Episode 2: In which the management gets together to discuss everything that has happened in the offseason.
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PorLaportaGrande Oh man oh man oh man |
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AVeryTxikiGM: What is it? |
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PorLaportaGrande: I may or may not have told a bunch of reporters that we’re going to win eight titles this year… |
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AVeryTxikiGM: Oh. Yeah, that’s not that big of a deal. Just say you miscounted the number of trophies we’re involved in because, well, there are so many! |
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PorLaportaGrande: …and that we were going to sign Arsenal. |
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AVeryTxikiGM: You mean… |
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PorLaportaGrande: Yeah, the club. Look, my bad, but you know how I am with microphones. |
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InMeYouTrust: Hey guys, just got back from vacation. So relaxing. How’s it going here? |
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InMeYouTrust: /scrolls up |
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InMeYouTrust: Whaaaaaaat? |
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AVeryTxikiGM: Now wait, wait, we can fix this! Just a little spin doctoring here, a little voodoo magic there… |
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InMeYouTrust: You’ve got to be kidding me! At least say something like “We’re going to sign Ribery” or whatever. What the hell is wrong with you? |
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PorLaportaGrande: I have a condition. |
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AVeryTxikiGM: Here we go… |
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PorLaportaGrande: I’ve got a severe form of what’s called Macromicroblabbermouthia that gets way worse during hot, humid weather. |
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InMeYouTrust: I have never heard of that disease before. |
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PorLaportaGrande: All true, I swear. Borderline hospital case at times. Tears a man apart inside to know modern medicine hasn’t caught up enough to keep his Micromarcoslathermouthia in check. |
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InMeYouTrust: Didn’t you just say blabbermouthia? Hey! You’re just making all of that up, aren’t you? |
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PorLaportaGrande: No… |
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HlebToYourFace: I scored a goal! |
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InMeYouTrust: Did I take crazy pills!? What is going on? |
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*HlebToYourFace has been booted by AVeryTxikiGM (admin)* |
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AVeryTxikiGM: Christ, gotta remember to change the password on this damned chatroom. |
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InMeYouTrust: Oh yeah, “barcelona” is really hard to figure out. Were you going to change it to “barca”? |
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AVeryTxikiGM: /turns red |
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PorLaportaGrande: Let’s get back to what’s important: me. I was in the park the other day– |
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InMeYouTrust:We need a CB. |
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PorLaportaGrande: Wait, wait, this is a good story. There was this group of kids playing a pickup game and I went over to watch and some of them were really good, so I thought, maybe Txiki and Pep would like to see some raw talent, so I pulled out my camcorder– |
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AVeryTxikiGM: Did you just use the term camcorder? |
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PorLaportaGrande: –and filmed them for a bit. Here’s the tape. What do you think? |
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PorLaportaGrande: /sends video file |
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InMeYouTrust: /watches video |
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InMeYouTrust: This is just a tape of an Ajax game. |
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PorLaportaGrande: I know! Turns out I shouldn’t drink that much espresso and have access to a corporate jet. I have this complex called Hypercaffeinatedtopialypemia. |
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InMeYouTrust: That’s definitely made up. |
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PorLaportaGrande: Nuh-uh… |
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AVeryTxikiGM: We bought you Ibrahimovic. |
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InMeYouTrust: Sweet! Can I get Chygrynskiy as well? |
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AVeryTxikiGM: A what? |
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InMeYouTrust: Chygrynskiy. |
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AVeryTxikiGM: /googles Chyragrinskyiyy |
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PorLaportaGrande: Hey, I think I have that, too! Is that the one where you tap-dance every time you hear the words “Visca el Barça”? |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: CAN YOU SMEEEEEEEELLLL WHAT THE CAPTAIN’S COOKING!? |
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InMeYouTrust: Oh crap. |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: In the beginning, there was darkness. On the seventh day, when he was supposed to be resting, God created the Camp Nou. |
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InMeYouTrust: Puyi, you really need to settle down. |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: The primordial echoes of time rang out across the galaxies: VISCA EL BARÇA! |
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PorLaportaGrande: /tap dances |
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AVeryTxikiGM: What in the name of Kubala is happening? |
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InMeYouTrust: Seriously, Puyi, listen to me, isn’t there something in your cabin you can whittle into a club crest? This is not good for your blood pressure. |
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AVeryTxikiGM: Maybe we can talk about your contract renewal, Carles. |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: Done. |
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AVeryTxikiGM: Okay, so, I was thinking that we could do a 3-year deal worth– |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: Mister, when is practice tomorrow? |
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AVeryTxikiGM: Wait, we’re talking about your contract… |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: We just resolved that. |
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AVeryTxikiGM: Uh…don’t you want to hear the terms we’re offering? |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: Can I still wear overalls while I mow the Camp Nou grass? |
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AVeryTxikiGM: /blinks |
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InMeYouTrust: Sure, sure, you can do that. |
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AVeryTxikiGM: [private message to InMeYouTrust] Don’t we have a grounds crew for that? |
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InMeYouTrust: [private message to AVeryTxikiGM] He’s been doing it for them for as long as I’ve been here. Apparently he also occasionally stands guard over the field during the off-season. |
