blitzen awards, the moonlight and vodka edition

Yes, I know, I haven’t done awards in a while. I’m sorry, but you can’t force these things. Genius cannot be coerced. 😀

Happy Ritual Turkey Slaughter Day to our American readers, btw. Hope you have an excellent holiday with your friends and family. Here are a few things about our team you might be grateful for:

Gunga Din Award: See below picture. He’s a better man than you are.

Puyol has no need of your foolish blankets!

Zees Ees Fashun Award: Sorry Tito, you’re no match for the mighty Unai this time! That scarf was a slam-dunk. Honourary mention goes to our entire team for the endless permutations of sleeve-lengths, undergarments, gloves and snoods presented for our enjoyment.

From Russia With Love Award: Spartak Moscow, for generously declining to score on several occasions in order to present Victor Valdes with that rarest of gems, a clean sheet. Russian hospitality at its finest!

Gooseberry Award: Speaking of Russian hospitality, apparently Cesc had an issue with trying to use the wrong passport and was detained at the airport for several hours. The commentators on my stream were speculating that his temporary visa might expire by half-time and get him deported. 😀

MOTMOTMOI Award: Xavi controlled the match from start to finish. Other players had very strong games, notably Dani Alves and Jordi Alba (again!), but Xavi was really the lynchpin of the midfield that allowed Cesc and Iniesta to roam and do what they do do so well.

A Moveable Feast Award: I have given Andres Iniesta so many awards that it seems logical that I should just give him one award in perpetuity. In a metaphoric sense, Iniesta himself is a moveable feast that will remain with us wherever he goes. If you somehow still have not seen this outrageous piece of magic from the game, go watch it and you will see what I mean.

Green Green Grass of Home Award: OK, so the plastic pitch wasn’t nearly as craptastic as expected. In fact, the players said that aside from the ball bouncing a bit differently, it was very similar to grass. Still, for me there is no substitute for the real thing.

I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here! Award: What Victor Valdes must have been thinking when confronted with that Russian “superfan” who has his face tattooed on her shoulder. He’s smiling in the picture, but you know he must have the creepy-crawlies on the inside.

Pete Seeger Memorial Banjo: La Masia. It hasn’t happened yet, but it is entirely possible that sometime this season we will field a first team XI consisting entirely of home-grown players. Not for show, not because we can, but because they are the fittest & best tactical choices available. That is amazing.

Little Xavis from the farmhouse
Little Xavis made of tiki taka
Little Xavis, little Xavis,
Little Xavis all the same

There’s a pink one and a brown one
And a small one and a taller one
And they’re all made out of tiki taka
And they all play just the same


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Written by:

Canadian, cule, corporate wage slave. Came late to the beautiful game, but fell under FCB's spell in 2006 and never looked back.


  1. stefan2k
    November 22, 2012

    Messi? :O

  2. nzm
    November 22, 2012

    Nice one, blitz!

    Here’s a link to the image of VV with his ultimate fan-ness with the tattoo:


    Was she Russian or a travelling Spanish/Barca fan?

    • November 22, 2012

      She looks pretty Russian to me.

      What if, god forbid, they should ever hook up? Can you imagine making love to someone and seeing your own face staring back at you? EEK.

    • bhed
      November 22, 2012

      Trip booked, and tickets for Mallorca game bought (expensive, but amazing seats, it IS a pilgrimage after all)! We decided to stay at the end of La Ramblas, touristy but just too damn convenient to everything. I saved your email. If you’re not around at that time, hopefully I can still get a few tips on hidden restaurant gems. If you ever come to San Francisco, I can do the same. Thanks again for the tips!

    • ooga aga
      November 22, 2012

      how much did you spend on the tix? or rather, what was the price range of the available tickets you saw? and you got them through ticketmaster or the official site? thanks!

    • bhed
      November 22, 2012

      120€ each, but center of the pitch and VERY close (it IS a pilgrimage after all). You can get others for 80. Barca site wouldn’t let me purchase, so I got them through Couldn’t find 2 next to each other, so hopefully we can switch with someone at the game.

    • Huckleberry
      November 23, 2012

      I once bought very expensive tickets for the Camp nou at a Hotel in Barcelona. Amazing seats, center of the pitch, balcony first row promised.
      In reality the seats were right at the corner flag. Eyes at pitch level…

    • nzm
      November 23, 2012

      Excellent, bhed!

      Please ping me if I can help with questions.

    • Messiah10
      November 22, 2012

      She has to be a fan of Barca obviously. WOW. Can you imagine a person coming up to you and showing you a tattoo of your likeness on their arm! Scary! VV should get a protective order against her! Stalker.

    • Ryan
      November 22, 2012

      He put the photo on his Facebook, so I think VV was more impressed/honored than scared, to be honest! He doesn’t get nearly as much publicity as the other players, so I bet he was happy to find a die-hard fan!

  3. Messiah10
    November 22, 2012

    OT: Very disturbing news out of Rome. Between 7-12 Tottenham Hotspur’s supporters were hospitalized last night after they were attacked by up to 50 Lazio supporters. At least 1 Spurs fan was stabbed. The footage of the aftermath was extremely disturbing. Broken glass everywhere, blood in a puddle in the street, over turned tables, chairs, and barrels. It looked like the aftermath of a riot or natural disaster. I will never understand how a group of criminals can claim their actions represent a football club. It’s sickening and I hope the perpetrators go to prison for a long time.

    • Messiah10
      November 22, 2012

      Here’s an article on the altercation. I’m sick to my stomach after reading it. The attackers wore motorcycle helmets with scarves covering their faces. Their were Spurs supporters and American students in the bar. They were surrounded and could not get out for up to 20 minutes. The attackers had bats, metal bars, knives, etc. What a tragedy. Disgusting.

