SoMa’s Season’s Greetings!

The holidays! When we Americans pepper-spray our way through the mall, occupying food courts and ruining our already-overextended credit at stores with names like “Ye Olde Crappe Shoppe”.

Our amigos across the pond have their traditions too. Instead of the mall, they go to the Corte Inglés, and instead of sitting on Santa’s lap, they sit on the lap of some kid in a bathrobe and black-face, which is not meant to offend any of the real-live Africans also walking around the Corte Inglés. Really. After a coupla copas, a Spaniard will tell you that, deep down and way back, he actually is a Moor. Or a Jew. Before 1492, that is, when all the other Spaniards kicked the Moors and Jews out (it was a busy year).

But if history and tradition are too much for your p. c. self, hie up north to Cataluña, where a lot of Christmas has to do with … poo. There are gift-figurines of little people pooing, and cakes baked just for you by Uncle Poo, and frustrated fathers threatening to poo on someone if they don’t find a parking space soon.

Back home at BFB, however, the Interwebs settle down for a long winter’s nap. Your blogger-elves scatter hither and yon. Starved for your soccer fix, you are reduced to ghosts of Clásicos past on GolTV in Auntie Edith’s basement. But what’s that screech? Auntie beckons you to unwrap tacky sweaters and ceramic ornaments with your second cousins in the den! But it could worse. You could be a soccer star. Then you’d be writing thank-you cards for crappe like this:

1. Dude, where’s my Corolla? Leonel Messi dazzles in the Mundialito de Clubes, leaving even jaded Barça fans slack-jawed and reducing Neymar (nee-mahr!) to sniffles. In gratitude, his hosts award him the “Bestest Player Ever For Real This Time” prize, a giant uncut key. Whatever can it unlock? Yokohama City? The Ten Shrines of Tokyo? No … a car! Oh, that’s wonderful! Messi loves cars! What will it be? An MR-2? A Lexus? No, it’s a … Prius. Wow! Just the place for his bumper sticker: “My other car is a Ferrari Spyder”. And his other bumper sticker: “Driven by my white-hot bikini-babe girlfriend”. Arigatou!

2. I know just the place for it! Iker Casillas. World-championship captain. Captain of the prestigious Royal Whites of Madrid. Keeper of the Golden Glove. Canonized by Old Castile, kissed by la Carbonero. What becomes a Legend most? How about the restos of another Legend? On the team’s return from Seville, star striker Cristiano Ronaldo gifted his goalie the game ball, replete with autographs from Iker’s underlings. “I don’t have any more room in my flat for game balls anyway,” Cristiano shrugged humbly. “I mean, what’s it to me? But to Iker! After all, it’s the thought that counts.”

3. Get away from it all. Sometimes it’s too much. The fans. The press. The players. The goals against. The more goals against. A míster just needs a break. “Señores Gregorio Manzano, Juan Carlos Garrido,” the lovely Iberia attendant announces. “Please come to the podium for your seat assignment.” It’s a bummer, but I’d rather ride coach with J. C.  and Greg-O than take an extended vacation with José María del Nido in the Seville slammer. Chema, we were kidding about the Godfather fedora. It’s a prop, not a whole act.

Pass the eggnog, Blitz, and get me that carton of Marlboro’s out of my stocking, wouldja?









Related Posts with Thumbnails

Recent Posts

Written by:

SoccerMom obsesses over FCB and this blog instead of grading papers, burning dinner and/or raising her small children. She blames a Spanish husband and easy access to Hispanic-targeted cable sports channels for her football addiction and consequent failure as a professor, housekeeper and mother.


  1. blitzen
    December 24, 2011

    Glad to, SoMa! Have a Happy! 😀

  2. December 24, 2011

    On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

    1 preening Pinto
    2 Alcantaras
    3 dashing right backs
    4 leggy DMs
    5 healthy hamstrings
    6 Barca Babies
    7 dashing Frenchmen
    8 Messi goals
    9 Sanchezes grinning
    10 healthy Villas
    11 passing midgets

    Happy Holidays to everyone, whatever you celebrate, even if you celebrate nothing at all. Because at this festive time of the season there’s a mood in the air of which we can all partake. And I can think of no better gift than a bit of goodness from SoMa.

    I’d speak for the whole team, but I’m sure everyone will be popping in individually. So I’ll just say thanks for visiting, reading and traveling with us on this journey of ours. In thinking of the gifts for which a blogger could hope, devoted, intelligent, active readers would be the one. You folks are the gift that keeps on giving.

    Thank you

  3. Jim
    December 24, 2011

    That works as my favourite Christmas message Kxevin 🙂

    Thanks for all the work of you and the team to keep this community going. Much appreciated and good luck with the new house.

    Best wishes to all in the family here at BFB from Scotland.

  4. ooga aga
    December 24, 2011

    i agree! nothing better for christmas than some literary goodies from soccermom in my stocking!

    thanks for a great year of reading to soccerma, chevin, yules, and the rest…best barca blog on the web.

    • blitzen
      December 24, 2011

      I’m giving you a special thank you because you were the first person to welcome me to this blog. You should post more often. 😀

  5. December 24, 2011

    Yeah, what SoMa and Kxevin said.

    A YAYA thanks for taking the time to read, comment or lurk, and just generally making blogging worthwhile. And since I’ve never done it before, thanks for putting up with all the stuff I spew. I wouldn’t have done it if there wasn’t a great community to write for.

    Happy holidays everyone! Enjoy your vacations!

  6. 505
    December 24, 2011

    in the past year, i’ve gone from browsing several barca blogs without feeling sated, to reading just this blog and getting everything i need 🙂 cheers to all of you guys, and please keep up the excellent work! happy holidays!!

