El Banquillo 7: Don’t Count Your Goals Before They Hatch

You guys have been amazing, what with the donation drive (more on that very shortly) and the lack of posts over the last few days. So, obviously, you deserve a Banquillo. Hopefully it lives up to its reputation. It’s as timely as all the other ones were, at least.

Episode 7: In which the darkness is repelled by the light. And goals. Lots of goals.

 width= SoMuchSpecialSoLittleTime : Everything is going according to plan, your highness
FloPer TheGreatestFloOnEarth : Very good, very good.
 width= SoMuchSpecialSoLittleTime : We are nearly unstoppable.
FloPer TheGreatestFloOnEarth : Nearly? We should be completely unstoppable by now! I’ve provided you with never–
 width= SoMuchSpecialSoLittleTime : Never before seen funds, gold up to your eyeballs, yes, I know.
FloPer TheGreatestFloOnEarth : /glare
 width= SoMuchSpecialSoLittleTime : We forgot to hire doctors.
FloPer TheGreatestFloOnEarth : Forgot to hire whats?
 width= SoMuchSpecialSoLittleTime : d-o-c-t-o-r-s. Medicos. People who heal the injured.
FloPer TheGreatestFloOnEarth : I thought we decided to not need those.
 width= SoMuchSpecialSoLittleTime : I know. But *someone* decided not to listen.
FloPer TheGreatestFloOnEarth : WHO? How dare he!?
 width= SoMuchSpecialSoLittleTime : Bring in the prisoner!
Higuain PutThisInYourPipitaAndSmokeIt : Yeah, okay, I got hurt. That’s a crime now?
FloPer TheGreatestFloOnEarth : Yes!
Higuain PutThisInYourPipitaAndSmokeIt : Oh.
Higuain PutThisInYourPipitaAndSmokeIt : But what about Kaka? He’s been injured the whole year.
FloPer TheGreatestFloOnEarth : Who?
 width= SoMuchSpecialSoLittleTime : Now we have no forwards!
Benzema KarimAbdulJabbar : Hey…
 width= SoMuchSpecialSoLittleTime : Still, I’m confident.
FloPer TheGreatestFloOnEarth : Good. Good. This will be wonderful. I have all of the Marca headlines prepared.
 width= SoMuchSpecialSoLittleTime : Have them printed now! 5-0!
Higuain PutThisInYourPipitaAndSmokeIt : Dewey defeats Truman?
FloPer TheGreatestFloOnEarth : Your nay-saying is probably what got you injured in the first place. Run them!
 width= SoMuchSpecialSoLittleTime : Okay, everyone, load up!
 title= PepeLongstockings : I’m taking my favorite hatchet!
Crynaldo HeyLookItsCR7 : I’m taking my favorite hairbrush!
Dudek DudekWheresMyCar : I’m taking my favorite seat cushion.
 title= CantSeeMyIkerFace : Someone take some defense!
Crynaldo HeyLookItsCR7 : What for? I’m here!
 title= ProfessorEquis : /goal
 title= CantSeeMyIkerFace : /facepalm
 width= SoMuchSpecialSoLittleTime : [checks script] This, this, isn’t how it’s supposed to go…[reads more] Oh crap.
 title= JustWinginIt : /goal
 title= CantSeeMyIkerFace : …
 title= PepeLongstockings : They’re hatchet proof!
Crynaldo HeyLookItsCR7 : My hair is messed up!
Dudek DudekWheresMyCar : This seat is suddenly a lot more comfortable…
Higuain PutThisInYourPipitaAndSmokeIt : Nice work, guys.
TheYaya ToureDeForce : LAUGHING OUT LOUD
 width= SoMuchSpecialSoLittleTime : What are you doing here!?
 title= LeRoi14 : We’re just visiting.
Marquez KaiserRolls : We heard it was going to be a massacre.
 title= LeRoi14 : And he loves blood.
Higuain PutThisInYourPipitaAndSmokeIt : Wait, isn’t ManCity playing *right now*?
TheYaya ToureDeForce : YES.
Higuain PutThisInYourPipitaAndSmokeIt : So how are you here?
 width= SoMuchSpecialSoLittleTime : We can still do this! Deploy the counter measures.
WizardofÖzil : I’m already on the field!
LassDiarra LassOfTheMohicans : At your service!
WizardofÖzil : Goddammit.

