Ah, Spain … land of sunshine, serrano ham and guilt-free smoking … as well as Felliniesque personal interactions, Kafkaesque bureaucracies and Spielbergian cucarachas. At first, you fill your digital camera with images of wedding-cake cathedrals and futuristic Calatrava bridges; later, you seethe as yet another technicolor-haired widow elbows her way in front of you in line; and finally, you, too, are packing in a four-course meal at 2 p.m. and telling (and being told by) total strangers ‘vete a la mierda’ without a second thought.
So it’s Silly Season again (or at least until next week or so). Over the next few posts I’ll bring some Spanish Silliness to BFB. No in-depth coverage, no gotcha! interviews, no perceptive insights. Promise. Just few lighthearted observations from my recent travels to Batville And Back.
Silliest Soccer Headline: ‘Spain Smells Like Messi’
‘España no huele a ajo, sino a Messi’ (Spain doesn’t smell like garlic, it smells like Messi’); text selected and translated from an interview with Ann Gottlieb, world-renown professional perfumist, in ABC 17 June 2010.
ABC: ‘The intellectual Victoria Beckham has said that Spain smells like garlic. Have you detected anything like this here?
Gottlieb: Absolutely not. To say that Spain smells like garlic is neither physically possible nor true. I can’t imagine what she was thinking about when she said that.
ABC: So, what does Spain smell like?
Gottlieb: Like Messi!
ABC: Are you referring to the soccer player? After or before the game? Because it really wouldn’t be the same …
Gottlieb: I mean Messi as an icon at the top of his game, and I can imagine a Messi fragrance that would be deep, rich and warm, with a spark of congeniality. Memorable!
Silliest Soccer Sighting: The Eurocup
Imagine walking out of your rented flat in a mixed-use building, one use of which you strongly suspect to be of ill repute … past the Chinatown grocers, overstuffed booksellers and sex-shop parlors … to the Art Nouveau Estació del Nord where your train-crazed sons insist you breakfast … and seeing this in the parking lot:
Well, this certainly seems soccer-related, so you pause for a moment and see a small press corps surrounding a rotund balding person, so you take a picture of him too:
(You later identify this person as Valencia CF’s former footballer and current sports director, Fernando Gómez)
And then since nothing else is really going on you start to wander towards the depot when you spot something shiny on a little folding table next to the bus. There doesn’t seem to be any security besides a guy standing there looking bored, and when you nudge your four-year old towards the silver he just shrugs so you take another picture (four-year old edited out in order to protect the mischievous but innocent):
Silliest Soccer Proposal: 600K a Head
I asked the Hunky Soccer Husband which was more important to a Spaniard in a World Cup year: his club or the national team? He replied: ‘The club, because the national team never makes it to the quarterfinals anyway’. This can’t-do approach is quite Spanish in its humility (compare, for instance, the plucky gumption of the underdog Superbowl Saints’ Who Dat? versus the fatalist Deixem la pell [We’ll do the best we can!] of Champions semifinalist Barça). The June issue of Ronda, Iberian Airlines’ in-flight magazine, contains an interview with Xavi Hernández in which the mundialista midfielder expresses pretty much the same idea: ‘It’s nice to be a favored team this year, but historically we never seem to get very far’.
So the higher-ups at the Selección have come up with a special pick-me-up: 600,000 euros for every member of La Roja if Casillas lifts the Cup. This arose as a subject for debate on ‘La noche en 24 horas’ with Vicente Vallés on Televisión Española (TVE). It’s kind of a CNN ‘Situation Room’-like program, except with a more charismatic anchor, less seizure-producing graphics and viewer messages via Facebook read live on-air. Here are some of my favorite responses from the Roja faithful:
It’s an outrage when the country faces economic catastrophe!
Football is a world unto itself, separate from national economic affairs. 
I hope we don’t win the World Cup, it would be very expensive.
And:
They should all be satisfied with a good jabungo.
Nothing silly ’bout that!
Ahhhh. This post is refreshing like a cool gin and tonic on a hot southern summer day.
swoon!
