[Author's note: The idea for this was taken from the amazing The Dugout over on Progressive Boink. You should read it and love it, even if you don't like baseball. However, if I took any of the names from The Dugout, that was entirely unintentional. -Isaiah]
Episode 1: In which the team meets up for the first time after the off season to say goodbye to those who are leaving and hello to some of the new guys.
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PulgaMyFinger: Hey everyone! |
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11B0J@N11: lol hi |
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PulgaMyFinger: So what are we doing here? |
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Number1DraftPique: Player meeting! |
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11B0J@N11: lol |
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CannibalCorpseDeathMetalHellYesHeadBangerFCB: Okay, I’m here. |
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PulgaMyFinger: That’s the worst screenname ever. |
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CannibalCorpseDeathMetalHellYesHeadBangerFCB: What’s wrong with it? |
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11B0J@N11: lol what’s a Cannibal Corpse? |
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CannibalCorpseDeathMetalHellYesHeadBangerFCB: Okay, I will be right back |
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*CannibalCorpseDeathMetalHellYesHeadBangerFCB has left the chatroom* |
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AndresIniesta: Hey guys |
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Number1DraftPique: Sheesh, what is with you guys and your crappy screennames? |
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AndresIniesta: I don’t know, I couldn’t think of anything. |
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11B0J@N11: lmao |
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Number1DraftPique: What about ChelseaKillah or MyHaircutsSuck? |
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AndresIniesta: What’s the big deal? I’m just here to listen to the group. |
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ProfessorEquis: I knew you were going to say that. |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: Hey I’m back. |
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Number1DraftPique: /face palm |
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VíctoryIsMine: Vice-captain in the house! |
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ProfessorEquis: Let’s get this meeting started. |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: Right, first order of business is personnel. |
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FlyingMyKeita: Puyiiiiii |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: Uh, okay, anyway…Looks like Sylvinho is outta here. |
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SylvinAllYoProblems: Manchester’s weather is supposed to be really nice, right? Right guys? |
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SylvinAllYoProblems: Oh god, what have I done? |
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*SylvinAllYoProblems leaves chatroom* |
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SAMeroon: Hey guys! |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: Oh, yeah, uh, Samu, yeah. Uh, Inter Milan called… |
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SAMeroon: Well goddammit. |
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*SAMeroon is now known as EtooBrute?* |
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*EtooBrute? has left the chatroom* |
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AndresIniesta: We should build that guy a statue. |
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EtooBrute?: Oh did you guys build me one? |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: Uh, not yet. |
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*EtooBrute? has left the chatroom* |
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ProfessorEquis: And, um, Martin, you and Alex are going off on “loan”  |
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SuperMartin: Juventus has always been a dream of mine. |
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HlebToYourFace: Stuttgart has always been a dream of mine. |
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*HlebToYourFace has left the chatroom* |
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PowerSerg: What did Alex’s screenname mean, anyway? What to the what now? |
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11B0J@N11: lol |
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PulgaMyFinger: My mom just read me a Spider-Man comic book. It was pretty good. Doc Ock is all POW! and then Spidey– |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: AHEM! And introducing Maxwell… |
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GetSmart: Hey guys! |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: And Zlatan… |
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ZlatTheBallHome: Yo! /kisses club crest Visca Barça! |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: HELL MOTHERFUCKING YES THIS IS GOING TO BE AWESOME!!! |
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11B0J@N11: ROFscared. |
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Number1DraftPique: What the hell was that? |
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ZlatTheBallHome: Yo! /kisses club crest Visca Barça! |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: HOLY HELL I WANT TO KICK SOME ASS RIGHT NOW. LEMME AT EM WHERE THE MADRIKITIS AT??? |
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ProfessorEquis: Don’t say that, Zlatan, it’ll just provoke him. |
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AndresIniesta: I don’t think he knows any other Spanish. |
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ZlatTheBallHome: Yo! /kisses club crest Vis– |
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ProfessorEquis: Stop! |
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OhDaniBoy: When’s practice? I just got a full night’s sleep and I’m ready to go. |
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Number1DraftPique: It’s not quite 10pm… |
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OhDaniBoy: What? I sleep from 9 to 9:30 just like everyone else. |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: I blacked out there for a second, what happened? |
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AndresIniesta: Dani, um…What do you do the rest of the night? |
