It’s Friday

It’s Friday. There’s nothing to talk about except unfounded and foolish rumors that no one cares about. Not even you. You do not care about these stupid rumors. It’s good to have someone tell you want you’re interested in, isn’t it? Well, here is something you might be slightly more interested in:

Scene: Eastern Manchester. A sign reads “SPORTCITY”.

Pini Zahavi: This is a good omen.

Gai Assulin: Good omen? The third thing listed is a national squash center alongside the stadium. This is absurd. Why don’t we go somewhere like, I don’t know, Mallorca?

Zahavi: Mallorca can’t even pay the players they have.

Gai: The sky is gray, even the sign is gray.

Zahavi: You’re being dramatic.

Gai: There is nothing made of color in this city–

Zahavi: They’re offering you a contract with the Elite Squad.

Gai: Oh crap! Really?

Zahavi: [shifts uncomfortably] Uh, yeah.

Gai: Really really?

Zahavi: Yup. [turns away and rolls his eyes] We better get going, they’re waiting in the offices.

Gai: Oh man! I’m going to play with Tevez and Milner and Vieira and YAYA! Oh man, this is going to be so great.

Zahavi: Let’s just get this done with as quickly as possible.

The pair enter the offices and are greeted by Andy Welsh. [Welsh is the reserve team manager]

Gai: I guess Mancini is out on official business and couldn’t be here in person.

Welsh: [looks at Zahavi who nods several times] Uh, yeah, sure, something like that.

Gai: Figures. Where do I sign? [signs paper] When do I start training?

Welsh: Tomorrow morning.

Gai: Do you think I’ll get to start this weekend? Who do we play? Chelsea?

Welsh: We play Wigan.

Gai: Oh, Carling Cup?

Welsh: No…

Gai: We have a midseason friendly? Being elite is neat. Ha, I rhymed.

Welsh: I…

Gai: Wait till I tell the guys in Barça! They’ll be so jealous.

Welsh: Um… [hands Zahavi a bundle of cash] Nice doing business with you…I think.

Zahavi: I’m outtie!

Gai and Zahavi leave the offices. Zahavi jumps in his car and zooms away with a pile of cash. Gai pulls out his phone and calls Muniesa, who he’s totally friends with cause Muniesa is awesome like that.

Muniesa: Hey, Gai. How are you? [Muniesa is super nice]

Gai: Haha, sucka, I just signed for Manchester City’s Elite Squad! You’re down in stupid Sexta C or whatever!

Muniesa: That’s terrific! Do you think you’ll get time with the first team this year? [he so doesn’t even care that Gai insulted him! he’s that nice!]

Gai: I just said I signed with the Elite Squad.

Muniesa: I know.

Gai: What?

Muniesa: You’re in the Elite Development Squad.

Gai: Development?

Muniesa: Well, I gotta go train with Guardiola.

Gai: Guardiola?

Muniesa: Yeah. It’s super neat that you’re not elite, Gai! Have a great day. [super nice awesomeness]

Gai: Zahaviiiiiii.

End Scene.

Obviously this is all fiction. I don’t know anything about Zahavi or Welsh. They’re probably great guys. Like Muniesa. Okay, maybe not that great.

Categorized as Nonsense

By Isaiah

Isaiah is a co-founder and lead writer for Barcelona Football Blog. He currently lives in the greater New York City area with his wife and daughter.


  1. I think we should have a chat where we all role-play certain characters…and just see what happens. You should get kicked if you end up trolling or being too out of character.


    Dibs on Guardiola!

  2. holy crap what a golazo by silva. that header, was unstoppable and just straight perfection. unreal.

  3. Why doesn’t Llorente play/head like that when I sit down to watch him?

    I can see a plan B with him *rewrites Llorente’s name on his wishlist*..

  4. i will tell you about that guy until pep read that blog and buy him!coentrao!and about alvez why he don.t try in practice to make crosses better?

  5. “Muniesa is super nice”

    And this post is super awesome! 😀

    Having LOLZ in the lull. And Spain won today! Can we haz Llorente already?

  6. Great Freudian slip:

    Muniesa was supposed to say “It’s super neat that you’re elite, Gai!” but instead put in a “not” that totally changed it. Oops.

