I wasn’t going to do another edition of blitzen awards so soon, but what can I say? When
tragedy inspiration strikes there’s no point fighting it. So without any further ado:
MOTM Award: Another close decision, there were so many to choose from. This time I went with Dani Alves, with Busi a close runner-up. Dani had a massive game. He was owning people all over the pitch. Especially poor Seedorf, who got knocked down several times in rapid succession, which made me giggle. Sorry, Clarence. Also worth noting that Dani did a ton of actual defending in this match as well as his usual attacking role. He was everywhere!
Leave It To The Professionals Award: Xavi shows once again why he’s not a centre-back, with his ridiculous (and purely accidental) studs-on-leg tackle on a Milan player, resulting in a FK just a few yards outside the Barça box. Thankfully Ibra booted it straight into the wall. Don’t quit your day job, Xavi!
Didn’t Get The Memo Award: White shirts. Camp Nou. Bad Idea. You would think Allegri would have called up the Bayer Leverkusen coach for some top tips before the big CL game, but if so he forgot to mention the previously noted “red flag effect” that white shirts have on Barça, especially in their own house. Then again, Dutt was just fired a few days ago, so maybe he wasn’t in the mood to do anyone any favours.
Trollhattan Memorial TOTM Award: Pep Guardiola at his trolling best during the post-match presser, when asked to rate Ibra’s performance: “ That’s for his coach to decide. I could rate his play against Inter in 2010.” BURN! Someone seriously needs to put together a video of Pep’s Greatest Press Conference Sound Bites. I would even pay for that!
Roberto Baggio Memorial Award For Egregious Hair: Believe it or not, this award does not go to the Big Angry No-Good Swede. Today’s winner is Philippe Mexes for his shaggy bleachy scrag-end of a ponytail. Yuck.
Birthday Girl Award: Valeria Iniesta Ortiz, who turned one year old yesterday and got the nicest present possible from her loving daddy—the goal that sealed the victory and sent Barça through to the Champions League semifinals for the fifth year in a row. Molts felicitats, Miniesta!!!
But He’s No Good In A Wall Award: Did you see that awesome header from Iniesta in the 20th minute? Beating out a guy at least half a foot taller than him? Is there anything Don Andres can’t do?
Not A Prince Among Men Award: I wonder what Mascherano could have said or done to Boateng to warrant being grabbed by the throat like that? He was right pissed off. And there was Enforcer Busi ready to step in if needed. I love that he is so protective of the smaller guys, but I’m pretty sure Masche can take care of himself!
Always A Bridesmaid Never A Bride Floral Garland: Poor Ibra. He is always just missing out on getting to a CL final, never mind actually winning the cup. The one time he got close, in 2010, he had just left Inter, the team that ended up winning after knocking Barcelona out! It’s not surprising that this preys on his mind, leading him to rant about referees, penalties and UEFACEF conspiracies. Victory for football is all very well, but where is the justice for Zlatan?!?