It’s been a slow day of news today in terms of quantity but thankfully not quality; especially when quality is defined as this Cristiano Ronaldo Superstar video. What do you think, ladies? Is Crynaldo the new Julio Iglesias (who ironically was once actually a Real Madrid cantera goal keeper)? Meanwhile the guys can just enjoy Sara Carbonero, the awesome sports anchor with excellent taste in men who broke Iker Casillas’ heart by totally blowing him off according to the gossip magazines that I never ever read. She is obviously saving herself for Iniesta in the vain hope that he dumps his girlfriend.
Seriously, I could just post this video and call it a day but I won’t. More after the jump.
Starting out in Barca land, Sport has a fun interview with Dima/Chygnasty/Txigrinsky about his adaptation to Barcelona. Vital pieces of monumental journalistic importance revealed in the interview include how he is still living in a hotel with his brother while searching for an apartment, how he has never learned to drive a car, and how he wrote a 140 page thesis for his intellectual property master’s degree (he already has a bachelor’s in finance of course). Also, he is apparently taking Spanish classes every day except for game days and has made more progress in a month than Hleb did in a whole season. However, the most important revelation of the interview, worthy of the heading in the Sport front page, was that he loves seafood but hates ham. Mind blowing stuff right there.
What’s FC Barcelona without political intrigue and backstabbing? Even more juice is coming out from the infamous private detective espionage episode. The one truly respectable newspaper in Catalunya, the aptly named El Periodico (The Newspaper) continues to perform real journalism and has retrieved the actual reports given to Director General Joan Oliver by private detective agency Método 3 on four FC Barcelona vice presidents. Said reports focus on what the newspaper calls “business and patrimonial issues”. In other words, they focus on who they have influence with, who their business and political connections are, and any judicial or criminal problems they have had in the past. Furthermore, the reports evaluate each vice president’s charisma and their “profile as a director”. That certainly does not look like the report of a private detective agency hired to “protect” the vice presidents. Laporta still denies knowledge of this while Oliver is looking more and more like a scapegoat. This issue seems to be getting hotter and hotter. You gotta love election years in Barcelona.
On the international competition front, we all know about Argentina’s dire situation and some new developments have come up. Apparently Maradona is now counting on Pablito “El Payaso” Aimar to play next to Mascherano and feed Messi and his new partner Higuain (!!!). Could Maradona be coming to his senses? Preliminary returns say no but it’s something for me (a frustrated albi-celeste fan) to delude myself into optimism from. Aimar was one of my favorite players when he was with Valencia and it’s nice to see him making a comeback from the injuries that have robbed him of a significant chunk of his prime. He is very creative player that has a chance for forging an understanding with Messi and actually produce a cohesive offensive effort. We shall see. Of course, Maradona being Maradona, only called up a single natural right fullback in Zabaleta. Guess what happened to him? Injured? Yup. What about Zanetti? Oh, didn’t call him up? Too bad, I guess he’ll have to make something up.
Meanwhile in the other pivotal qualification games, Crynaldo has humbly declared that he “is a player that makes the difference in difficult moments” and, regarding his poor play in the national team, “there is no problem, I am saving myself for the World Cup”. Did I mention that he sings now? Oh yeah, his ankle is close to 100% according to the Orange One himself. In the same group, Zlatan is happy to have his old buddy Larsson back on the Swedish NT. They will both make up the Swedish attack against the 4-3-3 playing Denmark team that has performed remarkably well. Interestingly, Zlatan recently remarked that you need 11 skilled players to play a 4-3-3 like Barcelona does whereas Denmark only has one. Guess who that one was according to Zlatan? None other than sophisticated technical playmaker Christian Poulsen of course. Zlatan is one funny dude. I think even that was a backhanded compliment if ever saw one.
Finally, Guillermo Fernandez Vara, the president of Extremadura, an autonomous Spanish region on the Portugal border whose capital is ironically named Mérida (as in traitorous canterano Fran Mérida) and one of whose provinces is, also ironically, named Cáceres has declared that he had a rather interesting phone call with Joan Laporta. Apparently Fernandez Vara got the irresistible urge to write an article on Marca of all places about how non-Catalan Barcelonistas like himself did not always feel adequately represented by Laporta and his inflammatory separatist politics despite his great job in the sporting areas. Supposedly, Laporta then called Fernandez Vara up and went all Les Grossman on his ass. According to Marca, it went something approximately like this:
Marca laughingly claims that Laporta called him a Shitty Barcelonista, an imbecile (TEN times), and signed off with the Catalan separatist war cry of “Visca Catalunya Terra Lliure!!!” Yup. Laporta is indeed a total anti patriotic hysterical villain according to Marca. Of course, Fernandez Vara then cleared it up saying that the “shitty Barcelonista” part was made up. They have shockingly not talked since. The Joan Laporta show continues. As the great man himself would say: ¡Al Loro!
Quick Edit: A round of applause for Isaiah’s Copa del Rey post which is officially the 100th post on the new site. Huzzah!!!