Great work Soccermom
how could this post get hectored after <24 hours? luckily i just discovered that all of the posts she has authored (since she became a member of the 'team') are viewable by clicking on her name.
oops, my bad, i thought soccermom had been hectored, and she hadnt. all is well. ill stop posting now.
But it will be superseded with in 24 hours. Worry not about that. There is much to discuss.
Where the f*** is hector anyway?
I haven’t seen a post from him in ages
Question of the day, Ciaran. Nobody knows.
Bset Barca blog on the Web, beeyotches! Read it and weep. Between authors and the commenting family, we freakin’ rule.
Nice one, SoMa!
Its the bsetest.. SoMa, Kxevin, Hector, Luke and GirlZilla FTW!!
Now, now V.J. Everyone is susceptible to typos. Even journalists
best FUTBOL blog, period, full stop (as the kxev likes to say).
15K fine for Guardiola from the competition committee.
Pedro will be renewed and sweetened through 2015.
Thiago is on track to get done very soon.
Alves and Keita will be renewed and sweetened.
Dmitri Seluk is still pond scum, who might have screwed his player, randy sailor conga line style
15K for what?
Calling Clos Gomez and his assistant liars after they clearly fabricated statements by Pep in the match report. There was video showing that Pep did not say what they claimed he did and he obviously took issue with that.
ABC: So, what does Spain smell like?
Gottlieb: Like Messi!
What’s so great about this exchange, is how it captures so much of the ridiculous nature of how football is covered by the international media. It’s like a carnival of sorts.
There’s a certain unvarnished quality to it. Like it’s some big carnival that’s going on outside of the conventions of the polished world of PR consultants that dominate so many other professional sports and industries.
Take a guy like Seluk – he was made to be part of the carnival. You wouldn’t see that kind of guy in too many other businesses. Most agents in other sports are way too polished and tactful.
Spain smells like Messi. It’s just ripe for satire. Nicely done SoMa. You captured the carnival in microcosm!
Great post, SoMa. This is definitely the best Barca Blog on the web, Kxevin.
Spain v. Poland friendly in 15 minutes. Starting lineup for Spain: Casillas; Arbeloa, Puyol, Piqué, Capdevila; Sergio Busquets, Xabi Alonso; Silva, Xavi, Iniesta; y Villa.
Where you at, Kari?!
That looks suspiciously like a starting lineup against tougher teams.
Lost in the awesomeness that is SoMa; that’s where I am
All the Barca boys, except Pedro!(who is replaced by Silva so it balances out
) starting the match?!
Vincent of the Forest, what the?
Let’s hope for no injuries.
It’s interesting to see them continue to play this two holding midfielder alignment. I can understand that Torres might not be ready yet, but if they want to play Villa and Torres together, it’s going to be a significant tactical switch between what they are doing in the friendlies. The squad has played together for a long time so perhaps it’s not an issue. But this is very different from how they played in Euro 2008, even after villa got injured.
Spain already have a corner (which they missed). It looks like they mean business, but Poland didn’t make the WC, right? Does that mean that Del Bosque really was unhappy we the last outings or does he want to field what looks like the starting line-up for the first game…
find your links here:
*http://www.myp2p.eu/broadcast.php?matchid=77883&part=sports
I’m watching this one; in Spanish and ustream. It lags every now and then but not for very long. Quality is pretty good. 7.5-8.0/10
*http://footballstreams.tv/watch_1.php
Whoa, whoa! Xaviniesta is in full force today! Silva’s also going in. Aww baby!
Uff! Iniesta is on fire, but his passing is still off. If he found a streaking Silva, it probably would have been 1-0.
Wow everyone in Spains starting 11 looks good….except Biscuts of course, its there anyway we can paint Yaya brown??
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL! VILLA!! INIESTA WHAT A PAAAAAAAAASS!!
Goal Villa from Iniesta boIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
wow great move with andres and villa. gol.
Barca connection. Let’s go.
Spain on the attack again! Didn’t I say Andres was on fire?! Whoa! It was a Xavi-Iniesta-Villa combo!
