blitzen awards, now more filling!

I wasn’t going to do another edition of blitzen awards so soon, but what can I say? When tragedy inspiration strikes there’s no point fighting it. So without any further ado:

MOTM Award: Another close decision, there were so many to choose from. This time I went with Dani Alves, with Busi a close runner-up. Dani had a massive game. He was owning people all over the pitch. Especially poor Seedorf, who got knocked down several times in rapid succession, which made me giggle. Sorry, Clarence. Also worth noting that Dani did a ton of actual defending in this match as well as his usual attacking role. He was everywhere!

Leave It To The Professionals Award: Xavi shows once again why he’s not a centre-back, with his ridiculous (and purely accidental) studs-on-leg tackle on a Milan player, resulting in a FK just a few yards outside the Barça box. Thankfully Ibra booted it straight into the wall. Don’t quit your day job, Xavi!

Didn’t Get The Memo Award: White shirts. Camp Nou. Bad Idea. You would think Allegri would have called up the Bayer Leverkusen coach for some top tips before the big CL game, but if so he forgot to mention the previously noted “red flag effect” that white shirts have on Barça, especially in their own house. Then again, Dutt was just fired a few days ago, so maybe he wasn’t in the mood to do anyone any favours.

Trollhattan Memorial TOTM Award: Pep Guardiola at his trolling best during the post-match presser, when asked to rate Ibra’s performance: “ That’s for his coach to decide. I could rate his play against Inter in 2010.” BURN! Someone seriously needs to put together a video of Pep’s Greatest Press Conference Sound Bites. I would even pay for that!

Roberto Baggio Memorial Award For Egregious Hair: Believe it or not, this award does not go to the Big Angry No-Good Swede. Today’s winner is Philippe Mexes for his shaggy bleachy scrag-end of a ponytail. Yuck.

Birthday Girl Award: Valeria Iniesta Ortiz, who turned one year old yesterday and got the nicest present possible from her loving daddy—the goal that sealed the victory and sent Barça through to the Champions League semifinals for the fifth year in a row. Molts felicitats, Miniesta!!!

But He’s No Good In A Wall Award: Did you see that awesome header from Iniesta in the 20th minute? Beating out a guy at least half a foot taller than him? Is there anything Don Andres can’t do?

Not A Prince Among Men Award: I wonder what Mascherano could have said or done to Boateng to warrant being grabbed by the throat like that? He was right pissed off. And there was Enforcer Busi ready to step in if needed. I love that he is so protective of the smaller guys, but I’m pretty sure Masche can take care of himself!

Always A Bridesmaid Never A Bride Floral Garland: Poor Ibra. He is always just missing out on getting to a CL final, never mind actually winning the cup. The one time he got close, in 2010, he had just left Inter, the team that ended up winning after knocking Barcelona out! It’s not surprising that this preys on his mind, leading him to rant about referees, penalties and UEFACEF conspiracies. Victory for football is all very well, but where is the justice for Zlatan?!?

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Written by:

Canadian, cule, corporate wage slave. Came late to the beautiful game, but fell under FCB's spell in 2006 and never looked back.


  1. ooga aga
    April 4, 2012

    oh, but there is justice for zlatan! he gets what he deserves! nothing! ho ho ho!

    thanks for the fun, blitzen.

    • Messiah10
      April 4, 2012

      FOURFOURTWO: And the Swede pulled no punches when questioned on his exit from the reigning Spanish and European champions.

      “When I left Barcelona, I said to myself: ‘I’m leaving the best team in the world but there is a person having a problem with me. He’s not a man, not telling me what the problem is. But without knowing what the problem is, I will be the man and I will leave’,” Ibrahimovic says in the May 2012 issue of FourFourTwo magazine.

