Career Counselling With Andres Iniesta

With the news Qatar Foundation will don/mar our training kits starting tomorrow, here is some nonsense to…cheer you up, maybe?

After training Tuesday and Bojan needs some advice–Ghostface style.

*Barcelona Training Ground: 18:28 BCN time*

Bojan: H-hola, Andres. C-can we talk?

Iniesta: Sure, Bojan! What’s up?

Bojan: Well, I’ve been noticing something recently. S-something pretty big.

Iniesta: Yeah? Well, what is it, Bojan?

Bojan: I don’t want to shock you, but… [trains gaze on the floor]

Iniesta: Don’t worry about me! I can handle it!

Bojan: Sometimes… I think that, well, that people don’t really take me seriously.

Iniesta: [gasps] No! What made you think that?

Bojan: I went to Toys-R-Us yesterday to buy Messi some legos because I was in the area and he wanted the new Grand Knight Warrior before it sold out and…

Iniesta: …And?

Bojan: And the store keeper thought I wanted some! [Iniesta gasps] Crazy, right? I was like, “I’m 20 years old! I don’t want that!” And guess what the store keeper said!

Iniesta: What?

Bojan: “You don’t have to be embarrassed! Everyone likes Legos!”  He thinks I’m a kid!  What should I do? 🙁

Iniesta: [thinks] Well… Maybe you have to be a little bit more…assertive.

Bojan: Assertive?

Iniesta: Yeah! Like, “I’m not going to take no for an answer!” Did you ever have a rebellion phase, Bojan?

Bojan: Rebellion phase? You mean that phase all teenagers go through?

Iniesta: [nods] Yeah! I had one once.

Bojan: R-really? What did you do?

Iniesta: I dunno if I should tell you. It might be a little too much for you to handle right now…

Bojan: Please tell me!

Iniesta: [looks over his shoulder and beckons Bojan closer] Well… [whipers into Bojan’s ear]


Iniesta: It’s how I got respect in my La Masia days. [smiles wistfully] Good times…

Bojan: [downcast] I dunno if I could do something like that though…

Iniesta: [clasps Bojan on the shoulder] Don’t worry, I’ll help you! And when I’m done teaching you, people will never treat you the same again!

Later that evening…

Pique: Hey, Bojan, you want to go to the arcade later?

Bojan: “Bojan?” That’s…

*turns around and stalks off*

Pique: ….

The next day.

*Pep’s office: 16: 45 BCN time*

Pep: [warily] Listen Bojan, I know you want to play against Valencia. I was a player too and I know what you’re going through, but even if it made any sense—which it doesn’t—I can’t sub you in for a defective piece of grass. We’d have 12 players and that would be against the rules.

Bojan: Screw the rules, I have money!

Pep: Actually, if you’re talking about the pay raise you got when you renewed your contract, there are at least four players better paid than you.

Bojan: Screw the rules, I’m sexy!

Pep: Actually, according to Don Balon, Pique is sexier than you.

Bojan: [falters slightly] S-screw the rules, I’m…



Well, can’t disagree with that.

Bojan: [eyes light up] Does that mean I can play on Saturday Wednesday?!

Pep: [looks away] We’ll see…

Bojan: [grins] Oh boy! Wait till I tell Andres! *exits the room*


Categorized as Nonsense

By Kari

Just your neighbourhood Barca fanatic


  1. I sure know his age. I was only stating his facial age.
    kari well done. Still expecting a continuation of the villarato story

  2. I of course know his age. I was only stating his facial age.
    kari well done. Still expecting a continuation of the villarato story

  3. Note to Bojan: when being stalked by a dimonio, *

    Instead of doing this: *

    You should consider: *

    Doing this:

    I imagine the next moment in that sequence is Villa yanking the trident away from Dimonio and whapping him over the head with it. Why does Villa always look like he’s about to shank someone?

    (But yeah, Bojan, cultivate a little of that.)

  4. I feel kinda bad for Arsenal. That was a tough break. They might also have lost Van Persie for the return leg, with knee ligament damage sustained after scoring the equalizer. Damn. If it weren’t for bad luck ….

    1. One cannot help but feel bad for the turn of events that resulted in them missing Cesc and others for this match, and thus give an impotent performance in their best chance for silverware thus far.

      To be fair, they were profoundly lucky not to be down a goal, a man, and a substitution within 3 minutes. They seemed to have paid for that by getting plenty of EE-like crossbar-spanking shots.

  5. To be honest, yes, it cheered me up.

    Many will disagree with me, but I think that Bojan is gonna be a great player at Barca… just give him time and patience…

    1. I think that everyone will agree that Krkic has talent. Whether that talent will ever manifest itself to a degree sufficient for him to become a star at Barca, remains to be seen. He needs regular reps, but Afellay has shoved him aside in the rotation, so it’s difficult. He wants to stay, and who can blame him, but he just isn’t going to get the time that he needs.

    2. while i think he should go on loan, i also think Bojan would absolutely shred, say, the Dutch league playing at the top of a more orthodox front 3.

      the kid’s gotta go out so he can realize his own potential instead of stagnating on our bench. once he knows HIS game, he can come back and try to adapt it to ours. right now he’s stuck between the 1-boy-goalscoring-machine he was in the Youth leagues and the quick fluidity we employ that requires a lot more.

    3. “but I think that Bojan is gonna be a great player at Barca… just give him time and patience…”

      I believe that train left the station some time ago.

  6. Arsenal got Hlebbed last night! 😀

    yes, a late comment, but I have to let it out… 😛

    I fell asleep after 1-1… (I was very very sure Arsenal will win, anyway)
    when I woke up this morning I checked the livescore and laughed… *sorry, soccermomof4*

    btw, the last part of the story is just, adorable and funny… especially Pep’s face, LMAO… thank you, Kari…

    1. Aw gee thanks, BarcaGirl. I’m sad but I’m not gutted like I would be if it were Barca. Gotta say that I hope the Arsenal defense implodes like that when we play them.

  7. Very disappointed at the lack of references to Iniesta’s smooth, almost seductive Spanish in here, Kari!

  8. Someone is now using my email to post comments. There are two Kari’s and neither of them are me.

    This sh*t just got real.

    1. Well i dont know if you can see the IP addresses of whoever posts here, but if Fake kari posts here, check her IP address. I have taken that down now and if this persists, banning is always an option.

      It’s sad someone would take the time from his/her day to do this. Really really sad.

  9. In the meantime, if you are the person doing this: Stop it. Please.

    I appreciate that you are not saying offending things, I really do, but it’s gone on long enough.

    Thank you.

    1. Isn’t there an option to change the password? Or, maybe I’m missing something (I always do, lol), but what’s the trouble here?

    2. it’s kinda scary…

      I saw Kari on Madrid The Offside and Arsenal The Offside

      who the hell is that impersonator??

  10. My god that Kari impersonator even uses the same gravatar (whatever it’s called) and the if you click on her name it sends you here. People need to stop being so creepy man.

  11. I wasn’t rooting for Arsenal by any stretch of the imagination, but the way they lost leaves a bitter taste for me.

    Sure they got ridiculously lucky in the opening minutes, but it doesn’t change the fact that they lost a cup final, in the 89th minute, through an absolute freak incident, against Birmingham City.

    As much as I dislike that team, it was painful to watch.

  12. Anyone knows anything about this ?

    Name: Pablo Armero (Age 24)
    Nationality: Colombia
    Position: Left wing-back
    Transfer Value: €8 million
    Interested Teams: Arsenal, Barcelona
    Most Likely Destination: Barcelona

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