OMG!
oh my fuck.GOLAZO
Dirty
GOOOOOOOOOOOL!!! INIESTA AND SILVA!!!
SOMEONE SAVE ME!!! I THINK I’M GOING TO DIE OUT OF SHEER OMG-NESS HERE!
I DIED/=.That should be illegal
Its not fair how good they are seriously, Iniesta is a beast
INIESTA ON ALL CYLINDERS AHHHHHHHHH
sooo many barca players
Iniesta and Xavi, if they play like this, are unstoppable, period. Excellent runs and movements by others, but this has been Xavieniesta thus far.
English Stream Spain’s game here http://www.atdhe.net/20086/watch-spain-vs-poland
English Stream Spain’s game here *http://www.atdhe.net/20086/watch-spain-vs-poland
Muchas gracias, Tajh!
Villa’s been offside a couple of times now, and he seems a little off today, but his movement has been good me thinks. He’s 6 goals away from Raul now already! Vamos Villa!
It’s really like watch Barca-lite right now…
Yeah, he has been tireless. He is a just a bit off, he’ll get another.
That second goal was so badass they didn’t or rather couldn’t show a replay…
Xavi and Villa are trying to connect but the link hasn’t been there. They’re getting closer and closer though…
In this form, i would not bet against Iniesta or Xavi getting goldan ball in WC. Iniesta has been just fantastic. His getting injured might help Spain in WC. Spain, along with Holland, are my second favorites.
Whoa, Casillas with an acrobatic save. That’s Spain’s own fault though. They seemed to have taken their petal off the gas (albeit understandably).
One word for the Spanish team this WC: FOCUS.
Umm, okay. That made about zero sense. I meant took their FOOT of the gas.
Apologies to those learning English, the issue was me, not you.
Silva-Iniesta combo again?! Do they want me to die early or something?!?!
Haha.
Wow. I almost forget how unstoppable XaviIniesta are. IT is almost unfair when they are both on form. Iniesta it seems just gets better and better, which is a scary thought. The thought of Xavi, Iniesta, Villa, Messi and Ibra next year is actually making me froth at the mouth! Cesc who? I honestly dont see the need for him.
So, umm, do you guys now understand the awesomeness that is Silva?
Villa offside agaiin.
One thing, all the Ibra bashers need to take note how many times Villa has been offside this game. Its not as easy as you think…
In Villa’s defense, he’s usually deadly at this kinds of things. Still, point proven. Ibra haters, take heed.
well, it’s also the nature of the offsides. mistiming a run is one thing. being lazy and not getting back onside after the defense pulls up is another. ibra was guilty of the latter time and time again. just sayin.
Midfielders are guilty of not playing the ball on time.
Poland miscommunication leads to another Spanish corner.
It’s understandable. They’ve been killed–Ghostface-style.
Spain are so fluid, there is only 1 man up from when the whistle blows, aside from that 3-4 players are playing high!
wonder who don pedro is replacing
Well, Iniesta was on the sideline a little earlier? Maybe Del Bosque’s going to put him under cotton wool early?
damn its san andres
Ohh, Andres. How we’ve missed you.
EE attack on Puyol as Xabi Alonso inadvertantly catches Puyol with his stud in a failed sliding tackle.
Poland FK.
OMGGGGGGG! P!!!!!!!!! Getting ready? Is Andres okay?!
Pedro? Coming on for whom? My bet is Iniesta.
And by the way, Nani was ruled out of the WC today, bad collar bone.
It is Andres! Is there an injury?!
I think he’s okay, just precautionary. He didn’t look upset.
It looks like you’re right. He was just laughing with VV.
Wow. I almost forget how unstoppable XaviIniesta are. IT is almost unfair when they are both on form.
I was thinking the same. It’s remarkable the collective impact they have together.
It really puts into perspective how successful Barca’s season was.
What other team can afford to lose one of the 10 finest players in the world for much of the season and still come close to reaching the CL finals and win their league with a record point total?
Man, Pedro! has a crazy workrate. Say what you want about him running like a headless chicken–I love it; it’s just insane how much he runs and pressures, that guy.
my commentator’s most used line so far this match:
“fuera de juego de villa”
When Villa finally gets his timing right, Poland are fuc**d.
