Let’s not call this a preview, shall we? No matter what happens today, I am proud of my team. I love our club and no defeat, no matter how big, can change that.
Last summer I predicted we would get the league back, and we will. I also said that other team would get their decima. Ha, ha. With end of the world narrowly avoided yesterday, it is now our turn to stage a comeback. Is it possible? Do you believe? Here are
ten eleven reasons why you should:
1. The Camp Nou. One hundred thousand Catalan throats will spur us on to victory.
2. Make no mistake. Our club still houses the most talented players in the world. And we’re playing for our pride. We’re gonna deixem some pell. If anyone can do it, we can. We will go at the Germans with a vengeance.
3. Look what we did to Milan
4. Speaking of which, Xavi said that his generation still owed us a remontada. I’m sorry, mr. Hernandez i Creus, since we failed to come back from semi-final losses at Stamford Bridge (2012) and at the Giuseppe Meazza (2010), you owe us two.
5. Honestly, an all-German final? You might no longer be Europe’s most hated football nation, but don’t push it. I don’t think we are quite ready for this yet.
6. Football is part skill, part condition, part strength and a big part psychological. If we get an early goal, anything is possible. If we get two, they will get nervous. If we get three, they will p their p’s. If we get four, they will crumble. If we get five, I don’t think they will come back alive. If we get si…Huh? What’s that you say, we only need five? Well, allright then!
7. For the people that doubt our defense, I have two words: Victor Valdes. Seriously, if I were the coach I would hypnotize our goalkeeper some five minutes before the game and tell him we are playing the final. That’s a fail-proof tactic, right there. Tito, call me.
8. It’s all mathematics, man! Hot-damn, have you never heard of an algorythm? We won in 2008/9. Went out in the semis in 2009/10. Won in 2010/11. Went out in the semis in 2011/12. See where I am going…?
9. Other football clubs might have hundreds of millions of euros worth of players in their squads, when Barça come knocking on their doors they still ruin their own pitch just to slow us down. Chelsea lets the grass grow high enough to hide a herd of elephants. Milan instructs their players to eat five kilos of brown beans each the night before so they can do the nasty all over the San Siro on the morning of. And Bayern Munich decided to flood their field so badly that the water was up to our poor little midget’s knees. Don’t fret, it’s their prerogative. Our weaknesses are for us to deal with. Take it as a compliment, since these tactics are employed against no other club. Today we are playing on our own pitch.
10. Bayern Munich, please. This team has come back from cancer.
11. Lionel Andrés Messi AKA la Pulga atómica AKA la Pulga diabólica AKA Golden Ballz AKA the best player in the whole damned world, ever! Need I say more?