      “For a couple of months I was walking around trying to get answers but I didn’t get any, so at the end I said: ‘This is bulls**t’, I don’t need this, I will go somewhere I know I will get answers and where I can play my game.” – Ibra, from FourFourTwo magazine, taken from website

      • Messiah10
        April 4, 2012

        Imagine my surprise when I got on and saw this. WTF? Gee, I wonder why Pep got rid of him? Nothing to do with exactly how he’s acting? Maybe…hmmmm

  2. Laurentiu88
    April 4, 2012

    :))) poor Zlatan

    i thought Xavi had time to pull his foot out of that challenge…

    seems we’ll be getting Chelsea next, which i guess is good, cause’ Benfica look much better

  3. hansh
    April 4, 2012

    I’m loving having blitzen awards as a regular thing with their own post! Thanks for this!

    I was gonna say that Don Andrés probably can’t keep goal very well, but then I remembered that his best friend is VV, who surely gives him lots of pointers.

  4. April 4, 2012

    Benfica playing beautifully by all reports, but having one of those 99% matches, where they do everything right except finish. And they’re now down to 10, with Chelsea up 1-0 at home.

    Karma dictates that this is how it should be. Whenever there is a team with which we have a history, we will draw them in Champions League. I’m sure if Roma had been in, we would have somehow seen them, as well.

    So I would just tell everyone to keep my last post in mind, as the invective and hype ramp up, and the hate rains down.

    Just remember, They see me rollin’/They hatin’ ….

    • Messiah10
      April 4, 2012


      “they see me mowing,….check it out, I’m white & nerdy”

    • jaymin
      April 4, 2012

      Karma’s got nothing to do with it. Former coaches always draw their former teams in the knock outs. Former prominent players draw their old teams/rivals. There’s nothing karmic about UEFA toying with the draw, it’s all in the name of good theatre!

  5. Messiah10
    April 4, 2012

    Benefica have played fantastically. Stringing together runs and through balls. I nearly jumped out of my seat a few times but it wasnt meant to be. They just couldn’t get the final touch pass and finish it. Ref seemed yellow happy at the start. No warnings and dude made a horrible decision to go for a ball after he was dispossessed. Ended up costing him, and most of all his team. Had he stayed on, I liked their chances to go thru. I was salvating because if FICA can run Chelsea ragged, then think what BARCA will do! One of the commentators actually said something similar. Chelsea penalty was a good decision. I believe a midfielder playing LB or CB challenged in the box on Torres or maybe Lamps and really made a mess of it. Right Call Wrong Time for Benefica. Chelsea it is. 8 minutes left. Can’t wait to shut the Chelski supporters up about last Semi’s.

  6. Messiah10
    April 4, 2012

    Oh my might have spoken to soon. FICA just scored!!! 5 minutes left

    • Messiah10
      April 4, 2012

      Just blew a lovely chance to take the glory

      • Messiah10
        April 4, 2012

        SO TENSE! FREE KICK 2 Mins left. Wow Chelski broke and caught them out. 2-0

  7. Messiah10
    April 4, 2012

    Meireles has to get Blitzen’s award for HAIR in the Semi’s! LOL

  8. April 4, 2012

    Chelsea it is. First leg 18 April, second leg (at home) 25 April. Go time!

  9. flyzowee
    April 4, 2012

    Imagining a defence of Ivanovia-Terry-Cahill-Cole.
    Midfield (diamond?) of maybe

    Attack- Mata behind Drog?

    Needless to say we gotta keep that ball on the ground.

    OH…… And all you keitee haters prob shouldnt watch the 1st leg

    • yassir (Formerly Extreme barca fan)
      April 4, 2012

      Not sure, but i think Cole will be suspended for the 1st leg.

      • flyzowee
        April 4, 2012

        If he is then great for us. They dont have a back up LB.

  10. flyzowee
    April 4, 2012

    It would be wonderful to have a Yaya sized Mascherano for that tie

  11. April 4, 2012

    The Chelsea-Benfica match was really odd. Benfica were the better side – even when they went down to 10 men.

    For much of the match Chelsea just seemed to be trying to hang on and hope the clock would just expire. And this wasn’t a situation where it’s the 2nd leg of a tie and one team has true control of the outcome.

    What was so striking was Chelsea’s limited footspeed on defense. They had to keep the attack in front of them at all times because if a defender got even partially turned that was it. They didn’t have the footspeed to recover.

    Their only real approach to defending was to drop deeper and deeper.

