Right ladies and gents, when the missus turns on Grey’s Anatomy you know it’s time to sneak off and prepare a minute-by-minute report for both dear and loyal readers. But before I get started I should lay down a couple of ground rules. Here we go.
DO refresh your page regularly, as I will update every so often before the match starts and every very often once the whistle’s blown
DON’T waste your time looking for an on/off automatic update button. This ain’t the Guardian, beeeyotch!
DO tell your friends and family – live, virtual and otherwise – about the double-u double-u double u dot barcelonafootballblog dot com.
DON’T expect MBM reports for every other match. Sadly, our writers just don’t have time. Some of us are still trying to figure out whether BFB gets in the way of our real lives or the other way round…
However, the most important do & don’t is without a doubt:
DON’T pull a Gee Sixty! What’s that? Oh, not reading the MBM instructions and writing into the comment section during a Live report, that is what that is. I WILL DELETE THE COMMENT like the heartless bastard my parents created, and Y’ALL HAVE BEEN WARNED
DO make yourself part of this article by sending your comments to my e-mail instead, email@example.com.
Now, we are one and a half hour before gametime. Will we make it to the next round or is Cartagena going to Alcarcon us? You will see it here first (or second, if you are watching the match)!
Fútbol Club Cartagena lines up as follows: Savu, Zurdo, Sánchez, Astrain, Cacho, David, Rodriguez, Menudo, Megía, Segura and López.
The team I would like Martino to select: Pinto, Adriano, Puyol, Bagnack, Montoya, Song, Sergi Roberto, Cesc, Tello, Dongou, Traoré. Our probable line-up: Pinto, Adriano, Puyol, Mascherano, Alba, Song, Cesc, Sergi Roberto, Pedro, Neymar, Alexis.
Why our coach has not called up any Barcelona B players is beyond me. Fear of the mighty Cartagena? A perverse pleasure in press conferencing about rotation, rotation, rotation only to break his word a mere three months later? A backroom bet with Zubizaretta? Anything is possible at this moment.
Talking about anythings and possibles, check out our very own Pinto:
In another unfair match-up today, European Champions Bayern Munich have after forty minutes opened the score against Gzanghzou and added another one just before the break. Their place in the finals of the Club World Cup should be assured. Mandzukic scored the second while the first was struck by
everybody’s favorite Napoleon syndrome suffering Frenchman Frank Ribery.
Breaking news! Official line-up: Pinto, Montoya, Puyol, Masche, Adriano, Song, Cesc, Sergi Roberto, Pedro, Neymar and Tello.
So, that’s Cesc in the midfield and Neymar as a false nine. Personally I am hoping for Cristian Tello to have a great game so that he can get some playing time over the next couple of months. His limited pt and Gerard Deulofeu setting the EPL alight can only mean one thing: Speedo will leave this summer. I am currently kind of upset with Tata for never playing him and I am mentally preparing to be upset with Zubi in six months from now for selling him for 1.5 million Euros to be paid out over four years.
Watching the highlights of the first half of Guangzhou – Bayern. Let’s face it, Shoalin Soccer, it is not.
In the meantime, our Sunday opponents Getafe are up 4-1 against Girona in today’s Copa game with twenty minutes to spare.
“So what is your prediction for today’s game?” writes mister N. Oone. Honestly I think we’re gonna slaughter them. We have been on a roll the last couple of days and Martion is bringing his A-Team like Hannibal. Neymar’s gonna run amock and get a hattrick, while Cesc always wears his Fab Four costume against third-rate opponents. Cartagena better start building a city wall.
Ten minutes to go. I’m gonna get some refreshments.
