Todo son problemas …

Spring is upon us. A new semester has begun. And some of you, who remain nameless because I’m afraid of misspelling your handles, don’t even have a handle on your major yet. So as your Professor-in-Residence, I were remiss if I failed to assign you homework this weekend. Please study the following problems. Don’t worry, there are many pictures. There will be a test on Saturday at 3 p.m. EST (US) on GolTV.

1. Basic Math.

Brooklyn Beer Slide     +

Zoolander     =

Cristiano Ronaldo.

2. Earth Sciences.

Recycling   +

The Magic Number   =

Roo van Nistelroo

3. Ancient History.

Staale Style, Exhibit A   +

Staale Style, Exhibit B   =

Required reading.

4. Communications.

Cesc, Piqué, Puyol   +

Personal communications technology   =

Tweens! Moc moc!

5. Business.

Sandro Rosell, Businessman    +

Dani driving away   =

SoMa goes Mommie Dearest.

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Written by:

SoccerMom obsesses over FCB and this blog instead of grading papers, burning dinner and/or raising her small children. She blames a Spanish husband and easy access to Hispanic-targeted cable sports channels for her football addiction and consequent failure as a professor, housekeeper and mother.


  1. soccermomof4
    January 21, 2011

    I’m digging the required reading cover art!
    Just sayin’!

  2. January 21, 2011

    I still can’t believe that Horsey Face is returning. Dude’s dangerous.

  3. lovelymofo
    January 22, 2011

    I haven’t been posting much lately, but I had to log-in to comment on this post! Fantastic! So, the book “Hero Worship” – any good?

    • outerspacedout
      January 22, 2011


      Also available, from Zebra Historical Romance!

      Fantasy vs. Reality

      One moment Andi Lofton-Hale was an English teacher worn out by another bad blind date, tucked in with a Regency romance. The next, she’s face to face with the magnificent hero of Wedgfeld Hall: tall, black-haired, sinfully sexy Nathaniel Chamberlain. Is he real? Does she care? Nathaniel is the man of her wildest dreams.

      However, there is a catch.

      Andi is a minor character, not the heroine destined to win Nathaniel’s heart. He tells her it’s lunacy to come between an author and her plot…anything might happen! But Andi’s determined to rewrite her life, scandalize all of London, and make a brilliant match, before she can seize everything temptation has to offer…between the covers.

      4 1/2 stars! “Have you ever wondered what a book’s characters do when their creator’s away? Calvert’s take on their little secret is a unique perspective on time travel. Her delightful story will have you wondering “what if?” For pure fun this holiday season, don’t miss.” —Kathe Robin, Romantic Times Book Reviews

      It felt comforting, Nathaniel’s jacket against her shoulders, with the heat of his muscled body beneath. She leaned into him. If he were as real as he claimed, would he disappear into thin air at the author’s whim, leaving her to sprawl on the ground? He didn’t. In fact, he pulled her the slightest bit tighter with what felt like an absolutely there arm.

      He lowered her onto a stone bench and stepped back. Candlight spilled from tall windows behind him, illuminating the pale color of his breeches and the blackness of his hair. Cold began to seep through the thin fabric of her dress, startling her senses into a nervous clarity. “What would I be doing here?” she asked, more of herself than him.

      “You are a minor character.”

      Given an opening, annoyance slipped right past consternation to claim the upper hand. “I am a lot of things, but never minor.”

      So who wants to read?

      • outerspacedout
        January 22, 2011

        The headings disappeared when I copy-pasted. Either way its a summary, a review and an excerpt from the author’s website. Also, amusing.

  4. January 22, 2011

    This was seriously terrific. Just awesome. Beer slide and Zoolander. I just imagine “CR7” with a little phone by his ear…

    Same for the Van Nistelroy and Pep/Staale parts. Both captured that kernel of truth in there.

    The tweens is sad… but true. If Cesc comes will that be more or fewer tweets? I’m thinking more.

    • outerspacedout
      January 22, 2011

      I hope van Nistelrooy doesn’t come. The guy is deadly. It seems he can pull goals out of nowhere, especially to turn draws into wins or defeats into draws or even defeats into wins, and in the biggest stages and the most dramatic ways. I will breathe a lot easier if Real don’t get him for the second half of the season.

      I have no idea what the Brooklyn Beer Slide or beer sliding itself is. I know beer, and I know sliding, but is it sliding ON beer like on that white sheet thing with the beer making it slippery, or is it sliding on that white sheet thing while drunk, or something else altogether?

      Zoolander was a hilarious movie and somehow Ronaldo seems to fit so well lol. ‘Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn’t mean that we too can’t not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.’ Or ‘Mer-man! Mer-MAN!’

      My favorite quote was ‘What is this?! A centre for ants?’. Hahaha I’m cracking up just remembering those lines. And Milla Jovovich. Not in that movie specifically but I literally cannot imagine a woman being more beautiful than Milla Jovovich. But either way even with the presence of Ms Jovovich having a slight boggling effect on my brain it was hilarious.

      And I lived in Malaysia the past four years so it was funny seeing how the ‘Malaysia’ bits were so distinctly not Malaysian. As in Msia being nothing at all like the film, I think they just pulled some stock footage outta somewhere but it was still funny seeing those huge marches as ‘Malaysia’.

