Don’t Call Rosell Wack.

He doesn’t take it well.

FC Barcelona Members Meeting: 20:14 BCN time, Barcelona, Catalunya, Spain.

Short man with glasses walks on a stage to a podium with a microphone.

Bartomeu: Hello. This is VP Bartomeu. Our regime has a message for all of you, and if no-one has any questions—

Person in the crowd: [raises hands] I have one! Do your close friends *giggles* call you “Bart”?

Bartomeu: [grits teeth] Here is your favourite president!  …Don’t give me that look. Now, Alexandre “Sandrusco” Rosell!

*Rosell walks in, waving to crowd.*

Rosell: Senoras y senores,

I come before you
to stand behind you.
And tell you something
I know nothing about.

Next Thursday,
which is Good Friday,
there will be a(nother) socis meeting,
for Catalans only.

Wear your best clothes
if you haven’t any,
and if you can come,
please stay at home.

Admission’s free
pay at the door.
Take a seat
and sit on the floor.

It makes no difference
where you sit,
Joan Laporta will still have a fit.

Person in the crowd: I haven’t said this since the 90s, and I promised my mama I’d never say it again, but, hombre, you guys are wack. And that speech was mad weak.

Crowd ‘ooooohhhh’s. A moc, moc is heard in the distance.

Rosell and his posse minion–err, members stand in shock silence. Slowly, Rosell turns red in anger.

Rosell: WHO SAID WE’RE WACK?! *looks around frantically. Eyes lock on innocent bystander* You said we were wack?! You take it back!

Innocent bystander: [looks in shock horror]…I-i didn’t s-say anything! I’m innocent! No habla ingles espanol castellano!

Rosell: [glares at innocent bystander] You talking smack?! You gonna get smacked!

Innocent bystander: [meekly] N-no es me! Soy innocent!

Bartomeu: You sayin’ that he’s wack when it just ain’t so.

*Zubi enters the room*

Rosell: Zubi! Someone said we’re wack! W-why would they say that?! 🙁 I don’t think we’re wack!

Zubi: Well, there are plenty of reasons to be fair.

Bartomeu: [ignores Zubi] I think it’s wack to call someone wack.

Zubi: …When you sold the shirt, your Fabrelust…

Rosell: Who said we’re wack? I can’t believe that! They must be smoking crack, to say that we’re wack.

Zubi: …and when you manipulated the accounting results to say Barca was in bigger debt than it really was…

Rosell: [to no-one in particular] I am not wack, no matter what you say! …What did you say? D-did you say I’m wack?!

Person in the crowd: …Yes. Because you are. /smirk

Rosell: [stomps feet] I’M NOT WACK! I swear I’ll paint your eye black! ….Once I get my facts (straight).

Zubi: ….your general lack of morals….

Rosell: [spitefully] How can a person up and call someone wack? How many B-teamers will play for the first team? How many babies born will ever reach their dreams? And how can a person call another person wack?!

Bartomeu: For them to embarrass you like this in front of the general assembly, and undermine your authority as well…! We need to find the culprit!

Rosell: [smirks] And I’ve got the perfect idea! We’ll use that method on my lead!

Rosell, Bartomeu, and co: All the ladies in the crowd put your hands up!

*Ladies raise hands*

Bartomeu: Now all the fellas in the crowd put your hands up!

*Guys raise their hands*

Rosell: Now whoever called us wack put your hand up!

*Whackman raises his hand*

Rosell, Bartomeu and co: NOW EVERYONE ELSE PUT THEIR HANDS DOWN.

Rosell: Alright, who is left?!

*all look around except Zubi who is still listing off reasons*

Bartomeu: I don’t see any hands raised, sire–err, sir!

Rosell: [aghast] B-but that always wor–

Bartomeu: [interrupts] But look! Up there! Hiding behind the blau and grana striped…things that are randomly there!

