An entremes

Greetings, Barçabloggers!

I am happy to join you all here at BFB! I come here to learn (always), to celebrate (often) and to commiserate (ah, sometimes). When Kevin, Isaiah and Hector kindly invited me to post my ramblings in a bigger space rather than dragging all of the comments down I was honored.

So I offer this first post as an ‘entremés’, or a little something enjoyable between two bigger enjoyable things, like acts in a play, courses in a meal or (ahem!) posts in a blog. Please review last Wednesday’s review and look forward to Saturday’s preview. And if you need a little chuck-under-the-chin, warm-n-fuzzy-sports-fan hug, or a wicked little grin, visit me here. I have some shamelessly stolen quotes, altered verses and obnoxious rhymes to munch over while we await our next vist to Villareal. ¡Visca!

From: “One Art” by Elizabeth Bishop: “The art of losing isn’t hard to master; / so many things seem filled with the intent / to be lost that their loss is no disaster.”

A Homage to Sports, Fans and FCB, adapted from “Baseball and Writing” by Marianne Moore
(my editions are noted with an asterik)

Fanaticism? No. Writing is exciting /and soccer* is like writing.
You can never tell with either / how it will go
or what you will do; / generating excitement –
a fever in the victim – / striker, keeper, left back, winger*
Victim in what category? /Owlman watching from the press box?
To whom does it apply? / Who is excited? Might it be I?

It’s a midfield* battle all the way – a duel -/ a keeper’s*, as, with cruel
puma paw, Valdes* lumbers lightly / back to goal. (His spring / de-winged many a swing.)
They have that killer instinct; / yet Valdes* – whose bobbled / ball has hurt them, some, in the past –
when questioned, says, unenviously,/ “I’m very satisfied (or not)*. We won (or lost)*.”
Shorn of the selection’s* crown, says, “We”; / robbed by a technicality.

When three players on a side play three positions / and modify conditions,
the massive run need not be everything. / “Going, going . . . ” Is / it? Henry*
has it, running fast. You will / never see a finer dash. Well . . .
“Messi* leaping like the devil” – why / gild it, although deer sounds better –
snares what was speeding towards its ropey* nest, / one-touching the souvenir-to-be
meant to be caught by I. or K. or C.*

Assign Ibra* to Cape Canaveral; / he could handle any missile.
He is no feather. “Strike! . . . Strike two!” / Fouled back. A blur.
It’s gone. You would infer / that the ball* had eyes.
He put the cleats* to that one. / Praised, he says, “Thanks, graciés.*
I think I helped a little bit.” / All business, each, and modesty.
Xavi, Pique, Alves* …  In that galaxy of ten*, say which
won or lost*? Each. It was he.

Those magnificent crosses from the line / by Alves*, finesses in twos –
like Piqué’s* three kinds of posish and pre- / diagnosis
with pick-off psychosis. / The free kick is a large subject.
Your aim, too true at first, can learn to / catch your corners – even trouble
for M. Messi*. (“Grazed the post!”) / My baby striker, Bojan*!
With some pedagogy, / you’ll be tough, premature prodigy.

They crowd him and curve him and aim for the knees. Trying / indeed! The secret implying:
“I can stand here, ball* held steady.” / One may suit him; / none has hit him.
Imponderables smite him. / Muscle kinks, infections, spike wounds
require food, rest, respite for Iniesta*. (Drat it! / Celebrity costs privacy!)
Cow’s milk, “tiger’s milk,” soy milk, carrot juice, / brewer’s yeast (high-potency –
concentrates presage victory / sped by Pedro Rodríguez, Xavi Hernández*  –
deadly in a pinch. Pep*: “Yes, / it’s work; I want you to bear down,
but enjoy it / while you’re doing it.”

Mr. Joan and Mr. Pep*, / if you have a rummage sale,
don’t sell Jeffren or Chigrinsky* / Studded with stars in belt and crown,
the Camp Nou* is an adastrium. / O flashing Orion,
your stars are muscled like the lion.

“An Unenlightened Haiku” by SoMa:
MouMou’s Master Class:
Park the bus at Inter, and
then act like an ass.

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Written by:

SoccerMom obsesses over FCB and this blog instead of grading papers, burning dinner and/or raising her small children. She blames a Spanish husband and easy access to Hispanic-targeted cable sports channels for her football addiction and consequent failure as a professor, housekeeper and mother.


  1. JDBarca
    April 30, 2010

    haiku about MouMou was my favorite lol. good stuff

  2. Tutomate
    April 30, 2010

    Wow I’m so happy you’re going to be doing this. My day is getting better by the minute.