      • Helge
        January 22, 2011

        She’s especially hot in the Resident Evil series, imo 😀

      • Sheena
        January 22, 2011

        You live in Malaysia toooooooo? 😀

      • outerspacedout
        January 22, 2011

        I’m Maldivian, I moved to Malaysia to study in 2006 (during the World Cup, during France vs Brazil actually) and then came back to Maldives where I’m now working while I wait to go to college in 2010 right after the quarter-finals of that World Cup. Now I’ll probably be moving back to Malaysia again this year soon to start university.

        As for Milla Jovovich, she is too beautiful. I don’t wish I dated someone who looked like that cos I don’t think I’d even be able to date someone who looked like that, only just look and be moved. Or something.

  5. outerspacedout
    January 22, 2011

    On the pitch-

    Cesc: ‘Oooooooooh! Pique pass the ball!’
    Pique: ‘Oooooooooooh kay!’

    • Roz
      January 22, 2011

      ^This LMAO
      Im playing this scene im my head and they kinda sound like whales :D.

  6. cliveee
    January 22, 2011

    wow SoMa goes minimal.
    sheer greatness follows.

  7. Helge
    January 22, 2011

    hehe, that’s pure, brilliant math AND it’s fun 🙂

    About van Gol returning to EE: Actually the German newspapers didn’t mention anything yet about ongoing transfer talks, not to mention almost finished talkes as Marca and AS claim. I still see a chance that RvN stays at Hamburg, which would be great because I like RvN – as long as he’s not an Evil Emperor!

    • Jim
      January 22, 2011

      Just can’t see what’s in it for Hamburg. I don’t think it’ll happen.

      I also don’t think he is so much of a danger any more in himself – he’s 34, no pace and bad knees. However, just having someone who knows how to play that position could enable danger from others, I suppose, and it means they don’t have to play CR7 there which isn’t his best position.

      • mei
        January 22, 2011

        its kind of funny , a club that have invested this much on attackers in recent times, have had a bench flooded with them find themselves in need of a striker and have to turn to an already past his best star of them that they offloaded years ago ,in order to find some cover.

  8. Roz
    January 22, 2011

    Not really worried about Ruud. Sure he was a Pinchichi winner for EE back in the day, but he is 34 now. He has like 11 leauge goals for Hamburg in two years. Also he himself said that he was surprised at the interest from them. Could be wrong though.

    • OSBAG
      January 22, 2011

      34 or not slow pace or not, i definately prefer them stucked with Benzema than having a veteran well proven target man.
      i was gonna call benz clueless but thought better of it.

      • outerspacedout
        January 22, 2011

        HAHAHAHAHA Benzema IS clueless. He flickers and looks good for a while then goes back to being godawful. Pity cos he seemed like he could have been potentially a monster of a striker in his Lyon days but he has honestly really sucked for Real and I’m not just saying that.

        • OSBAG
          January 22, 2011

          I feel wat he needs is to move to another club. See how both sneidjer and robben shined after they left EE.

  9. blitzen
    January 22, 2011

    The game is at 2 pm EST, not 3 pm, isn’t it?

    I’m not usually very good at Business, but that’s an equation I can get behind. RoSELL better watch out or he’ll have SoMa to deal with!

    And I must be the only person on earth who hasn’t seen Zoolander.

    • SoccerMom
      January 22, 2011

      1 point extra credit to Blitz!

  10. K_legit
    January 22, 2011

    Absolutely pathetic dive by Fabregas to win a penalty which van Persie fluffs

    • blitzen
      January 22, 2011

      That wasn’t a dive, IMO. he was clearly fouled.

  11. blitzen
    January 22, 2011

    Arsenal having a very good game today. Cesc, Van Persie, Song, Nasri, all class. Should be up another goal but Van Persie decided to be a selfish shellfish and shoot instead of pass. And a missed penalty.

    Oh, how I dislike Arshavin, that freaky little hobgoblin!

    • outerspacedout
      January 22, 2011

      His interviews are f’in priceless though. Check out the ones on Dirty Tackle.

  12. Lev
    January 22, 2011

    Sure, Nistelrooy is 34 years old and has no pace. Some years ago he was 28 years old and had no pace.

    This is a guy who was injured for a year and came back and scored in his first game. Then was injured for another year and came back and scored in his first game. At this point I prefer EE without Ruud then with Ruud.

  13. Jnice
    January 22, 2011

    Barça B already a goal down due to a silly mistake by Illie.

    • blitzen
      January 22, 2011

      Oh, I forgot about this game! Thanks, Jnice.

  14. Eklavya
    January 22, 2011

    How in the holy living blue hell did no one ever mention this?:

    Argentina v Portugal
    February 9th
    In Geneva Switzerland

    I mean, WTF!?!? My friend just casually mentioned today,”Oh yeah, I’m going to go see Messi vs Ronaldo in a few weeks!”. Right here. Here. In my freakin’ backyard!!!

    And there’s aren’t anymore tickets left (not good places anyway, and who wants to sit there alone).

    So pissed… 🙁

  15. Para
    January 22, 2011

    Official line-up according to barcastuff:
    Valdes – Adriano Puyol Abidal Maxwell – Xavi Busquets Iniesta – Pedro Messi Villa

    Is there a reason pique isn’t playing today, or is it just a rotational thing?

  16. Miguel
    January 24, 2011

    soma blinded me w/science!

    & don’t go into law. but if you do, go into criminal. there’s absolutely no paperwork to do & you meet the most colorful of people!

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