Yea! Another season, another show. Of course, it’s not over yet. I mean, you know, not technically. But it is very hard to concentrate when Silly Season is just dawning over the horizon. And this one promises to be one of the Silliest yet! So let’s get down to monkey business …
One of the issues facing FC Barcelona this Silly Season is it’s perennial small squad. Barça has one of the smallest squads in European football. Quick, who’s shorter: Xavi or Iniesta? I kid. I kid because I love — they’re both totally short. Quick, who’s shorter: Pedro or Messi? Stop! I kid! (Quick: How many arms does it take to hug a really short dude?)
No worries. I, your intrepid Comments interloper, have considered all suggestions and checked out all leads, and I have come up with a Silly Season Dream Roster sure to solve all — well, some, or, one or two — of the problems that have plagued us this season. Which we totally won, by the way!
Now, many BFBers have become disillusioned with FCB president, Sandro Rosell. So this Silly Season, the role of Sandro Rosell will be played by kiddie-arcade-pizzeria logo, Chuck E. Cheese.
For several weeks, the role of Tito Vilanova was ably performed by Jordi Roura. Should the need arise again, Roura will return to his role as Tito Vilanova, while the role of Roura will be performed by Jorge Messi. The role of Jorge Messi will be played by Leo Messi, meanwhile, and the role of Leo Messi will be played by Thiago.
For you FCB bandwagoners out there, that’s Thiago Messi …
… who is not to be confused with Thiago Alcántara …
.. or (maybe!) Thiago Silva … but (most likely) not David Silva …
.. nor by any means any cast member of the Alcántara family in the wildly popular Spanish dram-com “Cuéntame cómo pasó”, in which living under a fascist dictatorship is portrayed as really bad but really not as bad as you might think.
One tantalizing rumor was the
proposed probable possible phfft move of Brazilian Boy Wonder Neymar to FCB. In case this does not come to pass, the role of Neymar will be played by the über-compassionate alien Marklar people from South Park, Colorado, who have gladly marklared to marklar for our marklar.
That takes care of the players. Now, just in case he notices the wild crush that pipsqueak Adam Levine has on Shakira on NBC’s top-rated singing-contest “The Voice”, the role of Gérard Piqué’s erstwhile facial hair will be played by Dani Alves.
In other facial hair news, the role of Pedro Rodríguez will be played by
Clark Gable’s mustache.
Speaking of lovely starlets, the role of WAG will be played by Giselle Lacouture … I mean Malena Costa … er, that is, Vanessa Lorenzo … I think …
(Quick: Which Puyol girlfriend … oh, never mind.)
And if we win the Silly Season, the role of the Barcelona homecoming coach will be played by this May’s most awesome prom bus.