Hey, International Week. How are you? Good? That’s good. Certainly looked busy enough this past week. Ha ha. But let’s cut to the chase because I know you’ve got Euro playoff draws to rig. Here’s the thing, sweet little Inty: you’re a lovely thing. I like you a lot. You’ve given me quite a few thrilling experiences of late, but, well, and this is pretty hard to say, so I’ll just come out and say it: there’s someone else.
I don’t want to draw this out and make it super complicated–what? Yes, you know her–yes, it’s La Liga. Please, don’t cry, we can still hang out, you and I, though I’ll have less time now. Weekends? Well, um, the weekends are usually Barça time, to be honest. Hey, hey, that’s not fair, you always knew about La Liga–I know, I know what I said last week about needing some time to myself…it’s not like you gave it to me either! You were here from like 11 until 5 every day for a while…yes, it was fun! Dammit, I said that at the time too.
I’m sorry, you’re right, I shouldn’t curse at you.
Okay, fine, I’ll give you “the truth,” whatever you want to hear, I’ll say it: she’s prettier than you. She’s got bigger goals, her fashion sense is way better. Is that what you want to hear? Yeah, I actually do like the keeper kits this year. What about that? Yes I’m being snarky and mean right now, but you’re calling me a whole bunch of names that I don’t particularly appreciate. You weren’t even in HD all that often this week and you know that friendlies are total–I didn’t curse at you, stop interrupting me!
Ugh, this is why it can’t work between us. You won’t let anyone else have a say in anything. I know you have Trappatoni and Capello and — hey! No one had even heard of Alex Sabella until last week, don’t give me that–you’re not that different from anyone else. Oh, come on, you’re listening to Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide” on repeat? Give me a friggin’ break…of course I’m listening to El Cant. Why do I have to be sad as well? This is–ugh, stop it.
I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry. Okay, don’t go too far, I never tried that with you. I was always honest about–yes I know you have Messi too, but it’s not the same…yeah, it is! Her Messi is better, okay? Great! Dammit, Inty–oh, should I call you Ms. Week now? Okay, fine, Ms. Week, I’ll just run off with my floozy now and, yeah, yeah, I know about your “reffing standards” I’ve heard all about them, but–don’t interrupt me–hey, what about–what about Martin Hansson? Iturralde, yeah, great, yadda yadda. You’re just rehashing now!
Fine. I’m going to go.
What? Yeah, I’m going, no I–yeah, yeah, all right, Inty, I’ll see you in November. Okay, take care. I’ll miss you too. Say hi to the World Cup for me, will you? Been a while. Yeah, okay. Bye.