The Bad Ad

It’s the pre-game show to the game you don’t care about (well, not that much). It’s the post-game wrap when your team’s just been slapped with the postage home. Or maybe you’re just Cup-drunk on a six-day soccer bender, belly-up on your sofa, demanding your room / best / life-mate feed you snacky-snacks on the vuvuzela as if it were a bullhorn. What’s left to look at until s/he arrives with the stale Chee-tohs? Commercials!

Who doesn’t love a great sports spot? They’re fast-paced, quick-witted and sticky-sweet with visual treats. If you know nothing about the game, you will enjoy a hottie, a tune, a vibe and a joke. If you know everything, you nudge and wink with the with-it writers while complaining that everyone will iPod what was your favorite song since for-eveh.

Write the CheckYou soccerwits have seen Nike’s 2010 ‘Write The Future’ a gazillion times and find its slobbering worship of Cronaldo and slathering homage to Rooney so just done it. But not the first bazillion times, when you went hoarse shouting ‘Drogba! Cannavaro! Ronaldinho! Ribery! Iniesta!’ with your telebuddies. Your less-World-ly friends raised an eyebrow at familiar faces, like Kobe (He likes soccer too?) or Homer (They are so smart) while your girlfriend glanced up from People for the baby-boomlet (omg so cute) or the red carpet (Is that Paris?). It’s the “Thriller” of sports ads and Alejandro Inarritu deserves an Academy Award. So here it is:

Best World Cup Ad: Call me, Alejandro

And now, your BadAddies:

This isn't going to end well1. Thanks, I’ll Wait for the Spinning Class. Any ad, and I’m talking to you Deixarem, that features a close-up of Carles gazing up is bad. We love an ad with a little Cap’n in ‘em, but the mophead’s mojo is lost in slo-mo … he looks less like a man determined heart’n’soul to lead his team to victory than your boyfriend’s college buddy after his wife has kicked him out and changed the locks and can he crash on your couch just for a day or two? Then a strange sequence in which he is joined by a prancing yellow-tee’d boy chorus. What is that? An Orwellian aerobics class? P(uyol)90X? Now it’s just creepy. I’ve switched to ‘Mr T’s Kitchen Revolution’ already.

So Gimme a G*&&%^%m Chip Already2. Leo The Loser? This runs 24/7 in Spain; the only Internet version is Greek.  Everything is muy chill out. It’s a simple soirée, some chicks, some chips. Leo shuffles in munching his Ruffles, plops down on the couch and a buddy says, Pásalas (Pass them). Leo thinks. He’s selfish that way sometimes. But the crowd calls to him … he does it! He passes! He shares! That earns him a sticker with Miss Preem the Preschool Teacher! But wait a minute. Click that little cursor back. Are we to believe that Messi, Leo Messi, is going to walk through a party and no one is going to talk to him? Not one girl is even going to glance at him? Only some sofa slug who demands … a Ruffle? Now, I appreciate that Ruffles does not want to make us not feel inferior to the soccer supernova. But I don’t think we should feel sorry for him. Ruffles, send that man a hottie with some dip.

3. Prince PiquéPiqué, Puh-lease. The Príncipe cookie company has snagged the one Barça player blaugrana babes would snog for looks alone (according to recent polls). And then they do this to him. First they turn him into a cartoon character. (To be fair, the Príncipe prince himself is a cartoon character). Then they send him to a silly scrimmage with some friends (guess who got picked first?). Then everyone is thrilled when he scores on them. Now, Príncipe cookies aren’t your Aunt Emma’s Nilla wafers. These babies are 70% cereal, so eating one is like shoving a few Nature’s Own bars into your cookie hole and washing them down with Metamucil, which is why Spaniards eat them for breakfast. Gerard isn’t doing the soccer slide… he has been dragged to turf by the gravitational excess of his lower intestinal tract. And that grin? Pure cheese!

I Got No Car And It's Breakin' My Heart4. Brother, Can You Spare an Euro? Spain is in trouble. Mama Merkel wags her finger and Buddy Barry prank calls from the Oval Office. Even the Selección feels the pinch … the Captain is so hard up he has to pinch the referree’s ceremonial euro. And where will Iker spend his ill-gotten gain? A new casa for Mama Casillas? Some Zara for Sara? Oh, no … this keeper’s nobody’s fool. He’s got his eye on a new … Chevy! Because now he’s what? Taking the subway to work? Wonder Twins P & P approve. Maybe they want to get him in a getaway car and get him as far away as possible from la Carbonaro, pouting about the goal line with her cute pouf of a mike: ‘I-kie! Ikie, where are you?’

