It’s Friday. There’s nothing to talk about except unfounded and foolish rumors that no one cares about. Not even you. You do not care about these stupid rumors. It’s good to have someone tell you want you’re interested in, isn’t it? Well, here is something you might be slightly more interested in:
Scene: Eastern Manchester. A sign reads “SPORTCITY”.
Pini Zahavi: This is a good omen.
Gai Assulin: Good omen? The third thing listed is a national squash center alongside the stadium. This is absurd. Why don’t we go somewhere like, I don’t know, Mallorca?
Zahavi: Mallorca can’t even pay the players they have.
Gai: The sky is gray, even the sign is gray.
Zahavi: You’re being dramatic.
Gai: There is nothing made of color in this city–
Zahavi: They’re offering you a contract with the Elite Squad.
Gai: Oh crap! Really?
Zahavi: [shifts uncomfortably] Uh, yeah.
Gai: Really really?
Zahavi: Yup. [turns away and rolls his eyes] We better get going, they’re waiting in the offices.
Gai: Oh man! I’m going to play with Tevez and Milner and Vieira and YAYA! Oh man, this is going to be so great.
Zahavi: Let’s just get this done with as quickly as possible.
The pair enter the offices and are greeted by Andy Welsh. [Welsh is the reserve team manager]
Gai: I guess Mancini is out on official business and couldn’t be here in person.
Welsh: [looks at Zahavi who nods several times] Uh, yeah, sure, something like that.
Gai: Figures. Where do I sign? [signs paper] When do I start training?
Welsh: Tomorrow morning.
Gai: Do you think I’ll get to start this weekend? Who do we play? Chelsea?
Welsh: We play Wigan.
Gai: Oh, Carling Cup?
Gai: We have a midseason friendly? Being elite is neat. Ha, I rhymed.
Gai: Wait till I tell the guys in Barça! They’ll be so jealous.
Welsh: Um… [hands Zahavi a bundle of cash] Nice doing business with you…I think.
Zahavi: I’m outtie!
Gai and Zahavi leave the offices. Zahavi jumps in his car and zooms away with a pile of cash. Gai pulls out his phone and calls Muniesa, who he’s totally friends with cause Muniesa is awesome like that.
Muniesa: Hey, Gai. How are you? [Muniesa is super nice]
Gai: Haha, sucka, I just signed for Manchester City’s Elite Squad! You’re down in stupid Sexta C or whatever!
Muniesa: That’s terrific! Do you think you’ll get time with the first team this year? [he so doesn’t even care that Gai insulted him! he’s that nice!]
Gai: I just said I signed with the Elite Squad.
Muniesa: I know.
Muniesa: You’re in the Elite Development Squad.
Muniesa: Well, I gotta go train with Guardiola.
Muniesa: Yeah. It’s super neat that you’re not elite, Gai! Have a great day. [super nice awesomeness]
Obviously this is all fiction. I don’t know anything about Zahavi or Welsh. They’re probably great guys. Like Muniesa. Okay, maybe not that great.