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AVeryTxikiGM: Okay, sure, Carles, you can, uh, continue to do that. |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: /signs contract |
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AVeryTxikiGM: Wait, you have previously drawn up contracts in which you are allowed to mow the grass in overalls? That’s absurd! |
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PorLaportaGrande: Yay! Our captain has renewed! Visca el Barça! |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: IT IS TIME TO TAKE VENGEANCE ON THE TYRANTS OF YORE! THEIR BLOOD MUST BE SHED IN THEIR LAIR! |
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PorLaportaGrande: Yes! Yes! Visca el Barça! |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: THE END APPROACHETH THE BERNABEU CRUSH CRUSH CRUSH! |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: /runs off into the night, slobbering |
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*CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca has left the chatroom* |
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PorLaportaGrande: Well that was fun! |
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AVeryTxikiGM: Great, now our captain is insane. |
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EtooBrute?: ROFL now I’m not the only one who is mad! |
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InMeYouTrust: [private message to AVeryTxikiGM] I thought you changed the password, Txiki! |
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AVeryTxikiGM: [private message to InMeYouTrust] I did! |
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PorLaportaGrande: Hi, Samu! |
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InMeYouTrust: [private message to AVeryTxikiGM] Did you change it to, uh, let me just guess here, FCB? |
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AVeryTxikiGM: [private message to InMeYouTrust] Well, uh, it’s got to be something Joan can remember. |
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EtooBrute?: So going to score on you in the Champions League! lol! |
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PorLaportaGrande: lol, indeed, that is so funny! |
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*EtooBrute? has been booted by AVeryTxikiGM (admin)* |
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InMeYouTrust: I think that just about wraps everything up, right? I’ve got some Coldplay albums to listen to before bed. |
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AVeryTxikiGM: Okay. Joan, try to get some rest. You know, for your, uh, um, hypobadonkadonkitis…? |
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PorLaportaGrande: Will do! |
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*InMeYouTrust has left the chatroom* |
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TheRiddlerAndtheJorquera: Hey guys, I’m here for the next team meeting! |
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TheRiddlerAndtheJorquera: Guys? Hello? |
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TheRiddlerAndtheJorquera: /waits an hour |
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TheRiddlerAndtheJorquera: Aw man, that’s the last time this happens to me, I’m moving to Girona. |
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*TheRiddlerAndtheJorquera has left the chatroom* |
First there was nothing………..AND THEN THERE WAS CRYUFF!
Cryuff the almight god created the camp nou with pure will!
From utter nothingness comes swirling form! Life begins where once was void!>/i>
🙂
Oops my italic ending didn’t work.Now everyone knows I know Italic! Damnit!
the best is:
“HlebToYourFace: I scored a goal!
InMeYouTrust: Did I take crazy>/i> pills!? What is going on?”
Hahaha “crazy” pills…reminds me of someone……hmm….
//http://stopptid.blogg.se/images/2009/cupcup_37884456.gif
txikidracula, this is my favorite of those: http://www.itsfootball.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/bee.gif
HlebToYourFace is the greatest handle ever. I wish I had thought of it. 🙁
Puyol’s agent is just doing his job to make sure Barca comes back with a decent $ amount for Puyol. He knows our captain would dive head first into a tank of sharks for his shirt (as Ray Ray has said) so he doesn’t exactly have a whole lot to bargain with. Still, he does have the support of the fans and his teammates, and the people of Catalunya. He will be resigned. It’s just a matter of getting a nice piece of change for him and ensuring the contract is long enough for him to retire there.
Chelsea will no doubt appeal the decision. Seems kind of harsh but I think they want to make an example out of Chelsea and have it serve as a warning for other teams (especially in the EPL) that have been accused of raiding canteras.
@Kxevin, this gives a brief overview of what the situation is about:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/teams/c/chelsea/8236187.stm
that’s pretty fucking hilarious isaiah.
i could have sworn i’ve seen one where ballack & tom henning were crunking…i can’t find that shit though 🙁
txikidracula, here are a bunch more.
http://nsa07.casimages.com/img/2009/05/08/090508121709258217.gif
ROFL
The complete part with Puyi is simply brilliant 😀
Especially if you combine it with the picture from Mel. In Germany, we also have the term “overall”, but it’s something different.
The kind of overall you are referring to is called a “Latzhose” in Germany.
I truely can imagine CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca mowing the lawn in such a “suit” 🙂
The deal is done. Here’s where we’re staying, and it’s a 2 bedroom, if someone wants to sack out for a few nights. From 21 Nov-Dec. 1.
http://www.friendlyrentals.com/en/apartments/barcelona/apartment-441-1.htm
Kevin living the dream
Chelski will appeal. Yet it sounds like the fairness curse of Adrian Mutu! And I like it! Though I doubt it will stand for long. At least they will get a “lighter ” punshment at the end.
What they did for the guy was absolutly low. What comes around goes around.
Agreed, Ramzi. Appears to go a far bit beyond “tapping up.”
Sort of seems like people are cracking down hard on stuff in general. First the UEFA ruling on Eduardo, now this.
guddy never did his farewell press conference.
i hate slow days.
not that the Chelsea thing wasn’t interesting, but almost all cules hate Chelsea, so their is no debate as to whether we support the decision or not…
well, Jason, I posted a fantasy thing for you.
woot! thnx!
Hi! First off, I love this really creative and funny, its my first time here. I just wonder are you(isaiah) the one who plays all the charachters? I doubt it but just wanna be sure. Thank you, its really a fun idea! When´s the next part? 😀
Btw Chelsea has already appealed, and with abramovitjs money they will most probably lower the punishment (too bad).
TheHateYouGave: are you asking if I write the whole thing alone? Because I do…
Definitely come back and visit again!
I’m back!.. apparently
Kevin/Isaiah/Hector, perhaps you should write something pertaining to the impending elections next year. I didn’t really know of the ‘offside’ blog last year when Laporta was almost knocked off his throne. Curious to know whether most of the bloggers here wanted to get rid of him at the time and what their stance is now, including you guys.
Isaiah: WOW! That must be hard man, to play all the parts. I thought like for every player there was someone who wrote, but i guess I was wrong.
Yea I will definitly keep visiting this site, looking forward to the next part! 😉
Love it!! =]
The first one was a little more funnyer, but still- great job!! =)