El Clasico 2011, Part One Million

So you’re worried about our lineup on Wednesday, are you? You’re all “Who will we play at left back? Puyol? Muniesa? Guardiola?” Well, fear not, cule, for I am here with The Answers. And not multiple Allen Iversons.

Obviously we’ll be lining up in a 2-4-4. That’s just one big “duh.” Because we totally vary our formation all the time and now will not be any different. So that’s how we’re going to combat their 3-man midfield: with 4 men. Math is super simple, y’all. At the front we’ll start Villa, Messi, Pedro, Jeffren, which is pretty much a given since together they’re MVP and you don’t leave your most valuable anything on th bench during a clasico. Even if it’s your most valuable weather rock, you put it out there! If weather rock is bleeding, it’s Pepe outside. And also Jeffren is there too.

In the midfield we’ll go with Alves, Xavi, Busi, Iniesta as we’ll want to outnumber them and really put the screws to them. Obviously Alves is a right back, right winger, and a right forward, but if you take the average of those positions, he’s right on the center  line, making him a midfielder. Once again: math. It defeats all enemies. Except stupidity.

And so the defense. What to do? Easy peasy, folks: Puyol, Pique. Do you really need anything more than those two? We’ll outnumber them up front 8 to 7 and in the back, well, Puyol is worth half a dozen, so we’ll out number them there too, 7 to 3. It is foolproof.

And when Jeffren gets injured in the 37th minute, we can just put on Mascherano in defense and move Pique up front as another striker. We will so win like 4-0. And that is before halftime. And if somehow–somehow–they stay in the game and we need a goal, well, we can just move Mascherano up too because, again, Puyol alone would outnumber half their team. And that would guarantee another goal for us because, uh, Mascherano is some sort of scoring genius. I guess. He played in the EPL? Yeah, that’s it.

By Isaiah

Isaiah is a co-founder and lead writer for Barcelona Football Blog. He currently lives in the greater Philadelphia area.

29 comments

  2. If Puyol is worth half a dozen, then so is Messi, so actually we will outnumber them by another 5 players. That almost doesn’t seem fair. Almost. 😀

  3. But I thought Ronaldo was the first, second, and third best player in the world, so doesn’t that even things out a bit?

    1. Your argument is invalid. CRonaldo only has one Golden Ball. Messi has two Golden Balls. 2 is more than 1. Math doesn’t lie, Miguel! 😛

    3. Your argument is invalid. Those awards only apply to English Football. Also, they are made of silver. The Ballon d’Or is made of gold. Gold. Gold is scientifically proven to be better than silver. QED.

    5. Still invalid. Afellay is Dutch, and therefore worth at least 40 Portuguese. Also, did I mention that Messi has two balls made of gold? That makes him twice as expensive as CRonaldo. That’s just economics.

  6. Match squad (vs Madrid): 20 players. Puyol returns, Milito fit. Maxwell out. B-team players: Thiago, Montoya, Sergi Roberto

    That answers a few questions.

    1. And as I say that he gets stripped of the ball that leads to Dzeko’s first league goal, hehe.

    2. He had a nice stepover that drew a foul on the end of the box, and one nicely taken corner.

  10. I think there’s a risk when you put too many players who tend to cut in diagonally on the wings, it increases risk of collision and injuries. 😛

    Aside from that, I think we have a winner. Someone ought to ring up Pep and suggest this.

    Brilliant! Thanks for the laugh. 🙂

  12. This review is one in a million.. hoping we bite off EE’s back ..break them down..terrorise them ..scare them and hunt them down this wednesday and send them where they belong…i am angry really angry with EE…

    Go go go go Barca..time to show EE who’s the Boss…

  13. Isaiah is a math genius, I tell you that…

    so fear not my friends, with Puyol on the field, we completely outnumbered them…

    10 others + 6 Puyol = 16 players…

    and 16 > 10… that’s the math…

    why 10? because Mou’s team will ALWAYS end up with 10 men….

    so hell yeah…

    1. cue the “we always play with less men” “gave up the draw with more men” “16 MEN?! PARKING THE BUS!”

  15. Nice lineup.But I dont think Pep will use this formation.It will be 4-3-3 but I wish to see some changes.

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