Have A Little Faith: Pulp Barça

Sometimes it’s just utterly impossible to wrap your mind around things. Here we see that a little faith can go a long ways…

Scene: A bedroom. A man stands next to the bed, talking on the phone. His shirt is soaked with sweat.

Sandro Rosell: [holding back tears] But it’s so hard to understand!

Voice on the other end: Listen, it’s not a hard concept. I’ll explain one more time. Listen carefully.

Rosell: Okay. I’ll try. [sniffles]

Voice: When a team scores more goals than your team, you lose the match. It’s the opposite of winning.

Rosell: But why doesn’t the team just score more goals?

Voice: It’s not quite that simple. Occassionally things don’t go perfectly.

Rosell: I don’t understand.

Voice: I know. Look, there’s the possibility that we won’t get through to the next round.

Rosell: How can you say that? That’s treason! Arson! It’s definitely something.

Voice: I’m just contemplating the ifs.

Rosell: I don’t wanna hear about no motherflamboyant ifs! All I wanna hear from your ass is, You ain’t got no problem, Sandro. I’m on the motherflatulence. Go back in there, chill them Catalans out and wait for the cavalry which should be coming directly.

Voice: You ain’t got no problem, Sandro. I’m on the motherflatulence. Go back in there, chill them Catalans out and wait for the Pulga who should be coming directly.

Rosell: You’re sending the Pulga?

Voice: Oh, you feel better, mothertchotchke?

Rosell: Sheeit Pep! That’s all you had to say!

[Rosell hangs up]


It’s easy to overreact to things when you’re not the least bit interested in the process of creating a winning team. It’s easy to get tied up in the Ws and the Ls from a strictly momentary position where you’re overjoyed or gutted, depending. And it’s easy to forget that those who are actually doing the winning and losing have their own thoughts about it. Linda wrote a good bit about it, so I won’t bore you with more of this.

All I’m saying is, if you’re sad about this result, you’re in Sandro’s camp. I’m kidding, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m just joshin’ you! Stop crying. Please, please stop sobbing uncontrollably. Put down that knife. Everything will be okay. Oh you’re cutting onions.

I’m going to go now.

By Caye of Futbolitis

Translation: It’s true that in February we always have a dip…but it’s just to gather speed.

Categorized as Nonsense

By Isaiah

Isaiah is a co-founder and lead writer for Barcelona Football Blog. He currently lives in the greater New York City area with his wife and daughter.



    3 weeks later:

    La Pulga: “Fine job, gentlemen. We may get out of this yet.”

    Maxwell: “I can’t believe that’s the same team!”

    La Pulga: “Well, let’s not start sucking each other’s footballs just yet. The first half is complete, we scored two goals, which moves us right along to the 2nd half, score two more.”

  2. Haha awesome.

    To continue the last thread conversation.. when talking about CBs we’re still not mentioning Muniesa. He is due for a Puyol like career on the left. I would love to see him come up, and play LB/CB and then settle in at CB later in his career. From what I’ve seen he seems quite pacy too.

    wtf I just answered the phone and accidentally said good afternoon blaugrana how may I help you, Blaugrana being what I said instead of the company name..

    Also how heavy are the Adriano to Bayern rumors?

  3. We fans get carried away win or lose. We beat la Real (or whichever other team similarly named, with all due respect) 5-0 and we think we’ve already won every possible trophy. No amount of pretty football can survive oblivion if no trophies are brought in at the end of the season; and trophies are won ONLY in the end, not in February. And if we believe our own hype then we might well not deserve to win anything. The hardest thing to do for any epoch-making football team is to stay humble and not believe the hype. It’s hard enough, for various reasons, to win the CL when every media outlet in the world is calling you the best team ever. It’s nigh impossible to do it when you yourself believe them. The second half @Arsenal illustrated, to me at least, how a team can lose its humility. I would have given the players and Guardiola too the hairdryer treatment, not for the loss but for taking their win for granted.
    And now everything is compromised, for Guardiola has never won a tie after losing the first leg. Couldn’t do it vs Sevilla (though we battered them in their own stadium). Couldn’t do it vs Inter (despite having 86%(!) possession).

    1. There’s also the supercup this year when we came back from 2 goals down to thrash Sevilla!

      We had very difficult tasks in those ties, losing by 2 goals. Now it’s only 1, and we have an away goal.

    2. I didn’t even think of the SSC. Mea culpa.
      I’m not upset about the loss. Shit happens, as they say, and a loss to Arsenal isn’t that bad. It’s the way we let our lead slip and how characterless we appeared in the second half that bothered me the most.

    3. Going Chelsea or Inter route is not possible for Arsenal. Even if they try to be defensive it is almost impossible to stop Barca from scoring at least one goal. Arsenal’s approach will be more or less same as the first match which is to fight in midfield and hit us with counter attacks. There is no reason to be pessimistic, we will score goals, no doubt about that, but can we stop their counter attacks? Specially for full 90 minutes? I’m hoping Captain Caveman will make a difference.

      Someone please put a ban on discussing Arsenal match, quick! Bilbao in 2 days guys!

  4. Couldn’t have said it any better Isaiah. At the end of the day the resolve and faith in Pep and in our lads is still there. I feel much calmer now after speaking to my brother in L’Hospitalet who is even more a rabid fan, part of the notorious ‘boixos nois’ clan who said it best…”Les vamos a fusilar!!”…and other ‘niceties’ which I will not repeat here. Suffice it to say that he’s not lacking in confidence so why should I?…Very apropo cartoon btw.

    1. “the path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. and i will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. and you will know i am the lord when i lay my vengeance upon you.”

  5. As with everyone else, I agree that the gloom and doom is unnecessary. As Pep was saying earlier after the manita, the season is not over. Everything is left to play for. Despite the disappointing-ish game at the Emirates, we have an away goal and a full 90+ minutes to play for in the Camp Nou.

    The most exciting part of the season has just begun.

  6. Barcelona are considering to buy back Sporting Gijon defender Alberto Botia (22) for 2M and sell him to an EPL club for 5-6M [sport]

    seems kinda pointless and extremely rude to mess with not only the kid, but Sporting. I hope we buy him back to PLAY him

  7. it feels so good to be Back in the IntErnet world. Had a change of phones and it took a while to get it setup.all the best cos I escaped d agony of reading all the previews. I hope our March goes uphill as shown in d cartoon.

  8. That cartoon is SO awesome, I can’t describe it. It’s The Yaya like.

    No, seriously that has to be the best one picture cartoon strip ever.

  9. Following a question about what Mou thinks god thinks of him. Mou answered that God has given him everything he has wished for. This question followed:

    Q: And you can’t ask God for Messi to go hide in a convent or Xavi Hernández to become an astronaut?

    A: I like football too much to wish something like that on the great players. Leave them be.

    Everyone has some goodness in them, no?

    1. 😀

      All class all the time, Bassam. Great to have you ’round. We should be sure to do some high-quality back-and-forths that we can both post at our respective sites, come time for the Dual Clasics.

  10. This looks great. Why can’t this be the away kit, instead of toothpaste? Just add Unicef.


    Oh, right, not holy-cow-what-on-earth-hello-kitty colored. Okay then.

    I noticed for the Gijon match, they were wearing toothpaste shorts to match the shirt, instead of the dark blue shorts. Please, whoever selects the kit, don’t ever do that again…

    1. The black color looks really good for kits.

      I remember back in 2008 United played in all black as second kit – it was by far the most popular one they ever had. They won the EPL and CL that year too 😉

      The last couple of years Barca had embarrassing second kits to be honest – the pink or the puce or the silly green… Just not good enough for our team.

      Here’s to the black!

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