    Chelsea has been this way for a while – but this issue came out more against a ball control team like Benfica.

    Particularly concerning-Chelse was very limited defending between the lines.

    Ivanovic is so slow now – line up Sanchez or Tello against him – I can’t see how he’s going to mark that player in space.

    • flyzowee
      April 4, 2012

      If chelsea played deep vs benfica then they will line up on the goal line vs us if they have to.
      I dont think Ivanovic and co would have to worry a lot about marking space, at least at the Bridge

      • April 4, 2012

        Agreed. They are going to eliminate as much space as they possibly can behind them.

        As a unit they will defend deeper than even Milan did because their players aren’t nearly as skilled defenders.

    • Messiah10
      April 4, 2012

      As far as I could see, Cashley Cole has lost a step as well. Even if he’s suspended for the 1st leg I think we can get around him the 2nd leg. Chelsea played afraid. After the game, Lamps said, “with the result in the 1st leg, we didn’t know how to approach the game” “we didn’t want to sit back, or go forward and get caught out, so we were stuck in between” “we gave them the idea that they could win it” Afraid to attack? Go forward and put the game away? I’m so happy and proud to be a Barca supporter. That would never enter our mind

  12. Helge
    April 4, 2012

    Mascherano and Puyol are one yellow away from a suspension.

    They could also be banned for a possible final. Should one of them ‘try’ to get a yellow in the first match against Chelsea?
    I think they would both be crucial for a final against eihter Bayern or EE. But from what I have seen of Chelsea, I could imagine the tie will be almost done after the first leg.
    Seriosuly, Chelsea was clearly the worse side in both matches against Benfica. Only problem of Benfica was that they could not score more than 1 goal from about 35 attempts overall!

    • April 4, 2012

      My understanding is it’s a clean slate after the quarterfinals, or am I getting that mixed up with the round of 16?

      • sd
        April 4, 2012

        This happened last year too. Same discussion. I think theres no clean slate. You carry the cards forward. Every odd number card you get you get suspended after the first three. So 5, 7, 9, etc.

        • April 4, 2012

          Yeah, it does seem like we have this conversation every year doesn’t it? You’re right, there is no clean slate, but the only way you can miss a final is by getting sent off.

  13. Helge
    April 4, 2012

    Oh, and did you hear about Mourinho’s post-match presser?

    I could seriously punch him in his arrogant and hypocritical face!

  14. K_legit in Oz
    April 4, 2012

    Chelsea will play the same way they did today and expect us to say the same things as we did after the Milan game and expect the same backlash to happen when people accuse us of beseeching referee help and expect us to get a few penalties denied at the Stamford Bridge and expect us to get walloped by fouls left, right and centre and yet see no cards dished out to them. Expect a draw at the Bridge. Expect them to come to the Camp Nou hoping for a score draw. Expect them to sit back and try and hit on the counter. Expect Barca to score first a dominate. Expect Chelsea to bounce back in the beginning of the second half and equalise. Expect the ref calls then to take centrestage. Expect a denied penalty, a disallowed goal whether legit or not expect Bareclona to suffer the tagging of being UEFA’s team. Expect the same vitriol and the same raging against us.
    Expect what always seems to happen with us nowadays, dominate the game and win it but get the label of being lucky..

    • Ryan
      April 4, 2012

      Sounds like you’re expecting a “disgrace!”

      The defense of Chelsea 2012 is not that of 2009. Essien in particular. I think Messi is going to have some fun during these two legs. 🙂

      • Kimcelona
        April 4, 2012

        Yeah, umm, I’m always weary when people talk about players not being the same as such and such years ago. I think that goes out the window when desperation sets in. It will be like they found a new wind against us. I can almost see it. These players and their manager are DESPERATE to win the CL. They will defend like their lives depend on it. Terry will prob have the game of his life, Ivanovic might score, and Luiz will miraculously turn into a world class defender. LOL! If they manage to draw us at the Bridge expect the fans, media and Chelski players will have a field WEEK in which they will hype of their chances to get to the finals and ofcourse the ever so popular REF talk will RAGE on. The poor ref of the Camp Nou fixture may have to go into retirement after.