  4. Messiah10
    November 22, 2012

    I just looked at beInsport’s programming grid and they aren’t showing the Barca vs Levante game live. I wonder why? They aren’t showing it until 5 p.m. Eastern time, Sunday, 25th of Nov. This seems odd to me? Every other Liga & Serie A game will be showen live.

    • zashaw
      November 22, 2012

      BTW, beIN Sport en espanol is showing the game live. But yes, the English beIN Sport channel is apparently preferring an Italian game.

  5. November 22, 2012

    I was thinking the same thing when i first saw that picture, Puyol is awesome!!! And he ain’t even Canadian! :p

    • November 22, 2012

      Now if we could just get to him to play hockey…

    • November 22, 2012

      Wow! yeah…

      My first line:

      Goalie: Peter Czech (he already has the helmet)
      Defensive Line: Puyol and Pepe
      Center: Schweinsteiger
      Forwards: Pedro and Rooney


    • November 22, 2012

      Pepe? Are you insane? You want to arm him with a stick and sharp blades??? Think of the lawsuits, man!

    • November 22, 2012

      Pepe with a stick and sharp blades would be awesome! Especially if it takes him off of the football pitch 🙂

    • swamidigital
      November 24, 2012

      I think Pepe thinks he IS playing hockey. It would explain some of his behavior for sure…

  6. nia
    November 22, 2012

    Ha ha, Mou just can’t help himself and talk crap about Barca all the time. Complained about how they played with 10 men yesterday and it’s not the first time in CL coz, he always plays with 10 v Barca and how Pepe broke Alves’s tib/fib the last time they met, bla bla bla o-O.
    This guy’s obssesion with Barca s the worst case i’ve ever seen from any troll, even Pele has nothing on him.
    The British press call it mind games, i call it CRAZY!!!!

    • K_legit in Oz
      November 22, 2012

      Mou reminds me of the jilted ex who couldn’t handle getting dumped so made a little shrine of hair/toenails/ticket stubs/tissue papers, etc and shows up to heckle you at parties because they cannot just let go.

    • Ryan
      November 22, 2012

      Mou Mou should worry about finishing above Atleti before anything else!

  7. ooga aga
    November 22, 2012

    En cuanto a su relación con Villa, Messi ha afirmado: “No tengo nada que decir. No tengo que dar explicaciones a nadie. Que la gente opine lo que quiera”.

    With respect to his relation with Villa, Messi has affirmed: “I have nothing to say. I dont have to give explanations to anyone. May people say whatever they want.”

  8. barca96
    November 23, 2012

    So Mark Clattenburg has been declared not guilty. Now that I think about it, the way Chelsea has handled this is very similar to EE’s accusation of Busi saying monkey to Marcelo. They went public with it before the investigation has begun. By going public, no matter whether the alleged “racist” is found guilty or not, will always have a cloud over his head. It is already stuck in people’s mind. Such a pity.

    • Messiah10
      November 23, 2012

      I’m not sure they are one in the same. Apparently, Clattenburg has a very thick Cockney accent. Obi Mikel may have really thought he said something he thought was racist, but misunderstood him because of his accent. I’m not going to suspect Chelski of any inappropriate behavior when I don’t know the full circumstances.

    • Barka
      November 23, 2012

      It wasn’t Obi Mikel who accused Clattenburg of saying those words actually, Ramires was the one who insisted Clattenburg said that. That’s probably the reason why Chelsea while wanting to protect their player only filed a complaint for “inappropriate language”. Of course, that still ruined the ref’s reputation.

  9. K_legit in Oz
    November 23, 2012

    I have to say that beard on David Villa is quite impressive! All men should have beards imo!

    • replayed
      November 23, 2012

      All men should have beards imo!

      Not all of us can, alas. Or would be able to carry one off as well as Villa does.

      I’ve always theorized that he derived his powers from his soul patch. Maybe he’s just hoping for a power boost. That, or he’s making a statement of protest about his lack of playing time. I expect he’ll shave it once he pops up at Juve. Or at QPR.

    • November 23, 2012

      My winter growth is always very popular. Go figure.

    • K_legit in Oz
      November 24, 2012

      As the proud owner of a lumberjack beard (for now), I have to say it is quite awesome!

  10. November 23, 2012

    I think that RoRo and the boys are just trying to piss me off. That’s the only explanation. This just in from nzm:

    FCB Board Member Javier Faus was interviewed on radio and has stated, with reference to any new stadium, that, “The encompassing FCB sports arena will have a sponsor’s name, but the football stadium won’t (have a name).”

    He went on to qualify this with, “At least, this is the initial idea.”

    This, of course, means a replay of the shirt shenanigans, potentially.

  11. November 23, 2012

    And in the “good news” file, Thiago and Adriano returned to full training today, just in time for the weekend’s matches. Gradually, we eke our way toward a full squad. Cuenca comes back at the end of the month, as will Bartra, assuming ….

    • Messiah10
      November 23, 2012

      Thanks for jinxing us! Now we’ll lose both through reaggravation

  12. November 24, 2012

    Lol…no jinxing allowed…i’m kinda nervous coz of the vs levante match…they have a very bolty forward in d form of obafemi martins and he has been scoring since his move to spain…i don’t know if any of our defenders can match him pace for pace (once u get behind him, u r really behind him)…not saying we’ll lose or draw i’m just tired of seeing valdes picking the ball d ball out of d net(!).

    • nzm
      November 24, 2012

      He’s scored 5. David Villa has also scored 5. 🙂

      But you’re right – he is a danger man because Barca hasn’t played him before which could also work to our advantage. He might be completely overawed and easy to shut down!

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