Don't Bother Watching Me5. Um … ¿qué? Damn, this Estrella Damm ad is dumb. I guess the message is supposed to be that Hard Work Pays Off or Everyone Is Part of a Team. Or something. I can’t figure it out. I mean, beer and sports. How much easier can it get for an ad guy? But this commercial must have been scripted by the Underpant Gnomes: ‘First, random hottie. Second, we don’t know. Third, profit.’ We got the hottie, and then it all plays out like a public service announcement for a correspondence college: ‘Call today and get your degree in … beach combing … culinary services … physical education … and much, much more!’

Until next week, my Blaugrana Bloggers, when we review European Soccer Shows!

Categorized as Barcelona

By SoccerMom

SoccerMom obsesses over FCB and this blog instead of grading papers, burning dinner and/or raising her small children. She blames a Spanish husband and easy access to Hispanic-targeted cable sports channels for her football addiction and consequent failure as a professor, housekeeper and mother.


  1. i think its my lack of english that makes it so hard to understand all of soccermoms posts.sigh.
    what a pity. i see most of you guys laughing and enjoying her write ups while im scratching my head even after reading it twice.
    thanks anyways soccermom..( are you really a mom btw ? )

    1. you never fail soccermom…i love these little digests filled with fun and whimsy.

      dont worry barca96, i can see how it would be hard to understand soccermom without english as a first language. lots of colloquialisms, slang, word-play, and add in a pinch of cultural references…anyone out there who is ESL and who can understand this, hats off…

  2. Messi is set to be the youngest captain in Argentina’s history vs Greece today. Score, Messi, score!

    Argentina will face Mexico if they beat Greece today. Grudge rematch, anyone?

    1. seriously. i’d love it if mexcico were to knock argentina out of the competition this year. come on, someone’s gonna do it eventually. would have been good for mexico’s confidence going in to that match to have gotten a better result against uruguay but, whatever.

      i’d have been so pissed if domenech/france, with his/its ineptness/tantrums, got another team wrongfully kicked out of the competition.

      nice post, soccermom. i’d let puyi crash on my couch.

      i always get a kick out of that last line of your blurb about yourself: “She blames a Spanish husband and easy access to Hispanic-targeted cable sports channels for her football addiction and consequent failure as a professor, housekeeper and mother.”

  3. It is almost entirely different argentina with all the changes. It is going to be very interesting to see.

    Apparantly bunch of Mexico players wanted clash with Argies. It is going to be fun last 16 match. Mexicans like to attack and Argies have a weak defence. But Mexicans will also give Argies loads of space and messi with space to play makes me feel giddy.

    But first its greece.

  4. Messi has been by far the best player in this World Cup.

    With this game, he will be playing a 3rd different position in 3 games.

    Think about all of the complaining there’s been from “superstar” players about the position they were going to be playing.

    For Messi – just doesn’t matter. His skill set, disposition, and leadership are remarkable.

  5. Mexico v Argentina games are always fun. There’s a lot of times when Argentina have beaten us by a good margin (cough 3-0 cough 4-1 cough cough cough) but there’s been a few times when Mexico has made it a close game.

    This time around there’s Maradona, which tips the scales on our side. But there’s also Messi. He likes scoring against Mexico and well..fuck

  6. what the hell is wrong with karagounis?
    messi played the ball out and he still got pissed at messi.
    another inter flop

  7. Story of the first half of Greece-Arg:

    Greece Captain is a whiny douche. Don’t like him at all. Greece goalkeeper is having a good match; made nice saves from Kun, Messi and Maxi Rodriguez

    Veron has been shockingly poor. Miss-placed passes galore.

    Kun Aguero has been the bright spark of the two forwards. Pressuring the defense, raising heck; it’s been a good half from the son-in-law.