        I severely HATE Chelski. Its funny because its no coincidence I absolutely hate the teams the translator leaves behind in crumbles; Inter, Chelski..

        But my hate for Chelscum is on another level. Nothing will please me more than to see them humiliated but alas I am supersticious and I dont want to jinx anything so I’d be happy with any kind of win to go to the finals.

        • Ryan
          April 4, 2012

          Well, as a fan of the poor Spaniards on the team, I’ve watched way more Chelsea than I’d like to admit! I just haven’t seen the defensive solidity that once made their stadium a fortress. Sure, players can sometimes scale back the years or have the football gods favor them, but those are the sort of things that make the sport exciting. 😀

          (Terry can have the game of his life, but fortunately it’s a two-legged affair!)

  15. messifan
    April 4, 2012

    Fun Article, Blitzen! I have to say Nesta had the best hair out there yesterday. Pep and Allegri looked model-esque on the sideline. Not complaining 🙂

  16. BarcaOwl
    April 4, 2012

    Lovely Blitzen awards! Thank you. 🙂

  17. Dani_el
    April 4, 2012

    Yey for Blitzen awards!
    But then, I had something to share with all of you guys, specially Srini and Blitzen. Your last thoughts made me remember I posted this on my facebook a while ago:

    Barcelona…a socialist way of playing.
    de Daniel, el Viernes, 19 de agosto de 2011 a la(s) 0:16 ·
    A football club as a resistance group, a football club as an aid worker — the club’s own foundation supports children in developing countries as well as UNICEF — and a football club with 170,000 members. This is why the 57 million supporters of FC BARCELONA believe that they are not only better fans, but arguably also better people. The appearance of the triumph of a rather Socialist form of football over a more conservative style is always in evidence when Barcelona meet Madrid.
    “We play leftist football,” says Guardiola. “Everyone does everything.”

    I don’t remember where I got it, if I would I would give the reference. I love leftist football..!

    • blitzen
      April 4, 2012

      Heh heh heh. It seems that BFB has been taken over by a Fifth Column.

      Viva la revolucion! 😛

    • Srini
      April 4, 2012


      Well said, Dani_el.

      Truth said, the club is also owned by its supporters. So the ownership model also conforms to leftist ideals.

      • messifan
        April 5, 2012

        Saw your comment from the last post. Interesting analogy you made. To expand on that theory, at times this season, I feel the team has become too inefficient in certain areas. Yes, communist theory sounds good on paper, but in practical term, it’s impossible to achieve. The closest thing history has witnessed is the rise of socialism (if we follow Marx’s Fall of Capitalism Theory). In big nation-states that adhered to socialist ideologies, their economic outcomes did not reach the level we expected to see. Main reason is inefficiency. It’s nice to be able to do everything, but can one do all things well? E.g. at the height of the Great Leap Forward, in addition to farming, farmers were also encouraged to build their own back-yard steel furnaces. It turned out that their final products were not usable. So yes, people can do whatever they feel but they can’t do it all efficiently/well. Relating this concept to Barca, I think this season we are missing specialists on the field. Having a team of midfielders/ball players is nice and if the team can execute its goal of defending and attacking as a team, that is a great achievement. However, at times, I just get the impression that the team is not playing the game efficiently. Sometimes, everything just seems to collapse in midfield. Maybe this is due to injuries/lost of form for certain players or it could be the system.

  18. Kimcelona
    April 4, 2012

    Pep’s comments about Ibra have GOT to be my fave from all of his pressers this season!
    El PuTO aMO!

    Thanks for the Blitzen awards!

  19. providence
    April 4, 2012

    Mourinho is talking sh***t about Barca again!

    • Chiu
      April 4, 2012

      just ignore it bro 🙂 we do the talk on the pitch

  20. Srini
    April 4, 2012

    Always fun to read the edgy Blitzen awards.

    Keep it up, Blitz and Cheers! 🙂

  21. Chiu
    April 4, 2012

    That jab to Ibra was just perfect trollings. It indirectly hint that Pep thought Ibra was the missing puzzle in our tactical discipline in that specific Inter match.