*WizardofÖzil has left the chatroom

 width= SoMuchSpecialSoLittleTime : This should do the trick.
 width= TheMagnificentSeven:” : /goal
 title= CantSeeMyIkerFace : …
Benzema KarimAbdulJabbar : Put me in, coach!
 width= SoMuchSpecialSoLittleTime : You’ve been in the whole game!
Benzema KarimAbdulJabbar : Oh. Really?
 width= SoMuchSpecialSoLittleTime : /facepalm
 width= TheMagnificentSeven:” : /goal
 title= CantSeeMyIkerFace : …
 width= SoMuchSpecialSoLittleTime : Why is the ref doing this to us?
 width= InMeYouTrust : I think it’s time to deploy the secret weapon…
 width= SoMuchSpecialSoLittleTime : Don’t tell me Yaya can play for you!
Bojan 11B0J@N11 : lol
 width= SoMuchSpecialSoLittleTime : Oh, it’s just you.
Bojan 11B0J@N11 : /assist
 title= CantSeeMyIkerFace : …
Bojan 11B0J@N11 : lol
 width= SoMuchSpecialSoLittleTime : This isn’t right! This isn’t fair! I demand a do-over!
Pique Number1DraftPique : Hmm. What do they call this?
 title= CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca : What a good question!
Crynaldo HeyLookItsCR7 : Uh, guys, it’s obviously called a manita, you’d think you’d know that having lived in Spain for all this time…jeez.
Pique Number1DraftPique : Ooooh, riiiight. A maaaaniiiiitaaaaa!
 title= CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca : Manita!
Pique Number1DraftPique : Manita!
Dudek DudekWheresMyCar : Manita! Oh wait.
Bojan 11B0J@N11 : lol
Pique Number1DraftPique : Let’s all go decorate Christmas trees to celebrate!

*11B0J@N11 has left the chatroom
*Number1DraftPique has left the chatroom
*CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca has left the chatroom
*ProfessorEquis has left the chatroom
*JustWingingIt has left the chatroom
*InMeYouTrust has left the chatroom
*TheMagnificentSeven has left the chatroom
*LeRoi14 has left the chatroom
*KaiserRolls has left the chatroom
*HeyLookItsCR7 has left the chatroom
*PepeLongstockings has left the chatroom
*LassOfTheMohicans has left the chatroom
*KarimAbdulJabbar has left the chatroom
*DudekWheresMyCar has left the chatroom
*TheGreatestFloOnEarth has left the chatroom
*SoMuchSpecialSoLittleTime has left the chatroom
*CantSeeMyIkerFace has left the chatroom

Higuain PutThisInYourPipitaAndSmokeIt : That makes…perfect sense.
TheYaya ToureDeForce : I KNOW.
Higuain PutThisInYourPipitaAndSmokeIt : We should be friends.
TheYaya ToureDeForce : I HAVE TO GO, SUDDENLY.

*ToureDeForce has left the chatroom

Higuain PutThisInYourPipitaAndSmokeIt : Goddammit.
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Written by:

Isaiah is a co-founder and lead writer for Barcelona Football Blog. He currently lives in Germany with his wife and daughter.


  1. sheena
    December 29, 2010

    Isaiah, I laughed so hard I had a mild asthma attack. I kid you not. BUT IT WAS SO WORTH IT HOLY CRAP THIS POST IS MADE OF WIN.

  2. blitzen
    December 29, 2010

    Hectored!!!! Damn you, Isaiah!

    This is brilliant, btw. I love it. 😀

    PepeLongstockings. *giggle*

    I’m just gonna post the Crackovia link again here, because this episode is also brilliant:


    • Miguel
      December 29, 2010

      can’t listen to a musical @work so instead i’m watching the final in rome that jnice posted a link to. ;^) can’t wait, though.

      yaya come back!

  3. hazelypants
    December 29, 2010

    mymymymymymymymymymy ikerface.

    • stowe
      December 30, 2010

      this made me laugh as much as the actual post! haha!

      • Dos Culinhos
        December 31, 2010

        You should see it chorused in union along with the carefully choreographed dance. oh yeaaah. clasicos are always rambunctious

  4. Josep
    December 29, 2010


    Absolutely brilliant!

