If you are an international billionaire like me, you may find the recent economic downturn a real downer. Once-pleasant occupations, such as ‘heir apparent to wealthy dictatorship / shady investment firm / big-city mayoral office’ are no longer promising. But that’s no reason to lounge about the VIP lounge. We’re playboys, right? So let’s play something!
Soccer is the world’s sport, and the world is our oyster. Why bother with those FaceSpace FIFA apps on your palm thingie? Sell your shares in EA Sports and get in the game with a real, live La Liga team! It’s frugal, it’s a franchise, and it’s a helluva lotta fun. Why, just ask our friend Ali Syed de Santander here:
Ownership comes with certain obligations (none, thank goodness, unduly onerous). First, you must enjoy a lingering, lovely Spanish luncheon with your opponent’s owner. Do not refuse a second helping of bull’s balls, or the chef will chide you for disrespecting his cocina. Just order another bottle of cava, and down the gilded hatch!
Once the tables are cleared, you may proceed to the stadium with your new friend. You must behave cordially, even warmly, with each other pre- and post-match, even if your captain has just keyed his coach’s Ferrari in the stadium lot. With all the cava you two have just imbibed, the bonhomie will flow freely. We’re all rich guys here, anyhoo:
Now, if you are indeed of royal lineage, it is advised that you leave off imperial accoutrements, no matter what the King of Burger does:
Although quirky headgear may endear you to your fans …
… come in handy should you lend a hand in stadium shower renovations …
… or even improve international relations (just don’t forget to don some decent threads over your BVD in your haste to make nice with your hosts):
Once the match is over, boogie down with your club like you were back at your favorite club on the Côte!
Your high spirits, business acumen and personable personage promise you a bright future in sports. Or politics. Or beyond!