    By the way I don’t want to sound like a Madrikita after a loss talking about signing new players but a front line of Ibra and Villa with messi right behind them sounds so delicious.

  3. ballbeav
    April 30, 2010

    So Ma,

    what do you use to enhance your (Mou) Mood?

  4. ElShowDeJason
    April 30, 2010

    Magnifecent croses from Alves? This poem is clearly circa 08/09

  5. ooga aga
    April 30, 2010

    you said you’re a teacher, what do you teach? sign me up for classes. preferably private lessons.

  6. Miguel
    April 30, 2010

    barcelona madlibs!

    *snaps fingers in applause like a beatnik

  7. BA
    April 30, 2010

    welcome! nice to get new blood in from time to time, and this place could use a woman’s touch. Isaiah’s been spacing out and Kxevin is getting belligerent in his old age (JOKE), while the giant walking brain jar that is Hector must have short-circuited because it only spits out a post or so a month. you guys all do a great job and provide a great forum here with the right foci, so you’ll have the luxury of a good community to address.

    all that said…. Xavi is more than likely out for Villareal. which, frankly, is deeply disturbing. our worst fear might have materialized: no Xavi and no Iniesta at the same time.

  8. ooga aga
    April 30, 2010

    stuff i picked up off the website:

    we have convoked everyone except abidal and iniesta for the match tomorrow, in addition to thiago alcantara.

    sergio looks ok for villareal, xavi is “still a doubt”

    abidal trained with the team.

    the first part of the preseason will be held in catalunya (we’ll host other teams i presume? cool!) then we also have a friendly in korea early august. thats a big trip but hopefully the only one we’ll make.

  9. April 30, 2010

    Soccer Mom, I will be the first one to admit it … I have a crush on you… even though may times I have no clue what the hell you are saying … as English is my second language

    • Jim
      April 30, 2010

      I’m not sure its soccer mum’s first either 🙂

      • ooga aga
        April 30, 2010

        it certainly is…unless of course you’re referring to some divine otherworldly language to which none of we earthlings are privy…

    • Helge
      April 30, 2010

      Same here 🙂

      I love your comments, although poetic arts isn’t easy to understand for me either. But I give my best. I suppose you’re a linguistic professor?

      Damn, I love the diversity in this little Barça community!

    • Corrine
      April 30, 2010

      i too have a crush on SoMo, so you better get in line

  10. Jim
    April 30, 2010

    Xavi out would be a disaster. If he can train with the others he needs to play. Can’t even think how we create if he and Iniesta aren’t there.

  11. ooga aga
    April 30, 2010

    marca reports we already have a deal for villa, potentially hleb, krkic and a buncha dosh goin in the other direction. dont mind villa, but dont like the money/krkic part. probably BS anyway.

  12. Cloin (vicsoc8)
    April 30, 2010

    I’ll never understand how Mourinho began his coaching career in Barcelona, yet still become such a proponent of physical, defensive football.

    On of the mysterious ironies of the world I guess.

  13. Kxevin
    April 30, 2010

    How come nobody has a crush on me? Ain’t no love for cranky old men. 😀

    Officially, welcome SoMa. It’s great to have not only another voice, but another voice with style, wit and a different way of thinking. Just one more way that we strive to be the best.

    –Meanwhile, the board apologized for the sprinkler incident during Inter’s celebration, and said that the matter would be investigated and further, those responsible would be served xocolata until they confessed.

    • tutomate
      April 30, 2010

      I have a crush on you. Don’t tell my wife she’ll worry. You remind me of a certain someone that used to play for Barca. THURAAAAAAAM!

  14. ElShowDeJason
    April 30, 2010

    Everytime I start reading articles, they just piss me off, they are so stupid.

    Yes. I understand that that is equivalent to complaining about getting wet after jumping into a pool. But the idiocy keeps raising on that site.

    • Cloin (vicsoc8)
      April 30, 2010

      I have something embarrassing to admit… When I’ve been drinking, and I’m looking to stir something up, I go onto the message boards and see what trouble I can cause. That and sometimes I get extremely bored on work days where there is nothing to do in the lab.

      Well that’s a load off my chest

    • cliveee
      April 30, 2010 is owned by Italians, so you bet they are big asses.

      • cliveee
        April 30, 2010

        appologizing for thie racist comment above, please delete it if you can. But sucks.