  5. Barcelinha_
    December 29, 2010

    fantastic, been laughing like a maniac 😀 and PepeLongstockings is superb!

    • blitzen
      December 29, 2010

      Someone needs to photoshop me a picture of Pep with bright red pigtails sticking out the sides of his head. Pleeeeaaaassse???? 😀

      • blitzen
        December 29, 2010

        I meant Pepe, not Pep, of course!

        Although that would be funny too. 😛

  6. Kari
    December 29, 2010


    “Oh, it’s just him”



    LOVE IT! 😀

  7. Extreme barca fan
    December 29, 2010

    Wow Isiah this is great, keep them coming

  8. December 29, 2010


    p.s.on the first day of Christmas in Polish tv (n sport) there was interview with Jerzy Dudek, and journalist had blaugrana tie in his pocket and asked Dudek “will you feel bad if I wore it?” and Jerzy was laughing and said “I’m madridista, I can refuse to talk with you now” and added “please don’t do it, in Spain they even changed local area (city) code used to dial to Madrid , now it’s 05”

  9. Vj
    December 29, 2010

    Nice timing on the post too Isaiah, just as our youth team, Barcelona Alevin has defeated Mini-mEE on penalties, winning the tournament..

    In other news, it seems that the player’s strike might suspend this weekends fixtures, with Sport reporting that a concrete decision will be taken on Thursday. If the games are played this weekend however, we won’t have Puyol, who is out for 7/10 days with a thigh strain picked up against Honduras.. Pique is back in training though with Afellay, who debuted..

    Does anyone know when is Milito expected to be back?

    • ooga aga
      December 29, 2010

      i dont know but he exercised with the group today, but hasnt been given the medical go ahead to play in matches.

      but captain puyi is out for 6-7 days with an injury:

      “Y es que durante el partido del martes entre Catalunya y Honduras (4-0), el defensa azulgrana notó unas molestias en el muslo derecho y las pruebas realizadas han confirmado que sufre una rotura fibrilar en el adductor medio de esta pierna. Puyol estará de baja entre siete y diez días aproximadamente.”

  10. Eklavya
    December 29, 2010


    I love the comeback of our earlier loved characters Yaya, Henry and CT! Great job Isaiah!

    I just bought the new/current Spain jersey with Iniesta 6 on the back! Jajajaja.

    Also whats all the talk of not speaking well gramitcally? I habla very nice Ingles.

  11. Eklavya
    December 29, 2010

    And wow @Arsenal. They win vs Chelsea then fail to go to the top of the table.

  12. soccermomof4
    December 29, 2010

    Arsenal—sad—and against Wigan—and Chelsea won—no more bragging rights around my hubby 🙁

    On the bright side, if my #2 team plays like this when they play my #1 team, we won’t have to work so hard. Their defense = our playground! Barca goes to the quarters 10-0 on aggregate (2 manitas!).

  13. soccermomof4
    December 29, 2010

    @ Isaiah- thanks, laughs are appreciated

    @ Jnice- THANKS- The hubby and I watched the 2008 final last night. It was nice. It was like finally, after 1 1/2 years of cule-ism, I’ve been partially brought up to speed (points of reference are helpful which is why we newbies rely so much on you old hands). I hesitate to use just one game as a standard (especially w/ players injured/ suspended), but IMvHO I think we are playing SO much better than 2008 right now.

    • Tutomatr
      December 29, 2010

      Oh wow that brings back memories. Watching it at world sports cafe among so many Man U fans it was so wonderful sering y their grins turn into frowns.

  14. lovebarcelona!
    December 29, 2010

    This troll, whose shell of a comment will be used to illustrate a point, demonstrates the value of registration.

    • blitzen
      December 29, 2010

      Hang on. Are you saying that only those who register will be allowed to comment? I thought registration was just about allowing regular users to bypass the CAPTCHA. Not about restricting people from commenting.

      Clarification, please?

      • soccermomof4
        December 29, 2010

        Maybe there could be a “just visiting” option with CAPTCHA?

        I actually know diddly squat about these blog things- so I don’t know if that’s even feasable.

