El Banquillo 4: The FIFA virus

[Sorry this is so late; obviously it’s about the previous international break]

In which the team returns from international break…

Guardiola InMeYouTrust: Hey, everyone. Welcome back to all those who were gone on International break.

Valdes VíctoryIsMine: There was an international break?

Guardiola InMeYouTrust: Yeah, did no one tell you about it?

Valdes VíctoryIsMine: I just thought everyone was getting the swine flu or something and not showing up to practice…

Bojan 11B0j@n11: Thanks for the welcome back, mister, I had a great time.

Guardiola InMeYouTrust: No, little one, I was talking about *real* international break, not one in your video games.

Bojan 11B0j@n11: Oh…I wondered why my dad kept rolling his eyes when I said maybe next time I’d get called up.

Guardiola InMeYouTrust: You’re adorable.

Bojan 11B0j@n11: That’s what my mom says! Stop it!

Guardiola InMeYouTrust: Aw, I upset you. Have a cookie.

Bojan 11B0j@n11: /eats a cookie

Bojan 11B0j@n11: Thanks, mister…

Guardiola InMeYouTrust: Okay, so let’s get down to business. We’ve got some important games coming up.

Puyol CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: We’ll need everyone to stop sleeping and begin training 24 hours a day!

Alves OhDaniBoy: I replaced my bed with a treadmill!

Puyol CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: That’s what I’m talking about!

Guardiola InMeYouTrust: Knock it off, we’re going to need to be vigilant against Valencia.

Valdes VíctoryIsMine: /save

Juan Mata ElMatador: D’oh!

Guardiola InMeYouTrust: See!? This is what I’m talking about! Victor isn’t going to bale you out every time.

Silva SilvaAndGold: He shoots he scoooo–

Valdes VíctoryIsMine: /save

Silva SilvaAndGold: D’oh!

Messi PulgaMyFinger: I’m so tired, can’t we just relax a little bit.

Alves OhDaniBoy: Drink a Red Bull®!

Messi PulgaMyFinger: I already drank like 3. I’m still tired.

Alves OhDaniBoy: So you had breakfast, big deal. I had 6 with my cereal.

Puyol CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: Gotta eat while you’re on the treadmill!

Valdes VíctoryIsMine: /save

Valdes VíctoryIsMine: What was that, Mister? I can’t do what every time?

Guardiola InMeYouTrust: This match can’t end soon enough…

Pérez Burrull IBurrullThisField: /ends match

Guardiola InMeYouTrust: Woohoo!

Marquez KaiserRolls: Well that wasn’t so bad, I mean at least they didn’t score–

Marquez KaiserRolls: /sloppy takedown

Ryazantsev Рязанцев: /оценки

Guardiola InMeYouTrust: /facepalm

Ibra ZlatTheBallHome: /scores

Ibra ZlatTheBallHome: Visca el Bar–

Xavi ProfessorEquis: STOP!

Puyol CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: What was that Zlatan? I didn’t catch that whole thing.

Xavi ProfessorEquis: Um, um, he said he wants some, um, Swedish meatballs.

Puyol CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: In the middle of a match?

Xavi ProfessorEquis: In the midde of a match.

Puyol CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: Sounds delicious!

Bojan 11B0j@n11: Put me in, coach! I can score, I know I can!

Guardiola InMeYouTrust: Okay, you go in for Pedro.

Bojan 11B0j@n11: Do I get to call “shot” like when my dad would let me do that and he couldn’t block me?

Guardiola InMeYouTrust: You can try…

Marquez KaiserRolls: Hey, well, at least we’re not losing–

Gokdeniz GökdenizNuts: /scores

Guardiola InMeYouTrust: /facepalm

Bojan 11B0j@n11: Hey, mister, they’re not letting me shoot when I call shot! No fair!

Guardiola InMeYouTrust: Sigh. Look, guys, let’s get back to training and rededicate ourselves to, you know, the opposite of losing.

Alves OhDaniBoy: Running!

Puyol CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: Death metal!

Bojan 11B0j@n11: Cookies! Blankets! And puppies!

Guardiola InMeYouTrust: All right, all right, I think the thing to do would be to have a Halloween party to let you guys let your hair down a little.

Puyol CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: Were we supposed to be wearing it up all this time?

Guardiola InMeYouTrust: No, well, no, I…it’s just a saying…

Bojan 11B0j@n11: Is it a costume party!?

SpiderMessi PulgaMyFinger: Totally going as Spiderman.

Pedro JustWingingIt: Coooool. I think I’ll go as, oh, I don’t know…

Super Pedro Bros JustWingingIt: maybe Mario?

SpiderMessi PulgaMyFinger: OMG AWESOME

Iniesta AndresIniesta: What should I be? I can’t think of anything. Maybe I’ll just wear a snappy sweater vest.

Keita FlyingMyKeita: You’re going as Jim Tressel?

Iniesta AndresIniesta: Who?

ProfessorXavi ProfessorEquis: Well now who should I be…?


ProfessorXavi ProfessorEquis: You’re supposed to use a costume…

OptimusYaya ToureDeForce: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

Super Pedro Bros JustWingingIt: Right, like I’m not actually Mario, I’m just dressed as Mario for the night.