    Here’s hoping Messi’ll score, but with Greece parking the bus… we’ll see

  8. Stats say it all:

    Greece – Argentina
    shots on target : 0 – 4
    shots off target : 0 – 0
    possession (%) : 34 – 66
    corner kicks : 1 – 5
    offsides : 0 – 0
    fouls : 11 – 4
    yellow cards : 1 – 0
    red cards : 0 – 0

  9. haha funny goal by korea.
    attempted to head the ball from the free kick
    but it hit his foot instead and luckily went
    korea fighting!

  10. Argentina is not using space on the pitch well at all. In their current formation there’s no good source of width. Everything is clustered in the middle and there’s no space for Messi, Aguerro and Milito to maneuver. They are occupying the same space and making it easier fro Greece to stay compact. Veron is also not facilitating use of the pitch with his passing from deep.

    Greece take off Karagounis, a midfielder, and puts on Spyropolous a defender in his place to start the second half.

    1. Veron has been utter, utter crap. His passing has been atrocious. At this point, I feel Argentina will play better if he’s not in the starting line-up.

    2. Agreed. He’s been mediocre to poor in both matches. He doesn’t play at the same pace as the other players in front of him and doesn’t create enough opportunities. His passes are far too often neutral or sideways/ back passes. He doesn’t do enough to warrant such a key role. And on the whole his passing hasn’t been very accurate.

      Dissappointed not to see Pastore get some playing time and see what he could offer.

    3. Yeah, it’s crying shame that Pastore doesn’t get to play in this (somewhat) meaningless match.

      Also, Demichelis is the weak link in the Argentina defense me thinks. A Burdisso – Samuel combo would be the best CB pair IMO. Of course, that will never happen bar a freak injury.

    4. Demichelis is one of the single biggest problems Argentina have. He is terrible. His lack of pace is just waiting to be exploited by teams with better attacking players. Same for Heinze. Argentina’s back line is so slow. That’s their biggest problem.

      And on comes Pastore.

  11. Maxi off, Di Maria on.

    I don’t know how much this will change the game. After all, Veron is still on the pitch.

  12. 66th min. That could have been a penalty for Argentina. A tug on Milto’s shirt by Someoneopoulous. Ref turns it down.

    Funny, De Rossi got a pen for the exact same kind of thing.

  13. Ha! First a Greek player trips over the ball during a counter then a comical miscommunication between a Greek defender and goalkeeper lead to an Argentina corner.


  14. How is it that every time I insult an Argentina defender, they score.

    First Heinze on the corner, and now Demichalis also from a corner. It’s also Demichilis’s second goal for his country.

    Well damn. Anyway, justice is served IMO. Greece relied on parking the bus and booting the ball to Samaras, who could have scored so it’s their own fault really.

    1. For a while there, every time I insulted Cuauh he would end up either scoring or setting up a pass for goal. Not anymore tho. :/

  15. Funny post, SoMA. The Nike ad is by far the most clever with Kobe and Homer.

    Messi is on reserve mode today.

    Oh, and according to Domenech, Abidal told him he didn’t want to play because he didn’t feel well, he felt empty.

  16. Rehhagel wagered that his probability of tying 0-0 was his best way of getting through, even if that meant leaving Greece’s future in the hands of S.Korea and Nigeria. 0-0 with S. Korea up 2-1 he subbed on a defedner for a midfielder in order to keep the match scoreless and take his chances on very improbable one man counters. He most likely was hoping to score on a set play rather than take any risks of opening up the game.

    If they go out like this it will have been a very passive way to be eliminated.

  17. Messi just won’t score today, will he? Brilliant tackle from the Greek defender, it has to be said.

    Palermo goes for the spectacular off balance shot, rather than passing to a wide open Di Maria in space. Bah.

  18. One of the most effective ways to beat Mourhino’s Inter this past season was probably to drop defenders deep or even park the bus against them to prevent them from scoring on the counter.

    Watching Milito struggle today without other opening up space for him was interesting. He could do very little to open up opportunities for himself.

  19. Beautiful goal.

    36 year old Palermo scores after Messi’s effort is saved (no comment on that).

    2-0 to Argentina and 9/9. Argentina-Mexico here we come

  20. Well if Messi is going to once again create an opportunity to score for another player Palermo would be the one you’d want it to happen for.

    Messi has been brilliant again once that first goal went in. Unfortunate that he hit the post again.