Quick reminder, we won the away game with four goals to their one. You can see the highlights here.
minute 0 And the players appear at the kick-off spot, I got my three-week old daughter in my left arm and the keyboard under my right. This is gonna be legendary! Barcelona in possession of the ball. A shot is blocked and we have our first corner!
minute 1 The corner came to nothing which makes my baby very upset indeed. Her mom is coming to the rescue.
minute 3 Tell0, playing on his favorite left flank, lets off a shot at the Cartagena goal. Straight at the keeper. Barça playing with an urgency as if this game means something.
minute 6 Cartagena string more than two passes together for the first time since the game started. More than two, mind you. Less than four.
minute 9 Alexander Song gets called for the first foul of the game. Cartagena return the ball to the blaugrana and sit back while Barça looks for an opening.
minute 10 Niiiice dribbling by Sergio Roberto who makes two Cartagenans fall over each other, but he follows it up by giving the ball away.
minute 11 Barça ticking and tacking around the opponents’ penalty area but ca’t find an opening as of yet.
minute 13 Sweet one-two between Fàbregas and Pedro leads to Cesc being brought down just outside the box. Neymar bends over the ball for the free kick…
minute 14 …but the wall does not bend.
Mascherano shows that he does not need top level opposition to play terrible passes out of the defense under no pressure at all. Antonio Mejía almost gets a shot off but our capita is on hand to block.
minute 15 Adriano fires a scud missile from a good 25-30 meters. It sizzles about half a yard wide of the bottom right corner.
minute 18 Another free kick as Neymar gets clipped outside of the penalty area. This time Fàbregas is on hand to test the wall with a hard, low shot.
minute 20 Slowly and surely we are carving out chances. This time Pedro finds Ney with a cross. The header is too soft and easily saved. Cartagena is hanging on.
minute 23 Pedrito cuts to the inside from his left flank and shoots to the moon! Still waiting for the first goal, which, judging from current state of play, won’t take too long to drop.
minute 26 Cartagena hit the post!!! After twenty minutes of parking the bas, Cartagena break out on a counter. Mascherano needs a foul to stop danger developing down the left flank. The free kick is beautifully struck and leaves Pinto without a chance.
minute 28 Cartagena hit the post again! Dear, oh dear. A long free kick is prolonged with a header by their number 10. This time the ball hits the other post.
minute 30 GOOOL! After a double scare at our own end, Pedro opens the score.
It was Martin Montoya, that most accurate of crossers, who swung the ball into the box from the right wing. Pedro hit it hard upon the first bounce. It would be fun if Cartagena would start to push Barça for the equalizer. Fun, but doubtful.
minute 32 Cesc almost finds Pedro deep for a second goal. He was only twenty-five yards offside, if at all. Questionable call by the linesman.
minute 34 Barça are known for t rying to play the ball out of their own defense with style and panache, but this Cartagenero almost takes the cake, as he tries to pirouette his way out of his own penalty area. He falls flat on his ass, though.
minute 36 Montoya applies his usual crossing accuracy to his long range shot. That ball almost hit me on the head.
minute 39 It must be said that for all our dominance, Cartagena is defending admirably. Apart from the chance Pedro converted, and despite the many shots taken, Barça hasn’t come close to another goal.
minute 42 Another corner, another nothing that came from it.
minute 45 Brilliant pass by Neymar! He starts dribbling back down from about five yards of the left corner flag, cuts inside and puts Montoya all alone in front of the goalkeeper. An excellent chance to double the score goes to waste, and the referee blows his whistle. Halftime, it is.
The first half’s lone goal:
@nzm_fcb tweets that Monty has three assists in three competitions: vs. Betis away (Liga) vs. Celtic at Camp Nou (CL) vs. Cartagena (CdR)
Yup, and he only needed 121 crosses to reach that astounding number. As a matter of fact he is the Cristiano Ronaldo of the cross. In conversion rate, that is.
