Answers. And not multiple Allen Iversons.

Obviously we’ll be lining up in a 2-4-4. That’s just one big “duh.” Because we totally vary our formation all the time and now will not be any different. So that’s how we’re going to combat their 3-man midfield: with 4 men. Math is super simple, y’all. At the front we’ll start Villa, Messi, Pedro, Jeffren, which is pretty much a given since together they’re MVP and you don’t leave your most valuable anything on th bench during a clasico. Even if it’s your most valuable weather rock, you put it out there! If weather rock is bleeding, it’s Pepe outside. And also Jeffren is there too.

In the midfield we’ll go with Alves, Xavi, Busi, Iniesta as we’ll want to outnumber them and really put the screws to them. Obviously Alves is a right back, right winger, and a right forward, but if you take the average of those positions, he’s right on the center  line, making him a midfielder. Once again: math. It defeats all enemies. Except stupidity.

And so the defense. What to do? Easy peasy, folks: Puyol, Pique. Do you really need anything more than those two? We’ll outnumber them up front 8 to 7 and in the back, well, Puyol is worth half a dozen, so we’ll out number them there too, 7 to 3. It is foolproof.

And when Jeffren gets injured in the 37th minute, we can just put on Mascherano in defense and move Pique up front as another striker. We will so win like 4-0. And that is before halftime. And if somehow–somehow–they stay in the game and we need a goal, well, we can just move Mascherano up too because, again, Puyol alone would outnumber half their team. And that would guarantee another goal for us because, uh, Mascherano is some sort of scoring genius. I guess. He played in the EPL? Yeah, that’s it.

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Isaiah is a co-founder and lead writer for Barcelona Football Blog. He currently lives in Germany with his wife and daughter.


  1. blitzen
    April 25, 2011

    If Puyol is worth half a dozen, then so is Messi, so actually we will outnumber them by another 5 players. That almost doesn’t seem fair. Almost. 😀

  2. Miguel
    April 25, 2011

    But I thought Ronaldo was the first, second, and third best player in the world, so doesn’t that even things out a bit?

    • blitzen
      April 25, 2011

      Your argument is invalid. CRonaldo only has one Golden Ball. Messi has two Golden Balls. 2 is more than 1. Math doesn’t lie, Miguel! 😛

  3. Blow-Grenade
    April 25, 2011

    Ha ha, Good to see a funny bone in Isaiah. Love the blog.

  4. Diego
    April 25, 2011

    Match squad (vs Madrid): 20 players. Puyol returns, Milito fit. Maxwell out. B-team players: Thiago, Montoya, Sergi Roberto

    That answers a few questions.

  5. Barcaleya
    April 25, 2011

    Brilliant, Isaiah!

    I completely agree with the line-up. Haha

  6. Ryan
    April 25, 2011

    One of our former youth, Rochina, is playing against Citeh for Blackburn right now.

    • Ryan
      April 25, 2011

      And as I say that he gets stripped of the ball that leads to Dzeko’s first league goal, hehe.

    • Josep
      April 25, 2011

      He had a nice stepover that drew a foul on the end of the box, and one nicely taken corner.

  7. Eklavya
    April 25, 2011

    Isaiah were you drunk and demented when you wrote this? 🙂

  8. April 25, 2011

    I think there’s a risk when you put too many players who tend to cut in diagonally on the wings, it increases risk of collision and injuries. 😛

    Aside from that, I think we have a winner. Someone ought to ring up Pep and suggest this.

    Brilliant! Thanks for the laugh. 🙂

  9. blaunero
    April 25, 2011

    Hopefully Puyol plays. He’d be a great addition to our defense.

    • Vj
      April 25, 2011

      What’s the use? EE have the upper hand :S

  10. Manish
    April 25, 2011

    This review is one in a million.. hoping we bite off EE’s back ..break them down..terrorise them ..scare them and hunt them down this wednesday and send them where they belong…i am angry really angry with EE…

    Go go go go Barca..time to show EE who’s the Boss…

  11. BarcaGirl_Indo
    April 25, 2011

    Isaiah is a math genius, I tell you that…

    so fear not my friends, with Puyol on the field, we completely outnumbered them…

    10 others + 6 Puyol = 16 players…

    and 16 > 10… that’s the math…

    why 10? because Mou’s team will ALWAYS end up with 10 men….

    so hell yeah…

    • Josep
      April 26, 2011

      cue the “we always play with less men” “gave up the draw with more men” “16 MEN?! PARKING THE BUS!”

  12. soccermomof4
    April 25, 2011

    I thought I hated math. I was wrong. I love Isaiah’s math. Beats DiffEq.

  13. 145culegirl
    April 26, 2011

    Nice lineup.But I dont think Pep will use this formation.It will be 4-3-3 but I wish to see some changes.

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