Alexandre Dimitri Song Billong. If you’re looking for a comprehensively badass moniker, look no further than our latest acquisition from Arsenal. He came over for EUR 19M straight up, which is unusual for us. Often, we see contracts such as 15+4M if the player isn’t kidnapped by aliens in the first month he is with the club.
Then again, I read somewhere that the club was trying to get away from simple, silly incentives such as those. Then again, I also read that if he didn’t get Javi Martinez, Tito Vilanova was going to hold his breath until he turned blue. Or something.
And then came this Song.
What does he do? Play midfield, usually, though Arsenal coach Arsene Wenger has used hm at center back, and even said that his eventual best position would be center back. So who knows? What we do know is that he is in the mold of the typically versatile Barcelona player who can play any position on the pitch, then go sell tickets at the Camp Nou ticket window and be back in time to stop a goal. Yes, he’s that good. It must be the name.
He comes to us with gaudy statistics, such as lots of through balls, lots of assists, likes puppies and is first in the hearts of his countrymen. He also comes to us with hair that somewhat resembles the top of a cinched rucksack, or for you Aqua Teen Hunger Force devotees, the famous Frylock.
Last season, he was Arsenal’s second-best player, the first being some cranky Dutchman, who also left. Word is that Song had begun renewal talks with Arsenal, then we came calling and he said “Gotta go, yo!” There were nasty reports that he got a serious attitude problem once he decided that he wanted to come play for us, reports that have some people wondering just what in the hell we’re in for with this bloke.
ZubiZa said that the departure of Keita meant that suddenly, we needed that type of player, but not exactly that type, since exactly that type would have meant finding a way around those pesky tax laws, and not having Keitteeee! flit off to China on a free transfer. But that didn’t happen. And Song isn’t Toure Yaya, not only because he said he wasn’t, and because ZubiZa said he wasn’t. Song isn’t Toure Yaya, because Toure Yaya is already busy being Toure Yaya, And he’s pretty good at it.
Our physio, Dr. Pruna, says that Song is physical Gibraltar, that he hasn’t had a muscular injury in 8 years. That’s a lot.
ZubiZa said that we now have the team he and Vilanova have been wanting since pre-season began, which means what, exactly? That all the CB stuff was noise? Who knows. To me, NFL teams often will draft the best available athlete, figuring they can figure out what to do with the luggage once they get it home. Bound to be something.
Song is also a shrewd bit of business, particularly as he still had 3 years on his Arsenal contract. So hats off to RoSELL and the boys, particularly if the claim that Song is the player we wanted is true.
To my view, now that teams are attacking Busquets, realizing his role in the tika-taka distribution chamber, something needs to change. Some matches, it might be Song in addition to Busquets, shuffling forward and back from CB to DM to AM, as the need rises. Some might think that we need another midfielder like we need a hole in the head. Dunno. And then we bought Song.
How will he play? Dunno. But he said all the right things at the presser, even promising to learn from Catalan, which might stop the Camp Nou boo birds from coming out when Song screws up. for a period of exactly 0.0001th of a second.
But I don’t expect that Song will screw up like that, despite the periods of mental walkabout that he goes on from time to time. And now he’s here. So let’s welcome with open arms and minds, Alex Song.