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OhDaniBoy: Last night I watched every episode of the Sopranos Season 6 and wrote pi out to 40,000 digits. |
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ProfessorEquis: There isn’t even enough time to watch all of that season in one night… |
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OhDaniBoy: What? There are like 20 episodes or something…that’s only like 4 hours on my TVs. |
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PowerSerg: TVs? Plural? |
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OhDaniBoy: Uh, yeah, plural. Don’t tell me you guys don’t watch like 4 channels at once… |
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ProfessorEquis: Oh, uh, no, we do that too, Dani. |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: I don’t own a TV. Just a sheep and a fiddle. |
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ProfessorEquis: /face palm |
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AndresIniesta: Wait, how are you online? |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: I…don’t know… |
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Number1DraftPique: Where did Bojan and Leo go? |
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PulgaMyFinger: We’re playing FIFA on XBox Live. So far, Barcelona is beating Real Madrid 45-0 on World Class. I’m being me, Bojan is being Yaya. |
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ToureDeForce: DID SOMEONE SUMMON ME? |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: ROFscared |
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KaiserRolls: Oh man, I’m so late, sorry, tonight was the episode of Amor en Custodia where Paz’s evil twin comes back. |
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PowerSerg: What? |
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ToureDeForce: DID SOMEONE SUMMON ME? |
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PulgaMyFinger: Sorry, sorry, did I interrupt your workout lifting cars? |
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ToureDeForce: YES. |
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VíctoryIsMine: Caps lock, please. We don’t need to wake the mister. |
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ToureDeForce: I DON’T HAVE IT ON. |
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KaiserRolls: So what are the new tactical innovations we’re going to employ this year? Do I get to attack? |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: We’re playing a 4-3-3. |
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KaiserRolls: That’s not new. |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: But wait, there’s more! |
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FlyingMyKeita: It comes with a second Shamwow completely free? |
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11B0J@N11: lol |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: We’re going to occassionally employ two attacking fullbacks. |
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GetSmart: That’s me, right? |
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ToureDeForce: CAN I GO BACK TO LIFTING CARS? |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: No, wait, we have a lot to discuss here. There’s the young kids we’re thinking of promoting, for one. |
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JustWingingIt: Present! |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: Yeah, I know, I’ve got this list that tells me who is here… |
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DirtySánchez: I am here, too! |
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CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: I know! Just for that, you’re going to Xerez. |
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DirtySánchez: I’ll play anywhere, I swear. Left back, right back, water boy, just don’t make me leave. How about goalie! I can’t be worse than Albert! |
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TheRiddlerAndTheJorquera: Hey now…I’m just minding my own business over here and you gotta go and say these nasty things…  |
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Number1DraftPique: See you in a year, little homey. |
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Number1DraftPique: /pantses DirtySánchez |
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DirtySánchez: Motherfucker! |
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*DirtySánchez has left the chatroom* |
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InMeYouTrust: Hey! It’s after 10pm, lights out everyone! |
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*PowerSerg has left the chatroom* |
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OhDaniBoy: Sigh…mortals. |
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ToureDeForce: TELL ME ABOUT IT. |
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ToureDeForce: WANT TO LIFT SOME CARS? |
PS this is the longest one that you’ll ever see.
wtf was that?
btw Isaiah…. I’m re-watching Thiago’s game vs citeh and I think he and JDS can bring something new to the team this year. The so-called change pep talked about. I see him as a Ronnie-Mazinho-Xavi hybrid… I love Thiago and his game!!!!!!!
LOL, I’ve never seen something like this before.
Need some time to digest it.
I hope Yaya keeps Messi alive
LOL got hectored. here’s what I said:
”
@Han: here is our historical transfer spending as disclosed by Barca itself.
//http://i32.tinypic.com/dg3nz8.jpg
I found this while researching our finances and analysing them. These are how the deals were officially valued. Hope it helps. You can see the price for players you missed out like Belletti.
Also sorry for no posts these days. Really very busy. I was dying to comment on Hector’s superb anaysis (over analysed?
) but between work and the gf just can’t find the time. 
And I hope you accept this post/link soon, I know you’re online guys so don’t be evil
What hurts the most in that transfer list I posted is cesc for 1 Mil. Oh, how we regret that.
PS: Otros means others.”
Oh and superb post Isaiah. That was just
OMGWTFHAXBBQ ROFLMAO
I died laughing. This is most ghost typing. Pressing keys as a spirit is really hard!
BTW This kind of “if they were in the chat world…” stuff was originally inspired from an internet legend:
“How WWII leaders would be like if they were playing Warcraft 3.”
(or some other RTS, not sure was many years ago)
Great STUFF Isaiah!!
My belly is hurting now because of the laughter!