Haha
HT
Spain 2 – 0 Poland
Goals: The Davids (just kill me now.)
Star of the match (yeah, match not half): Andres Iniesta!
Say what people like about Ibra and Busi or whatever; but the reason we didn’t win the treble was the absence of Iniesta. Seeing them, Xaviniesta, now, it doesn’t matter who we have upfront. With Messi along side them making up the Magical Midgets, we’d have killed major arse…But it’s easy to say that in retrospect.
*kicked not killed. Ghostface Killa, what are you doing to me?!
EXACTLY! It puts into perspective how well we actually did this season considering the loss of such a high impact player. Lets not forget he made the diff last season vs Chelsea. It is a lot easier to defend against just Xavi than it is to defend against them both. Its a shame that so many Barca fans dont appreciate just how well we did this year.
Just 40 minutes or even half hour of andres in each leg against inter and we’d have been in the final
The second goal:
*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcZ03I8iNIg
Freaking GOLAZO!
Apparently Iniesta felt a little discomfort in the back of his right thigh and requested the change. It doesn’t seem bad, but I guess we’ll know more after the match. Here’s hoping for it to be discomfort and nothing more.
Let’s hope so!
off we go
LOL @ Pedro
That just ‘cuz he’s so used to seeing Abidal or Maxwell there…
Look at how much P! is running! Gotta love that Barcelona pressing.
xavi off please no sense in playing him more than 45 mins in a friendly
A totally bad@ss player who’s the star player on his club team and has really intense eyes is about to come on.
The other sub is Cesc FabregaswhoisNOTgoingtoBarcaOMG.
That was selfish from Villa.
Seriously, Villa has a cannon, he, messi and Ibra, the hardest shooting front line in the World!!
goal biotch
Spain Fk. GOAL!
omg i just celebrated a E.E player scoring, silly me
Shunned!
A move off the training grown. Took a couple of deflections as well. Unlucky.
U think the Barca players feel weird celebrating with Madrid players?
Haha. Alonso did take one for the team there though. Right in the face… ouch!
Navas, RamosUGH, the that guy who players for that English team are on
Arbeloa, Silva and Xavi are off.
I can’t believe I forgot this was on. Iniesta is the awesome. Everything I’ve read has said that he was subbed as a precaution. Lets hope so, I think this WC is gonna be all about Iniesta.
Are we gonna see Torres today?
It doesn’t look like we are. Considering how this American commentator on ESPN has been fawning over Torres, we’d have seen him warming up already.
There is still time for him to make an appearance though.
Ugh, ESPN commentators are annoying. Last year during the Euros, in the final match when Torres scored, one of them said something like “and he celebrated like he always does [by sucking his thumb], because he is El Niño.” Which you know, fail. He only did that to celebrate his nephew’s birth.
But blah blah blah. Torres is warming up!
Torres is warming up!
God. Spain have an insane team. Look at the players coming off and who they are being replaced with. No other team in the world comes close to this squad. It will be a crying shame if they dont win the WC.
Fabs biotch, our 4th midfielder runs shit lol
Somebody just scored.
Haha!
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL! FABR-GUY WHO IS NOT COMING HERE!
Also, great write up SoccerMom! I’m heading to Spain either at the end of the year or early next year and I’m gonna look forward to insulting random people. And stalking Barça, naturally.
Looks like Torres is warming up, so you’ll get to see him
Nevas is a hell of a winger
Yup. I love his play. I downloaded the Sevilla-EE match when Sevilla won, mostly for him, but also because EE lost. Yay!
Here comes el nino, first game since april!!
Yay for Torres! I have missed watching him play. Do we know if Del Bosque is gonna go for a Villa-Torres front line?
Marvilla is coming off for Torres.
I don’t like how these ESPN commentators are underrating Villa. Still, I understand all the hype. He DID score the winning goal in the Euros.
Yeah, they still act like Villa isn’t on Nando’s level.
