News of the Day (October 9) Crynaldo Superstar Edition

It’s been a slow day of news today in terms of quantity but thankfully not quality; especially when quality is defined as this Cristiano Ronaldo Superstar video. What do you think, ladies? Is Crynaldo the new Julio Iglesias (who ironically was once actually a Real Madrid cantera goal keeper)? Meanwhile the guys can just enjoy Sara Carbonero, the awesome sports anchor with excellent taste in men who broke Iker Casillas’ heart by totally blowing him off according to the gossip magazines that I never ever read. She is obviously saving herself for Iniesta in the vain hope that he dumps his girlfriend.

Seriously, I could just post this video and call it a day but I won’t. More after the jump.

Starting out in Barca land, Sport has a fun interview with Dima/Chygnasty/Txigrinsky about his adaptation to Barcelona. Vital pieces of monumental journalistic importance revealed in the interview include how he is still living in a hotel with his brother while searching for an apartment, how he has never learned to drive a car, and how he wrote a 140 page thesis for his intellectual property master’s degree (he already has a bachelor’s in finance of course). Also, he is apparently taking Spanish classes every day except for game days and has made more progress in a month than Hleb did in a whole season. However, the most important revelation of the interview, worthy of the heading in the Sport front page, was that he loves seafood but hates ham. Mind blowing stuff right there.

What’s FC Barcelona without political intrigue and backstabbing? Even more juice is coming out from the infamous private detective espionage episode. The one truly respectable newspaper in Catalunya, the aptly named El Periodico (The Newspaper) continues to perform real journalism and has retrieved the actual reports given to Director General Joan Oliver by private detective agency Método 3 on four FC Barcelona vice presidents. Said reports focus on what the newspaper calls “business and patrimonial issues”. In other words, they focus on who they have influence with, who their business and political connections are, and any judicial or criminal problems they have had in the past. Furthermore, the reports evaluate each vice president’s charisma and their “profile as a director”. That certainly does not look like the report of a private detective agency hired to “protect” the vice presidents. Laporta still denies knowledge of this while Oliver is looking more and more like a scapegoat. This issue seems to be getting hotter and hotter. You gotta love election years in Barcelona.

On the international competition front, we all know about Argentina’s dire situation and some new developments have come up. Apparently Maradona is now counting on Pablito “El Payaso” Aimar to play next to Mascherano and feed Messi and his new partner Higuain (!!!). Could Maradona be coming to his senses? Preliminary returns say no but it’s something for me (a frustrated albi-celeste fan) to delude myself into optimism from. Aimar was one of my favorite players when he was with Valencia and it’s nice to see him making a comeback from the injuries that have robbed him of a significant chunk of his prime. He is very creative player that has a chance for forging an understanding with Messi and actually produce a cohesive offensive effort. We shall see. Of course, Maradona being Maradona, only called up a single natural right fullback in Zabaleta. Guess what happened to him? Injured? Yup. What about Zanetti? Oh, didn’t call him up? Too bad, I guess he’ll have to make something up.

Meanwhile in the other pivotal qualification games, Crynaldo has humbly declared that he “is a player that makes the difference in difficult moments” and, regarding his poor play in the national team, “there is no problem, I am saving myself for the World Cup”. Did I mention that he sings now? Oh yeah, his ankle is close to 100% according to the Orange One himself. In the same group, Zlatan is happy to have his old buddy Larsson back on the Swedish NT. They will both make up the Swedish attack against the 4-3-3 playing Denmark team that has performed remarkably well. Interestingly, Zlatan recently remarked that you need 11 skilled players to play a 4-3-3 like Barcelona does whereas Denmark only has one. Guess who that one was according to Zlatan? None other than sophisticated technical playmaker Christian Poulsen of course. Zlatan is one funny dude. I think even that was a backhanded compliment if ever saw one.

Finally, Guillermo Fernandez Vara, the president of Extremadura, an autonomous Spanish region on the Portugal border whose capital is ironically named Mérida (as in traitorous canterano Fran Mérida) and one of whose provinces is, also ironically, named Cáceres  has declared that he had a rather interesting phone call with Joan Laporta. Apparently Fernandez Vara got the irresistible urge to write an article on Marca of all places about how non-Catalan Barcelonistas like himself did not always feel adequately represented by Laporta and his inflammatory separatist politics despite his great job in the sporting areas. Supposedly, Laporta then called Fernandez Vara up and went all Les Grossman on his ass. According to Marca, it went something approximately like this:

Marca laughingly claims that Laporta called him a Shitty Barcelonista, an imbecile (TEN times), and signed off with the Catalan separatist war cry of “Visca Catalunya Terra Lliure!!!” Yup. Laporta is indeed a total anti patriotic hysterical villain according to Marca. Of course, Fernandez Vara then cleared it up saying that the “shitty Barcelonista” part was made up. They have shockingly not talked since. The Joan Laporta show continues. As the great man himself would say: ¡Al Loro!

Quick Edit: A round of applause for Isaiah’s Copa del Rey post which is officially the 100th post on the new site. Huzzah!!!

