Hi everyone! Greetings from deepest darkest Saskatchewan! I am on my annual pilgrimage to the land of big sky, Old Dutch pork rinds, and really big trucks. I can feel my neck turning red already. 😀
But I haven’t forgotten about you, my dear BFB-ers! No, even in this forsaken land I have managed to track down a lone bastion of civilization and wifi-ery to pour some of my own brand of nonsense down your parched throats. Please enjoy!
A Suit-able Boy Award: For his first Champions League game as head coach Tito brought out the heavy artillery–a suit. In the sartorial head-to-head, though, there was only ever going to be one winner. Team Unai came out looking slick, dapper, and most importantly, comfortable in his duds, while Tito’s slim-fit and skinny-tie combo, while a strong contender, left him looking somewhat uncomfortable. Stick to your strengths, Tito.
Swash, Buckled Award: Pique sprains his ankle, not from a last-ditch defending tackle, but from a buccaneering run and shot on goal. Leaving us short of defenders. Again. Now I’m not saying there is a conspiracy, but I did spot Fontas in the parking lot slipping a brown envelope to that Spartak player. Just putting that out there.
One Trick Pony Award: Illustrating the recent discussion here at BFB, Tello shows off his only skill: scoring and assisting goals in CL games. That lad really needs to branch out.
Trollhattan Memorial TOTM: Dani Alves at minute 18:58, for clapping & politely congratulating the linesman for a getting a call right. You’re walking a fine line there, son.
Dani Boo Boo Award: I think that’s called karma. See previous award.
MOTMOTM Award: Please join me in welcoming back our prolific Swedish defender, Owen Gyoaal! With two goals to his name already this season, he is on track to be one of our top scorers. (Runner-up: Xavi, with another magisterial performance to show that he is still the Lord of the Dance.)
Something In The Water Award: Shakira has confirmed she is pregnant. Pinto had his son already. Messi, Villa, & Valdes are still tumescent. Can it be long before Cesc or Masche follow suit? Any of our readers in Barcelona care to take a sample of the drinking water and get it analysed for additives? Michele/nzm, you may think you are safe at your age, but you may want to switch to bottled water just in case or you may end up with a little surprise!
Knit One Purl Two Award: Victor Valdes, who had plenty of time in this game to work on those booties he is knitting for the coming baby explosion. By my count the only “shot” on his goal in the first half was Dani’s own goal! Spartak Moscow did start attacking a bit more in the second half, but with only 6 shots on goal total compared to Barca’s 18, the 3-2 scoreline is a bit misleading. I look forward to the blaugrana booties VV will be churning out during his lonely times between the sticks.
Who Likes Short Shorts? Award: Alexis Sanchez, for his lady-pleasing committment to showing off his thighs. It looks like my longstanding campaign to bring back 70’s-style football shorts has a new supporter!
Taking One For The Team Award: Pedro! (who has more than earned back his punctuation) spent a lot of time getting knocked down in this game. He seemed to take on an almost Keita-esque role of getting in every opponents’ way, with predictable results. It seemed pretty deliberate to me, as he constantly took Spartak players away from Cesc, Dani & Messi to try to give them space. A good game from him, and just a shame he couldn’t get a goal as well.
And that’s your lot!