Tee hee

Rosell: [gasps] Saboteur! [pounds fists on wooden podium] LA-POR-TAAAAAAA!!!

—————————————————————————————————————–

[I hate International Break too. But I love annoying Rosell. 😀 ]

[Also, I don’t own “Who Said We’re Wack” by The Lonely Island, in case you were wondering. Or the poem/speech above; I just manipulated it. And no worries about the song, it’s clean 😉 ]

[By the way, I hope you all know what wack means]

[And if you haven’t read vicsoc’s Bojangles post; read it. Read it now]

[Okay, I’ll stop now.]

[….Can you at least tell me if it was somewhat entertaining…? *puppy eyes* ]

[I don’t know if it’s possible, but I think I trolled my own post.]

[Sweet.]

[I hate international break.]

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Just your neighbourhood Barca fanatic

172 Comments

  1. stowe
    March 25, 2011

    who is “MVP”? I must have missed a post or a comment recently.

    • barca96
      March 25, 2011

      Are you serious?
      Finish the sentence.
      Messi….

      • March 25, 2011

        Messi
        Violates
        Physics

      • blitzen
        March 25, 2011

        ^ I like this one best! 😀

    • stowe
      March 25, 2011

      I knew it was messi, and then I read a comment about signing someone to rotate with “mvp” and I was thinking: nobody rotates with messi, so it has to be someone else. Glad I posted the question to see the great responses. It could also be Messi, Villa, Pedro, right?

  2. hammeronmessi
    March 25, 2011

    hey stowe,
    i will give u a clue,
    messi

    • March 25, 2011

      Messi Varnishes Podiums

      • March 25, 2011

        Messi Vows Punishment

      • March 25, 2011

        Messi Vacuums Penthouse

      • March 25, 2011

        Messi Viewed Pangaea

      • mei
        March 25, 2011

        Messi Villa Pacman

      • Eklavya
        March 25, 2011

        Monstrousness Vandalism Plan

      • Vj
        March 25, 2011

        M####d Very Pathetic..

      • barca96
        March 25, 2011

        😆 you guys are crazy!!!

        it’s so obvious that we are bored to death without any Barca matches to discuss. What would we do if they really do go on strike? Not one week but weeks like in the NFL.

        Btw, the football pitch that Argentina practiced on in NY was really a football, American version that is.
        It is so cool! Indoor pitch.

  3. K_legit
    March 25, 2011

    Jose
    You got yourself a fan here:
    Messi Violates Physics..can’t tell how much I laughed on that one and its damn true too..He’s in a different plane to us all that Flea

    • Jose
      March 25, 2011

      🙂

  4. Jnice
    March 25, 2011

    Where’s SoMa4? I have to remind her to keep Messi safe tomorrow. No injuries!

    • soccermomof4
      March 25, 2011

      I’ve been around, but VERY busy.
      I’ll do what I can from the cheap, nosebleed section seats to keep our little treasure safe (which amounts to praying fervently whenever a pair of cleats gets anywhere near him). Other than that, it’s gonna be awkward rooting against his team yet rooting for him, Masche, and Gaby at the same time. GO USA (and Messi, and Masche, and Gaby!)!!!

      • Eklavya
        March 25, 2011

        You better do a report on your “field trip”! 🙂

      • soccermomof4
        March 25, 2011

        As long as grammar and spelling don’t count towards my grade…:-)

      • Miguel
        March 25, 2011

        so jealous, somomo! have fun! watching messi play live is a real treat. i’m still trying to convince anyone to head up to san jose with me to see argentina play costa rica on the 29th; a tuesday. 🙁

  5. Josep
    March 25, 2011

    if the rumor of hoping Arsenal is interested in Afellay to cash in on him for Cesc is true, I seriously might consider not supporting the club till Sandrusco leaves. That’s absurd, and painful. I really, really, hope its false.

    also, I just bought another pair of new shoes and I think my feet are too wide. maybe I just need to break them in! what do you guys think?
    they’re blue.