    Greece may get eliminated without truly trying to win this third game. Very passive way to go home.

    1. I guess Leo is waiting for Mexico so he can score another golazo like this one:


      Ah, Ray Ray. How I’ve missed you.

  21. Nice post SoccerMom! Gonna save that picture of Messi for future use.

    So, I was kinda bummed there was no live blog for the Mex-Uruguay match. But it was probably for the best b/c I would have been ranting in all caps about Cuauh and Franco in the starting line up and then about the lame subs that Aguirre made.

    While I don’t think that Argentina will totally slaughter Mexico, I just don’t see Mexico beating Argentina. Not because it couldn’t happen – Mexico raises their game against better opposition, but I don’t see Aguirre making the necessary changes for that. Argentina’s defense is there for the taking, but I doubt Aguirre will start Chicharito, Guardado, or Barrera in place of Franco or Cuauh. I just don’t get his whole reliance on “experience.” Isn’t it enough to have veterans like Rafa, Torrado, and Salcido out there to balance out the relative youth and inexperience of the other players?

    There are times when I don’t understand a coaches tactics, etc., and I usually figure they know what they’re doing. But Aguirre just baffles me. Cuauh offers nothing. He probably completed two passes today? Which went nowhere? He took Guardado off, when he would have been more likely to feed Chicharito in the box than anyone already on the field.

    I guess I should say, at least Mexico isn’t France.

    I think I would be more conflicted about the Mex v Arg match-up if I was confident that Aguirre was making the right selections, but he isn’t. Therefore I hope Messi and his team continute on and do well in the WC.


    He’s got his recognition, albeit belatedly, now he just needs to score

    1. Yakubu’s miss made me spit in disgust. Miss of the tournament. With a miss like that, they don’t deserve to get through.

  23. i understood playing cuauh from the start since efrain juarez was out of the line up but, you’re right, his subbing out guardado was really weird. he could have been played as the leftmost of the front three but he wasn’t. i think this is mexico’s lack of depth in midfield coming back to bite them on the ass.

    zm has a similar dislike of cuauh to you.

    1. Ha! Like the Bofo riding the bench for Mexico? Sometimes when I’m typing super fast I’ll type lovelymoco instead of lovelymofo, so no biggie!

  24. Greece – Argentina FT Stats:

    7 Shots 22
    1 Corner kicks 10
    1 Yellow cards 1
    0 Second yellow card and red card 0
    0 Red Cards 0
    33% Possession (%) 67%

    How Barca-esque

  25. It makes me sooooooooooooooooo mad to see Veron play! Fcuk it, Maradona, substitute him and don’t play him ever again. Horrific passing, extremely slow and static play, he makes the whole team a lot worse!
    But as far as I know Maradona, he will ALWAYS play Veron 90 min, as long as Veron isn’t injured.

    I’d really like to see Pastore for Veron, he seems to be a good partner for Messi or Di Maria. I’ve seen him against Canada and some minutes today, he’s very dynamic and always looking for some quick one-two’s. It’s unbearable to see Argentina never use its full potential in a WC due to their more or less stupid coaches.

  26. EMD has stated that Rosell has invited AC Milan to be our opponents in the Gamper match this year. I hope they accept. It would be great to see Ronaldinho back in the Camp Nou.

  27. Domenech showing how classy he is:


    1. Apparently, before the match, Parreira said France don’t deserve to be at the WC, I think because of all their drama.

      He’s right.

  28. Del Bosque: “If I were a player today, I would like to be Sergio Busquets. He does everything, he’s continuously in the position to help the team, is generous, gives it all defensively, and is one of the first that begins to play football. And when he is good, the football is more fluid.”

    High praise for our Busquets. I must say, he has been great this past season for both club and country.

  29. Speakin of Messi.. SoMa, you could have included this Ad where Messi (attempts) to speak Arabic! Pretty bad ass of our Pulga, considering that he’s advertising fried chicken…

    (He basically says:”Kentucky Fried Chicken, it’s secret is delicious” – except to any Arabic speaker it sounds more like he’s speaking Spanish..)

  30. From Sid Lowe’s twitter, news that I personally am not a fan of.

    “Valencia’s haemorrage continues? Onda Cero reporting that Barca have signed Mata… Still unconfirmed”

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