      • Jim
        December 30, 2010

        Can’t speak for the mods here but I think that’s what is meant by registration, Blitzen. We would register once then be free to comment as normal without Captcha. Nobody who hadn’t registered would be able to post.

        The important question, ‘though, is whether everyone will be allowed to register. I’ve no doubt that they will. The next question becomes can you then be banned for inappropriate comments and if so at what point that happens. Again, I’ve no doubt that Isaiah, Kxevin and co. are discussing this as we speak and I’m confident that what they propose will be fair and reasonable but it will throw up some dilemmas. We don’t want this to end up curtailing lively discussion

        It’s not a perfect solution but I’ve no problem with it. Captcha is a nuisance and registration might also help moderate some of the intolerant posts we have seen recently. In the event we end up signing a certain player from the EPL next summer it might also be useful to turn registration off for a day or so to avoid the inevitable tidal wave 🙂

      • BarcaOwl
        December 30, 2010

        I, for one, certainly wouldn’t consider registering as a bad thing. Maybe it’ll make things easier in the long run.

  15. December 29, 2010

    Be sure to watch the video of the Afellay training debut Vj posted a link to the page above). I find it hard to believe that is the same club that Ibrahimovic accused of being all business, and not having any fun in training. Very cool how they’re making the new kid feel welcome.

    • blitzen
      December 29, 2010

      Awwww!!!! They look like such a happy family! Looks like Mascherano and Pique (English speakers) have been detailed to take special care of the newcomer. And yay for Gaby being back in regular training!

  16. BarcaOwl
    December 29, 2010

    Thanks a lot for a fun read, Isaiah! I had a good chuckle over this.

    Before I forget, Happy New Year, everyone! May 2011 bring lots of happiness and health to all of you.

    P.S. I’m happy that it’s a holiday tomorrow. Thanks to the national football team bringing home a trophy after a 14 year (I think) drought. It’s certainly about time. 😛

      • BarcaOwl
        December 29, 2010

        I live in Malaysia, blitzen. Last night Malaysia took the Suzuki Cup. Won on aggregate though. The score last night was Indonesia’s two goals to our single one. Since I don’t follow the local football scene, I have no idea when was the last time our national team won something. 😛

  17. Alexinho
    December 29, 2010

    LassoftheMohicans, my favorite sn…

    Great as always!

    I would like to add…shamefully?…that I’ve seen that Christian Children’s Fund about 1,721,086 times in my lifetime, and when I saw the donate homepage when dialing in barcelonafootballblog.com, I immediately drew my debit card. I guess I owe the kids one now, don’t I?

  18. blitzen
    December 29, 2010

    Watching Barca vs Real Sociedad again. Man, they really had a 9-1 formation going for most of the match, didn’t they? Forgot how beautiful Iniesta’s goal was. He is really having an amazing season. So happy for him!

  19. blitzen
    December 29, 2010

    Iker Casillas on the Jabulani ball at the World Cup:

    “The ball did some strange things and I tried to get it out of the way as best I could. I don’t believe a tournament as important as this one should be played with a ball like that. I feel bad saying that, because it’s the brand that sponsors me, but it shouldn’t have been that way.”

    From the Informe Robinson special.

    • Humphrey Bogart
      December 30, 2010

      Seems you visited Con la roja again, blitzen? I really love this site because everything from Informe Robinson is translated. And I must say my Xavi-Crush is reaching quite a level, this guy is just awesome.

      • Michelle
        January 2, 2011

        As the culer doing half the translating, I thank you for your appreciation, and also must completely agree with you on the massive Xavi crush!

        (My co-translator suggested to me last night, after an exhibition of football-nerdery, that I should dump my boyfriend and move to Terrassa because clearly Xavi and I would be perfect together. 😀 One can dream, right??)

  20. stowe
    December 29, 2010

    That was nice. didn’t laugh as hard as usual. Thankyou (i’m in a public place and that would just be embarrassing)
    “I have to go, suddenly” HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHA

  21. December 30, 2010

    I just threw up a post that should answer any and all questions about registration, folks. It’s also the place to voice concerns/objections, and we will try to answer all of them.

  22. Amira
    December 30, 2010

    I loved this! We need another one of these ASAP!

  23. Stephen
    December 30, 2010

    “Put me in, coach!… You’ve been in the whole game!” lol nice.

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