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Then return, with media playing, to present post.]

 “They’re sorry … so sorry.

Oh, this beautiful game can be so-o-o cruel.

And mistakes are part of the season bein’ young.

But ain’t no culé who likes the wrongs that’s been done.”

So sings yo’ SoMa, who has scored another fictional scoop!

SoMa [holds puffy microphone up to Barcelona striker David Villa in the pasillo aprés match]: David, guajebebé, what the yoo-hoo?

Villa [hangs head, shrugs]: I know, SoccerMom. It’s just … Víctor’s always chut de bol tu mí and all that. And if I don’t he gets mad and sends Mascherano after me. How was I to know Agirretxe was right there?

SoMa [pats Villa’s back]: It’s o.k., David. We still love you.

[SoMa enters the press room, where Víctor Valdés is answering questions, although none as insightful as hers.]

SoMa: Víctor, SoccerMom from BFB.

Víctor: Oh, hey, Mom. How are those four young men of yours?

SoMa: That’s SoccerMomof4. Or 4mom, I forget. In any case, we’re all 4 her, har har!

Víctor: Who isn’t? Those crazy emoticons!

SoMa: Now, Víctor, David tells me that you are always all chut de bol tu mí, but then when your midfielders do you’re taking a stroll up penalty kick lane. What gives?

Víctor [winces visibly]: Geez, I was kinda hoping that snafu was out of frame. Look, I got a lot on my mind, o.k.? I gotta keep, I gotta sweep. I know Busi was yelling but after a while you just tune him out or he’ll drive you crazy.

SoMa: Well, I guess you’ve learned your lesson. Now, where is young Sergio? I’ve got a question or two to ask him about a certain defensive maneuver that ought to have landed him in the nosebleeds.

[Víctor, press agents and others scan the room, mumbling: ‘Have you seen him–?’ ‘I thought he was– ‘ ‘Well, I can’t believe, he’s not even going to say I’m–‘ ‘Do you think he even is–?’ SoMa gives up, wanders into on-site medical clinic.]

SoMa [corners MRI of Alexis Sánchez’s right thigh, hands on hips]: And what do you have to say for yourself?

MRI: How did you get in here? This is a restricted area, *&%#.

SoMa: I see. A filthy mouth and a baaaad attitude [whacks film with mike].

MRI [fading slightly]: Ouch! Okay, okay! Look, I don’t know what’s the matter with me. One minute I’m killing the tiki-taka, and the next I’m just … killing.


SoMa: Grounded for two months, mister!

MRI: Two months?!? Mooooom!

SoMa: Maybe six weeks. We’ll see.

Whatsa matter you, didja think this was gonna be a real review?

Well, geez, in that case … [haz clic aquí]

Categorized as Nonsense

By SoccerMom

SoccerMom obsesses over FCB and this blog instead of grading papers, burning dinner and/or raising her small children. She blames a Spanish husband and easy access to Hispanic-targeted cable sports channels for her football addiction and consequent failure as a professor, housekeeper and mother.


  1. Thanks ooga! Brilliant review by Boss Kxevin a must-read.
    As regards the inadvertent hectoring, I’m — well, you know …

  2. Awwwww, VV and SoMa are 4 me! 😀
    But Blitz and Kari are ones who know how to make the cool emoticons.

    Thanks for laugh Soma!

    Indulge me my friends for one moment while I scream:


    35-7 over the Steelers!!!!!!
    (Steelers v Ravens are the closest thing (and it’s not anywhere near comparable but we hate ’em) to morbo we have around here).

  3. This is so awesome. 😀

    I’m done the Milan preview. A cool thing about it that I was so eager to use was the formation diagrams! What’s funny about it is that I look smarter than I actually am when you read it. The Euler Influence is strong.

    (Laugh after you read it, alright?)

  4. Suggested line up for next match;
    Alves in goal – (because his name is almost an anagram for Valdes, it’s interesting, and he can run really fast from post to post)
    Messi (RB – so he and Dani can connect) Villa (CB-short) Xavi (CB-shorter) Iniesta (LB-He’s always fantastic in tight spots by the touchline)
    Valdes (DM – he runs up there sometimes, knows the area)
    Abidal (CM) (wore the captain’s armband at the CL final, ipso facto, surely can swap positions with the captain in that match) and Mascherano (AM) (Maybe most capability of being destructive instead of creative)
    Attack with Maxwell (rarely ever scores, must be due), Pique (tall) and Puyi (needs to feel involved after being out so long)…

    As long as we’re just kind of mixing everyone around for fun or whatever, why don’t we give this a try… should work right? The system is the system, independent of the players, is it not??? Only risk is that we may accidentally own goal ourselves a reverse manita.

    1. With pep, any line up is possible… :d
      (I mean, you’ve justified each choice with good reasoning, so why not right?)

      On second thought, I don’t like reverse manitas…so maybe not.

      I do wanna see ibi play though, even as a sub..

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