Get Ready For Horrible Shakira Puns: Barcelona-Shakhtar LiveBlog

Ryan gets us started: I never really knew they could defend like this~
I keep it going: They make the last man want to defeat the Spanish.
Como Eh-STAN, senores, mi campo, su campo
Shakhtar, Shakhtar!

You’ve been warned.

Txignasty is out for this match.

Barcelona line-up (official via barcastuff): Valdes – Alves Busquets Pique Adriano – Xavi Mascherano Keita – Iniesta Messi Villa

This LiveBlog starts 15-20 minutes early, so that’s 2:25-2:30pm EST. I’ll be very focused on the match, so I’ll probably miss you if you come halfway through the match. HT is another good time to join.

By Kari

Just your neighbourhood Barca fanatic


  1. Did anyone notice what Busi did right before Pique’s goal?

    As Pique ran from the far post towards the penalty spot, he dragged his markers with his.

    Busi wasn’t even looking at the ball. He tried to block the two markers way, just a tiiiny bit. And it gave all the time needed for Pique to score, which is only 1-2 seconds.

    Obvious, they’d trained this before. Pique just confirmed it, via barcastuff.

    1. Saw this too. Who would’ve thunk that Pep’s boys could actually score from set pieces if they, you know, practice.

      Also, Xavi is trending worldwide in twitter. Random and awesome.

  2. @Eklavya
    They used the old corner trick from FM10. Leave someone open to lurk the area and bam long shot goals! Actuall a similar method was huge for Scholes-Beckham.

    Guys, I just got the best text. WE’RE HAVING TACOS FOR DINNER!!

  3. I never really knew we score score like that!
    We make mince-meat of their tactical plan!
    Como te gusta, senores, mi campo, su campo
    Shakhtar, Shakhtar!

    1. Ohhh, they’re off tonight, you know Luiz Adriano’s whiffs don’t lie. He’s tryin’ to tell us something.

  4. Cmon Barca, Lets go into the Ukraine and make history by breaking Shakhtar’s winning streak, I know we can do it!


  5. Can’t wait for the review. So happy I could dance. I’m ready to forgive Papi Andres for the card because y’all said it made sense. Getting cosmos tonight :).

    I want to judiciously rest players in the return fixture. Let’s not go crazy, It’s their home turf and do you remember how dangerous they looked and their goals that miraculously did not go in.

    So the flea is only feeling so-so. I know he wants to score, but couldn’t he have gotten a lttle rest?

  6. Intersting. According to @2010masterchip, Barcelona’s last 11 games against Russian/Ukrainian clubs before today’s: LWW LWW LWW LW?

    The “?” is now a win of course. Ominous for the second leg? Not that I care right now.

    1. Kari, that becomes much less ominous with draws being excluded, which they are (I don’t remember offhand how many there were in that time, but for sure one against Kazan just last fall in the CL group stage.) A draw at the Donbass would be quite alright, as long as it means we’re resting starters like we should be.

  7. I’ve read and heard before that Tito is the one who comes up with our set piece tricks. And I’m sure that’s who Pep pointed at after the goal went in. Let’s not forget the play we had in the first half… Busi flick on to Pique like against Villarreal, but his touch let him down.

  8. On a much random-er note, I get Twitter if/when Messi gets Twitter. Technically, that means I should also get FaceBook, but it’s public and I can view it without having FB.

  9. What a brilliant, brilliant game! It’s the fact that we can win 5-1 against a good team in a high-pressure game when we aren’t even at our best that makes us Barca fans spoilt rotten. 😛

    1. We’re spoiled rotten even when we play at our best, score 5 goals and kick the other team’s ass in a low pressure game. Don’t sell us short, fcbfandrivel! 😀

  10. I love that we confound everyone. We win so narrowly and seemingly survive only by the grace of VV’s saves, then we go rampant and score 5.

    Alves doesn’t shoot when he should that when he does, GK is one second behind probably thinking that Alves will pass instead. We suck at set pieces and then we suddenly execute them perfectly. If the forwards don’t score, the entire midfield plus defenders do and our forwards start defending.

    It must be very difficult to play a team like ours. Our opponents discount anything and anyone at great peril.

  11. Does anyone know if they’ll be missing players through suspension. Can’t remember from the game and too lazy to look for it. Pretty please

  12. Wooohooooo!!!!!!! Life is good!!!!!

    Downloading the match now, can’t wait to watch it!