    @jnice
    I miss sambas too 🙁 In FIFA 07 I’d samba with Samu and Ronnie all day.

    • Jnice
      March 25, 2011

      -They aren’t true.

      -What kind of shoes? Sneakers? I only wear Nike SBs.

      • Josep
        March 25, 2011

        Best video on youtube.

        yeah they’re just sneakers, Osiris’. I think its because my feet are fat but only my left one is like this. I think it was the same with my Lakai’s I bought last week so maybe I should just walk on them. 🙂

      • Jim
        March 25, 2011

        You know that makes me feel so sad that he didn’t shine for longer. How good is that co-ordination? And that cheery smile? I miss him……

    • blitzen
      March 25, 2011

      If your feet are blue, you should stop wearing those shoes immediately! 🙂

    • Lev
      March 25, 2011

      @josep

      agreed. although I don’t think Afellay will ever become the player that Cesc already is, it just wouldn’t be right to Iba using him as bait after only 6 months with the club he obviously loves.

  6. Josep
    March 25, 2011

    I just won the Supporter’s Shield with the Fire, and agreed to sell my favorite player for 1.5mil. He’s probably gonna win the league MVP too :\
    And now his value is 1.6… FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

    • Jnice
      March 25, 2011

      I might try managing an MLS team sometime soon.

  7. Miguel
    March 25, 2011

    With no definitive answer given as to whether or not next weekend’s Primera matches will be called off thanks to a strike, the fact the fixtures have now been assigned referees is at least some progress.
    It will certainly be of great help to supporters who still don’t know if their teams’ matches will take place and if they do, on which day the games will kick-off. However, they do now know which busy-body, card-happy official will be ruining each game, should they actually go ahead. And that’s crucial…

    http://fourfourtwo.com/blogs/laligaloca/archive/2011/03/25/seven-thousand-suits-to-see-spain-in-yet-another-finger-flip-to-football-fans.aspx

    -still a mess.

  8. hammeronmessi
    March 25, 2011

    MVP,
    messi violates physics.
    Pure awesomeness.Simply true

  9. hammeronmessi
    March 25, 2011

    @jose,
    i aree with you bout using flay as a bait for the Barca DNA of that selling club.
    But at the same time,no matter how much we love this club selflessly it is still a business.
    I doubt roSELL will do that without Peps affirmation.so its unfair to put the blame solely on the whack.

    • Lev
      March 25, 2011

      true also.

      say we can get Cesc for say, 25 million + afellay. and say we sell Ibra for 24. That would leave us with close to 45 million to get a forward, LB and/or CB.

  10. PhepheSa
    March 25, 2011

    @Barcastuff reports that Palermo president says we made a bid for Pastore(not sure when) and they said they won’t sell now and that we should come back later. If that is true maybe this means we have moved on from Cesc because i don’t see us buying both.

    • Jnice
      March 25, 2011

      These presidents of Italian clubs like to talk a lot. Every other day, such and such is as good as Messi, such and such is worth 50 million, etc. I can’t fully trust him on this one.

  11. PhepheSa
    March 25, 2011

    You probably right. If it’s true i hope we buy him cos we need him and not as some luxury signing.

    • beeeef
      March 25, 2011

      Zamparini isn’t just any italian club president. He’s probably the most eccentric, crazy one of them all. He won’t stop talking up Pastore until the guy is gone from Palermo.

      • PhepheSa
        March 25, 2011

        He’s maybe trying to start a bidding war because he knows Pastore will want to go to a bigger club soon. He’d want to get as much as he can.

  12. hammeronmessi
    March 25, 2011

    Pastore is a future mega star.have seen some of him at palermo as an attacking MF who links up with the strirker very.has skills,can play very good one touch football,verx pacey,good shots.
    But not seen enough to say whether barca needs him?
    Zamparini is crazy but pastore will cost a fortune,thats for sure

Comments are closed.