With the news Qatar Foundation will don/mar our training kits starting tomorrow, here is some nonsense to…cheer you up, maybe?
After training Tuesday and Bojan needs some advice–Ghostface style.
*Barcelona Training Ground: 18:28 BCN time*
Bojan: H-hola, Andres. C-can we talk?
Iniesta: Sure, Bojan! What’s up?
Bojan: Well, I’ve been noticing something recently. S-something pretty big.
Iniesta: Yeah? Well, what is it, Bojan?
Bojan: I don’t want to shock you, but… [trains gaze on the floor]
Iniesta: Don’t worry about me! I can handle it!
Bojan: Sometimes… I think that, well, that people don’t really take me seriously.
Iniesta: [gasps] No! What made you think that?
Bojan: I went to Toys-R-Us yesterday to buy Messi some legos because I was in the area and he wanted the new Grand Knight Warrior before it sold out and…
Bojan: And the store keeper thought I wanted some! [Iniesta gasps] Crazy, right? I was like, “I’m 20 years old! I don’t want that!” And guess what the store keeper said!
Bojan: “You don’t have to be embarrassed! Everyone likes Legos!” He thinks I’m a kid! What should I do? 🙁
Iniesta: [thinks] Well… Maybe you have to be a little bit more…assertive.
Iniesta: Yeah! Like, “I’m not going to take no for an answer!” Did you ever have a rebellion phase, Bojan?
Bojan: Rebellion phase? You mean that phase all teenagers go through?
Iniesta: [nods] Yeah! I had one once.
Bojan: R-really? What did you do?
Iniesta: I dunno if I should tell you. It might be a little too much for you to handle right now…
Bojan: Please tell me!
Iniesta: [looks over his shoulder and beckons Bojan closer] Well… [whipers into Bojan’s ear]
Bojan: OH MY BOCADILLOS. THAT IS THE CRAZIEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD.
Iniesta: It’s how I got respect in my La Masia days. [smiles wistfully] Good times…
Bojan: [downcast] I dunno if I could do something like that though…
Iniesta: [clasps Bojan on the shoulder] Don’t worry, I’ll help you! And when I’m done teaching you, people will never treat you the same again!
Later that evening…
Pique: Hey, Bojan, you want to go to the arcade later?
Bojan: “Bojan?” That’s…
*turns around and stalks off*
The next day.
*Pep’s office: 16: 45 BCN time*
Pep: [warily] Listen Bojan, I know you want to play against Valencia. I was a player too and I know what you’re going through, but even if it made any sense—which it doesn’t—I can’t sub you in for a defective piece of grass. We’d have 12 players and that would be against the rules.
Bojan: Screw the rules, I have money!
Pep: Actually, if you’re talking about the pay raise you got when you renewed your contract, there are at least four players better paid than you.
Bojan: Screw the rules, I’m sexy!
Pep: Actually, according to Don Balon, Pique is sexier than you.
Bojan: [falters slightly] S-screw the rules, I’m…
Well, can’t disagree with that.
Bojan: [eyes light up] Does that mean I can play on
Pep: [looks away] We’ll see…
Bojan: [grins] Oh boy! Wait till I tell Andres! *exits the room*