    Nice awards as usual. Thank you blitz

  22. Srini
    April 5, 2012

    Going to be a tough schedule for both us and EE around the UCL semifinals –

    15th April – Barcelona vs Levante, Away
    18th April – Barcelona vs Chelsea, Away
    22nd April – Barcelona vs EE, Home
    24th April – Barcelona vs Chelsea, Home
    29th April – Barcelona vs Rayo, Home

    EE –

    15th April – EE vs Gijon, Home
    17th April – EE vs Bayern, Away
    22nd April – EE vs Barcelona, Away
    25th April – EE vs Bayern, Home
    29th April – EE vs Sevilla, Home

    • Laurentiu88
      April 5, 2012

      rayo is away, some game that will be if we win the clasico 🙂

    • Chiu
      April 5, 2012

      For Barca:

      We have no more margin of error in the la liga. Any single point drop would connote a dead sentence for our liga hope with only 8 games remaining. The equation for us is plain and simple i.e. win all games.

      For EE:

      EE still have 6 points gap to cushion their possible dropping points against tougher opponents in the liga comparatively. But on paper, their tasks wouldn’t be easier than us cutting down their point advantage. I would split the potential slip off for EE for this season ending into 3 episodes:

      – The first: Their consecutive games vs. Valencia and ATM before the classico

      – The second: Camp Nou classico that will be sandwiched with two leg tie against Bayern Munich. Our only control of their 3 points and a must win match to verify we merit the liga title.

      – The very last hope: Their consecutive games vs. Sevilla and Bilbao after the classico

      This serial drama is entering the most exciting episodes. Visca BARCA!

  23. Odd, in 2009 it was Chelsea-Madrid-Chelsea too. Only the stadiums reversed for all three fixtures.

  24. Laurentiu88
    April 5, 2012

    so exiting … everything to play for for us and EE.

    liga and ucl still on the table. liga may be theirs to loose, but we might win the cup to add to our 3 other this season.

    and the big prize, the UCL…

    Everything to play for. Ans it just began …

  25. Lampard says he is out for revenge in the semi-final. It’s a massive oppurtunity for us to silence the thousands of Chelsea fans who used to mock at every of our achievements. We need to finish the game at stamford bridge. It will prime us for the El Clasico that will happen on Saturday

  26. Gogah
    April 5, 2012

    The Chelsea games are going to be funnn!
    Chelsea ’12 are way worse than Chelsea ’09 and Barca ’12 are way better than Barca ’09. This should be a good semi final for Cules.

    On another forgotten? note…
    how many BFBers think Pep will renew?

    • Richzorz
      April 5, 2012

      I think Pep will be around for at least one more season. Not sure about Barca ’12 being way better than ’09 – Henry, Eto’o and Touré were amazing players, Puyol and Xavi were a couple of years younger, Messi was still amazing, and Barca won everything!!!

      • I think Barca ’11 was our best crop. We won one less trophy yes but we had tougher competition, much harder circumstances, and even without those factors we were more ‘flawless’ in possession, defense and consistency, lost fewer games. And our absolute peak was higher, even though we hit it probably a little less. We’ve been sorta less consistent this season between Villa being out and rotations and poor away form, and ’10 was a bit blunter and no CL.

  27. barca96
    April 5, 2012

    So Ibra wants to be friends with Mourinho? 🙂
    It’s like Ibra is trying to try to get brownie points from Mourinho after he left Inter. And now he wants brownie points so that Mourinho will take him to EE.

  28. blitzen
    April 5, 2012

    Jonathan Wilson with the last (and very funny) word on the 2nd penalty:

    Was the ball in play? Well, it is true that the shirt-pulling started before the corner was taken, but it was still going on afterwards. Besides, the argument is utterly disingenuous: Nesta cheated. Don’t cheat and you don’t get punished. Is a lot of shirt-pulling in the penalty area unpunished? Well, yes, but then a lot of murders are unsolved: that doesn’t mean you don’t take action when crime and perpetrator are obvious. A lot of referees would have missed it? So praise Kuipers for being one of the few who didn’t.