TheYaya ToureDeForce: HALLOWEEN SUCKS.

SpiderMessi PulgaMyFinger: Bojan, what are you going to be?

TheYaya 11B0j@n11: Best. Costume. Evaaaar.

RockStar CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca: /speechless

Pique Number1DraftPique: Worst costume ever.

TheYaya ToureDeForce: WHY? I LIKE IT.

Pique Number1DraftPique: Period hands down worst. I won’t know who to pants at this party cause no way am I pantsing Yaya by accident.

Bojan 11B0j@n11: lol


HlebFace KaiserRolls: Hey guys, what about this scary look?

Bojan 11B0j@n11: /bursts into tears

Guardiola InMeYouTrust: You’re fired.

HlebFace KaiserRolls: It’s just a joke, I swear.

Guardiola InMeYouTrust: Seriously, you’re fired.

Marquez KaiserRolls: Hey, come on now, mister, it’s me, Rafa.

Guardiola InMeYouTrust: Daw geez, don’t do that to me! You know I take these things seriously!

Bojan 11B0j@n11: *sniff* Wh-what’s going on?

Guardiola InMeYouTrust: It’s okay, little guy, it’s not really him. It’s just a costume.

Bojan 11B0j@n11: *sniff* O-oh-okay. I knew that.


Guardiola InMeYouTrust: Well, I guess that about wraps it up, eh? See you all at the party later.

*PulgaMyFinger has left the chatroom*
*11B0J@N11 has left the chatroom*
*CaptainCatalunyaViscaelBarca has left the chatroom*
*FlyingMyKeita has left the chatroom*
*VíctoryIsMine has left the chatroom*
*KaiserRolls has left the chatroom*
*JustWingingIt has left the chatroom*
*Number1DraftPique has left the chatroom*
*ZlatTheBallHome has left the chatroom*
*Professor Equis has left the chatroom*
*AndresIniesta has left the chatroom*
*OhDaniBoy has left the chatroom*
*ToureDeForce has left the chatroom*
*InMeYouTrust has left the chatroom*

RiddleMeThis TheRiddlerAndTheJorquera: Riddle me this…riddle me that…
RiddleMeThis TheRiddlerAndTheJorquera: Wait, where is everyone?
RiddleMeThis TheRiddlerAndTheJorquera: Come on! I even added the hat to the costume this year! Goddammit, guys.

*TheRiddlerAndTheJorquera has left the chatroom*

PS the art I used for Xavi’s “costume” was found here.

By Isaiah

Isaiah is a co-founder and lead writer for Barcelona Football Blog. He currently lives in the greater Philadelphia area.


  1. LOL, Funny post.

    Here is a small scouting report on our Pedro! (nothing we did not already know):



    “In 2005 it was Lionel Messi. In 2006 it was Giovanni Dos Santos. In 2007 it was Bojan Krkic, and last year it was midfielder Sergio Busquets.

    This year it is a certain Pedro Rodriguez who is the latest star in the making to emerge from Barcelona’s famous and revered youth set-up.

    From the moment ‘Pedrito’ (little Pedro) changed his name to just Pedro, it was clear that the 22-year-old was never one to accept anything other than proper recognition in the first-team.

    Just three months into the new campaign and that is exactly what Pedro has done – established himself as a key component in Pep Guardiola’s all conquering side, albeit in the wake of injuries to Thierry Henry and Andres Iniesta.

    So what is it about the the 5ft 7in Catalan that has convinced Guardiola to throw him into the first-team fold with such regularity this season?

    Well, you can start by looking at his goal record – nine goals in 16 appearances this season, including three in La Liga and the winner in the UEFA Super Cup against Shakhter Donetsk.

    Add exquisite technique, the ability to beat a man and the archetypal Spanish flair coupled with technique, and it is easy to see why Pedro is not just deployed in early-round cup games.

    The vultures are already circulating, but Pedro is going nowhere fast, after all, La Blaugrana would never let a promising cantera-based player leave could they?

    Fact File:

    Name: Pedro Rodriguez Ledesma
    Age: 22
    Position: Winger/Striker
    Club: Barcelona (Spain)
    Country: Spain
    Caps: N/A
    Major Honours: La Liga (2008), UEFA Champions League (2008), Spanish Copa Del Rey (2008), Spanish Super Cup (2009) UEFA Super Cup (2009)”

    1. amal, the second banquillo (here) has Jorquera leaving for Girona at the end, so I brought him back because there’s no way he finds playing for Girona more fun than chillin’ wi’ da FCB boys in a chatroom.

    2. AND it’s funny cos he continues his role as a FCB hanger-on. always wanting to be part of things, even though…he’s not.

      sorry albert wherever you are!…

  2. Isaiah has the work rate of Alves when it come to posting intensity.

    How statestics, poetry, and fun get packed all in one is beyond me.

  3. i thought i heard that it wasnt pedro’s choice to change his name from pedrito, but that he was urged to do this by people at the club.

  4. love it isaiah. you have me LAUGHING OUT LOUD with every one of these. Bojan’s costume got me with this issue.

  5. Great stuff man!!
    Cant stop laughing after I read the banquillos 🙂

    I should try replacing my bed with a treadmill xD

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