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A diehard culé since the Rivaldo/Figo Judas days, I am also a rabid Argentina and Boca Juniors fan despite definitely not being Argentine. Read more articles by me by clicking on the name-link.


  1. Chris
    October 9, 2009

    omg he sings just as badly as he dives when someone touches him

    • October 9, 2009

      I’m starting to think Ronaldouche is just mocking himself these days with the things he does/says/

  2. Boat Forever
    October 9, 2009

    Check out FC Barcelona on Wikipedia… It seems we already won the club world cup this year 😛

  3. Helge
    October 9, 2009

    What the… no Zanetti?
    I thought he only left Cambiasso and Samuel at their clubs, bot now he decided to ban Zanetti, one of the better players during the last games, wasn’t he? (better doesn’t mean good, just better than the rest)

    • October 9, 2009

      Err…yeah. Its MARADONA! Of course he decided to blame some players and among the punished ones was apparently Zanetti. The funny part is that when the Zabaleta injury happened he still had time to call up Zanetti but instead called up Schiavi. Its awesome.

      *breaks out in tears*

      At least Higuain and…*sniffs*… Aimar are getting a shot.

      • Ciaran
        October 9, 2009

        I think we should buy Maradona a copy of Fifa 10 so that he can just look through the ratings of his players, put them in a 4-3-3 and pick the best 11 rated players. I think that team would pretty much pick itself and would beat most teams relatively easily. It’s not perfect but it’s better than his current ideas. Next month you could do an upgrade to Football Manager 2010 and Arg would be set for the World Cup.

        You’d probably end up with Milito, Messi & Higuain up front… not bad and relatively well balanced.
        Masch, Cambiasso & Lucho Gonzalez in midfield… so far so good.
        Zanetti, Gonzalo, Samuel & Heinze in defense… better than Schiavi.
        Romero, Ustari or Pato in goal would suffice.

        • October 9, 2009


          Except… oh, damn it. Its 5:40pm over here right so FedEx is closed already. Quick! Somebody on the US West coast send him a copy on next day air while there is still time. If we’re lucky he can receive it before the Peru game.

          • Tutomate
            October 9, 2009

            How about we give him a copy of FIFA10 and tell him that the WC2010 is going to be played on FiFA and that he needs to getto work building a team. And in the mean time we get a real coach who has more than 1 live brain cell to coach the real team.

  4. Boat Forever
    October 10, 2009

    Sport says Robinho is gonna be roped for 6 month-loan before making it permanent…
    WOW! Don Joan surely is gonna sign a ‘crack’ by the time his tenure is over huh!? BTW which candidate will he be supporting for the election again!?
    Get it done yourself Suarez and don’t listen to Forlan whatever he babbles about golden boot and all, Don’s not gonna wait!!

  5. Ramzi
    October 10, 2009

    If the elections flue is striking that far already, I wonder how long we can avoid the dressing room being infected. Specially during the last 11 M of the season Marathone.

    Argentina who? Ramzi is in denial.

  6. Ramzi
    October 10, 2009

    alright, that was supposed to be “the last 100 M” but may be I meant a meter for every player of the starting 11? Eh…Argentina Hector pills side effects…

  7. Jnice
    October 10, 2009

    Doesn’t Messi’s hair look extra long here?


  8. Helge
    October 10, 2009

    This is Argentina’s starting XI, according to confirmed by Maradona

    XI: Sergio Romero; Jonas Gutierrez, Rolando Schiavi, Gabriel Heinze, Emiliano Insua; Enzo Perez, Javier Mascherano, Angel Di Maria, Pablo Aimar; Lionel Messi and Gonzalo Higuain.

    First of all, I thought Gutierrez is a midfielder. Playig Schiavi as CB has to be a joke, luckily it’s only Peru. But what if he faces Forlan and Luis Suarez on Wednesday?!? Hope Maradona changes his mind until then. And that’s the problem, Maradona is still sticking to a 4-4-2, still not calling up Cambiasso or Samuel etc… what’s wrong with him?

    • Cesc Blanc
      October 10, 2009

      that’s two OFFENSIVE fullbacks, paired with 2 SLOW defenders and 5 attackers more or less. WOW!

  9. Ramzi
    October 10, 2009

    Helge, there is nothing wrong with him. He didnt hire himself as a coach after all.

  10. OhYes
    October 10, 2009

    When am I gonna get rid of Heinze??? 🙁 I thought if he went to Marseille, I’d avoid him almost entirely. And I figured that with his terrible performances for Arg I wouldn’t see him there either!

    • Helge
      October 10, 2009

      Well, he’s still better than Schiavi, isn’t he?

  11. Achraf
    October 10, 2009

    Maradona is simply in need of a reality check you would have thought the defeat to brazil would have starightened him out but alas looks like the negative effect has happened but the BIG PREGUNTA is: How will not qualifing for the World cup effect messi and especially messi’s performances con la Blaugrana

  12. February 11, 2010

    Not quite the subject, but the web site loads truly slowly. Something wrong with your host ?

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