    So apparently our forwards are having trouble scoring. No worries, we have scoring fullbacks! And midfielders! I fully expect Valdes to score before the season is out. 😀

  13. what is that thing taht pique does in his celebration? at first i thought it was 2 – 2 for abidal but now i heard it has something to do with shakeera? whaaaa

    1. He did that celebration last year too I think, and those were pre-Shakira days AFAIK at least. I suspect it probably means the same as “moc moc”, which is to say, nothing. 😛

    2. It is for Shakira and himself. They share the same birthday: the 2nd day of the 2nd month.

    3. So? Puyol is more than 10 years older than his gf and no one ever mentions that. Double standards suck.

    4. Oh. I think he did the same celebration against Atletico Madrid in that game when Ujfalusi tried to see if Messi’s feet would bend backwards. Or maybe he was already seeing Shakira then, not that it really matters. 🙂

    5. There were rumors he was with Shakira right after the World Cup, so he probably was seeing her then on the hush hush.

  14. Just finished the game. We started off shaky despite the Iniesta goal, and all I really have to say is WAHOOO!

  15. Let’s not get carried away. Still 90 minutes to play for in a tough stadium in Eastern Europe right before the first Clasico, with Iniesta suspended and our strikers misfiring. Anything can happen, as we with memories of Getafe still strong in our minds can attest. Let’s just take it one game at a time. Rejoicing for a quarter final first leg victory, ample though it is, seems rather hollow to me. We can be quietly confident, but overjoyous exuberance hardly becomes us. Many a team has fallen due to it.

    1. The team won’t fall because of us celebrating. As long as Pep does his job and keeps the players grounded — which he will, it’s fine.

    2. There’s a fine line between cautious and pessimistic and I don’t know where you stand..

      Point taken though. If we suddenly go 2 down inside 10 minutes like against Betis, Shakhtar might fancy their chances. But it prolly won’t happen..

    3. Jeebus Effing Cule! Can you not just let us celebrate wildly for a few hours??? Reality will set in soon enough. Honestly, try and be happy for your team for once.

    4. I’ll be happy at the end of the season, win or lose. I particularly like watching during the summer clips of our games from the previous season, and this match I will really like to watch again. Otherwise, no. Rejoicing when there’s still a second leg… that’s just tempting Karma. And I am very superstitious.
      I’m reminded of the post Real-Spurs comments by their fans and papers. Most of them thought they had already grabbed their tenth. Man plans and Nature just laughs in hi face.

    5. blaunero, I get your point, but there’s nothing wrong with feeling happy and celebrating this win…

      Shakhiratar is great team, so this is a HUGE step to semifinal, eventhough we all know it’s not over yet…

      and finally we got La Manita back!

      so c’mon, have a big grin and ejoy your day, pal! 😀

    6. I’m enjoying my day very much actually. I only refuse to get carried away and be happy for a victory in the first leg of the quarter finals of the CL.

    7. Don’t worry, we’ll be happy for you. 😀

      If we can’t hold a 4 goal lead then we’re no better than Arsenal, hehe.

  16. I’ll be happy at the end of the season, win or lose. I particularly like watching during the summer clips of our games from the previous season, and this match I will really like to watch again. Otherwise, no. Rejoicing when there’s still a second leg… that’s just tempting Karma. And I am very superstitious.
    I’m reminded of the post Real-Spurs comments by their fans and papers. Most of them thought they had already grabbed their tenth. Man plans and Nature just laughs in hi face.

  17. Folks – Shakhtar is a very good team. Very good. It’s no accident at all they’ve reached this stage.

    Lucescu is a terrific manager.

    And Barca absolutely put a beating on them.

    Yes there were defensive lapses. Yes they were fortunate not to concede more goals (thank goodness for Luis Adriano’s poor finishing and VV for being as good as he is…)

    But that’s not the story. The story of this game was how brilliant Barcelona was in dismantling one of Europe’s best sides.

    Outside of finishing, Shakhtar executed fairly well. I thought they did a great job of making the pitch extremely large when they were in possession and that made it difficult for Barca to press effectively. Shakhtar’s own press was fairly effective as well.

    But Barca just ripped them open at the back.

    And so much of that was Messi. Today’s game was a perfect example of how a team decides to over commit to defending Messi and he just destroys them through his passing and by dragging their defenders out of position all across the pitch.

    Just a wonderful match. And now the team can play loose and not have to worry too much about the away leg which is just an awful place to need to win.

    Their in very good position in both the league and the CL.

  18. Pique’s goal today reminded me of the chance Busquets had against Arsenal last year at their stadium. That time only a goalline block saved Arsenal from conceding in first 20 minutes. I’m glad that we can pull out some special tricks like this once in a while haha.

  19. You don’t take your chances against Barcelona, they will punish you, 5 times.

    Those first 20 minutes of the game were the most important ones. SHad shakhtar converted, it might have been a different story. But you guys were really good at converting your chances, so props to you.

    Not looking forward to 4 classicos at all. The rarity of the game is what made it so beautiful, but now we are going to have 5 a season. Blah! I’m sure they will all be awesome though.

    Anyways, Congrats, a well deserved victory!