Also, am I the only to hope that the Mascherano-Puyol combo for this meaningless Cup game means that Piqué-Bartra is now Tata’s first choice central defensive duo? And let me make clear that the word “hope” is a relative term. I would prefer us to have a bonafide world beater in there. Boy Abidal and (the real) Puyol are hard to replace.
minute 45 and the match is underway. Barça kick off and immediately resume possession and position play around Cartagena’s penalty area.
minute 46 Sergi Roberto lifts the ball into the penalty area. Pedro passes it against his marker’s legs. He could have done better with that. Cesc tries the keeper from a distance. His shot takes a nice bounce but lacks power and direction.
minute 49 The ref calls a foul on Carles Puyol for heading the ball too ferociously. According to EMD, our capita is considering retirement at the end of this season, although he might continue playing in a lesser league like the MLS.
minute 52 Neymar receives a lobbed pass in a promising position close to goal but can’t get a shot off. Since dude is suspended for the next league match, if he wants to score another goal in 2014 he has less than forty minutes left to do so.
minute 54 Oh boy. Tello, who has been invisible ever since his the first minute of the game, can’t even dribble past his own legs right now. His transfer market value is dropping with every touch.
minute 59 After some impressive bus-parking Cartagena threaten a counter attack. Puyol handily breaks it up and receives a yellow for his troubles.
minute 61 An actual e-mail!!! “Is the only way someone will mail you his thoughts if you read what you write and then you comment on what you think you wrote? Does that make you in agreement or disagreement with yourself. Should I send you a compliment?” offers up mister L. Evon. Very funny. Jerk.
minute 64 The match trodges on at the same pace as the first half, only with less long distance shots from Barça. Curiously I can hear the crowd. I am assuming hat they didn’t bring any pillows. Alexis and Iniesta are warming up on the sideline.
minute 66 Pinto passes the ball across his own goalmouth where it almost gets tapped in. Close, that was.
minute 67 GOOOL! Tello gets played in with tons of space. He tries to drag the ball in front of the goal but it gets deflected behind the goalkeeper. Young Cristian has the good sense not to celebrate his effort.
minute 70 Neymar can’t find a way through the thirty-seven Cartagena defenders parked in their own penalty area.
minute 74 Barcelona give up what I think is the first corner. Squeezy butt cheek time for the two or three weirdos who care about this game.
minute 75 Pedro and I missed which other player off, Alexis and Iniesta in.
minute 76 Lexus immediately starts some fire as he dribbles past his defender on the right wing and gets a cross in. I think the player off for Iniesta was Cesc.
minute 78 Jordi Alba getting ready to come on. We don’t want Adriano to pull his hamstring/sprain his ankle/break his toe/tear a ligament / injure a metatarsal / rip a muscle / snap off a heel / twist a knee / splinter a shin / crack a rib /you get the idea.
minute 81 Darn match is making me drowsy. Bear with me guys, the only reason I am not turning of the TV right now is this here report. As soon as the whistle blows, this writer’s turning off his computer.
minute 83 “Sorry lev, having problem connecting with my gmail had to use my sister’s, kess here… Fab4 has looked comfortable so far in midfield, tello is always trying to score whenever he plays…so expect lots of those outragous wide shots…lol..watch out for more head shots…glad to see the MBM today…really enjoying the extra touch this blog adds to the match…thumbs up.” Thank you for your kind words and thank you for your sister’s e-mail address – that makes it all worthwile (just kidding!). We’ve certainly seen our share of outrageous wide shots today. Thank you for reading, you’re awesome!
minute 87 GOOOL!!! Neymar signs off his last appearance of the year with a goal!
Just when the defense fell asleep, Iniesta creates dribbles from the top of the box to the left and finds the Brazilian with a cross. O Ney heads it into the bottom left corner. Barcelona 3 – Cartagena 0.
minute 91 “Ya se acabo el partido? Vente papi, tu mujer y tu hija te esperan en la cama” I’m coming, girl, I’m coming. You could have just called me, the kitchen ain’t that far from the bedroom…
All right, culers, this is me signing off before I get into trouble. Hope you enjoyed the MBM, thank you for reading!