  7. December 24, 2011

    Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Happy Holidays to everyone celebrating!

    A SoMa post-that’s a party!

    All of us here at BFB deeply appreciate the time and involvement of the community here. It’s why the work we put into writing articles here is more than worth it! The conversation, ideas and passion everyone has makes supporting Barca that much more enjoyable!

    So everyone, enjoy the holidays!

  8. Dani_el
    December 24, 2011

    Nice chrismassy post.
    Happy holidays to all! Thank you for giving us this space where we can share our blaugrana love.
    Best wishes.

  9. Chiu
    December 24, 2011

    Merry Christmas all! 🙂

    Thanks for the effort from all writers to run this blog. I never check another Barca blog after I found BFB. Great place. Quality post. Intellectual comment. Amazing community for Barca fans here.

  10. BarcaGirl_Indo
    December 24, 2011

    enjoy your Christmas and holidays, guys!

    I’m proud to be a part of this blog, with amazing, funny, and unique writers/commenters.

    it’s been a great December for culés!

  11. Dani_el
    December 25, 2011

    I got a black Barça t-shirt from my brother for Christmas! That’s the perk of having a cule brother on the family .)

  12. December 25, 2011

    圣诞快乐! Merry Christmas
    Bon Nadal a tots
    Thanks bfb and everyone for week after week of awesomeness…
    It’ll be a new year soon, so here’s hoping for an even better, injury-free, goals galore, trophy-filled 2012!

  13. K_legit in Oz
    December 25, 2011

    Happy holidays!

    A special quasi white christmas for me as a massive hailstorm swept across Melbourne..not the most ideal day to get stuck in a far away suburb but a memorable one nonetheless..
    Be safe this holiday season

    Lots of love for the BFB family!

    Cookies (mom4 please do the honours) and Manitas for everyone!!

  14. December 25, 2011

    Happy holidays!

    Hope you get whatever you want! Sprinkler cookies for all!

  15. BarcaGirl_Indo
    December 25, 2011

    Cesc: “If I have to leave Barcelona, I will go back to Arsenal – I would like to.” (Sky Sport)

    no surprise there, but that is why I prefer to see other player become the future captain..

    compare that to Xavi who said he will never ever leave Barça unless the club kick him out..

    okay, back to holiday, enjoy it guys! 😀

  16. BarcaGirl_Indo
    December 25, 2011

    Cesc: “If I have to leave Barcelona, I will go back to Arsenal – I would like to.” (Sky Sport)

    no surprise there, but that is why I prefer to see other player become the future captain..

    compare that to Xavi who said he will never ever leave Barça unless the club kick him out..

    okay, back to holiday theme, enjoy it guys! 😀

    • Dani_el
      December 25, 2011

      You’re right in that one. I didn’t see the quote before. Pity, because I believe he has the necessary leaderships skills. Following that reasoning Pique couldn’t also be captain because of his leaving for England. Messi is an obvious choice, but a book just came out about him, and told a story that in the WC before the Greece match, he was asked to do the pep talk before the game, being captain and whatnot, and that he tongue-tied and all. I guess it’s really difficult for such an introvert person to speak to a lot of proffesional football guys. There was a discussion in spanish EE media about the interview he made for the japanese tv, and that he was too curt with them. He’s too good, I believe, on the field and on his personal life to be asking of him to become an excellent orator and such.

      • ooga aga
        December 25, 2011

        first, i dont blame cesc. allow him to be thankful towards arsenal for crying out loud. all this “true believer” stuff and whatnot. cmon, its just a game with a ball, and he is a human being. have fun, root for your team, but dont tell someone like cesc how to act, he obviously loves barca and has given more than any of us ever will.

        second, give messi time. public speaking ability is not always innate and often improves with age and experience.

  17. December 25, 2011

    Merry Christmas and thank you to everyone at BFB for the best Barça blog there is!

  18. BarcaOwl
    December 25, 2011

    Amusing sight of the day: I came across a Barca family getting in a taxi while at the shopping mall today.

    Dad had this season’s shirt with Messi’s name and number on the back; little son, not more than six years old, had the half red, half blue shirt with Henry’s name and number on the back. Mum had last season’s shirt, from what I could see through the taxi window. I wonder which player’s shirt she had bought.

  19. December 25, 2011

    Happy holidays to all who claim internet residence here!

    This blog is like the footie-loving-die-hard cule best friend I never had! Yay! 😀

  20. Calvin
    December 25, 2011

    Happy holidays to everyone! I hope you are all enjoying whatever holiday you celebrate and/or whatever traditions you have this time of year. In my family that means my dad, brother, and I will drink (well not my brother) and play a game of risk that either my father will win outright or will be decided by a wrestling match between my brother and I.

    Thanks to everyone who comments here, in my humble opinion it’s the commentators who make the site, so thanks.

    • December 25, 2011

      Happy Festivus to you too and thanks for the loveblobs..

  21. December 25, 2011

    Happy Holidays Everyone. What a great 2011! Visca Barca! Visca Catalunya! Visca Barcelona Football Blog!!!

  22. messifan
    December 25, 2011

    Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all! It’s been an amazing year for the team and I’m so glad to have discovered this blog. This community provides an outlet for intelligent and amusing discussions. So cheer to another awesome new year for us and the team 🙂

  23. Miguel
    December 26, 2011

    Holy shit! Manzano got sacked?

    Been busy running around with my niece and nephew these last few days.

    Love you, SoMa.

    Happy holidays, BFB BFFs!

Leave a Reply