This was absolutely hilarious! How did you come up with something like this. So creative, it’s like our midfield! haha
Great work. I had to shush myself cuz I was about to bust out laughing while at the office.
LMAO.. Great stuff Isaiah..
what was wrong with puyol’s first screen name?
bojan’s contribution to the conversation was definitely the best.
AndresIniesta: What’s the big deal? I’m just here to listen to the group.
ProfessorEquis: I knew you were going to say that.
I LMAO’d.
BAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
LOL ISAIAH!!!! you gotta do somemore of these! and the longer the better!!!
I like bojan always using MSN language….ROLF
what does El Banquillo mean?
Best. Post. Ever
eklavya, el banquillo means “the bench” as in the substitute’s bench.
@eklavya
“el banquillo” literally translates to “the Bench”
absolutely epic post Isaiah!
..the rub is that I can’t share it with just anyone.. you have to be a fan and be following Barca to get every small detail! very nice work
Mat, my fear was that it would be too esoteric…but I’m glad all of you like it! There will definitely be more, with more teams and more players, don’t worry about that.
excellent stuff…lol…we hope this is one of the short ones…
Anyone see Sneider skipped the plane to milan? I guess L’Affaire d’eto’o wasnt so bad after all.
epic indeed! great post. very funny
hey Isaiah did you get my email?
———————
its hilarious whats going on with Sneider
i guess this is how everyone else saw the eto’o opus.
I did, jordi. That’s a mess. Robben refused to leave, Sneijder is refusing to leave. Van Nistelrooy was on the block, but is probably staying. Then there’s the Raul issue, and what about Guti, etc, etc? Yikes.
Sport also reports that Jorquera terminated his contract, by mutual agreement with the club. And they say that Cygnasty is sitting to prevent any freak injury messing up the deal.
Aw damn we can’t call him Are-You-Still-Here anymore.
Excellent
Bojan just laughs at anything 
Bojan’s incessant lolling was awesome, ^_^
What does esoteric mean?
haha
“SylvinAllYoProblems: Oh god, what have I done?”
That sounds like Kxevin
LMAO this was awesome, Isaiah! I loved when Captain Caveman blacked out with rage towards Real… I bet he totally does sometimes!!
Brilliant simply brilliant.
That
Was
BRILLIANT!
VíctoryIsMine: Caps lock, please. We don’t need to wake the mister.
ToureDeForce: I DON’T HAVE IT ON.
I loves it
Awesome Isaiah. It kinda reminded me of the Halo pisstake.
I love the screen names
This was fucking awesome.
Eto’o’ nickname is genius
lmfao oh dear
“I don’t own a TV. Just a sheep and a fiddle.”
Funniest thing I’ve seen in a while.
That was awesome!
Extremely Funny, only got about half of the jokes reading it here the first time. Nice idea, good stuff. The charachterbuilding is very well done, I can only imagine how hilarious some odd board members or characters from the EE would be like.
lol
I’m GOING to read this and then remark on the hilarity. I scrolled down specifically to comment but as I did so, my excitement began to build.
But. I saw those Chygnasty (great nick, whoever came up with it) videos Hector put up two posts ago finally.
I think he looks good, of course it’s been pointed out he played against a much lesser team. His long passing looks more Marquez-like than Pique-like…that is exquisite through the air rather than on the ground…and his defense was very precise. I think my biggest complaint is that he holds the ball too long. Thinking what to do, maybe. He didn’t have pressure but if he did could he do the job?
Anyway I see there is a “Han” posting on this board I never saw before. To let him know, if he’s the same Han that put up the Txiki evaluation over at Pep’s Place, then Thank you! because I enjoyed it. Don’t know if I agree with all of it though. What was Van Bommel if not quality?
My favourite was:
AndresIniesta: Wait, how are you online?
CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: I…don’t know…
Anyone want to share their PSN Id or Xbox live name with me so we can play when FIFA 10 comes out?
PSN: Tomatutomate
Xbox: Tutomate
Excellent. Great screen names. Bojan sounded like such a little girl.
So much for mourning the Offside. First Hector dedicates himself to tactical-analysis posts, and now Isaiah is doing a Twitter thing. Brilliant!
But you did snub BOTH Frenchmen on the team…
“CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: Right, first order of business is personnel.
FlyingMyKeita: Puyiiiiii
CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: Uh, okay, anyway…Looks like Sylvinho is outta here. ”
LOL
Tutomate,
Jnice17
Oops, forgot to add that is for Xbox.
