News of the Day, 3 June, aka “Where the hell are my Hector Pills?”

Good news first: Jonathan Dos Santos, our beloved Johnny Two-Time, has been renewed until 2012. He has a buyout clause of 30m. This is an essential move, because the midfielder is, in my estimation, key to the future of tika-taka. Yes, his daddy is a whack job, but the kid’s got skills.

Thiago Alcantara is next up, with a deal that is all but done.

Now that the fun part is over, on to the silly season crap. As an aside, we can keep on doing this stuff and are happy to, as it all concerns our club and there is definite interest in it, unless we hear otherwise. I think that rumors and updates on rumors, etc, often contain nuggets of truth, and spark interesting discussions among the family. So there.

–Now EMD, as if they somehow know, says that Fabregas hit the ceiling when he heard of the Arsenal response to our offer, and is exploring legal means to facilitate the deal. is claiming an exclusive that Fabregas is looking at buying out the rest of his contract, or other legal means.

Again, how in the hell do they know?

–Ibrahimovic and Chelsea coach Carlo Ancelotti are at the same Miami hotel! BANGS is going to Chelsea! Wait, the fine print is that players and execs in almost every major European league love this luxury resort. Could it just be a coincidence that Ibrahimovic and Ancelotti are there at the same time? Not if you’re Sport and EMD, and want Ibrahimovic gone, it ain’t.

There is still the buzz that despite our protestations to the contrary, the first 50m takes Ibrahimovic. Mancini at Citeh is said to be “crazy” for our striker. We should thank Mino Raiola for stirring up a nest of nonsense with his silly nattering. Now look. Lord, how I hate agents.

–Speaking of Citeh, that is looking more and more like the final destination for The Yaya. His agent, Pond Scum Seluk, will be meeting with club officials to convince them that a bit of backing down on his purchase price would make everyone’s lives a lot easier. But how do you price a star system, anyhow? By the galactic ton? By light years taken to traverse it? Dunno. But color The Yaya gone.

–Robben? Really? Don’t know how he’s entered the frame, but he has if you believe the rumor mill. The two Nattering Nabobs of Journalism swear that Guardiola has demanded the signing of Robben to replace Henry, since we are going to sell Ibrahimovic, make Villa the point man and will still need a left wing attacker. But Robben? Talented, for sure. But he and Iniesta would have a “most days laid up” competition, and I’m not sure who would win that one.

–Another dude that isn’t liked by Sport and EMD, Txigrinski, is also for sale. First he was going to be a makeweight in the Fabregas deal. Now Arsenal are interested in purchasing him anyhow, along with Chelsea and United. I love it. I absolutely love it.

Here are my predictions of what is going to happen with all of this nonsense:

–Fabregas will stay at Arsenal for another season. He will be cheered by the fans who, because he didn’t submit a formal transfer request, can believe that he wanted to stay after all. This business is personal. Business should never be personal. So a deal will not get done. Not with Laporta in office.

–Ibrahimovic will stay one more season and, if he doesn’t set the world on fire, be sold next year for less than we paid. Some will rejoice, others will call us crazy and idiots for selling Eto’o in the first place. Some of that debate will be able to be cut-and-pasted from previous editions.

–The Yaya is gone. He will don Citeh colors next season, start, and not hoist any silver. But he and his brother will be able to make home-cooked meals together, and talk about their lives together. And he will be happy, as he will be making a ton of money, and getting the playing time he wants. But he will watch our victory celebrations and wonder “What if …. ”

–Dos Santos will get a LOT more time with the first team this season, blossom, and we will rethink this whole Fabregas business, thus saving ourselves 50-60m.

And that’s what I know.

By Kxevin

In my fantasy life, I’m a Barca-crazed contributor over at Barcelona Football Blog. In my real life, I’m a full-time journalist at the Chicago Tribune, based in Chicago, Illinois.


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