Welcome to my home. You’re a thousand kilometers from your own warm and wonderful home, so please make yourselves as comfortable as possible here in the Ciudad Condal. I know you’re used to beaches and sun, but perhaps you’ll be able to enjoy yourself at our humble waterfront or in one of our many delectable dining venues throughout the Gothic quarter. Perhaps you will partake in a little bit of the nightlife later off Las Ramblas? Regardless of your personal tastes, there’s certainly something for you here. I’m sure we’ll get along just fine.
Wait, why are you angry? What have I don’t to disturb you? I apologize for whatever it was. I’m sorry to have offended you. Please calm down. Good, sir, I must protest! This is uncalled for. Please calm down. Let me just dribble through here real fast and we’ll get back to–why did you just do that? This is outrageous and now, sir, my friend, compatriot of the league, you must die. Release the BANGS!
We know you’re in 12th and battling to stay far enough out of the relegation zone to make the end of your season less stressful, but you know what, I’m so going to cut you. Come at me like that again. I dare you. See what happens. Try me, tio. Joder, I swear, you are going to get it now. Say hello to my little friend!
This is the sort of match where I throw stats out the window and focus only on the the absurd emotions that are about to boil over for me as a spectator. Sure, we’re undefeated at home, they’re fairly bad on the road, we score a lot, they score sometimes and concede just as often. They’ll approach it like a gang of hardmen, just like last time and they’re certainly good enough to give us fits until we get into a groove.
We’ve re-signed Gerard Pique until 2015 (with an absurd buyout clause of €200m), but that basically ensures he’ll have a crap next match, but he might be on the bench anyway if Dani Alves is actually back and fit. That would mean a back line of Alves, Puyol, Milito, and Maxwell, which would be awesome to see after having our captain deputize on the right. It would also free up Xavi and Messi a bit more on the right, which will help us to look more like Barça, so to speak. That would, in turn, give us more width on the left and coupled with the actually wider field at the Camp Nou, it would allow us to play a midfield of Yaya, Xavi, Iniesta and a forward line of Henry, Ibra, Messi.
That is exactly what I think we’ll see regardless of who is at RB, but with Alves we get the little engine that could, did, and will continue to do. Not that Puyol is a monster, but he’s certainly better when slamming mofos into the ground as a CB and saving our stupid butts time and again with last-second Tarzan moves. Another thing: Alves is a hyper-active hummingbird of a man-child who can do nothing but run throughout the day so that he is capable of not disturbing others during their nightly, all-too-human “sleep” ritual. Also, I believe he thinks he’s playing Calvinball.
So, then, I’m talking about putting our best team out there to demolish these fools. I do not care about them or their situations, our injuries, or anything else you can say. There is no pressure here, really, other than to destroykillmangle. We must make them suffer like children forced to watch made-for-TV movies in school for the fourth straight day because their teacher is out sick with the a case of the “flu” which we know is actually something related to his drinking session during the holiday party and subsequent “cab ride to drop off” the librarian. Ahem.
Predicted Lineup: Valdes, Alves, Puyol, Milito, Maxwell, Yaya, Xavi, Iniesta, Henry, Ibra, Messi
Official Prediction: 4-0. Goals by Messi (2), Ibra, and Henry. Total annihilation.
TV: In the US, the match wil be on ESPN Deportes/ESPN360.
Time: 10pm local/Barcelona, 4pmEST/New York, check your local time.
Weather: ~52F (11C), clear skies (0% chance of rain).
I’ll be at Nevada Smiths tomorrow if you’d like to join me. Come one, come all, I say!