Eh, take it as ESPN commentators not knowing as much about futbol as they think they do. I love Torres, but I think Villa tends to be more effective for the Spanish team. And actually, Villa benefits when Torres plays with him, he gets more space.
The reason is Simple, torres plays in england
Plus he’s pretty.
That he is. That he is.
But Villa > Nando IMO…who just scores.
P! with the assist. Commentators going crazy
Busquets has had a solid match.
Totally agree.
People only notice his faults but don’t appreciate his good attributes. He’s been really good today.
Torres looks like a kid again with his haircut.
I think Fernando has a bit to much EPL in him, he needs to remember Spain is a ‘pass first’ type team
Announcers on the Spanish feed say Iniesta is back on the bench and doesn’t look worried. So, that means good news. I hope.
Busi gets decked and look at that! He doesn’t roll around and just gets back up.
See that Busi basher?
It’s getting silly now. Fouls everywhere. Ramos pisses me off.
Marchena for Puyi
great by P!, happy to see Fernando score
yay pedro assist, el nino gol
Unselfish from Pedro. WOW! I thought he was going to shoot.
well, I guess you thought wrong! Pedro! is growing right in front of our very eyes.
I think I might cry…
Isn’t it awesome to see Pedro! play with la seleccion? Also glad to see Torres scoring.
Oh man, I can’t wait for Friday!!
So awesome! I can’t wait, either.
That was very generous play by Pedro! He could have forced it up 4-0 late but instead placed on Torres’s foot. Very nice to integrate Torres back into the squad.
It’s speaks volumes about Pedro that he’s getting so much playing time this late before the club.
One can see Pedro and Navas being key substitutes for Spain depending on tactics.
Poor Poland… Now I see what other teams feel when they play us.
****http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2yZ_I63COo&translated=1
this is a pretty cool pre world cup advert
PEDROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
We are amazing, as is Pedro. First International goal
YAAAAAAAAAAAY! P!!! GOLAZO!
Wooo! That was awesome. And Navas almost scores. Wouldn’t it be awesome if Spain played every match like this in the WC? It would be epic!
I know~~!! I can’t wait! I can’t wait! I can’t wait! El Mundial awaits!
Pedro is such a natural finisher, the varations f his finishes are scary
I know right.
Spain still going. This is just cruel on so many levels.
And I love it.
Things are just getting silly. Poland ARE NOT a bad team guys, La Furia Roja are just that good!!!
At least Poland are being sporting about this. They could easy start kicking the Spanish player. If they get a goal, at least they’ve got my respect
*don’t get a goal
What’s up with me today?
You have WC on the brain? That’s my excuse this entire week.
That and I think the second Spain goal did it.
FRIDAY! FRIDAY! FRIDAY!
You know what makes me giggle? That Cesc is Spain’s number 10 and is nowhere near being their best player.
LOL, like Gallas for Arsenal.
And now we see how a full strength Spain plays! 6-0!
Shades of Barça, no?
Yeah, although this team shoots more from outside the box. It’d be nice to see Barca take some shots like Navas or Alonso does! (on target, mind you…)
Okay, so in preparation of the WC, I’ve decided to make myself some CD mixes of footy related songs. Either songs about footy or songs used in footy commercials.
Any suggestions?
Don’t know of any, but that GOD-AWFUL waka-waka crap
but the Game of life – ricky martin, was by far my favorite, France 1998
if ya find more. pass ‘em over.
By the way, Fiorentina have confirmed that Keirrison is not wanted for next season. Does anyone want him?
Who wants some Keirrison…?
*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JgsteRk2NE&feature=related
I wonder where he will go. Can we use him in preseason at least?
Thanks Soccermom, this was a delightful read
entertaining, esp the Messi bit, huge change from what America would smell like (which I dare not say). Looking forward to more.
Didn’t get to watch the game, but loved the post soccer mom, as good a piece of travel writing as I have ever read — I must out myself as a soccer mom as well, but married to a German, and avoiding the paper corrections like mad…have to learn Spanish and then Catalan though. The match commentary was priceless, it was almost as if I had seen the game. Still didn’t get to correcting those damned papers though.