[I wrote a preview of sorts here, that you can read when you’re done with this little bit of fun/nonsense.]
Scene: Overcast London in the rain. The team is wandering around the sights.
Pep Guardiola: I’m not sure this makes sense. How can it really be overcast if it’s also raining?
Tito Vilanova: We’ll have to possess the ball more to understand it.
Pep: It is the only way.
Isaac Cuenca: Boy, hurr, this town is the bee’s knees, chaps!
Xavi: Please be quiet, you’re making us all look bad.
Cuenca: I sure am sorry, Mr. Xavi, it’s just that I’m quite pipped to maybe be playing in Stamford Bridge.
Lionel Messi: What’s that?
Cuenca: Pipped means to be all rambunctious in the gourd…chap!
Xavi: No, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t.
Messi: I meant the other part.
Cuenca: Stamford Bridge?
Messi: Yeah. Is that where the queen lives?
Cuenca: Uh, no, I—it’s where we’re playing tomorrow?
Messi: Oh. Never heard of it.
Cuenca: But you’ve played there before.
Messi: Doubt it. Don’t recall it. Strumford Widget, you called it?
Sergio Busquets: Strumford Widget! Hey everyone, Messi just called it Strumford Widget!
Cuenca: Stamford Bridge. You’ve played there 3 times. It’s where Iniesta scored the goal in 2009 to get the team to the final. Asier del Horno up-ended you there and Mourinho called you a diver.
Messi: I just texted my mom, she says she’s never heard of it either.
Cuenca: I’m simply bemuddlefudded, chaps. Mr. Xavi, what’s going on?
Xavi: He hasn’t scored there, so he can’t remember it.
Messi: Are we talking about Wembley? That’s in London. Wembley is a nice place. It’s got this goal on one end that I remember well. It was all thwap and stuff. That was nice. Good game.
Pep: Okay, gang, listen up! We have a big game tomorrow, so tonight we’re going to get to sleep early. Isaac, you can stay with Leo and Andres while they watch the Muppets instead of the grownup movie everyone else is going to watch.
Puyol: What’s the movie you’ve chosen for the rest of us? I hope it’s the Queca documentary March of the Sheep.
Pedro: No! Let’s watch Goodfellas with Al Pacino, that is my favorite movie.
Wahin Makinaciones: Whoa, that is just plain wrong, little homey. Also, yo, take this awesomesauce sticker.
Javier Mascherano: Mister, might I recommend El Amor y el Espanto?
Pedro: What about Evita? Do you like that, too?
Mascherano: I will punch in the throat. While you sleep.
Wahin Makinaciones: Man, you are just all over the map wack, today, P! Take these swag sunglasses.
Dani Alves: There are some topical movies we could watch.
Pique: The Jerky Boys?
Cesc: Wenger used to make us watch Jean Cocteau films. They were decent, I guess.
Busquets: Let’s watch a movie about Strumford Widget! Haaaaaa.
Tito: I really identify with the seagulls in Finding Nemo. Only about soccer balls and not fish.
Pep: Sigh, all right, we’re going to watch Valdes doing more impressions of you guys.
Abidal: Hey guys, can I come?
Valdes: LOL, that was just me doing an impersonation.
Mascherano: Definitely going to punch you in the throat.
Pep: Great, I’ll see you in the viewing room at 8. Anyone else have anything to say?
Puyol: I ride unicorns!
Wahin Makinaciones: Get it, son!
Tito: More possession!
Pep: I’m leaving.
Pedro: Oh, maybe we should watch Mary Poppins, that takes place in England. And it’s a documentary like Xavi likes!