    • Cloin (vicsoc8)
      April 30, 2010

      Didn’t know was owned by Italians, that must be why Carlo Garganese still has a job.

  15. Bill
    April 30, 2010

    Ok, if you guys add soccermom as part of your team, THEN I DEMAND THAT YOU OFFER CLASSES/COURSES ON HOW TO UNDERSTAND HER! Even when I think I have a handle on what she is saying, I’m not completely confident that I do. Kind of like playing against Barcelona. 🙂 Great job soccermom!

  16. cliveee
    April 30, 2010

    Kxevin’s writings are kind of like a salad with vegetables you seldom/rarely eat. They come in different varieties every time, not exactly unpredictable as its still salad, and you find them easy to chew, but the flavors give you surprises every time. And of course, eating veggies is always good.

    Isaiah’s reviews are like a buffet. It’s fun, its self-served, it is up to you to pick what you need there, but it makes sure you will be FULL when you walk out because he gives you EVERYTHING you need to know about the situation of the game, the city, the time, the weather, the wind, the grass condition, the length of the cleats and the thickness of the socks. Full.

    grade A abalone in good size! That’s it, you are eating it with all your strength when you munch and munch and munch to try to taste the flavor for the words SoMa cooked up. The process is difficult, and you can get tired, but the taste is really great and rich. It is very poetic to some extend.

    Hector! I seldom read yours to be honest, partly because you contribute more in the comments section. I promise I will give you a food name later.

    • April 30, 2010

      So I’m the Ponderosa Steakhouse of this group? Dammit!

      But if I’m the Rax of this shit, we aaaalllll goooood.

  17. Eduard
    April 30, 2010

    congrats soccermom! I will look to reading all your post

  18. Luna
    April 30, 2010

    Welcome soccer mom. A teacher, eh? I teach too!

    • cliveee
      April 30, 2010

      SoccerMom should find a job in La Masia.

  19. April 30, 2010

    And if it’s not clear: I’m super stoked to have Soccer Mom in the house. We’re excited as a group, of course, but I’m excited to have a different voice, one that is articulate, absurd, intelligent, outlandish, and always fun.

    We’re the shit, aren’t we?

    And while Kevin moans about not having anyone crushing on him, I know all of you have crushes on me. It’s okay to admit it. (Silence I will understand as being too shy to come forward and say it).

        • jose011
          April 30, 2010

          had to ask cause i didn’t believe it.

          thx for the clarification though bro.

  20. April 30, 2010

    Oh how many times
    I’ve read haiku and gone “huh?”
    Fin’ly one that ryhmes!

    And that you sent up
    the clown prince of coaches…well
    that’s even better

    I do hope he plays
    the Darth Vader role next year
    …and you cover it.

    Congrats SoMa!

  21. Nick
    April 30, 2010

    Legendary! Wish I could understand such poetry though. 🙂

    Offtopic: Arabs keep on going crazy with their money (below).


  22. Tyler
    April 30, 2010

    great job soccermom!

    but where’s the preview?!?!?!?!?!?!?

  23. DontPanic
    April 30, 2010

    Guys, is this true? Could someone who speaks Spanish confirm this. I translated it with Google and I understood that Laporta, Perez and some other La Liga presidents agreed to share TV rights similar to Premier League. Also some games will be played at noon to gain more exposure to Asian market. The agreement must be endorsed by May 10.

  24. SoccerMom
    April 30, 2010

    A plainspoken thank you from your devoted SoMa:
    Thanks for the great feedback, everybody!
    I really am a university Spanish teacher (my PhD is in Spanish, with a major in Medieval literature and minors in Renaissance literature and historical linguistics) and yes, I still am going to give all of my students an additional point on their final grade even though Barça lost last Wednesday because I am a softie (which also explains my unearned dedication to Dani A., it’s true. Besides, the wrist warmers). I also really am a mom to two little boys (2 and 5), so I can’t stop by as much as I’d like and when I do I’m usually hoping no one is drinking the cleaning supplies or dismantling the DirecTV in the meanwhile, but that doesn’t mean I don’t whenever I can, and I take all of your comments to heart. I am honored and heartwarmed! Now I have to go outside and practice freekicks with my 5 year old (he in is VV kit), where I am ordered to ‘stand like Dani’, all hunched over with my hands on my hips, but I draw the line at the one-handed booger shoot. I’ll leave that to the experts.
    Vamos a Villareal y visca!

  25. fcbfan
    May 1, 2010

    Soccer Mom, woohoo! awesome post. Honestly, this is the best Blaugrana comunity on the web.

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