Real Madrid’s celebration of its first King’s Cup in 18 years also had its downside. Around 4:15 a.m., as the team bus arrived at the Cibeles Fountain, the heavy trophy escaped from Sergio Ramos’ hands. The Cup fell in front of the bus’ front wheels, which proceeded to run it over […] As workers picked up small pieces of the trophy from the asphalt, the broken cup was brought inside the bus and not shown to the fans any more.*
— El País, April 21 2011.
“Well, who’s surprised?” said Real Madrid midfielder Xabi Alonso. “I mean, I know it’s four in the morning and all, but who grabs a big old piece of silverware and tries to put it on his head like a hat? What, did Sergio tattoo his brain or something?”
“That’s nothing,” commented Raúl Albiol, who plays centerback alongside Ramos and Alonso when other, more important players aren’t injured or disciplined. “Look, you didn’t hear it from me, but did you know that Iker once got so smashed after a fight with Sara that he actually tried to open the Móstoles town hall with his key to the city? Man, we were dying. It took him three tries before he realized the key was to Navalacruz. He may be the greatest goalie in the world and all, but what a putz! I honestly don’t know what Mou – oh, I mean Sara – sees in him.”
In an interview with girlfriend and sports reporter extraordinaire Carbonero, Iker shot back. “Raúl forgot to tell you about the time we came back to the hotel after winning the World Cup at like six a.m., and we were jonesing for a tortilla sandwich, and he’s all, ‘I’ll do it, I went to El Bulli once,’ and stuck his head so far in the microwave that his medal got caught inside. Dude freaked out when the lightning started, man. Puyi and I had to hold him while Andrés figured out how to open the door. So who’s the brain trust around here?”
At that point the world-famous portero looked directly at the camera. “Just remember, baby, there’s only one Raúl … and he’s up to los cojones in cold beer, warm brats and hot frauleins.”
*La celebración de la primera Copa del Rey ganada por el Real Madrid en 18 años tuvo también su cara negativa. En torno a las 4.15 de la madrugada, cuando el autobús en el que viajaban los campeones se acercaba a la Cibeles, el pesado trofeo recién conquistado en Valencia se le escapó de las manos a Sergio Ramos, que lo sostenía sobre su cabeza. La Copa cayó junto a una de las ruedas delanteras del vehículo y fue arrollada por el mismo […] Lo cierto es que miembros del SAMUR tuvieron que retirar del asfalto pequeños trozos del trofeo, que fue guardado en el bus y ya no se mostró más a la afición.