  29. Salia
    April 5, 2012

    Haha Lol ( have still not got over the penalty so they are showing it from about ten different angles. Its got to the point where Mou has convinced everyone about Referees favouring us that verytime we get a decision you hear Farca Uefalona and it is ridiculous. If Madrid got a decision like that then there wouldnt be no where near as much fuss.

    And the only penalty that was given against them was yesterday this season and there have been a few close calls. Im not one for crying about conspiracies and I sure as hell wish other people wouldnt neither. Referees are only human they are prone to mistakes like us all, they dont have the luxury of ten different angles on replay. Everything happens so quick for them and they have to make a decision there and then only to be scrutinised by the fans and people Mou

  30. Manish
    April 5, 2012

    Wish i was Chuck Norris so that Smasch and me ..could smash all those stupid Barca haters.. it’s has reached a point where every penalty given to us is equivalent to murder…

  31. Salia
    April 5, 2012

    I agree they have their eyes shut for the majority of our match but only open them when we are given a decision right or wrong so that they can hate on us and jump on the MourinHOE bandwagon

  32. April 5, 2012

    Interested to see how Messi handles the physicality of Chelsea’s squad. In 2009 Messi was [physically] far weaker than he is today. They muscled him off the ball with ease back then. These days Messi is able to take quite a beating and has strengthened up a bit. We’ve seen him take on strong-bodied defenders, karate-chopping or shirt-pulling, and still keep chugging. I think it’ll be different this time around. Can’t wait.

    As for Bayern-Madrid, I would absolutely LOVE to see Robben bang in a hattrick against EE. I’m just worried Robben might get injured before the semis. Glass man is glass. And if not before, then Beebop and Rocksteady (Pepe and Ramos) might do it.

    • Ryan
      April 5, 2012

      I too am looking forward to how the improved Messi does against Chelsea. The increasing roughness he’s faced against EE means he’s no stranger to the physical side of the game.

      But one question: is Mourinho Shredder or Krang? 😆

      • April 5, 2012

        I would say Krang, the whiny evil man (or brain) that doesn’t really do anything but order his thugs around. At least Shredder put in work.

  33. Salia
    April 5, 2012

    Cant wait to see Ribery or Robben up against the likes of Marcelo who cant defend and Arbeloa who isnt very fast and also it will be interesting to see how EE do with team that are better, as good or a bit less of their level because apart from us they havent really played anyone.

    The only thing I am worried about is how would Bayerns less than convincing defence cope with Reals Attack, but then again its not like Reals defence is all that brilliant.

    What a fascinating game this could be if both play to their Abilities.

    As for us and Chelsea I dont see us losing to them on this seasons performances from both teams. As for the physicality side of it I think that it shouldnt be a problem if you have handle Rio, pepe and Vidic you cant almost certainly handle Chelseas aging defence

    • barca96
      April 5, 2012

      As for us and Chelsea I dont see us losing to them on this seasons performances from both teams.

      But the thing is, the Chelsea of late is very different to the ones that was with AVB.

      Anyone here follow Chelsea?
      What has happened to them?
      How come all of a sudden they are winning games.
      In the 9 games since Di Matteo took over, they have been unbeaten.

      Usually when a new coach comes in, the team gets a boost of confidence and does well for 5 games max and then normal procedures resume.

      • Ryan
        April 5, 2012

        I have been watching them, and they still aren’t that great. City managed to beat them even though Chelsea went ahead. But you’re right, they’ve had a much better string of games since dropping AVB. The problem is that they essentially live or die by Mata’s form now and nobody else on the team brings creativity (barring Torres who looks to assist rather than score). I still worry about Drogba though, since it was only due to Valdes’ many heroics that we kept him quiet last time we met.

  34. Salia
    April 5, 2012

    They did lose 1 game to Manchester City in the Premier League, and they didnt look all that convincing against Benefica Yesterday and perhaps should have gone out but I guess that is to be expected, they probably thought they had the tie already won

  35. April 5, 2012

    New post up filled with good news or bad news depending on your view of things.

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