    1. SEVEN, plus two Supercopa games… yuck!

      well, lately we didn’t finish our chances…

      that’s why eventhough we’re not in the semifinal yet,

      I really enjoy this win, because it’s been so long since we scored many goals… 😉

    2. Why thank you, good sir!

      I’d look forward to those Clasicos if I were you; we can only beat you so many times in a row. #Ilovebackhandedcompliments


  20. Now I can fully enjoy Inter’s loss yesterday without feeling wary of us suffering the same misfortune. Evil, bitter, or whatever you want to call it, I’m all of those. 🙂

    1. oh yes, seriously, I don’t even have mood to mock Inter yesterday…

      because Barça hasn’t played, now after we won 5-1,

      I can fully enjoy Inter’s loss… 😀

    2. I think the loss of Inter yesterday was not even funny. It was such a pathetic performance, you cannot compare this Inter to last year’s…
      At the beginning of the season I was feeling happy when Inter lost, but yesterday, I had pity on them. It was the worst performance of a so-called big team that I’ve ever seen in a CL knockout stage 🙂

    3. No pity from me. I don’t like that team nor do I like their supporters because they always haven’t something silly to say about us.

      Gracias, Schalke.

    4. there’s no such a thing as “pity for Inter” for me… 😛

      since I’m a Milan fans too, I hate Inter with a fiery passions of thousand suns…

      sorry Kari, I can’t think of anything new…

    5. Well, the thing is, the match was not won 5-2 by Schalke because of an absolute master piece of work, but it was lost 2-5 by Inter due to lack of everything.
      I’d prefer Inter to lose 5-2 albeit playing good and then they’d have to confess that even their best team in a good shape was completely outclassed by whatever team (certainly this team would not be Schalke, because they are nowhere near of destroying the best line-up from Inter as long as Inter doesn’t have an awful day).

    6. I’ve always liked underdogs so Inter was my favorite team in Italy 10 years ago. The Inter fans from the football forum I frequent are quite pleasant which also helps, unlike some Barca fans there who are sadly quite obnoxious. I was kinda glad that they probably will get eliminated by Schalke, not because I hate them for last year’s defeat. I just find Schalke (and German teams) much more beatable than Inter who can be a strong team when fully fit.

    7. Not a fan of Inter, their players, and especially many of the fans. Their page at the offside has to be one of the scummiest, most vitriol-fueled football blogs around.

      I’m just sad we didn’t get a chance to play them this year ourselves.

    8. I dont feel one iota of pity for Inter. That defeat couldnt have happened to a more deserving club.

      And if there is another fanbase like the one at the Inter offside, I hope I never encounter it. It’s not just toward Barca, mind you. That place is a ball of hate.

  21. Just read through some of the LB-Kari, you know me too well. I definitely was dying/crying when Dani was messing around in the box. Totally screamed when he scored, though.

    1. I know because I was feeling the same-ish. 🙂

      When he scored, I threw a pillow at my TV in joyous anger (some call it “passion”). Suffice to say, my mom did not understand but was wise enough to keep her distance—she understands my football obsession.

    1. PIC :




      GIF :



  22. What strikes me about this win was that for a 5-1 score line the reason Barcelona won was grit and determination. Sometimes I think the team overcomplicates things trying to find the perfect solution, but today was not one of those days.

    The game was fairly open at the beginning and it could have gone either way right from the start. It’s good to see the team take on a steely resolve and not mess around when it matters.


    Love reading some of the comments on the Guardian. Some people just love to hate us.

    One particularly outstanding comment:

    Since people have asked- things that might be considered smug or annoying that Barcelona and their fans do:

    1) Declare that they are the best team ever.
    2) Denigrate all other styles of football, including teams defending (heaven forbid).
    3) Declare that they are more than a club (Because Barca fans care oh so much more about their club than any fan obviously).
    4) Perpetrate niggly little fouls all the time.
    5) Date popstars.
    6) Have Qatar on their shirts.
    7) State opposition players would fit nicely into their reserves.
    8) Play keep away forever.
    9) Cite possesion stats even when they lose- it’s about scoring goals.
    10) Surround the ref every time they want a free kick…
    11) Dive a lot.
    12) They have a lot of fans who don’t go to football games and often have never even been to Barcelona.
    13) Messi constantly tries to get away with handballing the ball into the net.
    14) Think they deserve to win just because they play nice football.
    15) Whinge when things don’t go your way- OMG it must be so hard to support one of the worlds most successful teams…
    16) Hoard the revenue from la liga (with RM) and spoil the competition.
    17) The behaviour over fabreagas.

    Most of these apply to other succesful clubs too, but if you can’t see why fans of other clubs might not be annoyed…

    1. 1) Declare that they are the best team ever.
      Who did? Most of them who said this are other coach or players, and some journalists…

      5) Date popstars.
      popstars? there are others beside Shakira?

      6) Have Qatar on their shirts.
      I know… I wish it’s Dunkin Donuts or Pizza Hut…

  24. Play of The Game according to totalbarca :


    but I think Iniesta’s magnificent ball to Alves is also the play of the game…

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