PSN: FCBlaugrana
by the by, it’s official that Jorquera is gone.
http://www.fcbarcelona.com/web/english/noticies/futbol/temporada09-10/08/n090825106364.html
good luck to him
Thanks guys/gals I sent you invites.
holy shit! theriddlerandthejorquera is gona!
to girona!
http://www.fcbarcelona.cat/web/castellano/noticies/futbol/temporada09-10/08/n090825106364.html
//holy shit! theriddlerandthejorquera is gona!
to girona!
//http://www.fcbarcelona.cat/web/castellano/noticies/futbol/temporada09-10/08/n090825106364.html//
Awesome Isaiah. I died laughing reading this! more please
Andres Iniesta, training with everyone
//http://www.fcbarcelona.cat/web/castellano/galeries/futbol/temporada09-10/08/entreno_250809/galeria.html//
i love that he could’nt chose a screen name. so he went with “AndresIniesta” … jejeje
I know Jason that would happen
GREAT POST!
I especially loved the Alves and Puyol comments.
Lol! I think Bojan’s contribution to the convo was epic.
is the Arsenal v. Celtic game tomorrow?
And from what i hear, this Friday is
A) The Group Stage Draw
B)The European Super-Cup
C) The UCL CL Awards gala.
is all of that accurate? I’m doubting the group stage draw…
@Tutomate
My Xbox screen is: KeBoxchinito
If you have fifa let me know so i can renew my gold membership.
Group stage draw is Thursday.
Kevo I’ll send you an invite. I dnt have FIFA 10 yet I just sold 09 to fund the next one. So I’ll let you know when I get it. But just be aware that our very own Jnice ( I think ) is like super good, ranked 3rd I believe.
LOL. I was ranked 3rd in the US (20th in the world) when I was playing regularly, but now I rarely play and am waiting for FIFA 10.
So what you’re saying, Jnice, is you’re not any good.
Yes. The group stage draw will even be televised by Fox Soccer Channel. Pretty cool in concept, pretty boring in reality.
And for you U.S. footy fans, how about Jozy Altidore? Kid is tearing it up over at Hull City.
i read somewhere that ESPN is showing our first game on Monday against Sporting, but the official ESPN schedule says nothing of the kind. is that just in Britain?
and of course Jozy Altidore is tearing it up in England. he’s got poor close control, is fast with a bullish figure and has no positional sense. exactly the kind of player who thrives in the EPL.
Hahahahaha, that was a lot funnier than I expected
BA, I’ve got it listed as being live on ESPN…
I actually think Altidore is pretty good. I love watching him knock small MLS-sized defenders down. Obviously never worked in La Liga cause, uh, the defenders are, you know, good.
how about chiggy pop? hmmm? any one…?
altidore will come good if he’s given the chance. he’s already clicked w/that other forward @ hull city. the triumvirate of altidore, guy i can’t remember & giovanni should be ok to watch against those weak ass bpl defenses.
Hey, we only have to pay chygnasty 1.2 million per season, and then 2 million from the 2013 season.He took a pay cut to come apparently.
ESPN HD says Barca vs Sporting but ESPN says Programming TBD. I’m gonna guess it’ll be on both.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
“OhDaniBoy: What? I sleep from 9 to 9:30 just like everyone else.”
Again. best post ever.
that was fucking hilarious
Anyway I see there is a “Han” posting on this board I never saw before. To let him know, if he’s the same Han that put up the Txiki evaluation over at Pep’s Place, then Thank you! because I enjoyed it. Don’t know if I agree with all of it though. What was Van Bommel if not quality?
Its one and the same person. Me and my friends have a somewhat irrational view on Mr. Van Bommel (we hate him;-) , but in now way is he a bad footbalplayer and I’m very glad we sold him with a profit
Thank you btw.
but in “no way” (was what I was trying to type)
I know there’s another post up but I just had to say this:
AWESOME!
bojan playing yaya was awesome. my friends and i always joke that bojan eats wheaties everyday so he can grow up to be like yaya.
that was awesome. Made me laugh so much, i almost fell down of the chair.
…definately a post worth getting post-hectorized tfor. I can’t think of any post better…decimal points included. The hardest part was deciding whether to watch Copa Highlights again or read this again..you won Isaiah.
This season the “mere mortals” will be EE..no doubt
*Applauding Isiah*
I cannot help but loving this. Great!
*Super like*!!! =]
So funny! Awsome! LOL… =P
lol
that was just awesome, great job guys
I want more of this stuff, lets hope its the shortest