  7. Just watched the Rome final against United. Why don’t we press like that any more? It was crazy. Whenever any one of their players got the ball in midfield, we were there in numbers. We’ve only done that briefly this season and when we have, it has always been effective. Iniesta was spectacular in that match, as well. Henry was clearly hampered by his injury (thank you, Ramos) but useful as a big-name decoy. Hell of a goal by Eto’o, too.

    Revisionists like to say that we didn’t outplay them, but watching the match tells a very different story.

    1. we outplayed them like crazy, but the 1st 10 minutes were theirs, until eto’o scored. iniesta+xavi+busi… one of the best games ever!!!

    2. try this one


      or this one


      it’s a livestream match but you can also download it.

  8. haha isaiah when i read it i thought that finally muniesa decides to be bad for a moment!i want someone to close s.ramos in a dark room and speaking to him catalan for 24hours!haha!then he can be free and in press conferences to be happy everytime pique answer in catalan!

  9. kxevin my opinion is that after eto goal there was only one team in the game.we make them look poor..about the pressure i think that the players are now 2 years older in our team and it s not easy to run like crazy in every game.if we had run like this in milano against inter now the story maybe was different..

  10. OFFTOPIC: It looks like the Chilean miners might be freed this weekend, well ahead of schedule. I am soooooo happy everything is working out for them.

    I saw a news release the other day that the Real Madrid players all signed shirts to send to the miners. It’s a nice gesture and I don;t want to harsh on the RM players, but would they have done that if David Villa hadn’t done it first?

    1. That’s what I was asking myself too haha

      Btw, here is a link to a lot of Barca matches.

  11. I just came back from Holiday and read Kxevin’s post on too much talent.
    I missed the Mallorca match too but from what I understand from the review is the same that I’ve always felt.

    This was many years ago, in 1999 or 2000. Van Gaal’s first stint, we drew an important match in CL. After the match, he said that the problem with the team was that they had too much time and that is a problem because when you have too much time on the ball, you will start to think more and complicate things.

    Btw, why on earth was Messi, Smasch and Milito playing 90 minutes? How many minutes did Higuain play?

  12. I read on reputable sources that we are interested in 2 players. It’s been a while that I have been happy to hear rumors regarding transfers cause this time it’s quality players.
    Pato- perfect(but I thought that he liked RM, guessed he changed his mind)
    Pastore-notice how well he combines with Messi in S.Africa. But we are stacked in midfield already. Nonetheless, it was good to hear that he is in our radar. Plus, he is a Cule.

  13. against Bilbao we pressed pretty well, but another thing is running back to stop a counter. Especially in the Bilbao game, a lot of our players even the forward line run back as a unit to prevent counter attacks and we save ourselves getting caught out. But I assume it takes up a lot of energy from the players.

    the other week Bilbao managed to press and constrict space really well in the first half, but our team managed to pass our way through the little space and bite the back. That is what really won us that game and really made us work like a fine well oiled machine.

    But most teams we vs don’t even come forward and constrict space far up the pitch anymore. we have to put all our work and efficiency in the final third and when it comes to winning the ball back, its always from counter attacks, that really takes out a lot of energy, even if we have 90% possession, that 10% of the time running like dogs is still a big price to pay.

    would I be wrong about this? just a thought

    ps. Villa’s goal against sporting in the first round was from one of the best crosses I have ever seen, the way Alves controlled the ball and snapped it in one motion while tilting his body at just the right angle to give that perfect spin so it curls straight onto Villa’s 40 million dollar head. I dono, I think Alves still does amazing crosses. This season he rarely crosses off target, they are rather never finished off.

  14. new grass in camp nou..

    courtesy totalbarca

  15. Awesome Xavi interview with the official website. Dude’s so gonna be a coach one day.


  16. Haha, it’s freaky Friday @ Eastlands 🙂 Hats off, Isaiah!

    I just saw highlights from Spain-Lithuania and I’m SHOCKED by that David Villa miss. Does he also suck at national level now??? I think we’ll have it very tough this season unless Villa gets back into shape asap!

    1. It’s the curse of Raul I tell you! Ever since he’s matched the Spanish top scorer’s record, he’s only managed to hit the post!

  17. off topic.

    a brilliant analysis of the evolution of EE.


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