blitzen awards, the lone voice in the wilderness edition

Hi everyone! Greetings from deepest darkest Saskatchewan! I am on my annual pilgrimage to the land of big sky, Old Dutch pork rinds, and really big trucks. I can feel my neck turning red already. 😀

But I haven’t forgotten about you, my dear BFB-ers! No, even in this forsaken land I have managed to track down a lone bastion of civilization and wifi-ery to pour some of my own brand of nonsense down your parched throats. Please enjoy!

A Suit-able Boy Award: For his first Champions League game as head coach Tito brought out the heavy artillery–a suit. In the sartorial head-to-head, though, there was only ever going to be one winner. Team Unai came out looking slick, dapper, and most importantly, comfortable in his duds, while Tito’s slim-fit and skinny-tie combo, while a strong contender, left him looking somewhat uncomfortable. Stick to your strengths, Tito.

Swash, Buckled Award: Pique sprains his ankle, not from a last-ditch defending tackle, but from a buccaneering run and shot on goal. Leaving us short of defenders. Again. Now I’m not saying there is a conspiracy, but I did spot Fontas in the parking lot slipping a brown envelope to that Spartak player. Just putting that out there.

One Trick Pony Award: Illustrating the recent discussion here at BFB, Tello shows off his only skill: scoring and assisting goals in CL games. That lad really needs to branch out.

Trollhattan Memorial TOTM: Dani Alves at minute 18:58, for clapping & politely congratulating the linesman for a getting a call right. You’re walking a fine line there, son.

Dani Boo Boo Award: I think that’s called karma. See previous award.

MOTMOTM Award: Please join me in welcoming back our prolific Swedish defender, Owen Gyoaal! With two goals to his name already this season, he is on track to be one of our top scorers. (Runner-up: Xavi, with another magisterial performance to show that he is still the Lord of the Dance.)

Something In The Water Award: Shakira has confirmed she is pregnant. Pinto had his son already. Messi, Villa, & Valdes are still tumescent. Can it be long before Cesc or Masche follow suit? Any of our readers in Barcelona care to take a sample of the drinking water and get it analysed for additives? Michele/nzm, you may think you are safe at your age, but you may want to switch to bottled water just in case or you may end up with a little surprise!

Knit One Purl Two Award: Victor Valdes, who had plenty of time in this game to work on those booties he is knitting for the coming baby explosion. By my count the only “shot” on his goal in the first half was Dani’s own goal! Spartak Moscow did start attacking a bit more in the second half, but with only 6 shots on goal total compared to Barca’s 18, the 3-2 scoreline is a bit misleading. I look forward to the blaugrana booties VV will be churning out during his lonely times between the sticks.

Who Likes Short Shorts? Award: Alexis Sanchez, for his lady-pleasing committment to showing off his thighs. It looks like my longstanding campaign to bring back 70’s-style football shorts has a new supporter!

Taking One For The Team Award: Pedro! (who has more than earned back his punctuation) spent a lot of time getting knocked down in this game. He seemed to take on an almost Keita-esque role of getting in every opponents’ way, with predictable results. It seemed pretty deliberate to me, as he constantly took Spartak players away from Cesc, Dani & Messi to try to give them space. A good game from him, and just a shame he couldn’t get a goal as well.

And that’s your lot!

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Recent Posts

Written by:

Canadian, cule, corporate wage slave. Came late to the beautiful game, but fell under FCB's spell in 2006 and never looked back.


  1. nia
    September 21, 2012

    Lol at Alexis. I thought i was the onlyone who noticed those short shorts. CR is gonna be sad again when he sees Alexis nice strong thighs can compete with his, 🙂

  2. BarcaOwl
    September 21, 2012

    Yay! Blitzen awards! 😀

    An enjoyable edition, as always.

  3. James08771
    September 21, 2012

    Hey Blitzen,

    Thanks for doing this during your time in Saskatchewan. I was actually there (Prince Albert) this past May visiting Saskatchewan Penitentiary for a work-related trip. Just want to say kudos for your reference to “A Suitable Boy”. Massively long, but a great book! I actually saw someone reading it today while I was at Starbucks.

    Anyways, thanks again and enjoy the rest of your visit!

    • K_legit in Oz
      September 22, 2012

      My ex gave me that book to read once..I don’t think I ever managed to finish it!

  4. September 22, 2012

    Starting XI:

    Valdés, Alves, Cesc, Villa, Alexis, Messi, Thiago, Mascherano, Sergio, Adriano and Song

  5. Blau-Grenade
    September 22, 2012

    Line-up Barcelona (official): Valdes – Alves Song Mascherano Adriano – Cesc Busquets Thiago – Alexis Messi Villa #fcblive

    Would’ve loved to see Alba in there. But a new and interesting lineup. Exciting!!!

      • September 22, 2012

        I’m fine with the back line. If the midfield/forwards do their jobs as usual, it will be drama free, as usual. More interesting for me is the Villa start. This is a perfect match to start him in.

      • Blau-Grenade
        September 22, 2012

        I know. Cesc is capable of playing a pivot along with Busquets. I suspect he will play the deep lying play maker role like Xavi. Thiago will be the playmaker along with Messi. Alexis and Villa will try to score in the game from the front.

Leave a Reply